Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Codex Denied Midascice

Status
Not open for further replies.
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To provide a new home and an exciting place for the ZU to rp at.
    rogue-planets.jpg
  • Image Credit:http://astroblog.cosmobc.com/2012/04/27/astroblog-follow-friday-weekly-stumbles-2012-04-27/
  • Canon: N/A
  • Permissions: N/A
  • Links:N/A
GENERAL INFORMATION
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
  • Gravity: Standard
  • Climate: Temperate
  • Primary Terrain: Grassland, Mountains, Oceans, Tundras, Forests,
  • Atmosphere: Type I
LOCATION INFORMATION
  • Capital City: N/A
  • Planetary Features:
    • Lapis Mountains
    • Brine Desert
    • Lesser Welltide Basin​
    • Wellmeade River​
    • Mosstalon Hills
    • Jarwyrm Mountains
    • Tranquil Ocean
    • Sea of Serenity
  • Major Locations:
    • Blessed Peak - Highest peak in the Lapis Mountians
    • Tranquil Whirlpool - the largest oasis in the Brine Desert, it is named due to the strangely peaceful whirl pool in its center.
    • Warped Cavern - A large cave system in the Mostalon Hills
    • Screaming Peak - Tallest peak on the planet and in the Jarwyrm Mountains, the wind makes a sound that could be described as a scream as it hits the peak.

POPULATION
  • Native Species: N/A
  • Immigrated Species: N/A
  • Population: :Uninhabited
  • Demographics: N/A
  • Primary Languages: N/A
  • Culture: N/A

GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY

MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY
  • Military:N/A
  • Technology: N/A
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
This is another habitable planet in the Loma System. It is unexploited and currently wild. However ZU has started mapping and intends to colonize it.
 
Last edited:
:: HERO of KORRIBAN ::
Moderator
Alli Vern Alli Vern

There are a few things I need you to work on before I pass this planet up for its secondary.

IMAGE LINK
  1. Did you intend to leave your planet image as a link?

LOCATION INFORMATION
  1. Under Capital please put N/A for now.
  2. Major Locations: it is okay to mention that it is unexplored, however I would like to see you mention what people may find if they choose to role play on this planet. Since planets are placed on the map it would be a good idea to give other writers an idea of what the planet has to offer. What major locations are yet to be discovered? Are there any iconic landmarks? This would be a great place to flesh all of that out.
POPULATION
  1. Everywhere you have listed TBD I would simply swap that out for N/A for now.
  2. You have removed the Demographics portion the template. You will need to add it back in. According to the codex submission guidelines
    The entire template must be used in your submission. The template's base fields are not to be changed/removed/altered with the exception of a Force Nexus. If a Planet does not have one this can be removed. Otherwise, If the field does not apply simply state "N/A". Additional information and fields may be added if desired.
GOVERNMENT AND ECONOMY
  1. Government: if the planet is uninhabited how does it have a form of government. As of now you have not listed that the planet has any population. If there is no population or anyone living on the planet then there can be no government.
  2. Affiliations: please link the factions you have listed in this field.
  3. Wealth: This has the same issue. If there is no population to create wealth, then how is this planet wealthy?
  4. Stability: The same issue is at play. If there is no population then how can their be lawless areas?
  5. GENERAL NOTE: until the issue with the demographics is dealt with or you list some kind of population, this entire section seems to be very confusing.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
  1. Please remove the phrase earth like in your history. Per the Codex Guidelined
    Don't use specific Earth references as shorthand instead of explaining something. Ex. 'Japanese culture,' 'Medieval Europe', etc.
TEMPLATE FORMATTING
  1. The template format seems to be severely broken, and I am going to ask you to clean it up and fix the broken code issues that are throughout this submission.
There is a lot of work that needs to be done on this submission. I feel it may be best to put this back into the pre-codex to give you the time to work on all these issues. Please let me know how you would like to proceed, but this is my best recommendation.
 
Judah Lesan Judah Lesan | Alli Vern Alli Vern

Greetings. Thank you for your patience - We have just a few things to go over.

1.) Location: The screencap shows a "general area" of the Eternal Empire territory but there's no area marked or no description of what hex the planet exists in. The "link" in the white box might be your marker from where you clicked on the map, but, we'll need something more specific.
Location: [ This can be a screenshot of the hex from the map with a marker, or you can say that it is located "in X planet's hex" and give a general description of positioning. If you intend to add this planet to the Chaos Map please review the rules thoroughly.]

2.) Imports: How are the ZU being fed while colonizing the area? Sheltered?

3.) Force Nexus Section: This isn't mandatory but if the Planet has no Force Nexus you can actually remove that part from the Template. (From the Force Nexus Field all the way through Effects...) It just helps to reduce clutter.

4.) Wealth: If it is poor, please describe "why".
Wealth: [ Poor, Low, Medium, High, Wealthy. Describe, briefly, why. ]

5.) Government/Freedom & Oppression/Language: If the ZU is colonizing it or is already mapping it - Would they follow the EE's laws? Would they speak basic?

6.) This submission is a good start but it is severely lacking in detail. I know you mentioned that the ZU intends to colonize it - But what might they or any other members on the board find? Just stating that it is "wild" and "uninhabited" really doesn't paint much of a picture for your fellow writers. It's affiliated with the ZU and EE - But how? It seems as if it's being noted that the ZU has already laid claim to it, but, there's no information on how it was done or what happened, or what is currently happening. Are there rough and tumble base camps for mapping teams? Did the EE or ZU scan it and note that it may be a valuable acquisition? I suggest that you take a look at the following sections and try to add detail. As the template states: "Remember that these custom planets may be submitted to the map for the community to enjoy. The more background you set down, the more clearly others will be able to understand your view of your creation."

Please further elaborate on the following:
Planetary Feature Descriptions, Major Locations Descriptions, and History.​

As it currently stands I cannot approve this submission until it gets fleshed out. It states in the "Intent" that this is to provide a "New Home" and an exciting place for RP purposes but it is extremely bare bones. Tell us about that new home.

Conversely, if you're waiting for an RP Thread to progress to find out what the planet is really like - You can have this moved back to Pre-Codex to edit it at your leisure as things are written. Let me know how you want to proceed, or, give me a tag when edits have been made and you want me to take another pass.
 
Last edited:
1. The Loma System is where the v points on the link/text bubble is on the map in the empty hex near the edge of the map. I put some red lines in the general area.

2. There are 3 planets that can support life in this system, at this time this world is not inhabited, they are focusing on Feccun so this one has no inhabitants at this time other than whoever decides to do a thread there and they will have to fend for themselves.

3. Sorry Judah told me I couldn't edit the template so I wanted to make sure everything was there, it is now removed.

4 and 5. So question Judah told me not to have a government if there is no people and I have updated the Wealth and stability. So which one is it, should there be a government? There is no presence at the moment to enforce anything other than maybe a patrol. Technically ZU and EE laws apply though since it is in their space.

6 I will start working on this once I am done with work today. The intent was to create a blank canvas for my subfaction/minor faction to rp on since we were just given empty hexes by the EE to live in. Do we not have to have the submission before we reference it/ rp on it?

Srina Talon Srina Talon
Can you answer my question about the government? I will update according the answer.
 
Alli Vern Alli Vern

1.) Location: That works now, but in the future, be sure to mark it properly. Don't use the text bubble as most judges/members won't realize that's what you're shooting for.

2.) So the ZU and EE have no information on this planet at all? It states "However ZU has started mapping and intends to colonize it"...So they've started mapping it. How are they doing that but retaining no data?

3.) Template Changes: Judah Lesan Judah Lesan quoted the following for you above from the General Codex Guidelines:

The entire template must be used in your submission. The template's base fields are not to be changed/removed/altered with the exception of a Force Nexus. If a Planet does not have one this can be removed. Otherwise, If the field does not apply simply state "N/A". Additional information and fields may be added if desired.

Just an FYI for the future. The Force Nexus is the exception to that.

4.) Wealth: You still have to note "why" it is poor or otherwise, per the template. If it is because there is nothing there - Note, there is no populace.

5.) Government/Freedom & Oppression/Language: This depends on you, however, the submission is contradictory. It states that it is uninhabited BUT it also states that the ZU are mapping it. It is also affiliated, already, with the EE and the ZU. They are "governing powers" themselves.

6.) A "blank slate" is not acceptable for a planet being submitted to the Codex. There have been Dead Worlds and that's fine...But this reads more like a placeholder for something that may "eventually" happen through RP Threads. Not a fleshed out Planet Submission. To answer the last part:

From the Role Play Rules:

The Codex and Factory are optional for your participation on this board. However, if you wish to codify non-canon content you must use the Codex or Factory to submit it for approval. Blogs and faction discussions are not to be used for this purpose.

This means that you don't need to submit a Planet Submission before you can write on it. Some people go their entire time on this site exploring every nook and cranny of unknown worlds without ever subbing a thing. The only time it comes into play is if you attempt to "codify" it as described above. You can write on it willy nilly and then, if you choose, you can submit it. But if you choose not to? That's okay too.

Does that make sense?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom