@[member="Spencer Jacobs"] | @[member="Kiskla Grayson"] | @[member="Phylis Alince"] | @[member="Carn Dista"] | @[member="Joshua DragonsFlame"] | @[member="Iella E`ron"]| @[member="Syn"] | @[member="Rianna Organa"] | @[member="Daella Apparine"]
If the Grandmaster wanted exhaustive, she intended to deliver.
"Grandmaster, the Unknown Regions are my home, and the men and women who defend them against the many, many threats of the dark, those people are my family. During my last months as leader of the Fringe, I used a false Dark Side signature to keep the respect of some of the people I've been leading towards honor, duty, self-sacrifice and introspection. When I allowed Master Moridena to perform her
purity test on me and demonstrate my true nature, it was to protect my people that I accelerated my timetable for that revelation. When you and the Chancellor gave a formal apology for attacking my family at O'reen, that apology indicated to me that, for the first time in some time, the Order might actually be in the stewardship of individuals possessing a conscience.
"Shortly thereafter, the Dark Side warped a very old and dear friend of mine, a man who was a son to me. I was able to pull him back from the brink; his last act, before he died of the effects of our fight, was to call off an attack that would have killed thousands of the people I swore to protect. After I killed him, I went on a leave of absence from my duties as a commander in the Fringe Confederation's defensive force. I traveled to Bardotta to meet with the
Dagoyan Masters, pure Lightsiders who focus on insight rather than power, but distrust the Jedi. They saw my flaws -- pride, hubris, a tendency to see the Force as a set of powers or tools. Between my flaws and their understanding that I was a Jedi, tather than teach me themselves, they told me to seek out a world where I could find the answers to my questions."
Her weight shifted on the gimer stick cane that helped her limp. "I went to Dagobah. Entered the cave there, twice, faced one of my great fears. I spent my soul redirecting evil against evil to spare good, and throwing evil against strength to spare the weak, in the hope that evil would break and something worthwhile would come out of it. I did that twice: With the Empire, and in the early days of the Fringe. I saved billions of lives, and millions died. And in the cave on Dagobah, I saw those who died, and those who lived. They told me that I'd sold my soul for nothing, that they didn't need me, that nothing I'd done had mattered, that they never asked for it and didn't want me. A voice, a very odd voice, told me that I needed to get past rationalization and accept full responsibility for what I'd done. The voice told me to listen to the Force, and follow it to where I needed to go.
"The voice and the Force led me to
a planet in the Deep Core. It exists on no chart, it has no name, is hidden in the Force except to those who are sent there. It's the homeworld of the Force, if I understood its caretakers right. The living Force, released from all life at death, is spun back out into the cosmic Force by this planet. The
beings who live there once instructed Yoda in the secret of retaining individuality after death, but would only teach him after he passed certain trials.
"Since you ask about my change of heart, I should give some background here. I was not born to this body; after I sacrificed my life to save the Vagrant Fleet and the planet Mandalore from Darth Moridin, I learned the art of taking a new body, a purpose-made genetically-engineered one provided by an old friend. This was years ago, when I was still bound to the Dark Side by five variants of Sith poison. I understood, and still understand, exactly how the Dark Side would teach us to cheat death selfishly, for us or our loved ones. That process was a mockery, a lack of trust in the will and dynamics of the Force, but as a Darksider I clung to it as the only way to ensure that I would be with Spencer forever. The priestesses of the Force's homeworld gave me the final puzzle-piece in that change of heart.
"They told me that I could live with my guilt, for as long as my skill or my power could keep me alive, in order to defend and guide my friends and family. Or I could realize that I was setting an example that worked against accountability, a
bad example, and the lesson of my continued life was outweighing the good I could do by standing by my people and the worlds I swore to protect. They told me I would do the most good for my friends and family by choosing to accept the consequences of my actions, come what may.
"The trials began, then. It's not for me to say what the normal trials were; most who find their way to that world are people who've never felt the burden of innocent blood. Suffice it to say I faced the greatest temptations, the greatest
needs, of my entire life. My worst fear of all, my fondest wish turning against me...I could go on. In the end, the Five taught me their art, on a condition that I'm sure they've never demanded of the good souls who came there before me.
"They taught me to transcend death, on the condition that I use their teachings -- die -- and atone for my sins by dying before my time. Not suicide, but acceptance of whatever might come. That's why I came here, even though I knew the Republic might decide to execute me. Because I'm ready to take whatever's proper, and show the people I love that a clear conscience is worth dying for.
"If you still doubt me, come with me to the world of the Five, and learn what I learned. That's the other reason why I've come back -- to show you that your wars, your enemies, your pride, your prejudices don't have to make you as lost as I was. To show you a victory for
all time."
