Critique The Greek

[Zef Halo]

"There's no better way to improve your writing than having others rain shit upon it." - Socrates

All feedback welcome!

I have been lately really trying to improve two aspects of my writing that I believe are at a subpar level:

a ) Show, don't tell - I suck at doing this and I overuse active verbs.
b ) Story/Plot creation - no comment.

But I am also 100% sure there's many other aspects I need to work on so I leave that to the audience to bring up!

Shoot.

 

[Soeht]

a ) Show, don't tell - I suck at doing this and I overuse active verbs.

A good article to read if you want to improve on this. It gives an example of turning a tell-y passage into a show-y one.

As the article states, this will increase the amount of words you use to describe an action. The best way to keep your posts from becoming lengthy would be to then OMIT ALL THE (unnecessary) WORDS. Common Star Wars factoids are one. Repeating descriptions you've already given in previous posts (everyone loves reminding everyone their character's eye color every post) or descriptions already shown in your avatar. Reducing adverb usage in favor of more accurate/nuanced verbs.

Basically anything you can snip out of the post but still make it enjoyable for the people you're roleplaying with.

 

[Darth Carnifex]

Needs to punch ladies more <_<

[member="Jude Falkrowe"]

 

[Isamu Baelor]

[member="Jude Falkrowe"]

You need to post with your boi's in the IE more.

 

[Hansen]

Pay Denbts.

[member="Jude Falkrowe"]

 

[Alkor Centaris]

Eat more grape leaves.

 

[Sarge Potteiger]

Can't believe it took you three years to come back to me

 

[Darth Eversor]

Give me my gyros.