Approved Planet Phorskuh II

[Jeron Verity]

Credit: matrixgames​

Name: Phorskuh II
Development Thread: The Mighty Stronghold

Region: Outer Rim
System: Phorskuh
Suns: Two
Orbital Position: 2nd planet
Moons: 1 Moon, it is a large asteroid
System Features: Two suns, one a quarter the size of the other one, being the average size of common suns, and one other planet in the system
Coordinates: Grid Location
Rotational Period: 36 standard hours
Orbital Period: 577 standard days

Class: Terrestrial
Diameter: (Slightly Smaller than Earth)
Atmosphere: Atmosphere type II
Climate: Arid/Barren, occasional high winds, extreme heat during daylight, extreme cold during night
Gravity: 10% lighter than Earth
Primary Terrain: Sand/Rock

Native Species: N/A
Immigrated Species: N/A
Primary Languages: Galactic Standard Basic/ N/A
Government: N/A
Population: N/A
Demonym: N/A
Major Imports: N/A
Major Exports: N/A
Affiliation: N/A

Major Locations:
Abandoned Military Complex

Spoiler

An old, decrepit, half destroyed (Ensuing damage across the interior from unknown sources) military complex that seemed built around the era of the Clone Wars; the base holds rooms, utility rooms, medical rooms, barracks, offices, warehouses, reactor rooms... all which completely destroyed, caved in, or in need of serious repair. It did hold its own internal oxygen system, like a starship, but like the way of the hangars forcefield, it fell into ruin. It can house fighters and shuttles in the main hangar, or, could... It has since been overgrown since the water canisters ruptured from erosion, with a much smaller oasis than the rumored Ice Caverns, still not as breathable since parts of the base are exposed to the outside, causing fungal growth all about the base, excluding areas where winds catch.

Ice Caverns

Spoiler

Towards the top of the planet, since it spins on an axis, there is a place that is almost never touched by the sun. As the caverns become clod in the night, small amounts of moisture is created. Along with the occasional high winds that pummel through the caverns, eroding it deeper, the caverns have become so deep that there is rumored of a small oasis of water and fungi. Creating a slightly better breathable air than what is outside.

GOMM Base

Spoiler

GOMM Headquarters

- Large Hospital Bays
- Life Support Systems
- Communications Array
- Communication Encryption Equipment
- HoloNet Transceiver
- Subspace Transceiver
- Hyperwave Transceiver
- Wide Ranged Sensors
- Long-ranged Sensors

http://s12.photobuck...gaari2.jpg.html


Headquarters Hangar
- Magnetic Fields (Internal and Outer Doors)
- Environmental Support System
- Shipyard (Small craft to Medium Freighters)


Small City (On several floors)

Military Barracks, Armory, comms center, etc

Refreshers

Reactor Rooms

Massive Server Room

Development Thread



In-Orbit

Above Base: Two XQ4A Platforms
Opposite side of planet: One XQ4A Platform and One XQ4B Platform
(Purchase information in 'Current Acquisitions')

Culture: Partially intact markings inside of the base would show it to have Galactic Standard words, which more than likely gave ownership to Humans or similar. The planet shows no sign of culture. Otherwise there has been no sign of any past lifeforms or ruined structures.
Technology: Without the creation of the base within the rock formation of the planet, it would have never seen any technology due to the avoidance it had towards any military and civilian standards. Galactic Standard
History: Markings and traces of the past show it had been used by possible pirates or smugglers, even settling. Unknown if it was used as a temporary base by anyone or tried to be used as a settlement, or living area, as the bones have markings on themselves, which would suggest unnatural death. Other than that, if it was an Imperial or Republic outpost planet, the on-site records have been lost, and the original Empire has been long forgotten. However, there seems to be little to no signs of the plague reaching the planet, or being carried by anyone, which could suggest the planet has stayed silent, dead, and cold for possibly even a thousand years
Before the interest and use by the Galactic Republic, there was nothing about the planet that proved useful or interesting. The planet was like Tattooine except the only weather was high winds, which when combined with the moistureless and dry ground, would erode any machinery, and dry out skin. However, inside some caverns when the night had came over, some moisture would gather, causing the cavern to have something as close to fresh air as possible, but still toxic. It was avoided because it was so far off and no strategic advantage until the looming threat over the Outer Rim

During the Clone Wars it was used as a hidden base in case the C.I.S. took Outer Rim planets on that side of the galaxy, giving a repair and refuel station to fleets coming in to get ready for invasions or attacks, coming back from such, or recovering from an assault. While its' location was near the uncharted reaches of space, it was a key location for the C.I.S. not to search due to its location being insignificant and without use, the many planets within the inner rim being more enticing. However, though it was lightly used in the Clone Wars, sought the most use during the Outer Rim Sieges, eventually it was deemed useless due to initially the C.I.S. turning to the Inner Rim, and then eventually being pushed back, with little to no action near it. Since then it has sat idle and hollow, while its records did exist for a long while after the Empire came to power, they were either eventually lost along with the old Empire itself, or forgotten as per usual, its uselessness and lack of usable materials.

Notable PCs: Galven Solomon
Intent: This planet is to create a location for my faction to start and hide, but also to venture into the possibilities of what the Clone Wars had let to, what strategies had to be taken, even in completely inhospitable places. Also, some more planets for the uncharted area. Other planet will not be claimed for Faction purposes.

 

[Rusty]

Under Review

 

[Rusty]

Okay, so we've run into a pretty big snag with your submission. Namely, Rule Three of the Codex/Factory rules:

3. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

Your submission is basically PM-1203 from Star Wars Rebels, with a couple of minor tweaks. Now, it's one thing to take inspiration from something seen on the show, but it is quite another to rip off the idea wholesale. If it wasn't for the fact that this is your first submission, it would likely have been denied outright. Since it is, however, I'm willing to work with you in order to get it up to spec.

System Features: The planet as an extensive asteroid field surrounding it. Not a single layer, it covers and surrounds the planet. Every 8 days/288 hours there's is an eclipse that puts the planets into an 8 hour complete darkness

Simply put, the physics don't add up. The asteroid field witnessed in the show was a debris field from a ruined planet. An actual planet itself would be unable to sustain an asteroid field of that nature. It would most likely resolve itself into rings around the planet instead. Furthermore, the periods of extended daylight followed by a brief eclipse are simply not possible for a planet. Please choose an actual day/night cycle.

Orbital Period: 8 days

This would involve the planet whipping around its sun at speeds that are frankly unlikely. Please extend your orbital period significantly.

Diameter: (Smaller than Dantooine)

Please be specific. If the gravity is 10% lighter than that of earth, then a diameter ten percent smaller would be appropriate.

Immigrated Species: Chompers and Maalraas

This section refers to sentient species. If there are no sentient species, please put N/A. If there are sentient species, list them accordingly.

Population: Unknown of Immigrated Species, rumoredly flourishing

If there are no sentient species, please put N/A. If there are sentient species, please specify how many are present.

Major Imports: Food and Technology
Major Exports:Minerals and Ore

If you have no sentients living on the planet, then you would have no need to either import or export. If you're going to import and export stuff, you'll need people to do it.

Major Locations: Abandonded Military Complex - An old, decrepid, half destroyed (Ensuing damage across the interior from unknown sources) military complex that seemed built around the era of the Clone Wars; the base holds rooms, utility rooms, medical rooms, barracks, offices, warehouses, reactor rooms... all which completely destroyed, caved in, or in need of serious repair. It did hold its own internal oxygen system, like a starship, but like the way of the hangars forcefield, it fell into ruin. It can house fighters and shuttles in the main hangar, or, could...

It sounds a lot like you're planning on rebuilding the military base here. If that is indeed the case, then this should be fine. However, if you plan to have any sort of significant defenses, you will need to sub the finished base separately.

History: Markings and traces of the past show it had been used by possible pirates or smugglers, even settling. Unknown if it was used as a temporary base by anyone or tried to be used as a settlement, or living area, as the bones have markings on themselves, which would suggest unnatural death. Other than that, if it was an Imperial or Republic outpost planet, the on-site records have been lost, and the original Empire has been long forgotten. However, there seems to be little to no signs of the plague reaching the planet, or being carried by anyone, which could suggest the planet has stayed silent, dead, and cold for possibly even a thousand years

We need a little more meat to the history section. Basically, we need to know why the base was built, why it was abandoned, that sort of thing. The main reason is that others might want to RP here, and it helps to have an established history so everyone can be on the same page. It might be a mystery IC, but OOC we need that recorded.

If the planet was abandoned, no mention of the Netherworld or Gulag Plague events need be made, but keep in mind that you'll need to work them both into the history of any planets that haven't been abandoned for centuries.

Intent: The sole purpose for this planet is the headquarters for my Faction

This, simply put, will not do. Remember, the intent section is basically you making your case for why a whole new planet should be added to the board. There are, after all, literally hundreds of others out there that are free for this exact same purpose. Why do you need this one? The intent section doesn't have to be long, but it does need to spell this out clearly.

If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.

[member="Galven Solomon"]

 

[Jeron Verity]

[member="Rusty"]


You scared me with the plagiarism thing. Fort Anaxes was an inspiration, and I did use it's picture, I can find another if needed. For one; the base was never explored, it could have been a staging post, the most that was seen was a hangar, not a complete underground base, no signs of reactor rooms, force fields, but there was good atmosphere.

As a note, I was working on this with a past Judge, not saying at all that means when he said it looked good that it is good, I'm just surprised with this level of difference.



We can get rid of the asteroid field, I just thought it could be cool aesthetics. I'm sure there are rotational periods that give long daylight times with eclipses that cause a full black out, isn't there? I hope we can discuss this further.


Diameter is not required as stated, I thought putting smaller than Dantooine was sufficient. Can I just leave blank?


Immigrated Species I didn't know about only being sentient, I wanted something there so I couldn't just be given the planet ICly without effort, will be erased.


Will N/A


It will be my factions base. I was suggested by the Judge for these imports since my men will be doing it. Should I N/A for both?


Uh, it will be a basic military complex in the end, if anything, it will have a forcefield for the hangar to keep in the new Oxygen from the Oxygen system I plan to install, not really a defense shield? Primarily for keeping out the Atmosphere Type 2. Otherwise, no technology installations (Batteries/turrets), I have bought Starbases to put around the planet, but they are docking starbases, not capital weaponry, at least I don't think so
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/41519-xq4-a-platform/


OOC information I could do, but I must note, any other idea like this could possibly be considered plagiarism, which is unfair if I just want to rebuild an abandoned military complex. Example; Take abandoned military complex, put on a forest world, people may think it's copying Endor. My purpose is I want to work for every single thing I get. What you said for intent essentially means my factions home could be instantly taken over by me simply because I created the factions headquarters there. A small planet with limited resources and an abandoned base gives me the ability to expand from the very bottom up. I don't want to start with a fully outloaded planet with major cities, established trade and mining routes and complexes. Now some people have questioned why I want something so bare bones, to be honest I guess my only answer is I want to work for it. Everything I make seems to be utterly weak, but I don't want to start with the mighty power of destruction, if I get it, I rather have worked my way there. Through try and failure, improving.





As a personal note: This is my first factory/anything. I was afraid of creating anything at first but thought I could be alright with Judge help, please be gentle, I barely know what I am doing

 

[Jeron Verity]

[member="Rusty"]


I changed the name to something more suitable.

 

[Rusty]

Please bear in mind that, as this is your first time, I have shown you leniency. The edits I've listed are the bare minimum required to get your submission up to spec. Ordinarily a certain amount of back and forth between the submitter and the judge is okay, but in this instance, you're already on thin ice. Please complete the specified edits and notify me when you've finished.

[member="Galven Solomon"]

 

[Jeron Verity]

If I'm on thin ice, then remove it.


[member="Rusty"]

 

[Rusty]

[member="Galven Solomon"]

Okay.

This submission will be archived. If you wish to pull it off the shelf at sometime in the future, feel free to contact [member="Valiens Nantaris"] or [member="Lorelei Darke"].

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

I have discussed with the writer, and when they are finished they will PM me and this will be assigned to a new judge.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

This submission is being returned for editing by the member.

They have also invoked their right for a second chance, so a new judge will be assigned to this submission.

When they are ready, they will post.

 

[Jeron Verity]

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]

Please change thread name to Phorskuh II
I will be ready once that is done.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Alright, this will be available for a Codex Judge to take now.

 

[Jeron Verity]

I have been attempting to get a dev thread up with support. If one is required, I've no objection to getting it done

 

[Taeli Raaf]

Under review

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Galven Solomon"]

So with the rework of the planet, I see nothing wrong as it is now ... however, as you plan to have a military base here and the planet is deserted, I would like to see a dev thread discovering the planet and base. A thread about 15 to 20 posts is fine by me.

 

[Jeron Verity]

I have that in the works, the thread should start soon, thank you.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Galven Solomon"]

Going to have this archived until the dev is done, just let a RPJ or Admin know when it's done to pull it out

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Archived.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Restored at request of author. Please tag me when you are ready for a new judge to look at this.
[member="Galven Solomon"]

 

[Jeron Verity]

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]


I have put the Dev Thread link underneath the Name.