Celadon City (Still)
I pop into a restaurant, perhaps thinking to have a celebratory meal but the staff are on break when I come in. Christ. That’s what you get when you run a restaurant with two people. Some dude tells me that there’s a secret basement in the Game Corner. Suddenly convenient information?
There’s also this dude, eating away his feelings after losing everything at the slots. Going cold turkey he gives me his implement of gambling.
Received 1x Coin Case!
Next door is well, is the brain trust meeting of Team Rocket. No, it’s not. They’re just chilling in an unlocked residential house literally cackling. They’re running the Game Corner and shipping in Pokémon as prizes. Huh, I wonder how much they’re going for. Maybe I could rescue one. Also one of them tells me THAT THERE’S TOTALLY NO SECRET SWITCH BEHIND THE POSTER AT THE GAME CORNER.
SURE THING, DUDE.

Subtle.

There’s a hotel that’s full. That’s about it, well, asides from the dude that’s upset because his girlfriend brought her little brother along. No hot hotel action for them.
I head to the famous Game Corner and make a return to my shameless ways, I pester every patron at the slot machines and search to floor for all the coins I can find. I manage to make a decent amount too! Razz would be proud of my ground scavenging.
Found 310 Coins!

CHILD FRIENDLY GAMBLING!

I go next door to see what prizes they have, I’d quite fancy a plastic moustache. Unfortunately they don’t have any of them. They do have an Abra though and while a Psychic-type would be hand I have no means to evolve it into an Alakazam. It would be a waste of potential.
The Dratini catches my eye but I can’t afford that yet. Hm.
I head into the Celadon mansion, where an old lady gives me some tea. That’s nice, I don’t hate this. As long as it’s a proper brew made with decent tea bags and none of this herbal green fruit flavoured pish.
Received 1x Tea!
Up the stairs the...game developers are here? This is too meta. I gotta bail out of this room.
There’s nothing else here but I can see a back entrance to the building. Hm. Time to find the back passage.

And Louise ALWAYS finds the back passage.

I go upstairs to the roof, where there’s a shack. Mysterious. There’s a sign on the shack that says, ‘I KNOW EVERYTHING’ and I’m not even kidding on that one.
I decide that Dratini is a cop-out and swipe the Pokéball sitting on a desk. Whatever. Live fast, die young. My morals are loose.
'Found' an Eevee!
I call her Scoops, because I love that name, it’s my favourite.

Lonely, really?

Is that why you're wearing bright red lipstick?

Are you on Pokémon Tinder?

Now, it’s time for the main attraction. The Celadon Department Store! Let’s see if there’s anything I fancy. I hit the Trainer Market and the Technical Machine salesman catches my eye.
Purchased 1x TM15 - Hyper Beam!
Purchased 1x TM28 - Dig!
Up on the fourth floor they have what’s called Wise Man Gifts. It’s got a few things that I’ve been looking for, for sure.
Purchased 1x Fire Stone!
Purchased 1x Water Stone!
Purchased 1x Leaf Stone!
On the rooftop there’s a little girl who is thirsty. Well, I stole an Eevee so I better try and balance out my karma here. I buy a Fresh Water, Soda Pop and Lemonade and give all three to the girl in exchange for more Technical Machines.
Received 1x TM16 - Light Screen!
Received 1x TM20 - Safeguard!
Received 1x TM33 - Reflect!
With that my shopping adventure is done and I start heading downstairs. I think I’ve done my exploration of Celadon City for now. But there is one thing I have to do first. Time to make use of a couple of my purchases. I give Vesta the Fire Stone.

THE GLORIOUS EVOLUTION.

Beautiful.

Vesta evolved into Ninetales!
But I’m not quite done yet, and I give the Water Stone to my freshly acquired Eevee.

WHY IS YOUR MOUTH SO RED.

Bringing new meaning to the term 'water dog'.


Scoops evolved into Vaporeon!
Route 16
Now that that’s done I head west, out of Celadon to see what’s here. I’ve heard there’s another Snorlax and well, that’s the truth. My spirit Pokémon.
However, there is a little grass area past a stout bush and you know that I want to check that out...and hey! It’s a Rattata! It takes a few Pokéballs but I manage to catch the little rodent. Somewhere out there Macho Man is perturbed but like Gimli and Legolas they’ll learn to become friends.
I caught a Rattata!
I call her SUSAN (yes, in all caps), because I like middle-age lady names. Yeah, that's right, embrace it.

Don't be fooled by her nature.

Because SUSAN's got GUTS.


And also HYPER FANG.


There’s a couple standing to the left of the tall grass. I imagine I’m about to engage in a double battle, which I am totally down for.
Young Couple Lea and Jed are their names and honestly I wasn’t expecting such high levels from them, but we pull through without any major trauma but I was definitely taken aback by their Ninetales and Rapidash.
Won 1624 Pokémon Dollars!
I go through a gate and it brings me to a lone house, with a lone woman and a lone Fearow. I suppose in Kanto as a single lady you can have any Pokémon you want as a companion, you’re not just restricted with cats.
She bribes me to not tell anybody she’s here. Whatever, I can deal with that.
Received 1x HM02 - Fly!
Taught Caw McGraw HM02 - Fly!
Now, before I bust up a Team Rocket operation, it’s time for me to have a training montage with SUSAN.

THESE PLAYS ARE CLUTCH.


SUSAN grew to Level 19!

OKAY I'M NOT LEARNING MY LESSON.


SUSAN grew to Level 20!
SUSAN learned Focus Energy!

This is a complete overload of images.


I totally didn't forget the after-evolution screenshot.

SUSAN evolved into Raticate!
SUSAN grew to Level 21!
SUSAN grew to Level 22!
SUSAN grew to Level 23!
I’m putting this line in here to break up the massive levelling that’s going on right now. How are you today? I hope you’re well. Yes, even you. When was the last time you treated yourself? Maybe you should take the time out of your day to do that.
SUSAN grew to Level 24!
SUSAN grew to Level 25!

WELCOME TO THE SUSAN HOUR. ALL SUSAN. ALL THE TIME.

SUSAN grew to Level 26!
If you’re bored imagine how I feel?
SUSAN grew to Level 27!
SUSAN grew to Level 28!
Scoops grew to Level 26!
So continuing on, you keeping hydrated? Important to drink your water, right? Oh how am I? I’m alright, work is a bit funny at the moment and there’s a threat of mass redundancies in the air but you know how it is, gotta just keep chugging along, eh?
Scoops grew to Level 27!
Scoops grew to Level 28!
Scoops grew to Level 29!
It’s probably safe to actually progress now, and well, is there, or is there not a Team Rocket operation in Celadon City asking for me to kick the doors down?

That's the second oddest thing I've heard all day.

So I head to the Game Corner (child friendly way of saying Casino) and march up to the Team Rocket Grunt just mysteriously standing in front of a poster. He’s got a Raticate and a Zubat and it’s not really a problem for me.
Won 640 Pokémon Dollars!

WELL, I NEVER! THERE WAS DEFINITELY NOTHING SUSPICIOUS HERE.

Rocket Hideout
Welp, time to foil some bad guys, huh? I get my duelling gloves on (only the finest Tauros leather in these bad boys) and venture forth, looking for any person with a pulse to pummel.
Scoops grew to Level 30!
Scoops learned Bite!
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
I have a feeling I’m going to be fighting a lot of Zubats and Raticates in here, huh? I don’t know if I’m one to talk right now, I mean I’ve got a Raticate in my party but SUSAN is top percentage, suck it, Youngster Joey.

This is the oddest.

It’s also interesting to note that joining Team Rocket means that you have to give up your name and identity, more of a cult than a gang, really. Oh well, they all go down the same.
Found 1x Escape Rope!
Oh, this one had a Drowzee and a Machop. Type variation! How about that!
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
SUSAN grew to Level 29!
Won 544 Pokémon Dollars!
Suddenly I’m faced with a floor full of strange arrow panels, and I start to really question what kind of operation this is. Weak trainers with a small pool of Pokémon, crazy floors that belong in a child’s theme park attraction? What is this? Who runs this shambles?
I stand on a panel AND I AM SENT SPINNING IN ONE DIRECTION! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

DO NOT WANT.

Found 1x Moon Stone!
Found 1x TM12 - Taunt!
Found 1x X Speed!
WHAT KIND OF FUNHOUSE IS THIS?!
En Garde grew to Level 29!
Won 608 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1 x Hyper Potion!
Caw McGraw grew to Level 30!
Won 640 Pokémon Dollars!
I would describe more of these battles to you but really there’s nothing much to say. Rats, bats and sludgers. That’s it, there’s nothing else. I mean these guys all have the same names. It could be the same guy multiple times for all we know.
Found 1x Super Potion!
I keep traversing, I keep winning, I can’t be stopped.
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x TM21 - Frustration!
MORE SPINNING FLOORS!

HALP!

Found 1x Rare Candy!
Won 640 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Black Glasses!
Found 1x Max Ether!
People are just like, leaving their stuff everywhere in here. Do they not have lockers or anything? Is this just the most poorly managed operation in the history of operations?
Found 1x TM49 - Snatch!
En Garde grew to Level 30!

En Garde learned Pursuit!
Won 672 Pokémon Dollars!

Yes!

So, after fighting anonymous Team Rocket Grunt number 553, he drops the lift key. Awkward. Like, surely when you’re defeated in battle your pockets don’t just explode outward. Why did they even give him the key? Cheers, pal.
Found 1x Lift Key!
To the elevator!

*Insert generic elevator music here*

Vesta grew to Level 30!
Won 704 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Calcium!
Finally I come to a fenced off area, with two Grunts standing guard. It’s time to roll up my sleeves and kick some more booty, huh?
Budley grew to Level 30!
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
Time for the second Grunt, baby!
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
Well, that was easy.
I come to this dude just lounging on a sofa, just chilling in his fortress of ineptitude. The standard, the usual. He reveals himself as the Leader of Team Rocket, Giovanni and I’m not really very worried about his threat, especially if his battling skills are anything like his operation.

I'm guessing the potted plants were Grunt presents.

BUT LET’S GET IT ON.
He starts off with an Onix, which Budley laughs in the face of. Please, your rock snake is nothing compared to my plant dinosaur. Brock learned this and so will you.
And he doesn’t learn.
For after his Onix goes down, he follows up with a Rhyhorn, another rock-type Pokemon. Guess you gon’ learn twice in a row.
Budley grew to Level 31!

SUSAN don't fear no stinkin' marsupial, baby and all.

His final Pokémon is Kangaskhan which is really fun to spell, I have to let you know and there’s a moment of fear. She lowers SUSAN’s defence for two turns and then tries to hit a Mega Punch and MISSES, leaving SUSAN able to Hyper Fang that irresponsible mother out of here...aaaaand Giovanni is outta here!
Won 2900 Pokémon Dollars!
No, he’s literally out of here, dude disappears right after the battle, conveniently dropping something as he does. Is it just a Team Rocket thing to do that then?
Found 1x Silph Scope!
Thanks to people just chatting everything that’s on their mind, I already know that I can use the Silph Scope to see the ghosts in the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town, so I guess the graveyard is my next destination, huh.