Route 13
It’s a return of the Picnicker! Alma is her name and losing is her game!
Won 560 Pokémon Dollars!
He doesn't appear very competent.
A new foe! He comes in the shape of Bird Keeper Sebastian, and he seems to be really struggling with his hobby. I beat him, pretty easily. Burt just drops rocks on his birds like it’s no big thing.Won 696 Pokémon Dollars!
Time for Picnicker Susie! STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, GUYS. (Actually, I think Peter explained in a comment.)
Won 480 Pokémon Dollars!
I see a pair of twins hanging out close to me, and I can tell I’m about to get my double battle on again. No worries for me, that’s why I keep the squad close in levels, you get me?
IT’S NOT A DOUBLE BATTLE, FALSE ALARM.
One of them just breaks off and charges at me like a hungry velociraptor. I’m startled but Beauty Sheila is just ready for blood.
Caw McGraw grew to Level 33!
Won 480 Pokémon Dollars!
Next up is her pal, Beauty Lola. WHO CAUSES ME IMMEDIATE PANIC BY WITHDRAWING HER RATTATA AND BRINGING OUT PIKACHU TO FIGHT CAW MCGRAW. They’re getting smarter, but my bird makes it through.
Won 1944 Pokémon Dollars!
Can we talk about the complete discrepancy in what they paid out? Jesus Sheila, did you spend all of your Poké Dollars on crack?
Picnicker Valerie! Why don’t you come on over, Valerie (reference bonus)!
Won 600 Pokémon Dollars!
It’s a new route, so new Pokémon! Well actually, no it’s not because I encountered two Bellsprouts and a Pidgey, so RIP that train of thought.
Caw McGraw grew to Level 34!
Caw McGraw learned Featherdance!
Picnicker Gwen comes out to play. Let’s do this dance, I’m ready.
Burt grew to Level 31!
Won 540 Pokémon Dollars!
Bird Keeper Perry steps up the plate next and honestly, I just want to get the next town, I’m starting to think that I should have went West of Celadon and not South of Lavender.
Won 600 Pokémon Dollars!
That vest and mohawk really won't protect you when you crash. #SafetyFirst
I approach Biker Jared, I’m not afraid of you and your wheels. I’m the Queen of this realm, you fool! I AM THE QUEEN AND YOU WILL BOW TO ME AND TREMBLE, but first, a Pokémon battle.Won 560 Pokémon Dollars!
Bird Keeper Robert, BRING IT ON!
Caw McGraw grew to Level 35!
Won 624 Pokémon Dollars!
Route 14
NEW ROUTE, NEW ME.
Bird Keeper Carter is the new foe for a new route and I’m not very worried. Flying-types don’t typically explode.
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
Bird Keeper Mitch now. It’s just a flurry of feathers right now, huh?
Caw McGraw grew to Level 36!
Won 624 Pokémon Dollars!
Ya'll ready for this?
WELL? WERE YOU READY? I SPECIFICALLY PREPARED YOU FOR THIS.
Caw McGraw evolved into Pidgeot!
That’s the ticket! Now I’ve got an absolute beast of a bird, he’s large and in charge, he’s beauty and he’s grace. He’s a gosh darned Pidgeot and he’s going to tear my enemies to shreda.
Bird Keeper Beck now! IT’S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-DUEL! Have I reused lots of jokes now because seriously, I’m seventy-three pages into this Google Document.
Burt grew to Level 32!
Won 696 Pokémon Dollars!
BIRD KEEPER MARLON. I’M GETTING REAL TIRED OF ALL THESE TRAINER BATTLES, MAN.
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
Bird Keeper Donald. I SHOULD HAVE WENT WEST AT CELADON, I KNOW.
Burt grew to Level 33!
Burt learned Swift!
Won 792 Pokémon Dollars!
BIRD KEEPER BENNY. GO AWAY. I’M TIRED, LOOK AT THE BLISTERS ON MY FEET!
Won 696 Pokémon Dollars!
There’s a bunch of bikers roving around on this route, they’re actually completely optional to fight but they are standing in front of the only grass patch of this route and a new chance for a Pokémon on this route.
SO FEED ME MORE BATTLES!
BRING IT ON BIKER GERALD!
Won 580 Pokémon Dollars!
BIKER MALIK!? Oh hey, I once had a character named Malik, he had big cat, but now Mandalorians are cool so I can’t do one now (well, I just dated when I wrote this), I’m just too much of a hipster kid. ALSO YOU DIE NOW.
Burt grew to Level 34!
P-Collins grew to Level 31!
Won 580 Pokémon Dollars!
BIKER ISAAAAAAAC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!
Won 560 Pokémon Dollars!
Last guy here and he’s about as aggro as me. I LIKE IT, LET’S MAKE SWEET VIOLENT LOVE IN THE LONG GRASS! EVERYBODY CAN WATCH, CREATURE AND BIKER ALIKE! COME ON BIKER LUCAS, LET’S DO IT!
Burt grew to Level 35!
NO, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS IN THE WAY.
Won 520 Pokémon Dollars!There better be a new Pokémon waiting for me in this grass or I am going to vomit in disappointment.
Oh hey! First try! It’s a Venonat! I guess the Biker gauntlet was worth it, after all, huh? A bit of burn, a bit of Leech Seed and it’s all good.
I caught a Venonat!
In memory of the fallen bikers that blocked my way to this little bug, I name him Wheelz. Welcome to the team, my little purple fuzzball.
His pincers look like a little moustache.
Pokémon gets weird sometimes with words. Not Compound Eyes but COMPOUNDEYES. I bet OAK named this ability.
Wheelz is hecking adorable, by-the-by.
Back on the road again! Fighting twins Kiri and Jan again (well actually, it’s the first time but for lyrical reasons I had to say again).
Vesta grew to Level 33!
Won 696 Pokémon Dollars!
Route 15
Am I almost there yet?
Biker Earnest challenges me to a battle with Pokémon he just stole off ‘some loser’. Wait, what? We can steal them? I didn’t know this? CAN I DO THIS?
Won 500 Pokémon Dollars!
Biker Alex plans on mugging me. That’s….nice? I think it’s going to be the other way around, mate.
Mugged 560 Pokémon Dollars!
That’s you told, pal.
It's a new route, we all know what that means!
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I find a Bellsprout, a Venonat and a Pidgey. Useless!
Beauty Grace is up next on this never-bloody-ending gauntlet of pain and fury. Her Wigglytuff goes down in flames.
Won 2088 Pokémon Dollars!
That sassiest battle stance in all the land.
Beauty Olivia now, who sends out a Bulbasaur into a Ninetales. Are you ready to see your little bud-buddy go up in flames? Oh, and an Ivysaur. RIP.Won 2088 Pokémon Dollars!
Picnicker Kindra (Kindra? PICNICKER?!) sends out three Grass-types in a row against my Fire-type. At least this one will be quick.
Won 560 Pokémon Dollars!
Bird Keeper Chester throws a bunch of multi-headed birds at me, but it’s again, not a problem. I’ve got this. I’m a pro.
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
Let’s do Bird Keeper Edwin yet. The end of the route is near, I can feel it in my bones. I CAN FEEL IT.
P-Collins grew to Level 32!
Won 624 Pokémon Dollars!
Picnicker Yazmin stands between me and the next city. SHE’S GOING TO DIE. AND SHE DOES.
Vesta grew to Level 35!
Won 580 Pokémon Dollars!
I get to the sweet safety of the lookout spot, where Professor OAK’s aide is waiting for me. He promises me an Exp. Share if I have caught more than 50 kinds of Pokémon. Unfortunately, I have not and that is a god damned useful item for grinding. Bookmark this place for later, tater.
Fuschia City
The pain is over. It's finally over. Loljk, still gotta go to Cinnabar Island.
I DID IT, I MADE IT THROUGH THE WILDERNESS. SOMEHOW I MADE IT THROUGH. I don’t even care about the classification of this city/town/village. I’m just here, I’m safe, I’m off the gauntlet. I’m free! I’M FREE!After healing up I sniff around the houses and meet a crazy old man who just speaks nonsense at me. Apparently he asked me a question, I play it safe and say no because well, I mean, he could be asking for my hand in marriage, y’know?
Usually in this situation I smile and chuckle, praying they didn't say something ultra sad.
There’s ANOTHER Fishing Guru Brother. Guess what he asks me, no really, guess what he asks me. How are you? What’s your name? WRONG. HE ASKS ME IF I LIKE TO FISH AND I SAY, WELL GEE.NO.
Only joking, I say yes and he gives me a Good Rod, which is totally inferior to the Super Rod.
Received 1x (inferior)Good Rod!
Riveting game play! Action-packed screenshots! DANGER! EXCITEMENT!
Speaking of, I haven’t even taken it for a spin yet. So I head into the guy’s back garden, which just so happens to have a pond. Guess he really does love fishing. I get my Super Rod out and out jumps a Seaking! Well, I’ll be damned!
I caught Seaking!
I name the bugger Haddock, mostly because I’m hungry.
That might be the least docile fish I've ever seen.
If he's immune to burns, should I send him out in case of rap battles?
Probably not, Pokémon can't speak. 'SEAKING SEAKING SEAKING!' isn't really a great slam of a verse.
I enter another building and there’s a bunch of identical mooks talking smack about their boss, Warden Slowpoke. Man, they’re just throwing shade about that guy. Kinda rude, but whatever. Apparently he’s the guy who slurred madness to me before. Fancy that.
Now, onto the main attraction.
THE SAFARI ZONE...
...next time. Heh heh.
