Everything slowed for him. Astra's voice became distant arguing the illegitimacy of his arrest. Part of him agreed the Republic had no right to binders. Twin emeralds lowered to study those restraints at his wrists. Pressure built behind his eyes as the Silver Dragon's words began to register, familiar like a lesson remembered from a mentor's voice. For a stretched moment he yearned to agree, to step back through the Black Wall, to the home he'd known in recent years.
The dampeners severed their telepathy, but they hadn't managed to extinguish everything. First came a vision. An open palm resting beside Nightstar upon scorched earth. Then a doorway. Behind lay darkness and the Order's banners; ahead, not light.. but a long road winding into a dawn without color. He saw himself treading that path. Next came water flowing over his hands, stained dark with blood. The water thinned; the red welled up anew. He kept washing, and washing. There was no shape for the apology he felt. It surfaced instead as memory. A child kneeling beside something broken, gathering every sliver, terrified nothing would ever fit again.
Grief swelled fiercely before he turned, scanning the gallery until he spotted his sister. Shame and humiliation burned in his cheeks. Anger and defiance drained away; her injuries stood as damning proof against the lie he'd been telling himself for years. The one, that even as a Sith, he'd acted to protect his family. Now he saw the harsher truth: he'd failed her too.
His tongue pressed against the back of his teeth and fingers clenched. The cuffs let out a soft beep, snapping him out of the spiral.
Doubt was foreign, but a tiny spark ignited. Lysander clung to the hope that she was here out of love, not to witness his downfall. Even if he walked free, he knew countless versions of her were lost along the way. He resented that her path as a Jedi linked her to his enemies, and also that his choices had poisoned their bond.
Beside her sat Lady Ardemark, as he knew her. The one partially responsible for his captivity. Now she was the one offering comfort to his sister. The irony stung.
When the judge mentioned a settlement, Lysander's head whipped toward Astra. He exhaled slowly, the restraints heavy as he was led from the courtroom to the conference room. Others set the pace; he trailed at Astra's side, trapped between a prisoner and negotiator.
Facing Verity, his shoulders rose in a shrug.
"I've enjoyed far comfier accommodations. You should taste the food." He glanced down at the prison tunic, then back up.
"I recall you being far more courteous in your letters." A polite euphemism.
Terms began filling the air as Lysander slid into a chair. Imprisoned until nearly forty? That was longer than the life he'd already lived. His mind raced. Luciana would reach adulthood. Then came Naniti, building a future he might only witness through monitored messages. That was, if he was fortunate enough to receive them. More friends would die; the galaxy would simply spin on without him. Through that internal devastation, he forced a smile at Verity.
Diplomatic aplomb met the truth of his legal ignorance. He turned back to Astra.
"How much of this am I allowed to answer?"
The Empress in the gallery would torch this building for his past, the one beside him was fighting for his future, and the Druckenwell senator simply put a price on it all. His brow knotted at her phrasing.. so, the stubborn negotiator in him pressed on.
"Publicly denounce atrocities, or publicly denounce the Sith? Those aren't the same. What exactly are you asking me to admit to?" The digital tracker he could tolerate. Or so he thought. Who decided which associations were acceptable? Would he need permission to see someone?
For all the coldness in his gaze, something beneath it fractured. For the second time lately, the feeling had a name. Fear.
"I can walk away from what the Covenant is. I can't walk away from everyone it gave me."