Scherezade Had a Thousand Tales, and This One Might Be about Betrayal

[Scherezade deWinter]

Had she laughed? Once? Just once, since coming out of the Darkness? She shook her head. If there was even one time, she couldn't remember it.

Josh was still hugging her. She was still letting him hug her.

"How am I trying to get him back?!" she asked, this time pushing him away, "I told him I would kill him if he approached me outside of a mission! I have avoided missions just to lower the chances of stumbling into him! The only man I've touched after him was you and you saw how horrible that went! How dare you say something like that?!"

While it was true that she had said, more than once, that if Gerwald came back and apologized, she would forgive him and do it immediately, there was a far cry between that and her actions. For all the memories looping in her mind, for all her pain, for all her tears, she had left Gerwald alone. She had not tried to meddle with his life in any way. She had done nothing!

"And I can't! I just can't!" she continued, still half screaming, "I felt myself shattering, Josh! I felt the pieces break apart and fall and explode. And I've tried, just like I've tried turning my heart into stone, I've tried finding the pieces, I've tried to glue myself together, and NOTHING works! Nothing! To any direction!"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Considering the whole reason we even met was because you were drawn to someone somewhat looking like him..." He pointed out, frowning when she pushed away. "You've also made it very clear to me that were he to come and apologize, you would take him back just like that. I've wondered at times if maybe deep down you're convinced that you won't be happy again until he comes back, and are hoping, maybe even waiting for that day to come" Josh would admit. "But I could be wrong, I can't read your mind, after all."

She continued to scream at him. She said she had tried both. He really didn't know what solution to offer in this case. He folded his arms, closing his eyes as he tried to think it over. There had to be something, right? Something! There just had to be! Perhaps he could start simple...

"Do you have any hobbies? Something you enjoy? Like, besides mutilation" He would inquire. "Although combat could be considered something you enjoy. I enjoy it. I don't enjoy killing but I enjoy combat. I spar with my co-workers, students and friends regularly."

"Hmm... You do seem to enjoy handling sharp objects. Have you ever considered crochet as a hobby, or at least something to just distract you?" Josh would ask, still brainstorming. These might not be things that would make her happy, or laugh, but it was a start. "If you ever meet a Jyoti Nooran, feel free to tell her Josh is asking her to teach you. I think you might like it. She made an adorable little woolen crocheted dragon thing for my son. He falls asleep holding it tight."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"I was drunk and it was dark," she said defensively in retaliation to Josh's first statement, "and I was wrong. You look nothing like him." It didn't matter that she hadn't had a moment of being sober since. She could tell when she was wrong about something.

There was also the other stuff. Like not being happy until he came back again. She could only shake her head at that. It was not a true statement. She knew, she'd already understood, that she was broken much deeper than that. It wasn't her heart that was broken, it was her, the person, that had shattered so fully and completely. Gerwald was only a piece of that, and there were pieces that belonged neither to him nor Katrine. There was no hoping, there was no waiting, because there was no hope, and there was nothing to wait for.

And then he asked her about hobbies. The surprise alone was enough to make her stop screaming and just stare at him.

"I used to train all the time," she said, her voice giving away the fact that the mere question was still a shock. Used to, though. She had not trained since... Since coming out of the Darkness, "I used to hunt, and look for ways to preserve meat. I used to make amazing air dried sausages out of wild meat. But... I can't anymore." Josh wasn't stupid. He'd be able to guess easily enough why, even if other guesses thus had been wrong.

"I used to find ways to make deadly weapons. Even made one that specifically targeted Mandalorians," she added after a short pause, "and I used to sit up entire nights and construct my Blueprints of Doom, find ways to hit entire planets where it hurt, obliterate their ecosystems, all of that."

Maybe Josh wouldn't have enjoyed hearing about that part. He was, after all, a Jedi. She didn't know who Jyoti Nooran was, but a bab dragon usually sounded good.

"I was good at infiltration," Scherezade added, "when we had to liberate Maramere, I snuck onto the planet a few days before the mission was to officially begin. Before the Confederacy showed up, I laced all the drinking water with laxatives. When they did show up, the pirates that occupied the fortress were busy literally chitting their pants. And I broke into the command center and locked all the toilets."

And then the CIS offered them to surrender and they had accepted and Scherezade killed some of them anyway because she'd been so pissed off at it. Gerwald had always said she left a trail of dead wherever she went. He had left more than a few of those trails with her, especially on Coruscant.

Did she have any other hobbies though? "I think that's it," Scherezade said, "I wasn't ever really good with stuff that needed you to sit down and read or think for too long. I guess... I guess that's why I thought I was becoming a Warrior instead of a Sorceress."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He just nodded his head at her first statement. If it wasn't true, it wasn't true. Nothing wrong with that, really. First she talked about an old hobby of preparing meat. "Always been a fan of meats myself. I'd offer to maybe try to hunt with you, but I don't know if it would drum up bad memories or not" He would admit with a frown. Would trying her old hobbies again all trigger bad memories and only hurt her? He wasn't sure. Especially as odds are they were all about Gerwald.

Her interest in weapons was of interest to him, but he just nodded his head. Though he would quirk a brow at her next hobby. Wait, what? "... Mayyybe I was a little bit off the mark on you not being Sith-like" He joked, scratching his head. "Just by a little."

Though the infiltration story got a laugh out of him. "You did WHAT?" He would ask. "That sounds genius!" He admitted between howls of laughter. "I might have to try that the next time I infiltrate a slaver hideout. Want to come with me and help?"

He wasn't joking, either.

"I mean, it's not like a warrior can't enjoy reading or anything" Josh would remark when she finished. "As for me... I like studying, reading from holocrons and codexes from time to time, learning something new. I enjoy sparring combat, as I mentioned, I enjoy having picnics with my family... Err, just Jason now I guess. And I like taking him to the beach too. Beach picnics, combine the two from time to time too" He went on. "I also like tinkering with and building droids on my spare time. It's a nice distraction, and something I enjoy. There's some challenge to it, though I learned quickly that I'd have to read up on tutorials and the like... Doing some things without them is a fun challenge I like to undertake, but sometimes you just need certain knowledge to know how to move forward."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She shook her head at the offer to hunt together. As he said; it would only serve to drump up bad memories. All the memories were bad. There was a reason she could no longer hunt, could no longer do all the fun experiments with meat prep on her ship.

When the offer to join a slaver hideout infiltration arrived, Scherezade just shrugged. She didn't know if she wanted or not wanted to do it. Slavers were generally rather boring, and she'd only done a solo mission regarding them once. It was... It actually wasn't about Gerwald this time. It was about her father, who wasn't her father, but just a man that looked so identical to him. She'd found him on Coruscant and mistaken him for her father. It was before she started to check pretty much everyone's signature through the Force. Some lessons were hard to learn. That one, had not been.

But maybe... Maybe going to kill those slavers with Josh wasn't such a bad idea.

Scherezade drank again of her bottle as Josh claimed it wasn't as though warriors wouldn't enjoy reading and such stuff, and then began to list his own hobbies.

"I have a droid," she said, and immediately regretted it. She sighed, closed her eyes, and didn't open them again until she was sure she wasn't going to cry.

"I'm sorry..."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh shrugged his shoulders when she shook her head. Well, he wasn't going to make her, after all. She seemed more amenable to the idea of taking on slavers though, which he noted. "Let me guess, you're wondering if you can kill them" He spoke, and with that he just... Shrugged. "I mean, I'm not going to unless they make it necessary, but... To tell you the truth, I don't really... Care, if the slavers live or die. Someone who kidnaps and claims they own and are willing to sell a person? I don't think they'll exactly reform. And they keep killing the slaves I'm freeing if I let them off easy. So if that's your jam... Eh, I won't say anything."

He had gone from hating slavers to just being indifferent as to if they lived or died. Improvement, he supposed? He didn't go out of his way to kill them anymore. But he still didn't care if they died as much. They were monsters. And Josh had seen hundreds of times how cruel they could be.

"Thinking about it, as the SJO and CIS are allies, while normally I wouldn't mention in the mission sanctions if I had outside company... Wonder if we could get sanctions to consider it a joint operation if we do it? Lets it count on your record for the CIS as well" He mused aloud. "We'll get to that another time, maybe."

She mentioned having a droid, and he nodded his head. "Neat" He said. Though she suddenly became upset, before apologizing, and he tilted his head in turn.

"For what?"

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"For everything," she said, her voice quiet "for being this way. For making you waste time on me when I'm not really giving anything in return. For taking up your time when you should be with Jason or doing Jedi stuff." He had outed her on it, sort of, when they'd been on the way to the bathroom at the parade. But there wasn't really much to add. She was being crappy and she knew it. But she didn't know how to be otherwise right now.

Thinking over what he'd said about the CIS and the SJO being allies, she only had a shrug to give him. "It could happen." If she could function. If she could go out there and fight. If she could find that eternal joy she had when she was working with her knives, for more than just half a minute and end up being a mess on the floor afterwards.

And then there was the whole slaver thing as well. "I don't care if slavers live or die," Scherezade explained, "there are slaves in my ancestral home planet. I'm not really against it either. They just used to make a good excuse to go out killing without the CIS being up my butt about it. For a while it was also the only way for me to get credits because I haven't gotten my salary from the CIS... Ever."


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Back when I was a Padawan... After a Sith bombing killed my second Master, I was found unconscious by slavers, had my powers suppressed with a collar and was sold into slavery. I was only about 16" Josh would reveal. "I endured horrible treatment, constantly being physically abused and whipped for a full year. I watched the slaves around me slowly die from how they were treated. They don't care whether they live or die, and as I later found out in missions going after camps... If they can't have the slaves, then nobody can. They will kill them if they're about to get away" He spoke, while mulling over how to react to her apology. "I was angry for a long time after I escaped and returned to the Jedi. I killed and I killed, everytime I found myself up against them. I've stopped going out of my way to do it, yes, it's not in proper form for a Jedi to do so. Respecting life is our job."

He shrugged. "But if someone else kills them, I don't care. Just don't let my co-workers hear that, they might chew my head off."

He was a bit proud of her for bounty hunting slavers, even if it was just for the credits. Though he quirked a brow when she would admit she hadn't been paid by the CIS. "Well, considering there'll be joint records if we go on a mission like that, it'll get out that you're owed back-pay. They'll likely fix that quickly, as I'm sure it's not in their best interests to come off like that to an ally. Especially with an Assembly member on said mission."

Mulling over her apology a bit more, he seemed to find an answer as he would move over a bit and take Scherezade's hands in his own. "Scherezade. You're not wasting my time" He spoke flatly, looking her dead in the eyes. "I didn't come here expecting anything in return. I wanted to help you, first up, even if I don't feel like I've been doing well at that. But mainly... You're my friend. And I don't regret a moment spent with you. I promise."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

A collar that suppressed your powers. Scherezade knew all about that. It had happened to her as well, during her first month out of the pebble. It was one of the reasons she used to train so hard to be deadly without the Force as well as with it. She used the Force to extend her natural fighting abilities most of the time, rather than relying it to survive. Sure, she had to use it to survive more often than not, but the point was that even without it, she was far from helpless.

"Jedi proper form is stupid," she said when Josh finished the tale of his childhood, "not all lives are worth respect." Most of them, in fact, did not. "I won't tell them," she gave a promise. It wouldn't be a hard one to keep. Scherezade didn't really talk to Jedi much. She never had a reason to. She'd fallen on Josh that night on Zeltron without even knowing he was one, and would probably never had done that if she'd known. And still... "I'm sorry that happened to you," she tried to say, not knowing if he'd actually believe it.

"I'm on record for everything I've done," she said, "almost everything. I was told it's a matter of paperwork that's going through. I'm owed backpay for... A lot of stuff, beyond the six months I've been there." but then again she'd been told about the paperwork... Four months ago. Maybe she had to check it again.

When Josh took her hands and looked her in the eyes, Scherezade looked away. "I don't understand why," she answered truthfully, "I've never been exceptionally nice to you. You've never seen me before I broke. I don't understand why you care." Now she looked at him back in the eyes, "especially when I told you not to."



[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh had changed in the years since, he'd spent a lot of time training his body, to the point that he was now the person people went to in regards to melee combat. He didn't need the Force to fight anymore, he was a living weapon all on his own. But that was definitely the event that prompted it. And he continued training his body. He knew several martial arts, and was working on the Echani style to honour his fallen mother who had been Echani. Suppose that made him half-Echani himself, as well. His body was a weapon, and as Scherezade had drunkenly somewhat seen at Zeltros, he knew how to use it without ever igniting his lightsaber or using the Force.

"It can be" He said. "I agree on that. Then again, it's also hard to gauge if someone is capable of reform. If we're made judge, jury and executioner, then we may be robbing someone of a chance that they may have actually taken" Josh would explain. "It's why I tend to spare criminals, and even Sith, if I can. I usually only kill if my hand is forced. Slavers though... I think I'd expect a Sith to reform before them. It's not a hard rule that you aren't supposed to kill, but it's frowned on for sure. It's also possible they think getting a taste for blood might make you like it too much, and give in to the darkness. Which... Is also, admittedly, valid. Corruption can happen to the best of us."

Josh shrugged again. "There's points to both sides of the argument. For me... I won't go out of my way to kill them, out of respect for tradition. If they feel that it's for my best interests and the best way for me to keep myself in check? That's cool. They're far less strict than the Order I was in before this, after all. So if they have limitations, I'll respect them as they have been nothing but kind and understanding to me. But for slavers, while I won't kill them needlessly... If someone else kills them or they're killed by accident... Eh. If it wasn't me who did it, then I'll sleep at night just fine."

"Hmm" He mused aloud when she would note her backpay was on record. "Don't know what to tell you. Guess you could check, and if they still haven't paid you, do something about it. They can't exactly starve you. And you don't seem to be averse to a "do something about it" stance to things, that's for sure."

When she said she didn't understand why, he smiled lightly. "You're my friend. And you're certainly nicer than people who've claimed to be my friend or someone I can trust in the past" He joked. She didn't understand why he cared though, she said. Especially when she told him not to. He frowned at that and for a moment didn't meet her eyes. He knew he had defied her. She had told him not to care for her. She'd told him not to love her, as well. Had he defied that too? Sometimes he wasn't sure himself. But he would look her in the eyes again after a few moments.

"You don't need a reason to care about someone. Sometimes it just comes natural between you."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"That's a very different approach from the one that other Jedi gave me," Scherezade said, "he wanted to kill me for my name and for being a Sith. He couldn't even name one thing I'd done wrong to warrant an execution. Nothing. I was just eating lunch in a diner on Coruscant when he showed up and he started threatening and pulling lightsabers and all of that."

By all rights, she should've started hating Kamon Vondiranach since that day. But she hadn't. The few times she'd tried to think about it, the only thing in her emotional responses to what he'd done was apathy. So sure, he'd stabbed her in the heart, so sure, he used her blood to write a message to the Confederacy. There was no denying that. But that was so... Small, and insignificant, compared to what had happened later. She just couldn't bring herself to care on any level for revenge against Kamon Vondiranach.

There was nothing wrong with the taste of blood. Scherezade used to nearly bathe in it. Every meeting of hers and Gerwald... She sighed, trying to force the thought out of her head. Scherezade had been covered in blood from head to toe so many times she'd lost count. Sometimes it was mostly enemy blood, sometimes it was mostly her own blood. She used to be the best pin cushion in the verse until one pin that was not even physical penetrated her entirely and shattered her heart and her soul.

She let the comment about checking matters with the Confederacy go unanswered. Josh was wrong again. Before the Darkness, maybe, maybe he might have been right. But since? What had she done to make him think she did things about things? Most days were just about... Not even survival. They were just about continuing to exist.

And then he called her his friend. Scherezade froze, looking at him. It wasn't a word that was use lightly. It was a heavy word, that came with meaning and baggage. She'd asked him! She'd asked him during the stupid military parade not to care for her, and he'd gone and did exactly the opposite! She wanted to rage at him, to throw something at him.

Instead, she did what she often did these days. She took another swig from her bottle, her gaze kept steadily on Josh as she did so.

And still, she could not bring words to her mouth. Instead, she just shook her head. He was wrong. It wasn't the first time he said they were friends, but he was still wrong. Because if he was right, it was only a matter of time before he'd hurt her too, and she didn't know if she could survive more betrayal.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Probably some army of light prack" He cussed, shaking his head and laughing a bit. "Those sods aren't even Jedi. Their philosophy got into the Galactic Republic with Selena Halcyon, and well... Now you know why I'm not Grandmaster anymore. I didn't share that same philosophy. Last I heard of them before they folded, they put out a "kill on sight" order for any person that practices the dark side. Jedi? Bullchit. They're no better than the actual Sith monsters. Not counting you, you're not a monster or I'd have done something by now" He pointed out. "My job... Is to protect people. You've not given me a reason yet, name aside, to consider you someone that I need to protect people from. And name isn't enough."

Perhaps he would ask the CIS for her records, just to see if he was right. Something he could note to her later that she really did not fit the bill of the monsters that the old Army Of Light folks like that one guy thought she was. Or maybe she would turn out to be one? Honestly he didn't think that would be the case. But it was always a possibility. If she was... Well, he'd figure something out. Even if she was, she didn't seem beyond redemption yet, right? It could be wishful thinking but he didn't get the impression that it was too late for Scherezade.

She seemed upset at him for calling her a friend. She shook her head at him, glared at him, didn't seem happy with him at the least. He just looked away.

"Sorry."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She had no clue what an army of light prack was. The term was entirely unknown to her, and neither was the person that Josh mentioned. She couldn't really agree or disagree with his statement regarding their Jediness though; apparently, there was more than one type of Kamon Vondiranach, and she was in danger of them all.

And the he mentioned that she was not a monster. Scherezade paused. Wasn't she? The Darkness had said over and over and over again that she was. But unlike with the rest of the things the Darkness had said, this was one she did not really comprehend in any way. She didn't feel like a monster. She felt like a weakling, she felt alone, but she didn't feel like a monster. She felt like something monsters ate or killed, rater than be the monster herself.

"I told you not to," she repeated herself after Josh apologized, "I told you not to!"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He didn't say anything. He just looked away and stared out at the lake. How could he answer? What could he say? Anything he had said he'd do, or anything he had promised, he had done. But this was not something that he could help. It had just happened! He couldn't control it, he couldn't pretend that he never cared. She knew already that he was a terrible liar, and couldn't pretend he didn't if he wanted to. He considered over and over how to make this better, but he just didn't know.

He picked up a pebble again and sent it skipping over the lake with a bit more aggressiveness this time. He didn't say anything to her for he did not know what to say, he just let it sail.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

The irony of the pebble being tossed into the water went completely over her head. She was still seething, the feeling of betrayal rooted deeply. No, he hadn't betrayed her. He'd come pretty close to it with Katrine, but he hadn't actually passed a line. Not until he called her his friend and said that he cared about her. That was several lines, all lumped into one.

Somewhere, someone turned an hourglass around. When its sands would be done falling down, Josh would betray her like Katrine and Gerwald had.

And even though now she knew about it, knew about it in advance, there was nothing she could do to protect herself, because even though she would never say it, not in those words, he was a friend, and somewhere that was very well hidden, she did care. Not as she had for Gerwald, but like she imagined she would have for people who were just friends. It had to be imagination though. She'd never actually had any friend to speak of.

The entire situation sucked.

She had no idea what to do. So she just sat there, looking at the grass, and remained silent.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh wished that he could make this better somehow, make her smile... But then again, she hadn't truly smiled, or laughed or anything of the sort since they had met. Also weirdly enough, he noted that she hadn't ate anything from the basket since he got here. Despite that, she looked malnourished and pale, and he couldn't help but give her a sideways glance, looking her up and down when he realized it, a bit confused. You'd think she would have gobbled everything from the basket up. And he wouldn't have minded if she had. Did she trust him that little? Of course she did, what was he thinking? He wanted to call this all out, but she was already mad at him right now to begin with, so he couldn't really...

Ugh.

"I'm sorry" He repeated again, hating the silence between them as he stared out at the lake awkwardly.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"You should be," she shot back at him, the anger clear as day in her voice. She'd told him not to care for her!

But then she sighed, allowing the anger to fizzle out for a moment. Her hand went to her bottle, the harsh fluid entering her mouth a heart beat later.

"I don't want to hurt you," she found herself saying, still unable to look at him, "but when the day comes you do betray me for real, all your Jedi training won't help when I carve your heart out and put it in a jar."

It wasn't a thread. It was... A declaration of intentions. She would stomach this platonic relationship, or try to. But the line had to be drawn. Maybe it wasn't a great idea. Josh had already breached two lines. Who said there wasn't going to be a third? Was she just giving herself up for an unavoidable fate?


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He would never betray her, and she had to know this deep down. He would stop to stare at her though when she would "declare her intentions", and let out a sigh. Shaking his head, he did have something to say.

"Betrayal isn't my thing" He spoke flatly. "You can spout "But Gerwald and Katrine tho!" all you want, but that's not who I am" Josh remarked, looking her dead in the eyes. He wasn't happy with her. While he understood where she was coming from, this wasn't the first time she had claimed he would betray her. It was starting to get on his nerves, when he had done nothing but show support and trust in her. But there was something she had forgotten too.

"And if you do betray me..." He would suddenly begin, his eyes piercing toward hers. If she was going to do this with him... "Do not mistake my compassion for weakness."

Notably he had worded it as "if you betray me" and not "should you attack me". It was him reaffirming it would be the other way around if anything. But it was also a reminder of who and what he was, and the fact that he wouldn't go down if she did betray him. It was a warning not to cross him, nor the people he cared about.

He had already said what would happen if someone forced his hand.

With that, he would take a breath and change the subject, deciding he'd had enough of this.

"Have you not eaten?" He asked.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

So they knew where they stood. Scherezade had never betrayed anyone, despite the apparent expectations Josh had of Sith. She couldn't imagine herself doing so. Betrayal could only count as such when you had people you cared for. No one... Almost no one, cared about her. Which made those that did so much more terrifying. She was going to respond to his words, to say something, but he changed the subject before coherent thoughts had formed in her head.

And now it was about food.

Scherezade cursed inside her head. So far she'd avoided having anyone noticing, at least as fast as she was aware. No one had said anything about it, anyway. Not even at the banquet had she touched anything aside for the liquor, even though Darth Tacitus had spared no expenses on feeding his guests with the best of the best.

"No," she replied, still not looking at him. It didn't matter how many days he would try to guess. He'd get the same answer to that question. Liquor provided enough energy to sustain the body. Little else, though.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He knew she was more likely to betray him than the other way around, Sith or not. She hadn’t exactly been the nicest to him, she had even said it herself. And he still didn’t know if she’d cared much, seeing as the only sign of her possibly doing so was marred in her being incredibly passive aggressive instead of an admission.

She admitted she hadn’t eaten. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed sooner but the more he looked her up and down the more obvious it became it had been a long time.

“Why?”