To be honest, when a friend linked me this board in late 2013 to early 2014, I hadn't a clue that I was severely depressed, and I had been sobbing over the thought of maybe quitting RP entirely, a thing that has been a part of my life since 1999, when a friend in high school introduced me to the TalkCity Star Wars chats. I joined Chaos at the end of January 2014.
Had it not been for the friends I made (and friendships that got stronger,
Amz
<3), the stories we wrote, and the sheer number of things I could throw myself into, I don't know how I would have gotten through the breakdown of my relationship at the time, quitting school at the end of that year, and voluntarily giving my daughter into care, in February of the next year.
In March 2015, I was diagnosed with depression, with suicidal ideation (four years later, ADHD). Three years of antidepressants took me through the hardest parts of moving on, and y'all were there so I could practise escapism when life was too much, but... life the past six years has gotten better, year over year, than the thirty years before it. Thirty years of being subsumed under stronger personalities and the abuses they brought down on me. My parents. My ex.
This past six years has allowed me to find my identity, find contentment, and as life improved, I roleplayed less. The things that drove my creativity for the first 15 years or so had evaporated. I had no need to escape anymore. Now, I write because I want to spend time with people whose company I enjoy, and cherish, and Chaos has been here for it all.
Thank you, Chaos, for being here when I needed it most. <3