Feedback The First Year - Looking for critique!

[Cara Dorniarn]

Howdy everyone!

I just realized it was Dec. 1st and I had told myself I'd start a feedback thread to celebrate Cara's first anniversary. Not many may know the character but Cara is my main here on Chaos! I've not had the chance for a lot of private threads so most of her development comes from invasions and dominions. I recently took time to clean up her sheet though the rest is still a mess haha. Below are a few posts I gathered on the fly to give a rough image of who Cara is. This is a Chex-Mix of whatever I had sent a friend of mine and is in...order? Perhaps. Oldest to newest (I believe). If you've the time or interest and would like to read some of my character then here's the chance. For those of you who do know Cara please, give me as heavy a critique as you're willing to dish out! I've got a lot planned for her in the coming months and look forward to another year of adventure.

Terrible fun fact: Ninety-five percent of my posts are written via mobile!

[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/cara-dorniarn-the-iron-hand.132073/]

[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/...asion-of-tse-held-bastion.142591/post-1951270]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/operation-beskar-falls.143809/post-1969503]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/...elmor-orleon-azure-katarr.143833/post-1966649]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/the-truce.144527/post-1983606]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/...-lowick-blank-hex-ankhypt.144412/post-1973221]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/the-elder-council.145184/post-1978142]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/the-ray-of-hope-ee-dominion-of-empty-hex.144724/post-1978624]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/the-ray-of-hope-ee-dominion-of-empty-hex.144724/post-1977235]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/no-quarter-nio-invasion-of-tse-held-dantooine.146216/post-1987782]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/return-the-favour-ee-invasion-of-ga-held-byss.146353/post-1989027]
[https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/...es-korriban-felucia-hexes.146312/post-1989308]

 

[Darth Carnifex]

U am gud cricket

 

[Aurelion Nova]

Moar abs and pin-ups.

 

[Telis Taharin-Zambrano]

All I can really offer for critique is the statement that I want more Cara. She is a phenomenal, funny, strong, and deep character and thoroughly written and portrayed as both the doctor and the breaker. I love the story that you’ve written for her, and I am proud to say that my own first interactions on the forum have been with Cara. I am excited to see what another year ahead will bring, and all I can say is to keep moving forward, and know that you have created a character whose story I genuinely care about, and a character who I can’t wait to see what will come next for them. Keep on, Crick, and know that Cara has grown a lot and will continue to grow and become a reckoning force of the Sith Empire and beyond.

... but she is rood though.

 

[Joycelyn Zambrano]

Concerning Dornian: My impressions.
Cara has always come of as somewhat enigmatic to me, which is one of the reasons I've found her so intriguing. There is a lot I know about her OOC that I don't know IC, and at times she can be very difficult to place because of this enigmatic quality. For example, I know that Aidee had a very special meaning to her and a connection to her wife. However, my characters don't. This makes digging into her past and thoughts extra fun. You have created a very different style of Sith with this character; the cybernetic Sith is not a foreign element, but the sort of army-mechanic boxer-sith with her very down-to-earth approach to problems approaching a galactic scale is refreshing and very fun to read. She comes off as a lighter sith, not for any lack of brutality, but perhaps a lack of esoterism. Sometimes, the best thing is truly just to punch things in the face.

Critique:
I think you can open up even more to what Cara may be capable of other than punching. I love the novel use of Force Weapon combined with cybernetic arms, boxing moves, and mechu deru, but don't be afraid of going even deeper. It's a good idea to stretch out her progression, as you have done, but be mindful not to hold her back too much.

Keep on teasing us with her background. We love it.