Auction Rusty's Custom Arms and Armament Auction: Love and Kindness

[Rusty]

This took way longer than expected, but finally, we can get the auction for Love and Kindness going. In case you're curious, Love and Kindess are a brace of unique dueling pistols, and they come as a set.

They might look like harmless antiques, but they're not only constructed with phrik, which makes them viable as melee weapons in the age of the omnipresent lightsaber, they're also disruptor pistols with an extreme damage rating. In other words, these puppies pack a punch that'll make even the most OP Force Users think twice about trying to tank a shot from them.

And they can be yours for the low, low price of...roasting the person above you.

This is a posting game as old as forums. The base rules are simple: hit the person that posted last with your best insult. That's all you have to do. Easy, right?

Not so fast. There are some mean shet talkers on Chaos, and a fair few of them are going to be gunning for the top prize. You're going to have to bring your A-game.

In the interest of heading off a riot, I'm going to tack on a few more rules.

1. Keep it IC. A little meta is fine (I mean, you can't reasonably expect to have met everyone you're trying to roast IC), but OOC insults are out of the question.
2. Keep it fun. This is not the place to air your grievances with people. By entering, you're agreeing to get insulted, so if you can't take a joke, don't bother. If you try to get personal or start taking things too seriously, I'll DQ you so fast your head will spin. Additionally, keep it within the site rules. Nothing overly sexual or graphically violent.
3. Limit five entries per person. If you want to keep going after that because you're having fun that's fine, but number your entries, because only the first 5 will count.
4. The auction will end at 1800 EST on Sunday, February 18th.
5. There's no minimum or maximum word count, but if you're going to write a novel, you had best make it worth the read. Also, keep track of who posted last. It would suck to put in a lot of effort and then end up getting beaten to the punch by a one-liner.

That's it. Let the games begin, starting with me. First person has to try to take a crack at me.

 

[Jak Sandrow]

Your momma was a snowblower.

 

[Talaya Rade]

[member="Jak Sandrow"] lookin' like a walkin' cannabis garden. Lookin' like a pacifist hulk. Type'a dude to make his jacket out of green apple trident layers.

 

[Heron Graile]

[member="Talaya Rade"]

White / Caucasian / Light

Hey Silver Spoon, you don't need three words to let folks know you're white.


Entry #1

 

[Zenva Vrotoa]

[member="Heron Graile"]

I can't decide how to dis you. You're somewhere between a broken Zeltron and a bargain bin med droid. I'd try harder but you haven't impressed anyone enough for me to have heard of you.

[member="Rusty"] Post #1

 

[Jorus Merrill]

[member="Zenva Vrotoa"]

Hardened criminal? Kid, the only felony on your rap sheet is that wardrobe. Can't swipe a mark if you're too busy swiping right.

Post #2

 

[Gilamar Skirata]

So next time you go through a wormhole you gonna come out a middle aged woman? Or is that not something hyperspace does?
[member="Jorus Merrill"]

#1

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Emka Imani"]

Would you look at that. Snowflakes do have edges. Hey kid, your jokes are as spotty as your tan. Next time you think you have something to say look in the mirror and tell yourself "Please don't". It will save you some trouble.

Post 1

 

[Robogeber]

[member="Kal Ordo"]

Where'd you get that nasty bit of bumfluff on your upper lip? The restroom of a spaceport on Kashyyyk? Shave it off man, you look like you're on more than one kind of registry.

Post #1

 

[Kalyn Tal'verda]

[member="Robogeber"]

I have never before heard of an admiral so incompetent they can't even die right.

Post 1

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Lyra Sarn"]

The First Order can't get a lot of things right. But I understand. Your mommy didn't let you play with the other kids so you dyed your hair pink and hugged your datapad. I was going to try and roast you but I'm sure sunlight has me covered.

#2

 

[Gilamar Skirata]

*shouts something about Oya Oya Beskar on his left side*
[member="Kal Ordo"]

#2

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Emka Imani"]

Cute, kid. Why don't you explore a book and get back to me after you've grown up a bit. Don't worry I'll wait.

#3

 

[Runi Verin]

[member="Kal Ordo"]

Folk say you should always respect your elders, but I figure you're so far into senility that you probably won't remember this regardless. Seriously, you're so long in the tooth that its no wonder you'd bite the hand that feeds you. I ain't sure if to insult you or just take you outback and put two in that leaky pan like ol' yella.

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Runi Verin"]

That was good. I'd say you must have had help but that would require you to talk to someone other than yourself for five seconds with out them shooting themselves. Tell you what, since you don't get a lot of wins. I'll let you have this one.

#4

 

[Talaya Rade]

[member="Kal Ordo"]'s beard lookin' like an obese backwards J . Lookin' like the type'a dude to lubricate his beard with wookie blood to promote hair growth.

Post #2​

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Talaya Rade"]

I couldn't hear you over your screaming self-importance. Say it again slowly and maybe I can piece it together.

#5

 

[Runi Verin]

Post #2 | [member="Kal Ordo"]

That deafness down to old age or a genetic disposition? Seriously, if you were any more inbred, I'd have to call you a sandwich.

 

[Robogeber]

[member="Runi Verin"]

Oh and look at that. The rebellious, generic smuggler knows how to string two words together. Too bad Daddy was never home or had time for you. And that you never had a well rounded childhood. You're a generic whelp. A dying breed beneath the strength and courage of hard work and discipline of those you steal from. All you will know, and come to enjoy will be ended at the pointed barrel of a star destroyer. Smuggler trash like yourself, are nothing more than wimps, and scoundrels, who never amount to anything because you're too busy feeding off of others success. You're a parasite.


Post #2

 

[Kal Ordo]

[member="Runi Verin"]

It's the age. Since you come from Zambrano and Verd stock I'll bow to your superior knowledge of inbreeding. And I don't need to be a sandwich for you to go ahead and eat me. I know you can't afford the bread.

[member="Robogeber"]

I would have something to say but droid lives don't matter and I could find your preprogrammed responses in Rolf's holojournal under things I shouldn't have done drunk.