Lavender Town
I scoot SUSAN back into the PC and take out Shazam, after all, Normal Types are no use against Ghost. Best get my type coverage on point, huh.
Pokémon Tower
I could kill him right now, it's a convenient place to do it.
I go upstairs and who do I see standing before me? Chaz, but his back his turned. Has he felt loss too? Is he here mourning? I walk up behind him and his genetic freak ears hear me, and he turns around and just brazenly asks if my Pokémon are dead. NOT COOL. FIGHT TIME.
I send Shazam out into his Pidgeotto, which is fine because I can use my Thunder moves to strike that bird from the sky, he then follows up with a Gyrados WHICH IS PRETTY INTENSE. I stay on the type advantage and keep my wee Voltorb out, who almost goes down to a wild Thrash on the part of the big beastie but I persevere.
Shazam doesn't know fear.

Shazam grew to Level 28!
Next he throws his Exeggcute at my face, which is weird, because it’s just a cluster of eggs with faces. It’s Vesta’s turn and she’s going to get her flame on. One hit Flamethrower deals with that.
Then comes Kadabra, it’s still a low level, which is fine. Scoops is on the case and just chomps his teeth right on in there. Too easy (for now).
Charmeleon is his last and Scoops is going to stay out for this one. Vaporeon doesn’t fear the flames. It’s all a walk in the park for me.
Won 900 Pokémon Dollars!

That's an insult I can't really deny. I'm pretty gassy.
Now that he’s out of the way I venture further upstairs, into the...somehow...fog shrouded tower? Have they got a fog machine going in here? I’m giving these spooks a solid five out of seven.
Channeler Patricia is my first opponent and this girl is possessed! She’s coming at me waving her spooky...stick thing and everything! I down her Ghastly and apparently that just clears her issues right up. Convenient.
Won 720 Pokémon Dollars!
Channeler Carly comes up gargling at me, what in blazes is going on here? Just a possession pajama party? Get out of here with that nonsense!
Won 768 Pokémon Dollars!
Finally I get attacked by a wild Pokémon! He who dares, earns my respect and it’s a Ghastly! It’s an awkward war of Confuse, Burn and Curse. It gets pretty dangerous but I manage to snag that ghost and add him to the squad!
I caught a Ghastly!
I think of all the recently departed and I choose to name him Lemmy. It’ll be Jack Daniels for us tonight, lad.
I'd rather a BRAVE ghost than a FRIENDLY one.

That's right, I've got beef with Casper.

More like assper.

Back to tower business and there’s more spooky ladies to...exorcise, I guess?
Channeler Hope is her name and making strange noises and attacking me is her game. Which is quite rude, I’m going to give this tower one star on Yelp, yeah, take that.
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Escape Rope!
Channeler Laurel offers for me to be cursed with her. I decline and instead defeat her Pokémon.
Shazam grew to Level 29!
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Elixer!
Channeler Jody is the newest spook on the block and seriously why is nobody downstairs talking about what’s going on up here? Like what?! Get some camcorders out and let’s make a found footage film here!
Never forget the great bath salts epidemic of Lavender Town.

Won 704 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Awakening!
Found 1x Great Ball!
Channeler Paula is the next batter up. I don’t know anything about baseball. Isn’t it like a total nerd sport? Good for nerds, to have their own sport.
Won 786 Pokémon Dollars!
Channeler Ruth now. It’s just all Ghastly and bug-eyed women with middle-aged names. It’s really riveting stuff.
Won 704 Pokémon Dollars!
There’s a little magic patch of floor that has been purified, and is actually all-in-all pretty handy as it heals the squad up. I’ve got this.
I know this a world with monsters but is nobody studying this magic healing zone?

Found 1x Cleanse Tag!
Channeler Karina shouts ‘Zombies!’ at me and then attacks, which is totally perfectly normal behaviour.
Won 768 Pokémon Dollars!
Time for Channeler Janae to make crazy noises at me. Let me guess, another Ghastly? WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!
Shazam grew to Level 30!
Won 704 Pokémon Dollars!
Oh snap!
I'VE GOT THE POWER!

Look at that grin, he belongs on this squad.
Shazam evolved into Electrode!
Found 1x Nugget!
It’s Channeler Tammy’s time to shine. Or time to die. Or time to be exorcised, however you view this turn of events. Am I the hero or the villain? AND OH SNAP SHE’S GOT A HAUNTER, VARIETY!
Scoops grew to Level 31!
The Haunter’s dead. Or re-dead in the circumstance of Ghost-type.
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x X Accuracy!
Channeler Angelica is next up, and she wants my blood, which isn’t ideal for me. However, I am type O- and thus I am the universal donor, so if she really needs it, I’m good.
This is also my chat-up line.
Won 704 Pokémon Dollars!
Channeler Jennifer comes up to the table, man, all of these women look identical and have really ordinary names. Same mother?
Won 768 Pokémon Dollars!
Channeler Emilia looks to be the final in my crazy lady adventures. So many Ghastlys, so little time.
Won 768 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Rare Candy!
I try to go up the stairs to the next level and out of the blue a ghost hits me up, calling me an intruder and telling me to be gone. Rude, the Pokémon is a public building don’t you know.
I bet it's old man Bojangles, the owner of the lighthouse!

Oh wait, this isn't Scooby-Doo...

Turns out this ghost is pretty damn strong, and hits hard with a Bonemerang that I’m sure could kill most of my squad if it hits a critical hit. He starts using Focus Energy so he can do just that but he wastes a turn lowering Budley’s defence with a Leer and I can take him down.
Turn’s out the ghost was the restless spirit of Cubone’s mother. That’s dark, but I mean, what Cubone? Am I mising something? I’m out of the loop, or maybe I just forgot.*
*I forgot.
I go upstairs and there’s a bunch of Team Rocket mooks hanging around. MORE FIGHTING FOR ME!
First Grunt falls.
Won 800 Pokémon Dollars!
Second Grunt too.
Scoops grew to Level 32!
Won 832 Pokémon Dollars!
Third Grunt is the last up!
Won 736 Pokémon Dollars!
TRIPLE KILL!
There’s an old man waiting at the end for me, this is the Mister Fuji dude that was missing from the town before. He’s been around the whole time, just up the tower, what a prankster. Apparently he came up here to calm the spirit of Cubone’s mother. I...am missing something, yeah, what Cubone?
Well, can you leave now? You're holding up my story.
He thinks that the Marowak’s spirit is gone, well no spit, old man, I disposed of that bone throwin’ babadook, yo.
Lavender Town
Mr. Fuji drags me back to his place (not my type of old man, sadly) and rewards me for...whatever I did, I’m not entirely sure. Did I completely forget something? Sorry Cubone? I don’t know, whatever, free flute!
Received 1x Poké Flute!
Turns out it wakes up sleeping Pokémon, so I know where I’m heading next, but first, it’s time for a training montage. I like all my Pokémon to be on the same level, so everybody’s gotta chance to shine in the squad.
Vesta grew to 31!
Vesta grew to 32!
Lemmy grew to Level 18!
Lemmy grew to Level 19!
Lemmy grew to Level 20!
Lemmy grew to Level 21!
There's about to be a lot of this. I'm like, super anal about levelling up my team. I'm sorry, are you prepared for the sheer amount of single golden lines of text?
Lemmy learned Confused Ray!
Lemmy grew to Level 22!
Lemmy grew to Level 23!
Lemmy grew to Level 24!
Lemmy grew to Level 25!
Who you gonna call? No, I meant your parents, when was the last time you told them you loved them?

Lemmy evolved into Haunter!
Lemmy learned Shadow Punch!
Lemmy grew to Level 26!

I wasn't joking about the levelling thing. Like, I kind wish I took way more screenshots than this. Now all I have to entertain you is myself...WAIT, DON'T LEAVE!
Lemmy grew to Level 27!
Lemmy grew to Level 28!
Lemmy grew to Level 30!
Burt grew to Level 29!
Burt grew to Level 30!
Are you having a nice day? The weather is abysmal here. Summer is long long gone.
Sasha grew to Level 30!
Macho Man grew to Level 29!
Macho Man grew to Level 30!
LOOK! A SCREENSHOT!

Ganglor grew to Level 30!
P-Collins grew to Level 28!
P-Collins grew to Level 29!
P-Collins grew to Level 30!
SUSAN grew to Level 30!
SUSAN learned Pursuit!
Celadon City
After grinding for what feels like five hundred years, I hit up Celadon to do a bit more shopping. So now I'm going to change the onslaught of golden lines of text to cyan ones! Woo! Variety!
Bought 9x Great Balls!
Bought 8x Super Potions!
Bought 5x Antidotes!
Bought 4x Parlyz Heals!

Bought 6x Awakenings!
Time to go back on the road again. I fly to Lavender Town and head south to a new Route. Huzzah! Progress!
Route 12
I hit up a lookout spot and a girl whose Pokémon died gives me a Technical Machine because she doesn’t need it anymore. Wow. Ouch.
Received 1x TM27 - Return!
I see a Fisherman on the pier, he will be my first conquest of this route, this is no stopping me, sir! His name is Fisherman Ned and he is doomed!
Budley grew to Level 32!
Won 792 Pokémon Dollars!
He made it! HE MADE IT THIS FAR!

Pictured: Me in the morning.

Budley evolved into Venusaur!
Heck yeah! My little buddy has made it to the big time, he’s a bonafide herbivore, he’s a lean mean green-eating machine! There’s no stopping us now!
Fisherman Chip is next up to the fight plate. Water-types don’t scare me. Goldeen? Tentacruel? Please.
Won 864 Pokémon Dollars!
Hank comes at me next, it’s all a giant pier so yeah, there’s a lot of Fisherman action going on right now. Still, they’re not my type.
Caw McGraw grew to Level 31!
Won 972 Pokémon Dollars!
Here comes Fisherman Elliot!
There goes Fisherman Elliot!
Won 756 Pokémon Dollars!
I see a couple just gazing out to sea on the pier, and I guess it’s up to me to crash this party, huh? Young Couple Gia and Jes send out a male and a female Nidoran respectively and I guess this relationship is about to take the test of defeat in a double battle.
I am the scourge of romance.
Won 1344 Pokémon Dollars!
Then here I am, back at the sleeping brute that blocked me off previously. Gosh, that feels like so long ago, like it was another era. I’m a different woman now, I’ve gotten intimate with love and loss.
Time to wake this beast up!
I play the Poké Flute at the Snorlax, successfully waking it up and upsetting it, which, I totally understand. Nobody wants to be woken up from a lovely snooze, especially by some pleb that's never played a flute before. Unfortunately, he was in my way.
r/me_irl

Wanting to catch the beast, I have already devised a strategy. I hit him up with a Leech Seed from Budley before switching to Lemmy. He can’t damage my Haunter at all, as Normal-Type moves don’t work on Ghost-Types and vice versa. The Leech Seed slowly whittles him down as does Lemmy’s Confuse Ray. He’s trapped in a vicious cycle as I throw Great Balls at him and hope. I go through a few but eventually it works!
I caught Snorlax!
I name him Rotundo and he is mine.
YEAH, I'M SURE THAT YOU'RE HASTY, BRO.

Highly convenient given the Poison-type gym coming up.

This is also my move-set in real life.

Heading back to one of the lookout spots I go back to Professor OAK’s aide. Who once again asks if I’ve seen thirty or more Pokémon, which I have! Thirty-one in fact! I get a sweet reward for my efforts!
Received 1x Itemfinder!
Continuing down the Route 12, I find a small hut on the pier. Well, I’ve spent my journey so far entering every house I see, I don’t see why I’d stop now.
There’s a Fisherman inside and he asks me if I love fishing. I SURE DO, BUDDY (I don’t) but I lie to appease him and he gives me the Super Rod.
Received 1x Super Rod!
Rocker Luca challenges me to a battle, completely disregarding health and safety as he just runs around spewing live electricity at me!
NEXT TO A PIER?! JESUS, MAN, GET THE FRAK AWAY FROM ME!
He has a Voltorb and so I experience my first self-destruct. Which is absolutely terrifying. My heart stops for a second and I’m very glad that Burt is a tank.
An Electrode follows and thankfully I don’t give him a chance to self-destruct. Oh man, things just stepped up a gear.
Won 696 Pokémon Dollars!
Taught Burt HM01 - Cut!
Camper Justin is hiding behind a big tree that Burt cuts down, and he asks me if I’ve found any Moon Stones. Dude, I might have but I’m not sharing with you.
Won 580 Pokémon Dollars!
Found 1x Iron!
Back to the fishermen. Fisherman Andrew is my newest foe. He’s got level twenty-four Magikarps. Dude, you could have evolved those about four levels ago, what are you doing?
Caw McGraw grew to Level 32!
Won 864 Pokémon Dollars!
There’s a suspicious patch of grass blocked off by a tree with nothing in it, so I take my trusty new Itemfinder and go a-snoopin’. Bingo!
Found 1x Rare Candy!