Her words were met with a singular
no. Barely even a whisper, that one word. Repeated a second time before she had moved back. Curupira remained where she stood, paralyzed by her own words.
I'm not the Mother she needs. It was a truth she didn't think about. It was the truth she was always running from. Curupira had run from the daughter that wasn't hers but was, the one that would be but wasn't yet. It was a complicated story altogether, one that Katrine told backward. There was a time when Ruu herself had been convinced of it, believing the girl. She had become a Mother and that was that. She had tried.
I'm a poor substitute for the woman she wants.
Truth had a way of creeping up on someone when they tried denying it. That was exactly what it did to Curupira. The doubt had began, slowly creeping. She had rejected it many times over as she had tried, even the girl telling the story rejecting her. And then it hit her like a freight train one night. A nightmare. A monstrosity. A demon. It had stared at her, right into her eyes in the darkness. Terrified her.
You don't deserve her, the monster had shouted at her. Roared. Clawed at her. She had been long convinced there was a demon inside her but faced with a monster, she had tried to convince her that that demon was not hers as all. The demon had kept screaming at her, yelling at her, pushing her away. When she awoke, she was drenched in sweat, her nails bloodied. She could remember herself clawing against the demon, trying to break free. In the end, she was.
And instead of facing the nightmare, she had run, accepting her doubts, accepting the nightmare, accepting the girl's behavior.
I've never been ready to be her Mother and she's always known, on some level. The words echoed in her mind all while she watched the girl turn her back on her. Curupira had wanted to speak but instead, the scream pierced through, making her cover her ears. Not just a scream, a scream through the Force. It hurt. Not just her ears but her insides.
In the moments her eyes were open, Curupira could see moments as the ground shook beneath them. The girl was kneeling in one moment, in the next she was falling back, throwing something away. Glass broke, shards flying around.
When it ended, her hands carefully, involuntarily left her ears. She had partially missed the first thing the girl had said but she heard the second one. Still insisting, wanting Katrine to decide. There was no forgiveness in staying away from their children.
You don't deserve her, the memory flashed before her vision, eyes carved into her memory.
"I don't deserve her. She doesn't need me, Curupira tried again before she heard her pleading again.
Her gaze now only left the girl when a figure appeared at the end of the hallway, approaching them. [member="Josh DragonsFlame"] approached the girl, staring at her as she tried to reassure the girl. She needed to not be here, Curupira knew. Not because of the man, him staring at her cause no immediate effect. What the girl had said, what it had brought on though had been nerve wrecking, piercing through the shields she had learned to raise, to dig herself out of the place she had been in for so long, hiding, drifting.
Curupira still didn't move, except for her gaze, finding her Master as he made his way to them. He didn't look at her at all as he addressed the girl, demanding an explanation. Her expression slowly began to neutralize as he spoke. There was odd safety in his presence, her nerves slowly coming together and relaxing back.
deWinter. It was the first time Curupira had heard any sort of name relating to the girl. And he continued talking to the girl, the deWinter girl, though the name itself didn't mean anything to Curupira as she listened. Her Master knew the girl's aunt, Curupira would soon realize, wondering if she had met her but no, deWinter hadn't rung a single bell in her mind. Finally, he was coming to a conclusion, with the intent of speaking to her. Curupira gave the girl one last look. She didn't understand, she couldn't. Whatever had happened between her and Katrine hadn't changed her loyalty towards her. Ruu was glad for that but that didn't change the situation at hand. Her children didn't need Curupira at all. They needed their Mother, their real Mother.
Slowly, Curupira had inhaled a small breathe as she walked towards [member="Darth Tacitus"]. This conversation was over and had been for a time now, though the girl had refused to listen to her. There was a ceremony to be attended.
[member="Scherezade deWinter"]