S.S. Anne
This place is absolutely teeming with trainers! Are ya’ll ready for a fight montage!?
There’s a sexy Gentleman in the first room I go into, who cordially challenges me to a duel AND he has a Growlithe. His name is Thomas and he’s dreamy. I still don’t know why people don’t understand my attraction to a more distinguished man.
Macho Man grew to Level 21!
Macho Man learned Focus Energy!
Whoa now! He’s got TWO Growlithes?! Ugh, marry me and we’ll cruise around the Mediterranean together, or whatever the Pokémon equivalent is.
Caw McGraw grew to Level 22!
Won 1296 Pokémon Dollars!
Very definition of a silver fox.

Next room over there’s a bed I can rest up in, which is definitely needed after the Gentleman Thomas experience.
Gentleman Arthur catches me swanning into his room and calls me an ‘insolent pup’ which you think would be a turn-off, but no. It’s not. Quite the opposite.
En Garde grew to Level 21!
Won 1368 Pokémon Dollars!
His rage doesn’t ebb away into nothingness upon his defeat and he’s just as cantankerous and fiery in the aftermath. I bite my lip and stare into his experienced-eyes and we have a moment. I’ll come back to this room later.
Next room. Youngster Tyler is next. His Nidoran is dealt with easily and I move on.
Won 336 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x TM31 - Brick Break!
Lass Ann is in the same room, and there’s a boatload of Nidorans on the S.S. Anne, yeah, I used boatload intentionally, because we are on a boat, yeaaaah. I wonder if their mum is going to be mad that I’m killing her children’s Pokémon and taking their money.
Ganglor grew to Level 21!
Won 288 Pokémon Dollars!
OH SNAP! GANGLOR’S EVOLVING! OH YEAH, I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU, SON! ALL OF OUR HARD WORK IS PAYING OFF! PEOPLE SAY YOU’RE GOOFY BUT I RESPECT YOU!
My gangly son!

Now my goofy son.

Ganglor evolved into Weepinbell!
Adventuring through the ship I end up in the kitchen, where the chefs are in full swing preparing some bomb-ass buffet food. My body is ready.
Found 1x Great Ball!
I chat with the head chef, apparently the main course is ‘Eels au Barbecue’ aaaaaand suddenly I don’t want to eat here any more. Could they not just serve some Tauros burgers or something? Kanto-Fried Pidgey? ANYTHING ELSE?
Digging in the trash cans I find berries which unfathomably I put in my pocket. I don’t know what’s wrong with me either, I just felt compelled to do it.
Found 1x Chesto Berry!
Found 1x Cheri Berry!
Found 1x Pecha Berry!
I love garbage berries. They're my fave.

After my shameless dumpster diving, the kitchen staff watch me with widened eyes as I leave their work space. What’s a little dent in my reputation compared to free stuff? I don’t know, I can barely justify it myself. I head downstairs to hide and also to find more trainers to battle.
Found 1x Super Potion!
Am I stealing?
I head into another room, where Sailor Duncan challenges me to a battle. Water-type Pokémon, please? Did they not hear what I did to Misty?
Budley grew to Level 22!
Budley learned Razor Leaf!
Won 544 Pokémon Dollars!
Sailor Leonard is up next and he’s about to learn the same lesson. Easy.
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
In the next room Sailor Dylan is up next, he charges me as soon as I enter the room and declares, ‘I like feisty kids like you!’ I’m immediately concerned by this statement, as if he’s going to kidnap me and hide me down in storage, but in reality, he’s got no chance.
Budley grew to Level 23!
Won 544 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Ether!
Another room, another Sailor. His name is Huey and he thinks this time will be different. At least a Tentacool is hardier against grass-types. It’s not much more of a challenge but it’s something.
BUDLEY WILL KILL.

Budley grew to Level 24!
Won 576 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x TM44 - Rest!
Just to mix things up, in the next room there’s a Fisherman. His name is Barny and he still has water-types, so he’s still ultimately doomed.
Won 612 Pokémon Dollars!
Sailor Philip is the last trainer on this deck of the ship and he just changes the game completely by throwing out a Machop, it takes me by surprise and fearing a critical hit I swap out Budley for Caw McGraw and gust that chump off the boat.
Won 640 Pokémon Dollars!
Before I leave the deck, I go dumpster diving one more time, and find some sweet swag in a trash can. I’m not even mad or ashamed about this one. I’ve embraced who I am.
Found 1x Hyper Potion!
Wanting some fresh air I head up and out to the front of the ship. I take a deep breath and then regret it immediately. Everything smells like fish out here.
Sailor staredown.

Sailor Trevor has some beef and takes me on, and promptly loses.
Ganglor grew to Level 22!
Won 544 Pokémon Dollars!
Sailor Edmond is down for a little jig, and I’m totally down to leave his useless water-types flopping on the well-scrubbed floor, and I do just that.
Ganglor grew to Level 23!
Won 576 Pokémon Dollars!
I go back down below to root through more of the cabins. More trainers, more battle, mo’ money, mo’ problems. I first find Fisherman Dale and Ganglor just throws his Goldeens about like they were his toys. That’s what I like to see.
Won 612 Pokémon Dollars!
There’s another fine Gentleman, this one is called Brooks but he just doesn’t get me going like Arthur does. Plus, he has a Pikachu, which is totally lame and I don’t subscribe to it.
Ganglor grew to Level 24!
Ganglor learned Acid!
Won 1656 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Stardust!
Man, Razz is the gift that keeps on giving. I give him a look and he’s evidently been dumpster diving alongside me. Like trainer, like Pokémon. Proud of that little guy.
Razz found 1x Persim Berry!
Another room, another trainer. Lass Dawn is next up to take a trip to pound town. Not that kind of pound, guys.
Won 288 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x X Attack!
Man, this place is just filled to the brim with old men. I’m not saying that I’ve got a fetish but I definitely don’t hate it. They’re just, so well dressed, with distinguished moustaches and hey, I know what you can do with that cane later, baby.
I battle Gentlemen Lamar, he’s got a Growlithe AND a Ponyta and it’s hot in more ways that just one. However, he’s still no Arthur and I still beat him soundly.
Razz grew to Level 22!
Won 1224 Pokémon Dollars!
I keep strolling along to corridor, heading to the Captain’s cabin. I’ve heard that he’s got sea-sickness and I totally plan on mocking him for his poor job choice and his weakness. How on earth is he suffering if the boat is still docked and anchored?
But who comes strolling out of the cabin? It’s none other than Chaz, who rolls out of here speaking French at me. How dare he. Then to follow up he’s all like, ‘were you really invited here?’ I hate him.
Ferme la bouche.

This time I can easily deal with his Pidgeotto with Caw McGraw. Having the superior bird, this battle is no problem and his bird goes down without much worry. Raticate is next and Macho Man, destroying of rodent-kind has been WAITING for this moment.
BUT.
Raticate has been working out. He hits Macho Man with a Hyper Fang and causes him to flinch, denting his health pretty hard. I’m suddenly worried. Will a rodent be his downfall? His mortal enemy in life? SAY IT AIN’T SO!
Hyper Fang OP, nerf pls.

Fearing the worst and playing it safe, I withdraw Macho Man and throw out Budley just as the giant rat throws down another Hyper Fang, fortunately he misses and a couple of Razor Leafs finishes off the giant pain in my arse.
His next Pokémon is Kadabra, looks like that useless little Abra is starting to come good for Chaz, what a dick. He’s faster than En Garde and his Confusion hits hard, but Twin-Needle hit harder and downs the spoon-pending arsehole in one go, but that’s definitely a problem for the future.
Last but not least Charmeleon. Everybody on the squad has taken hits, with the exception of two. Ganglor and Razz. Now, since I haven’t had a lobotomy recently, I’m not sending Ganglor out against his stupid little fire lizard.
Time to give ‘em the old razzle dazzle.
It’s a real scrap. Razz is sinking his fangs into the red beast, being set alight as he does so. It’s a back and forth and it’s not looking good for me, but the Charmeleon flinches and Razz slaps that little wanker down.
Ain’t no messin’.

Won 720 Pokémon Dollars!
I have nothing positive to say about you.

Chaz changes the subject swiftly from his defeat and onto the Captain, who is supposedly a CUT Master, but he too is unimpressed by the man, saying, ‘he was just a seasick old man’. My eyebrows perk, old man you say? I’m suddenly interested, he’s probably no Arthur.
Even still, he’s my type and he’s sick. I can look after him, nurse him back to health and in doing so gain both his trust and his love, and maybe one day the S.S. Anne itself. After all I need to plan my future beyond Pokémon mastery.
When I enter the cabin the man is doubled over the trash can, spewing his guts out. I probably won’t be raking through that bin any time soon.
Out of the goodness of my heart and not because I’m totally into older men, I begin to rub the salty seaman’s back. Obviously because I’m such a soft, kind and delicate tigerlily of a woman it works a treat and he immediately feels better. Maybe I just have healing hands? Maybe I’m closer to godhood than I thought.
I've got the healing touch. Praise be to Yevon.

He repays my kindness and soft touch by giving me the Hidden Machine for Cut. Apparently this is the secret behind the invincible bushes, like the one blocking Vermilion Gym.
Received 1x HM01 - Cut!
Maybe I've got a problem.

Guess where I’m going next? No, not to the Copacabana nightclub, sorry, Barry but rather to get my third gym badge! Oh yeah, baby. Wait for me this won’t take a moment!
Turns out there was no moment for me.
The second that I had stepped foot off of the S.S. Anne it began to set sail, painfully slowly departing from the harbour without me. Perhaps the sea Captain had a wife and the guilt that had overcome him after our moment lead to this rash decision.
Will I ever see Arthur again?
I am devastated. Words cannot describe how it feels to watch the love of your life sail away.
On another note, is the S.S. Anne really small or am I a giant?
Maybe this ship isn't big enough for the both of us...or just me, really.

Vermilion City
Taught En Garde HM01 - Cut!
It’s badge time. I storm into the Gym, hoping that I can soothe my heartbreak through victory. It turns out that Vermilion City Gym is my ideal of heaven, it’s just a field of trashcans. All for me? Oh my, you shouldn’t have. At least a touch of dumpster diving can take Arthur off my mind.
Well, that and the trainers milling around for me to destroy.
I was going to make a joke about a SWRP faction, but I'm not down with the current events.

Sailor Dwayne is first, throwing out his Pikachu which En Garde immediately hits with an absolutely devastating critical hit. God damn, En Garde, you crazy.
En Garde grew to Level 22!
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
Engineer Baily is next. I still remember the pain of losing Sassafras to an electric-type Pokémon. These gym Pokémon remind me of that, far too much. Oh god, he even has a Magnemite. There’s too many bad memories. My trash raking is ruined now and I all I want to do is burn this place to the ground.
Won 1008 Pokémon Dollars!
But I don’t have any fire types, so I guess karate chopping it into shrapnel is the second best thing.
At least there’s a Gentleman here, so I can be both aroused and furious, my favourite state of existence. He’s got a tough Pikachu and I’m worried that the rest of my squad are going to get schooled here. Time to beef up a few members of the gang before I take on the leader.
Won 1656 Pokémon Dollars!
Caw McGraw grew to Level 23!
I don’t know why I’m levelling up my feathered friend, he will NOT be making an appearance against the upcoming gym leader.
Caw McGraw grew to Level 24!
No ‘Mon left behind!
En Garde grew to Level 23!
Probably eat a Meowth.

En Garde grew to Level 24!
Macho Man grew to Level 22!
Macho Man grew to Level 23!
Macho Man grew to Level 24!
Razz found 1x Pecha Berry!
Some people might see this rampant training say, ‘YO LOUISE, YOU’RE BEING A PUSSY’ and well, to them I say, I LOST SASSAFRAS THROUGH NOT TAKING ELECTRIC TYPES SERIOUSLY. NOT AGAIN. WE LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES.
Razz grew to Level 23!
It suddenly hits me, none of my Pokémon have any attacks that are super effective against these thunder munts. It’s quite a predicament not having any sort of type-advantage and I’ve heard rumours that Lt. Surge’s Raichu is buff as hell. But hey, I’ve got a brain, yo.
Taught Razz TM28 - Dig!
Razz grew to Level 24!
It’s time. I’m ready.
24 is the magic number.

Unfortunately in the gym there’s a giant electric barrier blocking me from the next battle. It’s frustrating. How do I get around this? I root around the room, checking the walls and the floors for switches and then it hits me.
The trash cans!
I start digging through looking for switches until I eventually find them and disable the barrier. I got this, I both kick ass AND solve puzzles.
I totally didn't have to do this several times.

Puffing out my chest, I march through and stand face to face with the third gym leader. Lt. Surge. I’m ready, I won’t be fooled again!
He leads with his Voltorb and I go out with Razz first, who immediately digs beneath the ground. It’s not a great start. Razz takes down the Voltorb but gets hit hard in the process by the stupid electric ball.
His next Pokémon is Pikachu and I opt to send out Macho Man this time. Even after training, I’m still tense. I mean, I shouldn’t have been because my Mankey downed that electric rat with a single Mega Punch. What a bro. What a fighter. I love the Macho Man. Although, his direct contact with Pikachu’s static fur has left him paralysed, and it’s time for his toughest.
Raichu.
Time for the unconventional. Ganglor. It’s not a great start, his stupid overgrown rat keeps raising his evasiveness after paralysing my Weepinbell. HOWEVER. I manage to lay down a Poison Powder on his ass. Now it’s just a matter of time.
OR IT WOULD HAVE BEEN, IF LT. SURGE HADN’T USED A FULL HEAL LIKE A WUSS.
Same idea, different tactic and I swap Ganglor out for Budley. You can’t heal a Leech Seed, mothertrucker. Despite his evasiveness I get my Leech Seed on straight off the bat and slowly start draining his health every turn, healing me up after each Quick Attack he sends my way. Can’t heal a Leech Seed you muffin.
Winner winner, chicken dinner.
Your outfit is a shocker, mate.

Earned the Thunder Badge!
Won 2400 Pokémon Dollars!
Received 1x TM34 - Shock Wave!
It's not a flattering portrait, is it?

Fresh off of my victory my momentum can’t be stopped and I start heading east. To see where the road takes me, there’s a sign on the road, it reads: NOTICE! ROUTE 12 may be blocked off by a sleeping POKéMON! Detour through ROCK TUNNEL to LAVENDER TOWN.
The random all-caps is a bit jarring, go hard or go home, don’t just randomly throw it out there, you’ll scare somebody!
Still, despite the sign, I venture forth, just in case there’s anything worth finding.