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Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype | FDS Firmus Piett

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Not open for further replies.
Major Faction

Marlon Sularen

L'Empire, c'est moi
Marlon Sularen
Character Bio

Rakehell-SWM-removebg-preview.png
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To create a Powerful Experimental Warship for the Final Dawn
  • Image Source: Here
  • Canon Link: N/A
  • Permissions: Here | Here | Here
  • Primary Source: N/A
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
STANDARD FEATURES
ADVANCED SYSTEMS
STRENGTHS
  • Capital Ship Killer | Equipped with a large prow-mounted Kyber-Crystal Powered Superlaser Seige Canon, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is a dangerous vessel to face on the battlefield despite it's size capable of dealing extensive damage on enemy warships before they can even get in range of the Prototype Warship thanks to the long-range of it's Superlaser Seige Canon.
  • Nigh-Impenetrable Defense | The Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is also equipped with a vast array of Anti-Starfighter Point-Defense Weaponry along with a Sophisticated Three-Layer Shielding System similar to the ones utilized on Mon Calamari Warships, and Shield Force Multipliers allowing the Onager to withstand prolonged assaults by large swarms of Starfighters and heavier warships such as bigger Star Destroyers and even Battlecruisers for certain amount of time, although it should be noted that even in this capacity the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype would not be able to Destroy a single Star Destroyer or a Battlecruiser in a 1v1 Duel
  • Extremely Durable | With it's Heavy Firepower and Nearly-Impenetrable Defense, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype follows the classic Final Dawn design of being extremely durable, capable of withstanding prolonged assault from larger and more powerful foes, and to remain operational for many decades to come without the need to replace the warship due to age.
  • Maneuverability | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships of it's size such as the Hux-Class Interdictor Cruiser and the Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer , the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features more maneuverability which allows the ship to carry out maneuvers in a shorter time period then the rest of it's counterparts.
WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Bridge | Like most Warships of Final Dawn design, the bridge of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is exposed and thus an easy target for enemy starfighters and warships alike, and if the Bridge is successfully destroyed it could hamper the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's effectiveness in battle
  • Vulnerable Rear Section | Once more a flaw shared with most warships within the Final Dawn's Arsenal, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prorotype has little weaponry protecting it's Rear Section, which once more could be exploited by enemy starfighters and warships alike who can easily target the engines of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype without facing any sort of serious retaliation.
  • Speed | While the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features an impressive amount of maneuverability for a Final Dawn Warship of it's size, it still lacks any significant speed with remains on par with ships such as the Hux-Class Interdictor and Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer.
  • Shield Force Multiplier | If the Shield Force Multipliers are utilized to counter a concentrated attack from enemy forces such as a Nova Flare from enemy starfighters, an Alpha Strike from various Warships or the concentrated firepower of a special weapon such as an Autocanon or Hypervelocity Canon, the rest of the ship's shielding will be significantly weaker and thus more vulnerable to attacks, but this effect only lasts as long as the Shield Force Multiplier is active.
SIGNIFICANT WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Superlaser Seige Canon | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships that feature a Superlaser Seige Canon such as the FDS Predator, Flagship of High Regent Marlon Sularen, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's own Superlaser Seige Canon is built into the structure of the warship rather then simply being able to be retracted within the hull for safety. This means that the Superlaser Seige Canon is exposed and vulnerable to starfighters that manage to slip under the shields of the Warship as well as enemy warships if the shields are down completely and as such if these foes are able to destroy the Superlaser Seige Canon it could severely cripple or outright destroy the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype as a result of a chain reaction caused by the destruction of the Superlaser Seige Canon.

DESCRIPTION
Upon his ascension as High Regent of the Final Dawn, Marlon Sularen inherited a series of files from his predecessor Derix Tirall, files which included details regarding various projects undertaken by the former High Regent but never finished. Among these projects was the Onager-type Heavy Cruiser, a ship that was supposed to be part of a new line of warships envisioned to provide the Final Dawn with dedicated support craft in order to compliment it's more heavier capital ships. The design of the Warship was made by the Epoch Engineering Corporation, however before production could begin, the Epochian Uprising occurred resulting in the Galactic Alliance's nationalization of the EEC and the project being abandoned. However seeing the potential in this project along with many others undertaken by Tirall but never completed, Sularen began works on a new project based on the one undertaken by the EEC.

Using the EECs design of the warship as a template and improving upon it, a team of Technicians and Engineers from SularenCo (Which had since replaced the EEC as the primary supplier of Warships to the Final Dawn), were able to develop a prototype Warship incorporating many elements from the EEC design such as a Heavy Armament and Strong Defenses while making a few differences such as the addition of a Superlaser Seige Canon instead of a Super Heavy Dual Heavy Turbolaser Cannon as well as more Hangar Space for Starfighters. Initial tests of the Prototype in the Najra-Va System demonstrated the potential this ship had for the Final Dawn, as it could easily target warships at long-range before said targets could even get in range of the Onager in the first place and deal extensive damage to targeted warships as well as withstand prolonged assaults from larger warships and swarms of Starfighters.

As such, the Prototype Vessel was named the FDS Firmus Piett and placed under the command of the descendant of it's namesake, Captain Aran Piett Aran Piett of the Final Dawn's Navy to serve as the Flagship of Piett's Fleet, Task Force 191 as the Final Dawn prepares to unleash the small but powerful warship upon it's unsuspecting foes within both the Galactic Alliance and the Empire as the Second Great Hyperspace War Rages on.
 
Last edited:
Major Faction

Martin Draigo

GDI CEO
Martin Draigo
Character Bio
Marlon Sularen said:

Rakehell-SWM-removebg-preview.png
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
STANDARD FEATURES
ADVANCED SYSTEMS
STRENGTHS
  • Capital Ship Killer | Equipped with a large prow-mounted Kyber-Crystal Powered Superlaser Seige Canon, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is a dangerous vessel to face on the battlefield despite it's size capable of wreaking havoc on enemy fleets before they can even get in range of the Prototype Warship thanks to the long-range of it's Superlaser Seige Canon.
  • Impenetrable Defense | The Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is also equipped with a vast array of Anti-Starfighter Point-Defense Weaponry along with a Sophisticated Three-Layer Shielding System similar to the ones utilized on Mon Calamari Warships, and Shield Force Multipliers allowing the Onager to withstand prolonged assaults by large swarms of Starfighters and heavier warships such as bigger Star Destroyers and even Battlecruisers.
  • Extremely Durable | With it's Heavy Firepower and Nearly-Impenetrable Defense, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype follows the classic Final Dawn design of being extremely durable, capable of withstanding prolonged assault from larger and more powerful foes, and to remain operational for many decades to come without the need to replace the warship due to age.
  • Maneuverability | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships of it's size such as the Hux-Class Interdictor Cruiser and the Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer , the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features more maneuverability which allows the ship to carry out maneuvers in a shorter time period then the rest of it's counterparts.
WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Bridge | Like most Warships of Final Dawn design, the bridge of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is exposed and thus an easy target for enemy starfighters and warships alike, and if the Bridge is successfully destroyed it could hamper the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's effectiveness in battle
  • Vulnerable Rear Section | Once more a flaw shared with most warships within the Final Dawn's Arsenal, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prorotype has little weaponry protecting it's Rear Section, which once more could be exploited by enemy starfighters and warships alike who can easily target the engines of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype without facing any sort of serious retaliation.
  • Speed | While the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features an impressive amount of maneuverability for a Final Dawn Warship of it's size, it still lacks any significant speed with remains on par with ships such as the Hux-Class Interdictor and Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer.
  • Shield Force Multiplier | If the Shield Force Multipliers are utilized to counter a concentrated attack from enemy forces such as a Nova Flare from enemy starfighters, an Alpha Strike from various Warships or the concentrated firepower of a special weapon such as an Autocanon or Hypervelocity Canon, the rest of the ship's shielding will be significantly weaker and thus more vulnerable to attacks, but this effect only lasts as long as the Shield Force Multiplier is active.
SIGNIFICANT WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Superlaser Seige Canon | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships that feature a Superlaser Seige Canon such as the FDS Predator, Flagship of High Regent Marlon Sularen, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's own Superlaser Seige Canon is built into the structure of the warship rather then simply being able to be retracted within the hull for safety. This means that the Superlaser Seige Canon is exposed and vulnerable to starfighters that manage to slip under the shields of the Warship as well as enemy warships if the shields are down completely and as such if these foes are able to destroy the Superlaser Seige Canon it could severely cripple or outright destroy the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype as a result of a chain reaction caused by the destruction of the Superlaser Seige Canon.

DESCRIPTION
Upon his ascension as High Regent of the Final Dawn, Marlon Sularen inherited a series of files from his predecessor Derix Tirall, files which included details regarding various projects undertaken by the former High Regent but never finished. Among these projects was the Onager-type Heavy Cruiser, a ship that was supposed to be part of a new line of warships envisioned to provide the Final Dawn with dedicated support craft in order to compliment it's more heavier capital ships. The design of the Warship was made by the Epoch Engineering Corporation, however before production could begin, the Epochian Uprising occurred resulting in the Galactic Alliance's nationalization of the EEC and the project being abandoned. However seeing the potential in this project along with many others undertaken by Tirall but never completed, Sularen began works on a new project based on the one undertaken by the EEC.

Using the EECs design of the warship as a template and improving upon it, a team of Technicians and Engineers from SularenCo (Which had since replaced the EEC as the primary supplier of Warships to the Final Dawn), were able to develop a prototype Warship incorporating many elements from the EEC design such as a Heavy Armament and Strong Defenses while making a few differences such as the addition of a Superlaser Seige Canon instead of a Super Heavy Dual Heavy Turbolaser Cannon as well as more Hangar Space for Starfighters. Initial tests of the Prototype in the Najra-Va System demonstrated the potential this ship had for the Final Dawn, as it could easily target warships at long-range before said targets could even get in range of the Onager in the first place and deal extensive damage to targeted warships as well as withstand prolonged assaults from larger warships and swarms of Starfighters.

As such, the Prototype Vessel was named the FDS Firmus Piett and placed under the command of the descendant of it's namesake, Captain Aran Piett Aran Piett of the Final Dawn's Navy to serve as the Flagship of Piett's Fleet, Task Force 191 as the Final Dawn prepares to unleash the small but powerful warship upon it's unsuspecting foes within both the Galactic Alliance and the Empire as the Second Great Hyperspace War Rages on.
Click to expand...

Hello there! As always, this is a very detailed and well thought out submission, and it's clear you've put in a lot of work on it.

There are, however, several issues that must be resolved prior to approval. Please answer the questions and resolve all issues, then tag me when done. If further assistance is required, please let me know!

OOC INFORMATION:
  • Primary Source(s): Pre-factory threads cannot be used as a primary source. Please remove the Onager-type Heavy Cruiser
    • Additionally, how are you modifying the other sources you've listed? I ask because the template is quite specific about the purpose of this section. (Please link and cite the sources which you are modifying for your use in your submission.)
​
PRODUCTION INFORMATION:
  • Manufacturer: Normally, you would need to acquire permissions from Darth Solipsis Darth Solipsis to use Epoch Engineering Corporation as a manufacturer. However, after looking at the company page, you will instead need to acquire permissions from Aerarii Tithe Aerarii Tithe since a transfer of power has been indicated.
​
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:
  • Armament: For an extreme rating, I wouldn’t go so far as to say the quantity and type of weapons is too much per se, save for the size ship they are being mounted on. I would suggest choosing between either the superlaser siege cannon or the orbital autocannons. For a cruiser, it is my opinion that you cannot have both. If you’d prefer to keep both, I would recommend increasing the size of this ship to a Star Destroyer. There are several reasons for this - power considerations, literal real estate on the ship itself, etc.
  • Defenses: “Point Defense Heavy Laser Cannons” do not exist. I noticed that you had two separate hyperlinks embedded within this line item - one for the ‘point defense’ portion, the other for the ‘heavy laser cannons’ portion. Can you please clarify what your intention is?
    • Hull - Energy Sinks: What is the purpose of utilizing energy sinks? The wiki article states they were used on stormtrooper armor to absorb blaster energy. This is a heavy cruiser you are submitting, not stormtrooper armor.
    • Countermeasures - Sensory Countermeasures: With how many technologies you’re using to reduce enemy ships’ abilities to detect your ship, I believe you should add this functionality collectively as a strength, to be offset by another weakness.
  • Hyperdrive: The microjump capacitor needs to be added as a strength, to be offset by another weakness.
​
STRENGTHS:
  • Capital Ship Killer: The issue I have with this is as follows: “...capable of wreaking havoc on enemy fleets before they can even get in range of the Prototype Warship thanks to the long-range of it's Superlaser Seige Canon.” Only a superweapon would be permitted to come close to this level of functionality. From what I understand, this is meant to be a unique cruiser, not a superweapon. The wording will have to be adjusted. This ship will not be permitted to cripple entire fleets single handedly.
  • Impenetrable Defense: A cruiser is not able to stand up to a battlecruiser. Please revise your verbiage accordingly. Additionally, please revise the title of this strength. There’s no such thing as ‘impenetrable defenses’ with respect to ships being submitted to the factory. Any alternative verbiage reflecting the same intent would also not be acceptable.
 
Major Faction

Martin Draigo

GDI CEO
Martin Draigo
Character Bio
Marlon Sularen said:

Rakehell-SWM-removebg-preview.png
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To create a Powerful Experimental Warship for the Final Dawn
  • Image Source: Here
  • Canon Link: N/A
  • Permissions: Here | Here | Here
  • Primary Source: N/A
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
STANDARD FEATURES
ADVANCED SYSTEMS
STRENGTHS
  • Capital Ship Killer | Equipped with a large prow-mounted Kyber-Crystal Powered Superlaser Seige Canon, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is a dangerous vessel to face on the battlefield despite it's size capable of dealing extensive damage on enemy warships before they can even get in range of the Prototype Warship thanks to the long-range of it's Superlaser Seige Canon.
  • Nigh-Impenetrable Defense | The Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is also equipped with a vast array of Anti-Starfighter Point-Defense Weaponry along with a Sophisticated Three-Layer Shielding System similar to the ones utilized on Mon Calamari Warships, and Shield Force Multipliers allowing the Onager to withstand prolonged assaults by large swarms of Starfighters and heavier warships such as bigger Star Destroyers and even Battlecruisers for certain amount of time, although it should be noted that even in this capacity the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype would not be able to Destroy a single Star Destroyer or a Battlecruiser in a 1v1 Duel
  • Extremely Durable | With it's Heavy Firepower and Nearly-Impenetrable Defense, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype follows the classic Final Dawn design of being extremely durable, capable of withstanding prolonged assault from larger and more powerful foes, and to remain operational for many decades to come without the need to replace the warship due to age.
  • Maneuverability | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships of it's size such as the Hux-Class Interdictor Cruiser and the Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer , the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features more maneuverability which allows the ship to carry out maneuvers in a shorter time period then the rest of it's counterparts.
WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Bridge | Like most Warships of Final Dawn design, the bridge of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype is exposed and thus an easy target for enemy starfighters and warships alike, and if the Bridge is successfully destroyed it could hamper the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's effectiveness in battle
  • Vulnerable Rear Section | Once more a flaw shared with most warships within the Final Dawn's Arsenal, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prorotype has little weaponry protecting it's Rear Section, which once more could be exploited by enemy starfighters and warships alike who can easily target the engines of the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype without facing any sort of serious retaliation.
  • Speed | While the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype features an impressive amount of maneuverability for a Final Dawn Warship of it's size, it still lacks any significant speed with remains on par with ships such as the Hux-Class Interdictor and Ascendant Mark-II Pocket Star Destroyer.
  • Shield Force Multiplier | If the Shield Force Multipliers are utilized to counter a concentrated attack from enemy forces such as a Nova Flare from enemy starfighters, an Alpha Strike from various Warships or the concentrated firepower of a special weapon such as an Autocanon or Hypervelocity Canon, the rest of the ship's shielding will be significantly weaker and thus more vulnerable to attacks, but this effect only lasts as long as the Shield Force Multiplier is active.
SIGNIFICANT WEAKNESSES
  • Exposed Superlaser Seige Canon | Compared to other Final Dawn Warships that feature a Superlaser Seige Canon such as the FDS Predator, Flagship of High Regent Marlon Sularen, the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype's own Superlaser Seige Canon is built into the structure of the warship rather then simply being able to be retracted within the hull for safety. This means that the Superlaser Seige Canon is exposed and vulnerable to starfighters that manage to slip under the shields of the Warship as well as enemy warships if the shields are down completely and as such if these foes are able to destroy the Superlaser Seige Canon it could severely cripple or outright destroy the Onager-Class Heavy Cruiser Prototype as a result of a chain reaction caused by the destruction of the Superlaser Seige Canon.

DESCRIPTION
Upon his ascension as High Regent of the Final Dawn, Marlon Sularen inherited a series of files from his predecessor Derix Tirall, files which included details regarding various projects undertaken by the former High Regent but never finished. Among these projects was the Onager-type Heavy Cruiser, a ship that was supposed to be part of a new line of warships envisioned to provide the Final Dawn with dedicated support craft in order to compliment it's more heavier capital ships. The design of the Warship was made by the Epoch Engineering Corporation, however before production could begin, the Epochian Uprising occurred resulting in the Galactic Alliance's nationalization of the EEC and the project being abandoned. However seeing the potential in this project along with many others undertaken by Tirall but never completed, Sularen began works on a new project based on the one undertaken by the EEC.

Using the EECs design of the warship as a template and improving upon it, a team of Technicians and Engineers from SularenCo (Which had since replaced the EEC as the primary supplier of Warships to the Final Dawn), were able to develop a prototype Warship incorporating many elements from the EEC design such as a Heavy Armament and Strong Defenses while making a few differences such as the addition of a Superlaser Seige Canon instead of a Super Heavy Dual Heavy Turbolaser Cannon as well as more Hangar Space for Starfighters. Initial tests of the Prototype in the Najra-Va System demonstrated the potential this ship had for the Final Dawn, as it could easily target warships at long-range before said targets could even get in range of the Onager in the first place and deal extensive damage to targeted warships as well as withstand prolonged assaults from larger warships and swarms of Starfighters.

As such, the Prototype Vessel was named the FDS Firmus Piett and placed under the command of the descendant of it's namesake, Captain Aran Piett Aran Piett of the Final Dawn's Navy to serve as the Flagship of Piett's Fleet, Task Force 191 as the Final Dawn prepares to unleash the small but powerful warship upon it's unsuspecting foes within both the Galactic Alliance and the Empire as the Second Great Hyperspace War Rages on.
Click to expand...

Hey! It's been about a week. What's the status on this? Marlon Sularen Marlon Sularen
 
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