Scherezade Had a Thousand Tales, and This One Might Be about Betrayal

[Scherezade deWinter]

She was still breathing hard when he apologized, but she was calmer now, not screaming anymore. A few more breaths and the threat of tears had also vanished, or at least lowered itself considerably.

Josh kicked the bottle with his foot and said he was done drinking.

An awkward silence hung in the air.

Scherezade shrugged, and called the kicked bottle to herself. Now she had two bottles.

"Your loss."


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He was fine with that. He would pull a water bottle from the basket, and immediately gulp it down. It didn't taste like alcohol. It tasted better than alcohol, actually.

Suddenly he had more of an appreciation for water.

Of course with the drink he'd had, his aim could probably be better, and he did spill a good deal of it on him. But honestly? He didn't care. It was just hitting him how dry his lips were and how parched his throat was. Alcohol did bare nothing for that.

"I may or may not have misunderstood what you meant" He would admit when it came to the whole sleep thing. "You kind of lost me after you started going on about Geralt again."

Yes, he did say Gerwald's name wrong. Yes he was still intoxicated.

"Wait! Wait a minute!" He realized aloud as he would suddenly look toward her, eyes wide. "Didn't you just give me the whole "She's a monster, don't grieve for that lost love" deal earlier? Why aren't you following your own."

Wait, he wasn't either. Considering he still missed Shmi despite what Scherezade had said.

"Oh" He spoke after a pause. "That's why."

Well, chit.

He shook his head dismally.

"We are a couple pieces of work, Scherezade."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"Gerwald," Scherezade corrected him automatically, without thought. And then she was thinking again, realizing she was still protecting him. Still, sorta, protecting Katrine. It was maddening. With a sigh, she took a swig from her bottle.

She didn't answer his question. The situation was entirely different, could absolutely not be compared. First and foremost because of Jason. Second, because it was one person. And if she'd think about it more, she'd come up with more reasons. But that wasn't the point at all. And anyway, Josh found some sort of understanding with himself regrading the matter, so there was no need for her to add words.

They were a couple pieces of work?

Scherezade looked at Josh. "You're different drunk than the last time," she realized as she drank from her bottle again, "is my cheap liquor burning your brain cells?"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"I think I've been drinking more quickly" He answered. "I have a good tolerance but I've gotten a bit too used to drinking and have been taking it down quicker and more at a time than I would before. Which probably means it'sh time to quit" He spoke, the slur a bit noticable to him now. A normal person might not have been able to sense it, but the Force had heightened his senses enough at least for him to notice. It was also likely the reason why he wasn't a massive, stumbling wreck right now.

"Mind if I ask a question?" He asked as he would sit back and stare out at the lake, taking another long glug of water. "Why are you so intent on the idea that Katrine is prettier? Do you have that little confidence in yourself? I'm asking because I want to understand how you think. I don't know how you can demean yourself like that."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Drinking more quickly. She could understand that. That was part of why she was taking swigs from her own bottle so often; she knew she couldn't handle an entire bottle in a go, or by the Force, she'd have emptied entire bottle cases every single day. But sipping and swigging and drinking every few minutes, just a little, just to keep the edge off, just to be able to take that single breath that didn't hurt every now and then...

Scherezade sighed when Josh asked the question.

"It's not just being prettier," she answered, "it's everything. She's small and blonde and moves with grace when outside of battle. She knows how to dress, how to talk with people. She's had proper training, she was raised by a proper family. She's respected in the Confederacy. She leads the Mandragora. People... Well, everyone except for you, respond to her positively. All the time."

She needed another drink.

"I'm big and clumsy when I'm not handling my knives or swords, and don't feel comfortable in dresses," but Josh would have known that by now. He'd seen her fight, he'd seen her out of fights, he'd even seen her in a dress, "my training is lacking. I'm weak. I don't have a family. The people on the Confederacy just barely tolerate me and I'm pretty sure it's a matter of time before I'm entirely out. I couldn't lead a puppy to its food if I wanted to. And people in general don't like me. And I don't know how to talk to people. I know just how to put the pointy end in of my weapons in others, and I turn into a human pin cushion by the end of it, usually."

She was looking down at the grass again, pulling her knees back to her chin.

"Maybe that's why Gerwald didn't want me," she admitted, her voice dropping to the smallest of whispers, "who would want a five hundred year old mish mash of child and adult who's perpetually chased by the Darkness and doesn't have anything to give?"

With that, she let herself lay down on the grass, her back turned to Josh, her position taking on that of a fetus.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"You have a good heart, albeit misguided. You're pretty, your raven-colored hair reminds me of the night sky on the clearest of nights, even if you could afford to wash it" He began to list off in response. Sure, there were caveats attached to them, but... The thing is, these were fixable things. "Unlike many Sith, you are capable of real, genuine love. You are compassionate, even if you forget sometimes. You never think too highly of yourself, even if you could afford a little boost in confidence.

You have fair, smooth skin, albeit it looks like you haven't been eating or resting. You have a beautiful, songbird of a voice... Though it loses it's lustre under the constant effects of alcohol. You aren't afraid to put yourself out there, though you clam up once you get there. You have clear fighting potential, albeit untrained and a bit unstable. You have a large imagination, albeit unbalanced.

Also you have a great butt. No drawback this time."

Stretching out then, he looked toward her.

"So let's take all those negatives and those drawbacks I tacked on, and let's approach them as what they are... Fixable. And what does that leave when you fix them? A good heart, beautiful raven-colored hair like the night sky on a clear night, you are loving, compassionate, humble... Fair, smooth skin, have a songbird of a voice, aren't afraid to put yourself out there, have a huge imagination, and have clear potential as a fighter. Also, again, great butt."

He snapped his fingers a few times.

"As for titles? Eh. I am Jedi Master Josh DragonsFlame, the Battlemaster Of The Silver Jedi Order, a member of the Silver Assembly, the head instructor of the Silver Jedi Order, Chairman of Triska Traders, I was once the Galactic Republic Jedi Order's Grandmaster, Longest-Term Council Member, Battlemaster, Republic Grand Admiral, yadda yadda... What are titles but more responsibilities? I don't use them often when I introduce myself, and this is my first time even speaking of them to you in full. I said I was a Grandmaster once, and that's... About it. Because it doesn't matter.

So who gives a damn if she's the Headmaster Of The Man-Dragon School Of Witchcraft or whatever you said it was?"

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

It was a good thing that her back was turned to him, because it meant that as Josh began to list things about her, he couldn't see the sour expression on her face.

Because she didn't have a good heart, she had a stupid heart. She never denied that she was pretty at all, but compared to Katrine, she was not, and besides, she knew she didn't have the personality to match the deWinter genes, which made the looks themselves entirely wasted on her. But sure, she gave points on needing to wash her hair. That bit was true.

Was she capable of love though? The mere word suggested that it was not a one sided thing. But with Gerwald, it apparently had been. She couldn't understand it, how strongly it had felt, despite his inability to say it. She couldn't understand how the Darkness had convinced her that he'd been claimed by Katrine, how the Darkness made her kill him a thousand times, and when she thought it had been years and her heart had turned to stone, she came out of the Darkness, and for that brief moment before it all came crashing down again, she still loved him. Something like that couldn't have been one sided, whatever others said. But it was one sided, because Gerwald had said so himself; it had always been Katrine. So maybe she was wrong. Maybe she wasn't in love with Gerwald. But then what was it? The only screams inside her head insisted that she was wrong. But there was nothing else that she could match up with it, to somehow fox the wrong, to understand. She didn't understand anything.

She didn't think highly of herself? That was true. There was nothing to think highly about. On and on Josh went, listing more things. Until he hit that word. Imagination. So many of her conversations with Gerwald, especially around training, had dealt with that word. She had told Gerwald time and time again that they were only limited by their imagination. She'd never imagined he'd betray her like that. It was her own shortcoming. And now she couldn't imagine ever getting out of her current situation.

No argument about the butt thing though.

It was maddening. She knew Josh was trying to make her feel better. But it wasn't working. Like the last two times, too much of what he said just tossed her mind right back to Gerwald.

Scherezade closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she rolled, laying flat on the grass now, looking at Josh.

"It's not a matter of title or titles," she tried to explain, "it's that people follow her. People look at her and see a leader. Even before the Darkness, even before I was broken, people looked at me ad mostly laughed. I'm supposed to be a princess of some backwater planet, and I can't lead an ant to a sugar cube."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

She didn't seem to feel better at all, which got a frown from him and he had to hide an exasperated sigh. She didn't really talk following that, so he just stared out at the lake for a little while as Scherezade would have her little fantasies about Gerwald. He had a feeling this was what it was about. How? It was always about Gerwald. Josh would root around a bit until he found a stone, casually chucking it at the lake and watching it skip across the surface. His mind was starting to clear at least a little. Unfortunately, the only real cure to being intoxicated was time. At least, for a normal person. For Josh, he'd started unconsciously de-toxing himself, the same trick he had used on Zeltros, since he had stopped drinking. It would still take some time though.

When she defended the importance of titles, he rolled his eyes.

"And how easily can she lose that?" He asked. "Take it from me, I've lost just as many if not more titles that merit people "following" me than Katrine has held. Titles, responsibilities of leadership... They come and go. It is a moving train, and we are just cogs, parts. Valae Kitra is a fantastic Jedi Grandmaster, far better than the one I had been in my youth. But one day she will be replaced. And someday, so will Katrine. How many people will follow her when she does not have something to follow?

Furthermore, the people who "like" her may not be so inclined to when she has nothing to benefit them. People's true feelings come out when they don't have anything to gain. Which may explain part of why I didn't like her compared to others... I don't give a damn about her titles. I will show respect where it is due, and nothing else if I do not wish to. Others may like her just because she has a pretty face..."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I've seen prettier. Prettier within a 10 foot radius of me right now actually."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Scherezade frowned. "You're really going to have to let go of this whole pretty business," she said. He kept going back to it again and again. "And I never said others like her just because of her looks."

And she hadn't defended the title either. It was not about this or other official title. It was about... A certain piece of conversation she'd had with Katrine months ago suddenly bubbled to the surface of her memories. Katrine had said herself that people followed her because of the spirits and not because of the woman. Scherezade had tried to tell her that people followed her, and the spirits were just a perk. She couldn't remember how that conversation had resolved itself though.

"They will follow her until her death," she said, "the leadership of the Mandragora is not the same like the Jedi Grandmaster's and such. The Mandragora rely on their dead spirits. There are three of them, and every person who is chosen by the spirits is claimed by one. Katrine... Was claimed by all three."

But that didn't mean it was for life, did it?

"I found a way to get rid of the spirits," Scherezade continued after a short drinking pause, "for myself. After... After I told Katrine that I release myself of her and anything related to her. As long as she's claimed by the spirits, no one among the Mandragora will stop following her. And the spirits will never willingly let her go, and she will never willingly remove their claim on her."

At least, Scherezade didn't think so. It seemed so unlikely. The whole spirits and talking to the dead thing was so imbued in Katrine that she couldn't even imagine she'd be the same person without it.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Mmm. Fair" He spoke with a casual shrug as he would reach for another pebble. Finding another pebble, he would throw it at the lake and watch it skip across again, just absentmindedly amusing himself all the while as they spoke. Scherezade would explain that it was some complicated mumbo jumbo regarding spirits, and the Jedi would let out a sigh in turn as he would reach for the bottle and take a swig. To his surprise, it didn't taste like alcohol and he almost vomited in shock. He remembered then that he had quit, and for a moment missed it. But then he had remembered the damage that it had caused. Maybe a shot or two here and there on the ship from now on... Nothing more. It caused too much damage and proved too big a risk for a Jedi Master to be drinking this heavily.

"Can the spirits abandon a person?" He would ask casually, as he would flop onto his back with his arms relaxed behind his head, letting out a yawn in turn.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Could the spirit abandon a person? Scherezade blinked, the question taking her by surprise. She took a moment to take another drink as she collected her thoughts on the matter. Katrine had never said anything about it. But then again, Katrine had never said there was a choice and that one could leave, not until the night that Scherezade actually took the decision into her own hands. It seemed that up until that moment, it'd been assumed that it as a for-life sort of a deal, or at least, that's what Scherezade had assumed. She hadn't interacted too much with the other Mandragora. Did they assume the same thing? Did they know there was a choice? Did they know they could leave? She sighed. Only more questions, not any actual answers.

"I don't know," she finally said, "it's never been mentioned. But the choice to leave never was either. I suppose... Theoretically, that it could happen. But short of it happening because the person claimed by them tried to ruin their connection to this world, I can't imagine any reason for them to even consider it. And if such a person tried something, I think they'd sooner try to kill that person instead of abandon them. Why are you asking?"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"It sounds like your people have gone under the assumption that this link with these spirits is for life" Josh pointed out as he would pick up another pebble and play with it in his hands a bit. "Yet here you are, spirit-free. You freed yourself of them and they let you go. Have you ever wondered how it was so easy?" He would ask. "That means that the spirits likely have free will of their own, in full. They are not bound servants, though I suppose that was obvious with them "claiming" the person for their own. Yet that link seems very easy to sever. What if the person were to do something that the spirits did not agree with? Something about them perhaps repulsed them? We don't know if these spirits have likes or dislikes, or if there are lines they won't let you cross...

My point is... You can talk about her link to these spirits, as this big thing that puts her above others, but... For one, it speaks nothing of her strength of character. People will follow you regardless of it, but what does it make you if you are not worth what people follow you for? That aside... Who's to say that the spirits will remain with her forever?" Josh would ask. "These spirits, like titles... Are temporary. They could possibly leave her. Or move on when she dies, either way. The truth of the matter is she can be replaced.

And that's why I always say that kind of tomfoolery doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Because there will always be another of these things. And you can lose it far more easily than you got it.

Now, strength of character..." He trailed off. "Sure, you can lose that. But what are the odds? That's something you can physically hold onto, that nobody can take away from you. No outside force can take that away. It's all on you. Which makes it far more impressive and worthy of respect. And if you ever settled down and worked on it a little... I think you'll find quickly by the qualities I said you have, that your strength of character may be better than Katrine's."

"I mean, at least you don't lie to me or dance around the truth every two seconds. That's a start in comparison."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She drank while Josh spoke, waiting for him to finish before she could reply. There was a lot to say about all of it. Too much. She wished Katrine was there, was part of the conversation. She would have known what the correct answers were. She would have easily talked about the philosophical aspect of the spirits for hours and hours if given the right person and the right chance. Not for the first time, Scherezade felt a pang of longing in her chest, doubted her choice to leave Katrine. But no. Her choice had been right. Katrine had chosen the man Scherezade loved over Scherezade herself, and was now living the happy life with Gerwald, doing so many of the things he was meant to be doing with Scherezade... Whatever questions relating to the Mandragora they were, all Scherezade could do was theorize about it. There would be no asking questions to the Nightmother.

"First of all, they're not my people," she corrected him, "I was part of the Mandragora, but... Aside for Katrine, they didn't really give me the time of day either. There's not a single person there besides her who was ever beyond basically tolerant to me. And I left. Even if before that they could be considered my people in this or other way, they no longer can be."

Scherezade sighed. "They didn't let me go," she said, "not willingly. And it wasn't easy. About a month after I was claimed, there... There was an accident. The Mark of the Jart I had on my back was mutilated. It almost severed my connection completely. The Jart was still on me, still following me, but I couldn't communicate with it. While I was in the Darkness, it somehow healed. I don't know if the two are related, if it was accidental... I didn't really sit to think about it. But I knew the mark had healed when I woke up and understood I was in the real world again. After they broke me... And I did some things... I went to my ship. I skinned myself alive. I was trying to only get the mark, but I was out of control, I was crying, I was... I was feeling my pieces break, feeling them come apart. I ended up skinning my entire back. I think I was using the Force as well, but I'm not entirely sure how."

It was the sole reason that her back was the only part of her body that did not bear any scars. She had dunked herself in bacta afterwards, to heal.

"I've never seen the spirits do more than just talk and mark, though," Scherezade added, "I doubt they have actual Force Powers or the ability to cause a person to kill themselves, unless it was by talking."

"And she has strength of character. She'd been through so much..." her voice trailed off. Had she though? Katrine had said that her mother let her. But she'd found Curupira. Curupira had said that Katrine could find her whenever she wanted to, and Scherezade had been certain at the time that she was lying. But was she? Maybe it was Katrine who lied? Who gave her some twisted version of the truth?

But could she be replaced? Could she really? Scherezade sighed. She had made entire blueprints of doom for entire planets and factions before the Darkness. She had toyed with the idea of making them for the groups within the CIS as well, but even while toying, she had not once considered adding Katrine to the list. Because she had trusted her so completely. And maybe... No, not maybe. It was another lesson. Scherezade couldn't trust anyone. She would have to return to her plans of destruction when she was doing better, and Katrine would be added to that list, even if she'd never actually execute her plans.

Force, she was thinking too clearly. Scherezade took her bottle again and this time made sure to swallow enough of the liquor to cause herelf a headache and a few seconds in which her stomach threatened to vomit again, but she kept it down.

"Whatever," she scoffed, "I don't have those qualities you said I do. I'm not a strong person. I'm krakking weak. A strong person wouldn't have shattered that night. A strong person wouldn't be sitting here so much time after that, still broken, still crying, still drunk. I'm a shame on my family name, my family, my ancestral home planet... Everything."

And that was another painful truth. She already knew her face was getting wet even before the first tear dropped. Scherezade looked at the lake again, and had no more words to say.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Once again, the spoopy mumbo jumbo started, and Josh just let out a sigh and listened, eyes closed as he would lie back. He considered what questions he could ask, but he was having difficulties for a long while so he just listened.

"You know, if they are as you say... Couldn't they have just claimed you again if they wanted to?" He would ask. "You call it claiming. Which implies that it's done on their decision. If it is indeed on their decision... It's very likely the way you handled things means they didn't want you back. I could be wrong, of course, it's just a theory" He would remark, pondering it for a moment. Though he would sit up when she would say that Katrine actually did have great strength of character and had been through so much. Oh no. She didn't. She didn't do that. She didn't say that. Oh no. Hell no. No, that wasn't flying, nope nope nope.

"Oh yes, she has SUCH AMAZING strength of character!" Came the sass. "Oh, only the strongest lie to people on the regular, use people, play people... Stab their sisters in the back. It takes real strength of character to backstab your sibling, and not just to do it for a reason that's not related to business, or the greater good, or because they've become a monster... No, no, nothing trivial like that! For someone SO STRONG in character like her, she went so far as to backstab her sister... Gasp! For a boy that her sister was seeing! My Force, I have been so wrong Scherezade, so wrong to doubt the strength of her character, when she is just SO morally good! I just feel SO BAD for her, it takes a lot to stab your own sibling in the back and continue to kark the man who played her like a damn fiddle!"

He flopped back on the grass, his sarcasm ending. "Kriff. She's not even here and she's making me regret my decision to quit drinking" He commented with a roll of his eyes.

"Also, even the strongest have limits. They just differ in how they handle those limitations being broken. Your response isn't wholly unreasonable. I think the Sith mantra has rubbed off on you too much, mistaking any vulnerability for weakness. We as people are flawed, and have times of vulnerability. That's not weakness, that's normal."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Couldn't they have just claimed her again if they wanted to? Scherezade blinked again. it was not a question she'd actually ever considered. Sure, she knew there was a ritual, the sounds you heard in you head like a soft music when the called, the touching of a book... But if she took the ritual part of it out of the equation, could the spirits claim anyway? It was... A question she should have asked herself on her own long before now. She should have asked it the very night she'd been claimed by the Jart. But she'd been so young, only two hours or so out of the pebble, knowing even less than she did now. She hadn't questioned it. She had followed blindly. And then there was the bit about not wanting her back. About that, she could certainly say that she didn't give a kark. Want not or cannot, she would never be claimed by a spirit again, would never join the Mandragora again. The people in the CIS didn't want her either, so what was adding a few spirits into that mix anyway. And still, so many more questions... Again that wish to have Katrine here to ask her. But no. She'd never be close enough to Katrine again to ask about these things.

Josh's outburst regarding Katrine only made her roll her eyes as she drank more from her bottle. If you ignored the whole mess, everywhere else, Katrine was strong. Spirits or no spirits, there was a reason she was the Nightmother. Josh could state all he wanted about it, but he was wrong.

"You decided to stop drinking five minutes ago," she pointed out. "And no, Josh. I'm not just vulnerable. I'm weak. I've always been weak. That Jedi wouldn't have almost killed me if it was otherwise. I wouldn't have broken that night if I was otherwise. I would've been able to at least start collecting my pieces back together after the horrible night if I was otherwise."

Scherezade sighed. "You could have pulled your lightsaber out on me when we met on Zeltros and killed me if you felt like it, and I probably wouldn't have even fought."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

If she had asked him, he would have said it was likely that the entire ceremony was likely a formality and the spirits could do whatever the hell it was that they wanted. Spirits that powerful definitely had the power to just claim as they liked. They just didn't want to. Burning the mark off her back probably just offended them.

"Yes" He pointed out. "And I already regret it."

He let out a sigh as she would continue to put herself down. "You know, if I had a credit for everytime you have put yourself down, or sold yourself short, I could afford... About a week's worth of porg food so far. I'll keep a running tally. But seriously though, you claim you're not strong. Yet you've gone through tons and are still here, still somewhat functioning. In a state that is fixable. I think many others in your position would be dead already."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

I think many others in your position would be dead already.

Scherezade didn't immediately answer that. She had told Josh bits and pieces about herself, mostly while crying. But he's never gotten the full story, and especially not in a linear sort of way. She hadn't told him about what happened inside the Darkness, aside for a very few things.

"I was supposed to," she told him, "supposed to die."

Another sigh, another drink.

"I never did, before the Darkness. I was supposed to, several times over. The Confederacy's Exarch titled me the best pin cushion in the 'verse because of how I kept coming out of battlefields. And then I was supposed to die with Kamon Vondiranach stabbed me with his lightsaber, right in the heart."

The last bit, she'd already Josh told about, though she had never given the Jedi who'd done it a name.

"And," came the last part, "I was supposed to die, in the Darkness. I thought I was there for years. The first year was crying and tears and torture... And then... I learned how to turn my heart into stone. And suddenly I was fighting. I had a sword. I learned how to use it, and use it well. I killed... I killed so many thing inside the Darkness. I killed versions of Gerwald a thousand times in it. And after years, I made my way to the throne room in my ancestral home planet. It was empty. And I knew that whatever my quest was, I had failed. That I was a prisoner forever. So I took my sword and stabbed myself in the heart. And then I woke up in the real world, and I was alive, and I had the sword, but I couldn't turn my heart to stone anymore. I've tried so many times since..."

Her voice had shook through out her entire telling of it. She wasn't crying now, instead growing more and more distant with every word she uttered.

"I was supposed to die..."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh calmly listened as she would explain a bit of what she had seen in this darkness. So the theory he had after speaking with Katrine most likely was true, it was some sort of pocket dimension crossed with a series of illusions. Though he frowned when she explained she had tried to turn her heart to stone. It resonated with what he had heard from Tacitus, it resonated with everything she had said before. Letting out an exhale, he would get to his feet and walk over. He said nothing at first, just knelled down and hugged her again. He hugged her tight this time. Held her hands tight in his own with his arms wrapped around her. He didn't know how to help. He wanted to, and it was no secret if she could sense him, as he had stopped hiding his presence a little bit ago. He seemed to figure that if anything were to come for him, he would be able to face it without fear if he had Scherezade at his side.

"You've tried to turn your heart to stone since?" He would whisper softly. "Are you sure that's what you want, deep down? I don't think having a true heart is all that bad..." He spoke. "It's a big part of why we're sitting here together, isn't it? I don't think you'd have given me the time of day otherwise after Zeltros. So... I'm grateful for it. Since I got to meet you. And still get to see you" He admitted as he would look at her with a warm smile. "I wouldn't say our time together has been bad, has it been?"

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

He was hugging her again, this time in a different way than the previously. It was a hard hug, her hand held in place. Her body froze at first, getting ready to punch him in the face, but she didn't have the energy to do it. Eventually, she just let herself sink into the hug, resting her head against Josh's shoulder.

All she could do was of when he asked the first question. She had tried so hard. She had tried during the horrible night, she had tried during the wedding, she had tried almost every single day for the first week or two, tried again the night she and Josh met on Zeltron... And it never worked. She'd managed to bring a Sword of Darkness out of the Darkness, but her stony heart had been left behind and she was left to deal with pain and emotions she still didn't know how.

"You're only saying that because you didn't know me before..." she answered, her voice just barely above a whisper, "I wasn't... I wasn't this... Miserably. I could breathe. I could laugh. And now there's this new version of me and I can't fix it... And I can't turn my heart to stone... I've tried so many times..."


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"You can't laugh?" Josh would ask, his accent putting way too many "ahh"s in a few short words. He would hold her tight, though he didn't exactly try to restrain her even as he held her hands. If she tried to get out of it, it would be far too easy seeing as he'd just let her go.

"What I'm curious about is... You seem almost obsessed with regaining what you lost and once were. You constantly think and talk about Gerwald and even seem to be trying to either get him back or replace him with some kind of exact copy. Yet you're also trying to harden your heart to stone, instead of trying to lighten up and laugh and smile. Why is that?" Josh would ask. It almost seemed counterproductive. She seemed to want to get better but hardening her heart seemed to be the opposite of that.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]