Spectral Consolation

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore shook her head fervently.

"I don't want it."

I don't want anything to do with it. Toss me in the background where I don't affect anyone but my patients. Forget about me on the sidelines during battles. Leave me at the infirmary where no one but the injured and sick will think of me. But do not, under any circumstance, put me on a pedestal. I'll fall right on my face. In front of everyone.

Still looking at her hands, the Healer peeked up at her former Master's ghost with a wane smile for her kind words, as a sort of silent thank you and acknowledgement of her support.

"But... I do want to be more useful. I can't do it through fighting, but maybe I can in other ways. What do you think Di?" this time she looked back up, curious of Diana's opinion on the matter. She hadn't had anyone to speak to about these concerns, and Avalore realized how nice it was to finally voice them.

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

“Not yet.” Diana said cryptically, then waved her hands as if trying to be spooky.

The Ghost stepped forward then, trying to place a hand on her apprentice. She frowned slightly when her hand passed right through her. For a moment, she had forgotten herself. Her frown quickly disappeared, replaced with a calm radiance.

“Of course you can. You already are.” She looked around at the temple again. “This place, you and Hal building something great here, and you can keep doing so.”

Diana paused for a moment, then squatted down before Avalore, looking down at her hands. “You have a gift. A gift that I never had. You can heal, you can build, you can create. Use it.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

"But I want to do more," she said with conviction, "I'm tired of not being able to defend myself. I can't even keep a Sith out of my mind. My own mind, Di," it was a feeling she remembered with gruesome clarity. It turned her stomach just thinking about it, knowing someone was picking around her mind, turning over all her most fond memories.

Taking them even, they could do that she'd heard. Change them. Change you.

"How do I defend against that?"

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana paused for a moment, then realized what Avalore actually meant.

Mentalists.

They had been pesky, her experience with them had started early on, albeit not through any person. The Darkstaff had invaded and torn apart her mind, ripped her apart and ate into her. That had been her first experience, Kaine the Second. Having someone probe and tear apart your mind was not a pleasant experience, and Diana wouldn't wish it on anyone.

For a moment she realized she could help Avalore, she could still teach her, still tell her own to do things and perhaps even show her.

“Focus.” She said quickly. “You have to focus. The way the Sith go into your mind, its like a spear, they cause you pain and anguish to break your focus. If you can stand against them, if you can throw up a wall, you can keep them out.”

It wasn't always pleasant, but it worked. “For me, keeping them out was simple. They would search for memories and thoughts, so I would give them some. I would bring a wall of ever inane book I had ever read in my life. Every minute detail, every song about dishes, everything.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

"You make it sound so simple but it's really not," Avalore gestured, "I was puking, Di, puking after about a minute of that woman in my head and I... dishes? Really?"

What sort of inane things did Avalore know about?

Dictation. She used to type dictated speeches for her father, many of which she could recall given only a bit of thought. But that brought back painful memories of home and likely wouldn't do well over long periods of time. Eventually they'd come full circle to death, misery, fire.

So much fire.

Her brow furrowed, "I know ... biology. The human body. Names of bones and muscles and organs, medical things. Boring as feth, but I learned it in my classes on Coruscant while I was pregnant. Oh geez, and vitamins, elements. Talk about boring. I, uh, I also know your books by heart. I've been reading them over and over since... " well, since she'd died.

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

If ghosts were capable of blushing, Diana's face would have been on fire right now. There was a hint of something in her eyes however, and a slow smirk crept onto her lips.

“Are you calling my books inane?” She teased of course.

That was good, it wasn't the only way to block someone out. There were other methods, dozens she was sure. This was simply the way Diana had done it. Feed them the information they didn't want voluntarily, make them root through tons and tons of garbage to get to what they wanted. By the time they got there, it would be too late for them.

“I know it hurts. They do it on purpose.” She recalled the Darkstaff. “Through the pain you lose focus, you lose yourself to guttural agony. But you have to fight it back and push what you want onto them. Let them see nothing of value.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore nodded, smirking shortly at Diana's jib.

"I think...I think I can manage that. How do I practice? Through meditation? ...that doesn't make sense, meditation is clearing your mind not filling it. So, should I ask Hal to help? How does it stop them from just entering my mind for telepathy when I'm not expecting them? I can't... I can't have this wall up constantly, I'll never be able to think straight."

So many questions.

Being a Jedi is hard.

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

“Its about reaction time mostly. Training yourself to recognize when your mind is being assailed and reacting instantly. Its like having something repeatedly thrown at your face. Eventually you develop and instinct for catching things going towards you face.” A terribly inane comparison, but an oddly fitting one. “As for practice.”

That was difficult to explain.

Diana had never needed practice. She had simply formed a natural reaction to her mind being assault, mostly through the fear she felt of the Darkstaff returning to her. Avalore did not have that fear, so yes, she would need help. “Yes. Hal can help, and others. Jedi are able to worm their way into heads just as well as Sith. Find someone you can practice with...but don't actually let them into your mind, that can get...ugly. It will be harder for you, but yes, meditation will also help. It is all about how fast you can react, once you actually learn the trick.”

She shrugged.

There was only so much she could do to help Avalore while she was dead, and unfortunately she could only instruct, not actually help Avalore do.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore nodded slowly, a sigh escaping her lips. There weren't many Jedi she could think of that she'd trust to help her in this endeavor.

"I'll ... I'll ask Hal tomorrow after his run. I'm sure a slight deviation to his routine won't be too jarring," the Healer snorted lightly in amusement. Hal, at least, she trusted completely with things like this. There was nothing she believed he wouldn't do to help her, if their interactions thus far was anything to go by. He might be as dry as stale bread, but he was a loyal and true friend.

"Di, there's something I've been wanting to ask you. You know, back when we first met and you took me and your other Padawans to your home, that conversation we had one night about token reading? What your people can do? I never told you this, but before I joined the Jedi ... I could do it, too. It's sort of ...how I ended up with the Jedi to begin with."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana opened her eyes wide for a few seconds, surprise clearly showing on her face.

“Psychometry.” She named the ability or Avalore. “The ability to read the past from objects, places, sometimes people. Its uncommon among my people, rarer outside of them.”

There was no hint of anger that Avalore had kept this from her, though slight confusion.

“Why didn't you tell me before?” Psychometry something that Diana could have helped Avalore with. Though it had come as naturally to Diana as breathing she still very much knew how it worked and how one actually did it. It wasn't really a skill that you could teach, but rather one that you had to be born with.

Apparently Avalore had.

 

[Avalore Eden]

"Because I wasn't able to do it when I was pregnant," Avalore admitted with a frown, "it wasn't something I ever really learned to control, it just sort of happened to me. A lot. But when I got pregnant, suddenly it stopped happening. It hasn't happened since. I thought maybe once I gave birth it might come back, but it hasn't. It's been months and nothing. Not a single vision, not even a tingle."

She studied her hands for a short while, flexing her fingers in and out before looking askance at Diana, "Is that ... normal?"

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

She didn't know what to say.

Diana had never been pregnant, had never been close to it. She hadn't ever heard of pregnancy causing problems with the force besides the usual lack of control, nor had she ever heard of losing an ability in the force due to...well anything besides malicious intent.

She frowned slightly. “I...I don't know Avalore.”

“I was never pregnant, and I've never heard of such a thing happening.” Granted she wasn't the most knowledgeable in the force. “The tribes women who utilized Psychometry would be able to use it throughout, sometimes they would lose the gift for a while after, but it was due to stress and things of that nature.”

Diana felt shame, shame that she couldn't help Avalore.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore remained silent for a time, thinking hard on her pregnancy and the time thereafter. She'd been stressed, certainly, and that would make sense, but Avalore felt as though she'd overcome much of her anxiety and emotional trauma since then. Of course, there had been instances where new stressed inducers had been introduced, but there had also been time of relaxation and peace.

She felt as though she should have had a vision by now. Something. Anything.

Another deep frown settled into her expression, "I guess it's silly to lament the loss of it, but you know... I'm not real good at much anything Jedi. It would have set me apart. Would have made me unique. Suppose that's not really a good train of thought for a Jedi, huh."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

“Perhaps it will come back.” Diana said encouragingly. “Start with objects you know the history of. Take them, meditate upon them and think of their past, their history. See If you can invoke a vision of these thoughts.”

That was all the advice that she could offer.

Training in Psychometry was difficult, no denying that. What Diana was described was how the tribesmen trained in it, how they learned to track and kill beasts using the only slight cues of the force.

Difficult, but not impossible.

“As always, Apprentice, persistence will get you where you want to go.” Ghost Diana smiled.

[member="Avalore Eden"]

 

[Avalore Eden]

"...thanks Di, I'll try that."

It was as good an option as any. Avalore had never had training in token object reading, it had only come naturally to her and without control. Her only practice had been in those random instances where it happened to her, and even those had been haphazard at the best of times.

"Can I ask you something? Have you seen other Force Ghosts? ...uh, in your realm?"

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

She nodded.

It wasn't like they were all running around on the other side, but Diana had crossed paths with dozens of differen Jedi. Some had been famed, some not so much, but she had met more than a few. Most of them had taught Diana something, most of them had been wise and willing to listen.

It was odd how that worked out.

Of course she hadn't met them all, some had joined with the living force, others simply did not wish to interact.

“Yes. Not every Jedi ventures here, though there are quite a few.” She had a feeling she knew why Avalore had asked.

 

[Avalore Eden]

"Did you... by any chance, happen to meet a Jedi Master named Mark Starkiller?"

The question was a faint one, one that could not help the smidgen of hope or... was it dread?

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana shook her head.

“No. I haven't.” She knew the name of Avalore Old Master, though she had never met him. She didn't know if the man was dead or alive. Diana simply didn't know what to say, there was no real answer there.

Not one that would give her answers.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Swallowing, she nodded and uttered a faint sound in reply.

Still no answers on that loose end. What she would do for an answer to bring an end to all those buried concerns. With a deep breath and a gentle clearing of her throat, Avalore pushed down those nagging feelings and turned her attention back to the here and now.

"Wish I could hug you, Di," she smiled sadly, "I miss you. A lot. Thanks for... coming back."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

“I know.” Diana said it with a profound sadness to her voice.

It was an expression that didn't go away this time, as if she was about to deliver bad news to someone who had already had enough of it to last three life times.

“I can't stay forever Avalore.” She paused. “The force calls me. I can feel it. Constantly tugging, pulling. Thats what happens, we join with the living force. There's a few more things I have to do...i have to...Daella.”

She cut off at the womans name, looking away from Avalore.

“I can't stay forever, but I'll always be watching over you.” She was pretty sure she could do that. Pretty sure.