Episode 2: Macho Madness

Route 1
I’m not five steps into the long grass and I get my first wild encounter! It’s a Pidgey, and it stares at me with judgemental bird eyes. Not that I’m too bothered, because I’m about to maul this little birdy. Ain’t nobody gon’ mess with Louise and Budley. We’re tight, yo.


I flatten the Pidgey and then continue my stomp through the grass, taking a Rattata out soon afterwards with little remorse. Budley just slams his green bulk into anything that stands in my path.
Budley grew to Level 7!
Budley learned Leech Seed!
I bump into some (presumably) lost dude, who works for the Pokémon Mart in the next town over, he’s just wandering back and forth. Perhaps madness has stricken him, it’s not my business to get involved but he gives me a free sample from the store (I am however suspicious that it might be meth). Whatever, freebies are freebies!
Received 1x Potion!
Budley grew to Level 8!
Viridian City
After bashing a few more Pidgeys and Rattatas I finally reach Viridian City. The first stop on my road to glory. I feel invincible, like Budley and I could take on the entire world. My first stop is the Pokémon Centre (I refuse to conform to your American spelling). I heal up my new companion and then hit up the Pokémon Mart.
The moment I come through the door the shopkeeper calls me over, asking if I hail from Pallet Town, which is a pretty specific thing to ask customers, given that like, five people actually live there. Has he been asking everybody that question?


Suddenly I’m demoted from daring adventurer to delivery girl, as he hands me a parcel for Professor OAK and thus I am destined to head back to Pallet Town. I sigh and accept this task, hoping that I can make some mad bank out of this, after all, I’m pretty poor.
Route 1
I take out my minor frustration on the wild Pokémon I encounter on the way back down to Pallet Town. Budley bashes a flurry of Rattatas and I suddenly feel a little better about the situation.
Budley grew to Level 9!

Pallet Town

Stomping straight back into OAK’s laboratory he quizzes me on how I’m getting on with Budley, he can clearly see that we’re pretty tight and this pleases him. He showers me with praise about my talent and I suddenly get suspicious, why the sudden compliments? I hand him his parcel, hoping to get back on the road.
Then Chaz bursts back in, walking with what might by swagger, or what might be some kind of genetic limp. I wasn’t about to ask him about it, he sprays you with his spittle when he talks to you.
OAK had called him back in, and….oh no, he has a task for us. I knew there were strings attached with this venture. He tells us about his invention, the Pokédex and how it’s a Pokémon Encyclopedia. Dude wants us to roam the world catching Pokémon and collecting their data for his research, I hope we’re getting paid for this. At least he gives us some swag for his undertaking.


Received 5x Pokéballs!
I hope OAK realises there are more than five Pokémon out there, we’re going to need way more balls that this.
Chaz gets his douche game on hard and starts crowing about how he’s going to get a Town Map from his sister and that he’s going to tell her not to give me one, and that I shouldn’t go to his house straight after this.
Which all-in-all, is a kinda weird thing to say. Typical Chaz, I wouldn’t have even went to his house if he didn’t mention it. Guess who is getting a Town Map?
Received 1x Town Map!
It was me. I got the Town Map.
Chaz’s sister calls out their grandfather for being lazy and employing children to do his legwork, especially when he has aides in the laboratory doing nothing. It seems like Daisy inherited all the social skills from those wicked genes.
Route 1
I smashed more wild Pokémon with Budley’s mad tackling skills. They never stood a chance. I can see Chaz’s face on the fodder before me.
Viridian City
Now I can finally use the Pokémon Mart for its intended purpose and I don’t hold back in spending my Pokémon Dollars. There is no mercy and no man that can stand between me and this sweet inventory.
Bought 5x Pokéballs!
Bought 3x Potions!
Bought 5x Antidotes!
Bought 3x Parlyz Heals!
After ransacking the place I feel that I’m a little more ready for my adventure plus OAK’s request. After leaving the Mart I look to Budley’s Pokéball, affixed to my belt and think that it’s time to get him a buddy and for me to start building a squad. I can check out the rest of this town later.
Route 22
So I hit up the small patch of grass before me and start walking back and forth like a madman, I’m glad there’s nobody around to see me because I don’t look like the sharpest knife in the drawer, although I shouldn’t, I’m a human, not an eating utensil.
The grass rustles, a creature emerges!
A Mankey!


I soften the bugger up and then chuck a Pokéball at him, thinking he’s easy pickings. BUT NO, the little dastard broke out! I like it! I like that fighting spirit! He definitely belongs next to Budley and I on our path to glory.
I caught a Mankey!
Giving the creature a nod and a smirk I try again and this time I’m successful. I name him Macho Man, because his indomitable spirit reminds me of Randy Savage, OOOOH YEAAAAH!
That was a reference.


Viridian City
Now there were three. I hobble back to the Pokémon Center and heal up the new member of the squad. Taking out my phone, I get my strong Spotify game on and start blasting some inspiration beats into my head. We’re going for a training montage and we’re going to buff the Macho Man up.
I stride back to Route 1 with purpose in my step.
Route 1
Macho Man grew to Level 4!
Rattatas and Pidgeys fall at our feet. There are a few close calls with critical hits and Budley has to step in to help out the Macho Man but we keep fighting on.
Macho Man grew to Level 5!
There’s a trail of weak Pokémon left at our feet. The wild Pokémon of Route 1 that haven’t perished today will be feasting well tonight.
Macho Man grew to Level 6!
Macho Man learned Low Kick!
Macho Man grew to Level 7!


Viridian City
I take a break from our training and decide to fully explore the city before me. There doesn’t actually seem to be much on offer. I don’t know what the definitions for towns and cities are here but it needs to be seriously revised.
There’s a school with one student, with a blackboard explaining the different status effects that can be inflicted upon your Pokémon but I’m no novice and already know this stuff. I scoff and stroll on out of there.
I come across some kid telling people about the two kinds of caterpillar Pokémon that exist in this area. What a scrublord, I know my Caterpies from my Weedles, bro.
Two simpletons are in what seems to be the only house in the ‘city’, they had nothing of worth to say. Regurgitated lines about loving Pokémon and giving them nicknames. The only point of interest in their house was the Spearow walking around. His name is Speary, super lame.
There’s an old man north of the town, who pulls me aside and informs me that he’s had his coffee. I didn’t even ask, nor did I particularly care. He snoops into my life and my pockets and starts banging on about the Pokédex and catching Pokémon. It’s super rude and intrusive, I didn’t ask for this.


He assumes that I don’t know how to catch Pokémon despite the fact that I have already clearly done so. This old man doesn’t need his coffee, he needs a hospice and around-the-clock care for his dementia. My eyes glaze over and he shows me his catching technique, I imagine Macho Man power slamming his decrepit old body onto to the road.
There’s a Pokémon Gym but nobody’s home. Rude. Do they know who I am?
I wander off up a small path and find a Potion, the only positive thing to come out of Viridian City.
Found 1x Potion!