Hey y'all, just wanted to give a quick heads up before you decide to read this. There is going to be some deep stuff in this article. It just kinda felt right for the character, for everything he has been through. Hope this won't affect any of y'all reading, but I just wanted to let you know what was to come.
Two days after the Battle Of Ziost
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Twenty-four hours.
That was the amount of time it took for thousands of lives to be taken on that planet.
Yet I wasn't even down there. I was aboard a ship, high from the surface, fighting a battle that didn't need to be fought.
I could have been down there on the surface. Innocent people needed help down there. It wasn't just Jedi and Sith down there. No, there were normal people down there. People with normal lives, normal families. All normal until we came.
After Dantooine, I had the same thoughts as well. While I was abroad my X-Wing, shooting enemy ship out of the sky, there were people down on the planet. Helpless people dying.
Screams I heard from the surface echoed through my head last night. Somehow they got sent to me through the force, even though I was so far away. I got no more than an hour of sleep following the battle. There were probably Jedi and soldiers who slept very well after the battle. They got to go home to their friends, their family.
I almost didn't.
Not because of the fighting that happened aboard that ship. The only physical injures I received were light burns from that Acolyte's fire. But the real reason was
It was becuase
It was because I tried taking my own life last night.
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Following the battle, I returned back to my X-Wing, which was parked aboard the ship's hangar. Some of the medical personal tried to stop me after seeing my burns along my arms and part of my face. I lied to them, saying that there was greater injured personal down the hallway.
There wasn't.
So then I hurried towards Thunderstruck, wanting to get out of there as quick as possible. I was beginning to have a small panic attack, much like the one I had on Lyran IV with that Twi'lek.
Once in the cockpit, I rushed through the startup process, missing some steps. Looking back now that was a bad idea, but I didn't care. All I needed to do was get away from Ziost. Punching in cords for the nearest planet, I made the jump right as I exited the hangar. Soon I was surrounded by the familiar blue-white spiral that was hyperspace.
I now learned that the planet that I landed on is called Krayiss Two. The planet and an odd feeling to it, yet one I felt so used to at the same time. Thunderstruck touched down on the surface, tears rolling down my face.
War was such a common thing now. Back when I was sixteen, it seemed to never happen. It was only Caden Evesa and I, traveling the galaxy as master and apprentice. Hell, we shouldn't have even been called that. We were best friends that were Jedi. I would be surprised if the boy learned anything from me, let alone wanted anything to do with me.
All I wanted was comfort on that planet. Winning that fight with the was something I wanted in the past. Now, I wanted someone just to talk to, someone who would listen to all my problems and issues. Unfortunately, I got what I asked for.
The voice of Darth Tesir sent chills down my spine. I had killed her back on Mygeeto, so hearing her there, on that planet, alive? It was terrifying. So many emotions hit me at once. Confusion, pain, hatred, worry, and fear, just to name a few. When she spoke, her words shook me inside.
"Oh Okkeus, it is so wonderful to see you again. Are you ready for your return?"
All of my logical thought went away at that point. I did everything in my power to get rid of her. The cockpit viewport opened up as I rode to my feet. I took out my lightsaber and turned it on. The blue blade lit up the dim area around, me but I still couldn't see her. Yet her voice was still ever present.
"Haven't you learned anything I taught you? There is no escaping me."
My breathing rate had increased rapidly. The robe I worse rose and fell in quick succession as I tried to regain air. Sweat started to collected on my forehead. I started to hyperventilate. Now looking back , I was nowhere near prepared for what she said next.
"I will always win Okkeus. You know why? It is becuase you will forever be that weak child I took from that ship all those years ago. The weak child that couldn't save his Jedi master or his parents. The weak child who couldn't even save himself."
With that I had froze. Nothing else in the galaxy mattered, all becuase she was right. I couldn't save any of them. I couldn't save myself. I was lost. The only thing I wanted to do in that moment was to escape her. So it came down to my last resort.
Shutting off my lightsaber, I brought the hilt to my chest. The end was placed firmly against my robe. With a press of a button the blade would enter through my heart, ending my connection to the force, to her, forever. Everything seemed to slow down. My eyes closed as I took one final breath. All of my life played through my head.
The time I joined the Silver Jedi. My fight against the Bryn'adul over Yurb. When I met, trained, and eventually was confronted by Caden.
The time I spent with the dark side of the force. How Mathieu Brion tried to help me with my pain. When I rejoined the Silver Jedi, until I learned of the alliance starting to form with the Jedi, Sith, and the Confederacy.
The time I fought alongside the New Imperial Order. My knighting ceremony with Jin Kyrel and Hans Rennagen. How I left them a simple message, saying I could no longer be with them.
It all came to me, like a book being read at light speed. All of my life, leading up to this. My life being taken away becuase I was too weak to fight off a Sith. My finger slowly pressed down on the button. I felt the blade begin to hit my chest, the burning sensation similar to the one I just received about an hour ago. No longer was I strong enough to fight her off.
But before the blade was fully extended, the hilt shot away from my body. The lightsaber was floating, and then it turned itself off before falling down in front of me. Darth Tesir let out a small laugh before speaking once more.
"You won't be able to get rid of me that easily. Oh, not at all."
That was the last thing I heard before passing out, falling back into the seat of my X-Wing.
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I am typing this now after being picked up by Trandoshan spacer. He said that he picked up a distress beacon from his ship and went to go check it out. On the planet he found me in my X-Wing, passed out, with a small burn-mark on my chest. He was nice enough to use some bacta spray on it, and it should be better here soon.
Right now he said he was making his way to Reecee, so he would be able to drop me off at Coruscant. So far we have been exchanging spacer stories, like any good pilot would do.
He is off sleeping and asked me to keep watch on the hyperspace path, making sure nothing pops up. Durning that time I wrote this. I probably won't ever share it with anyone. More than likely I'll delete it even before that. But for now, it will stay.
I'm afraid if I sleep, I might encounter Darth Tesir again. More than likely I won't sleep for the next few days. At this point, I didn't care if I had zero energy left to stay awake. When I was awake, I had a better chance of staying away from her.
As I finish this off, I wanted to write down one thing I noticed about hyperspace. The blue-white sprial is almost the exact same color as my lightsaber blades. I understand that they are both blue and white, but it is even down to the same shade of the color. It's interesting. Might have to look into is so more.
For now though, I should really try and mend my connection to the light side of the force. It would be for the best.
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