Quinn didn't interrupt.
A sign that what was being said, was starting to make its mark.
The fighting in the distance, the red wash of the warning lights — all of it fades just slightly as Sibylla speaks. Not because Quinn is unaware, but because she is listening in a way she rarely allows herself to.
And she hated it.
The woman's attempt at empathizing with her pulled at her in ways she had never wanted to feel. The audacity of her assumptions that things were as easily managed and understood. There was no path Quinn could take that made anything she is or was easier. Still, she let the woman speak. Quinn allowed the assumptions, allowed the attempts, and brought them into an
equal understanding.
There was no movement from the Echani, only a soft exhale as she gathered her thoughts. The rage that bloomed from her frustrations settled. She wasn't like the others; she
refused to be like them. While power commanded and earned titles, Quinn had always wanted to be different.
Her jaw remained tight, but this time, not out of frustration — instead, thoughtfulness. The damp shimmer against her eyelashes never fell… she wouldn't let it, not in front of Sibylla.
Not in front of anyone… Ever.
"You've made quite the assessment of me in this short period of time," she spoke quietly.
"Let me clear some things up for you."
Another roar in the distance as another shuttle is ripped from the sky by the traitorous government.
"We are not alike." Her lips curled slightly, forcing a smile against her tightened features. While a bit of the woman's empathy felt
nice, she didn't want pity.
"I was born into a dynasty that shaped me before I had language. I was altered before I understood consent. I was trained to rule before I understood what ruling costs."
There was no desire for pity; Quinn merely stated facts. If Sibylla wanted to assess her, to try and figure her out, Quinn would lay the cards on the table for the woman to read.
"My titles and everything that I am are carefully mapped out for me. What I said was true. My feelings, those are dangerous for me and those I care about."
Vesta died.
Alina died.
Kirie abandoned to seek safety.
Mauve made deals to climb.
Mercy searched only for power.
Reina felt inadequate.
CT-312 was mortally wounded.
Everyone attached to the Echani met a terrible fate. She mused on it, knowing that while everything wasn't her fault, it didn't stop that feeling.
"If anyone found out how I felt, particularly the fondness I have for a Jedi… she would have an even larger target on her back. The Sith step and claw over each other for power. The strong survive, the weak are used."
She shrugged. It was a world she had always lived in; she had lived hunted to the point of learning to hide in plain sight.
"Even you," Quinn shook her head in amusement.
"Even you use her against me, at least masked under an attempt at kindness."
The young Queen began to walk again. The sooner she handed over the woman, the sooner she could wrap herself back up in the layers that protected her from everyone like Alisteri and Neferon. She knew if they had any inkling of her heart, it would turn swiftly into a knife to cut her out of place.
"It's funny you mention resentment and ask what drives me." Quinn mused on the luxury Sibylla spoke of. Something that drove the Echani? Something beyond simple survival? Quinn thought about it, trying to pinpoint what she, in her heart, wanted. She had always chosen stability; her life before this was filled with uncertainty.
Would she ever be able to be in the same room as someone? Could she ever hold someone's hand without nearly killing them?
Could someone even love her under all of it?
"Survival. What drives me is survival. At any point and time, someone could figure something out, find the blade that would cut me through, even kill me." It was true, she knew of her weakness when it came to the Force. It was difficult to figure out but easy to exploit.
"I've felt resentment, I've swallowed it and used it to my advantage, because everything fuels that desire to survive, even when I look deep into myself…"
She stopped nearing the end of the corridor. Her eyes never met Sibylla's.
"I still want power, but not in the same way a Sith does. I want the ability to decide, to ensure that no one could corner me in a burning room ever again."
She sighed as her voice softened,
"I do not feel small," A lie. "You don't need to try to save me from myself."
Shaking her head, she finally looked to the woman.
"You say you make choices that are yours, that Bastila makes choices that are hers..."
Pausing, she let it sink in, gave herself time to step forward, letting herself be closer to Sibylla — not wanting to reveal this moment to anyone but the woman.
"But that's a lie, because our choices, we have to assess them because they affect things beyond ourselves… because I felt it from her, but she still chose to give in to the optics of the Republic…"
Quinn quietly remembered Bastila's words, her warnings.
"We aren't allowed to want or desire, because if we do — we are selfish and when we are selfish… someone gets hurt."
Pulling back, the Echani smiled as if understanding her own folly.
"I'm just foolish enough to continue to reach, perhaps even dream."
Quinn forced another tight smile on her face as she looked to the once Queen of Naboo.
"What is it you really want from me?"