Spectral Consolation

[Avalore Eden]

Cato Neimoidia
Temple & Sanctuary
Top Floor - Open Garden

It was impossibly early in the morning. The sun was barely risen and the sky was a pregnant shade of pale pink. Avalore Eden had become quite familiar with this hour over the last few weeks. Since her recovery from the Sith, the Healer had found she wasn't sleeping well. She dreamt of things dark and sad, and often found her slumber restless, interrupted by visions of lost souls and the what-ifs of the last two months.

So it was to the gardens that she came, seeking out solace and peace from the remnants of her former master. Here Tyrfang sat in silence beneath its case, glimmering in the faint morning light. The blade itself offered no consolation, but the memory of it's owner often did. In these difficult times, while Avalore continued to find her feet within the Order, she often thought back to Diana.

Only today, disturbed by what she'd dreamt, there were no soothing thoughts to be had. Just the weight of loneliness.

Should she have gone to the other Masters of the Order? Should she have confided in Kiskla or Marcello; Stali or Hal, or any of the others the things that brought her doubts and fears? Avalore wished she could have, but it simply wasn't that easy. Confiding in others wasn't something that came easy to her, and more often than now she buried these worries beneath the humor and upbeat nature she was slowly becoming known for.

There was only so long a laugh could hold back a sob.

@Diana Moridena

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Within the light of the rising sun of Cato Neimoidia, something shifted.

It wasn't noticeable at first, not even when one squinted. The light and the fog of this world often played tricks upon the eye, the bending and shifting of the mists seemed to create things that were not entirely there. Yet today something seemed to shift, and as the sun rose over the far mountains something appeared within the mists besides the thick glass that held Tyrfing.

It was a shape difficult to make out at first, a figure hidden and surrounded by the mists of Cato Neimoidia, but as they slowly rushed away, a small almost lithe woman appeared within them. Blue and translucent, her skin seemed alive and her hair waved in ghostly memory of what it had once been in life.

“You put it in a box?” A voice, familiar to Avalore rang out from the figure as a ghostly hand swept through the glass case and passed beyond the sword, turning as it did so. "You couldn't find any other uses for it?"

Diana Moridena faced her apprentice, a ghostly smile curving her lips, translucent hair tinged the slightest hue of red with the morning sun shinning upon her.

 

[Avalore Eden]

"What was I going to use it for? Opening envelopes? Nobody uses envelopes anymore, Di."

This sullen response came from a very introvertly distracted Avalore who thought for a very small moment that it might be nice to go back to using envelopes and that she aught to start using envelopes more and who hadn't realized just what was going on from her seat on the bench nearby. Hunched over, hands cradling her face, she released a deep sigh.

Then she blinked and seemed to notice something. The Healer's fingers split over her left eye, permitting the young woman to glance up and what she saw very nearly made her wet her pants.

"WOAH!" this freak-out was not graceful. Avalore jumped so quickly that she flipped over the bench backwards and landed in a heap within a flowerbed.

"I'm dreaming - I'm dreaming. I fell asleep on the bench," she began slapping lightly at her face.

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana simply smiled.

It was a warm familiar smile, one that had rarely been present on the young womans face. There were few in the galaxy who had seen Diana truly smile, Avalore, Ivy, Daella, perhaps Hal, the number of people could be counted on two hands. It was a warm smile though, one that brought out Diana's now unscarred features. Her thin face lacking the dark patches of frostbite, her neck having no sign of the bright red radiation burns, and her eyes lacking the deep pale glow that had been so haunting during her life.

The Ghost was free of damage, free of the hurt and pain that the living Diana had had to live with, and it seemed to reflect in her demeanor. A few short steps, though it seemed more like gliding, and the apparition stood above her old apprentice.

“Perhaps use it to trim the garden, if you haven't flattened it permanently.” Her voice sounded warm, happy, and knowing.

She shifted slightly, looking down at Avalore with a curious eye. “I'de offer to help you up but...”

Diana trailed off, waving her ghostly hands through each other.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Two pips short of full-on hyperventilation, Avalore looked up wild-eyed at the spectre, cheeks pink from the slapping.

"I'm not dreaming."

Nope, and you ain't in Kansas anymore- well, that's already been covered.

Ava gave a frightened glance around to see if, perhaps, Darius was attempting to play a trick on her. He didn't seem the tricksy type, but she'd been surprised enough times not to discount the idea. There was no one. No one but her and the ghost. It's a ghost. It's a mother-fething ghost, Avalore. Avalore are you paying attention?

"Fffffforce," she released the breath held in her chest, watching as Diana's hands passed through one another, "...Diana? I'm...a little creeped out right now."

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

“You're telling me, I've been dead, not blind.” The statement was so flatly said that the implication behind it was quite startling, though the ghost glossed over it quite quickly.

“I swear I taught you this at one point.” She touched her chin with one of her hands, or made the motion to do so and then feigned exasperation “After my death, I was able to join with the living force. My consciousness remained on this particular plane of existence, and I'm able to do...well this.”

That was about as much as she could explain it. Of course she hadn't exactly learned to do this, it had simply happened. From what she understood it was a natural progression, though not everyone could do it. Death did not grant her everlasting knowledge, though she had puzzled out her current state of existence many months ago. The ghost shrugged, smiling down at Avalore again as if she had gave a perfectly good reason for her presence.

 

[Avalore Eden]

"Force Ghost, right," Avalore said with an expression that looked like she might be working on a headache. The Healer slowly picked herself up from the flowerbed, climbed back over the bench and promptly took a seat and a moment to herself.

"So..." when she looked back to Diana's ghoulish figure she frowned, "so does that mean you didn't ...go to the place where all souls go after passing? You didn't see my parents by any chance did you?"

@Diana Moridena

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

The smile on the ghosts face disappeared almost instantly, warping into an expression of pity and sorrow.

“No.” She paused for a moment. “When I died, I joined with the living force. There are others. Other Jedi who have done so, but it is not something that comes easily, or naturally to anyone.”

It was a difficult concept to explain. Upon death something strange happened to force users. Some simply died, their consciousness and essence extinguished, peace waiting for them on the other side. Sith, or some Sith, ventured to Chaos. The blasted blighted lands of hell from which so many of them had learned to return from in some way or another. Then there were the Jedi, the special few who concentrated and learned to join with the living force. Not quite dead, but not quite alive.

They could speak, and even sometimes interact with the world around them, though they were only sustained through the light and life of the force. That was what Diana was now.

“It wasn't exactly a conscious decision on my part to stay, I was gone one moment, then the next I was back, watching.” That admission was clearly a difficult one to make. Diana had ended her own life, and she had not tried to join with the Living force upon her death. Yet it had happened, either by the will of the force or some other machination.

 

[Avalore Eden]

"Oh," that was all probably for the better. Maybe. This was a bit much for Avalore to grasp - ethereal realms, living and dead, or as it were: mostly dead. She decided to leave it alone, there were other living people who were far more adept at understanding these sorts of things. For now, accepting was about as much as she could offer.

"You were watching?" came her next question and for some strange reason Avalore suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt, "How am I doing, Di? I'm a mess aren't I? I don't know what I'm doing, where I've been or where I'm going. I've just been chasing my own shadow in between Coruscant and Teta and Coruscant again. You must be so disgusted, that's why you're here isn't it?" The grimace on her face was ugly and three blinks away from full-blown water works. Had she seen everything?

@Diana Moridena

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana waited for a moment, then sat herself down on the bench. How she didn't fall through it was unknown, but if Obi-wan could sit on a log then Diana Moridena could sit down on a bench.

She wanted nothing more than to embrace Avalore, she wanted to hug and hold her, and let her cry on her shoulder. Yet that was out of the realm of possibility. She couldn't touch Avalore, much less hold her. What she could do however was comfort her, soothe her and calm her nerves, or at the very least she could try her best to do so. Her lips turned up in a smile, and she looked at Avalore with an almost rueful gaze.

“When I was alive, I questioned most of my actions. I asked myself if I had done everything I could, if I did the right things, if I helped the right people. Some could argue that no I didn't, after all my best friend became one of the greatest scourges currently running around in the galaxy, but death, death is a funny thing.” She paused for a moment, as if contemplating something. “Death gave me perspective. I saw things that I hadn't seen before. My eyes were opened, and I realized so many things that I hadn't before. The thousands of questions I had asked myself disappeared, and everything was simply...accepted.”

Again she stopped, her lips turning a bit thin on her ghostly visage. “I've been watching you, you and Hal and Kiskla and all the others. The Jedi are stumbling, they are getting pushed and prodded, they are falling, but each time they fall, they get back up. Each time you have been pushed, you've pushed back in some small way or another. You're helping those who need to be helped, you're doing what you know is best. I couldn't be more proud.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

"Yeah?" Avalore's eyes teared up, lips pursing in an attempt to hold things back, "You sure?"

"That's...really nice to hear," and then suddenly she felt as though an intangible weight of worry and doubt had lifted from her soul. Perhaps she was not the lost cause she thought she was, perhaps she was actually on the way to doing something important. With a sniff the Healer lifted her arm to wipe at her eyes, dabbing away unshed tears before they got any closer to falling.

"I miss you," she said finally, watching the apparition with the same desire to hug it and be held by it. Childish wants and needs, she felt, but strong and emotional all the same. Gone were the days of having a guiding hand to show her the way, even if she'd never really had one for very long at any given time. Seemed she wasn't meant to and that Avalore Eden was supposed to figure things out on her own. At least now she had [member="Hal Terrano"] and his steadfast resolve to do what was good and right. He was her backbone, even if he didn't know it, even if he was terribly inept at a great many normal things. Hal could accomplish a great deal many more that Avalore could never begin to fathom - courage in the face of doom and darkness, for one.

Then there was [member="Meeristali Peradun"]. Sweet, concerned, and ever-compassionate Stali. He'd given her comfort when it was nowhere to be found. He'd been a source of much needed physical reassurance when she'd been completely alone. Avalore couldn't really speak to what was now there between them, but she'd come to find that she rather liked his company. Sought it out, even, now that she knew he was open to the idea after her last trip to Ossus.

"Is that ...ok? For a Jedi to miss someone?"

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana shrugged.

“Jedi aren't robots. We aren't mindless droids who do as we are told simply because we were told to do so. We feel, we live, we love.” Of course Diana had never been the most emotionally stable human being, but it seemed that after her death she had gained a measure of calm that she had not had in life.

“Do not try to be what others see as Jedi.” She said softly. “Be what you see as one. Love people, care for them, miss them. It's what makes you, you.”

That had been her mistake.

That was what Diana had done wrong. She had tried to change and make herself into something she had not been. She had listened to the others, and it had driven her out. Had she been stronger, more resolved, things would have been different.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore's eyes stung and watered over again. Damnit Di, always tugging on the heartstrings - do you have any idea how much that stings?

"Ok," she smiled through her grimace, nodded, sniffed, and wiped her eyes clear one more time, "I like your way better."

Yes, being herself certainly sounded better. Easier.

"It's so hard... to not feel, Di. I really tried the day I gave McPuff away," calling her child by that name still felt silly, but that was the name Diana had known it by as well. She wouldn't frown upon those choices now after resolving to help Avalore see them through before her death. "Maybe I should have kissed her goodbye, who knows if she'll even remember it."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

She smiled.

“She'll remember you regardless, part of her will. I know it.” There was a cryptic tang to her words, as if she knew something that Avalore did not. Avalore would always be part of that child, if not through way of her own, then through Diana.

“Don't stifle yourself. Don't push yourself to be something your not.” For a moment Diana cast a glance around the garden, then back to Avalore. “What you're doing here, its right. You're providing a place to go, somewhere those who have been abandoned or over looked can gather.”

Now that the Sith were on the rise, that was needed more than ever.

 

[Avalore Eden]

Collecting herself, Avalore heaved a heavy sigh and nodded, giving a short look around the garden and the landscape of Cato beyond. Not much was visible, given the fog that tended to linger around the temple, but the silent peaks and the shadow of the nearest bridge city were out there.

"I'm doing my best," she said, smiling faintly, "doing everything I know how to. I hope it's enough, but I can't help but feel useless sometimes. I'm not ..." another sigh, a new frown, Avalore looked down at her hands, "I'm not a warrior. I can't fight the Sith scourge, can't even defend against it. All it takes is a voice in my head and I'm losing my lunch."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana nodded to that. Avalore had never exactly been a fighter, at least not in the traditional sense. It was ironic really that she had become her apprentice, given that Diana had been one of the biggest and most renown warrior Jedi in quite a while. That had never bothered her however, it had never irked her or annoyed her that Avalore did not follow in her footsteps. Everyone was different, and what Avalore lacked in fighting skill she made up for in courage and sheer tenacity.

“Not every Jedi is a warrior, not every Jedi needs to be. If everyone goes to war, then there won't be anyone left to mind the fort.” She smiled at that, what a silly analogy. “You fight in your own way, you don't give in, you hold out, and you remain strong for those who need it.”

She smiled knowingly at Avalore. “I wasn't kidding when I said I was watching, Avalore. I don't claim to be omnipotent, but I have been watching. You do what you can, you gave yourself purpose, and you're finding it for others, like Hal.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

Avalore wanted to remark that this was the most positive she'd seen Diana since ... well, ever. But the thought of mentioning it gave her pause. Likely it was due to the woman's death, as she had said. Enlightenment through the Force. Mystical sorts of things. Accept it Avalore - there you go.

"Were you there ... while I was a prisoner?" she asked instead, a pained expression on her face, "why didn't you appear to me then?"

I could have used your support, your company, your reassurance. Anything.

But would she have believed it? Or would she have viewed Diana's ghost as a game played by the Sith to break her down? All things difficult to know. Stop focusing on the past, girl.

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

“Its not that easy.” The ghost looked like she had been expecting that question.

Diana had hardly been the most powerful in the force. She had focused most of her training in the use of lightsabers and had never been a very...spiritual Jedi. Unlike others who eventually joined with the living force she had never trained for it, she had never learned about it or even heard of it before her death. She had joined with the force through its will, not her own.

“I had to learn how to do it. Teach myself.” She paused. “It was frustrating...At times I could see you, the others, even Daella. I could hear you and watch you, but I couldn't speak. I tried for weeks, months, I would scream and shout, I would slam tables and try to do anything to get your attention, but it didn't work. Eventually i realized my folly, i was taught that i was letting desperation cloud me. I had to learn to center myself, to hold myself in place and touch this world again. As i understand it others have it easier, those more learned and powerful in the force. For me...It's difficult.”

She paused for a second, strain showing on her face. “Even now, I have to focus, I have to concentrate and force myself to be here, to appear to you. I have a feeling that a child could send me away.”

 

[Avalore Eden]

"...oh..." the Healer averted her gaze.

You've got to stop these high expectations of people, Avalore. You can't even turn on a training saber without dropping it, how can you expect Diana to do everything, too?

"Sorry, I guess I never quite got rid of this image in my mind that Masters knew and could do everything. It's hard, you know," she screwed up her face in a slight scowl, "you make it look so easy. You always look so confident and sure. They wanted to make me a Master and I'm hardly fitting into my Knight shoes. Don't know what they were thinking."

[member="Diana Moridena"]

 

[Cedric Dorn]

[member="Avalore Eden"]

Diana made a loud

“Pffffffff”

Noise when Avalore said she could have done anything.

Her gaze dropped down to Avalore with a tight smile, not mocking of course, but amused. Diana had never been told that she could do anything, even by her own Master. She had always been very limited, or rather had expected there to be limits. Many times she had flat out ignored those limits however, and usually it ended up with her worse for ware.

“Masters are more than their strength. They're more than their ability to fight with a lightsaber, or tear down buildings with the force. They're more than their actual abilities.” She paused for a moment and then stood, walking over to her blade Tyrfing before turning back to Avalore. “They are a symbol. They are pillars of the Order, examples of what a Jedi should aspire to be. Their strengths matters not, it is their resolve, their ability to effect those around them that matters.”

That was why Diana believed she had been made a Master. At the forefront of every battle, at the head of every army. The Hero of Ossus, a symbol for those around her. It made sense in a way.

“They were not thinking of you, but those around you. You have faced adversity, you were ostracized both for being pregnant and being my apprentice. You were captured by the Sith. You had the strength to do what I never could with this place.” Diana looked around, smiling slightly. “They were thinking of your resolve, and what it could do for others. One day Avalore, you shall make a wonderful Master.”

She smirked. “But first, you have to want it.”