Private Pathfinding - The Way Forward

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: The Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple jedi robes in colors of snow and sky, inherited lightsaber.​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

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Des had finished with the saber class, and despite some embarrassing moments, it felt good to train, to move again. Endorphins still flowed through her frame, and she could feel the work she'd put in. Overall, she felt alive. For the moment she stood among the repair section of The Silver Rest, staring at the remains of her ancient Loronar B-9 transport. She was grateful Jedi Master Lepri had hauled it back. But it was probably going to cost more to repair the thing than to just scrap it and get something else.

Shaking her head, she sighed. It didn't really matter anyway, not right now. If she needed to go somewhere, she had transportation.

But the little hauler wasn't just a piece of transportation. It had been her home, her refuge, her dungeon cell, for the last four years. Even if she still hadn't named it. It was also hers. She'd purchased it with some of her winnings and earnings. Fixed her up, and made her truly spaceworthy again. Kept her in good repair over time. But now, she lay ruined.

Turning away she tried to put the image out of her mind. The most recent days since returning to the Rest, venturing to Commenor and back, saber practice here. Other little things had put her mind to rest on some matters. Others had come to the surface and she knew she needed to address them.

That was one thing about the padawan. She'd been a self-starter from the get-go. She didn't wait around for training, for classes to be reviewed. If she learned something, she practiced it endlessly until she could not only deliver those skills and abilities but until they became second nature. She tried to look for as many applications and variations as she could. The same as she did with lightsaber training.

The same was true in the lightsaber class. She'd trained with droids a ton. There were ways to deal with them that didn't involve a lightsaber and she didn't have to use it to deal with them. But she'd limited herself to the expectations of the exercise. After all, it was just a basics class. Besides limiting herself from using outward, Control, or Alter force techniques, she'd limited herself to what she knew of Shii-cho. Though her artificial partner had proven to be fairly difficult. The latest assessments on the ComPort showed she'd advanced quite a bit there.

Her initial training had been with a small enclave on a frozen little ball of a world, detached from much of the Jedi at large. She'd only found them after months of ambling around. Though now she was aware of just how many various organizations there were, spread across the galaxy. The training she'd received had been good, but also spotty. She'd learned a lot from her first teacher, and in a very organic way. Her second teacher had given her much harder training, and a lot of it oriented toward physical aspects and survival. Her third had been a gentle soul, quite empathic and empathetic Telepathically strong but she was a very strong healer. But she'd never had time to relay those skills to Desbre. Not before things had gone to pot with the invasions ongoing.

Trying to stay out of the way she'd come coreward and stumbled onto the Silver Jedi. By then she'd learned that Arkania had joined the GA. They had their own section of Jedi. Hooking into the ComPort had shown her just how many there were. But for a time she'd passed all the way across the core, pushing into the Unknown Regions. A rough place to be for sure. But her little vessel moved largely unnoticed there. In the Unknown, she'd hopped from star to star, sometimes rock to rock. There she beamed back the survey and astrogation data she uncovered, feeding it to the ComPort as well as to the agencies of the GA and Silver Concord. It earned her credits and allowed her to keep flying.

It was during this exploration she'd met Anse Baenshaol . A group of slavers or pirates had shot her down. Well, they'd hit her, and her hyperdrive started to leak. All she could really do was make a micro-jump to a moon that looked like it had enough gravity and a Type 1 atmosphere. There she'd crashed on a rather lush little ball of life. Anse saved her life, pulling her from the wreckage, and transporting her to his home. There, under his care, and a healing trance, she healed.

Eventually, she'd called for rescue. Jedi Master Lepri happened to be in the area and responded to the distress call. Eventually, she was taken back to The Silver Rest, and her ship, sometime later, had been hauled back to the Rest as well. But it was doubtful if she'd ever leave the atmosphere again.

Thinking back to that time as she walked, her ribs ached in remembered pain for just a moment. The hunter droid that hit her had sent her flying. Thankfully that too had healed fine.

But as she reflected back on the past, so far she'd handled things alright. But she found there were many questions she had. Especially after the recent visit to Commenor. And while she would love to talk with the master she spoke with there, she found her mind returning to Caedyn. She appreciated Cailtyn's ferocity and battle prowess. And he was a great Jedi Master in his own right. But Caedyn drew her attention more, for the time being. He seemed to have a middle-ground approach. She might well make the same inquiries of others, but she wanted to know his mind on the matter.

So it was that she expanded her senses, cataloging everything she could See and Feel through the Force, like living radar. She turned down the resolution as she didn't need bacteria, small insects, small animals. No, she needed people. One in particular.

Finally, she spied the Master in question and began making her way further in his direction, before reaching out. Her mental presence was cool and soft like fresh powdery snow and a gentle breeze, mixed with a bit of warm sunshine. ~Master Arenais , I have some questions I would appreciate some answers for, if and when you have the time?~ It was a mixture of statement and inquiry, a little hesitance, but otherwise confident it was necessary, and with a clarity of purpose one might find unusual in a near-human in their mid-twenties. But Arkanians were known for having razor-sharp minds.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Life in the Galaxy was ever on the move, time seemed to pass almost too quickly for the Jedi Knight as he found himself moving through one day and onto the next in an endless cycle of duties both inside the Silver Rest as well as outside and away from Kashyyyk.

It had reached a point where Caedyn had to actually force things to stop, give himself a moment and consider his own needs amidst trying to meet the expectations of his superiors as well as the students around him; All the while his Padawan was off elsewhere seeking out Nida Perl and otherwise adding to the gnawing sense of repetition without purpose for the man.

Life as a Jedi on the other hand was about service to others, to those who were in need and looked to Jedi like Caedyn for help. While there were times where he felt stretched too thin or unfulfilled, he could at least be certain that he was doing his utmost to live for those around him, even if his energy levels weren't what they should've been.

He had been on his way towards one of the more public meditation area's with the intention of spending a couple hours self reflecting in the search for calm, however his walk slowed to a gradual stop as he sensed a connection being made between his mind and that of another, followed by the words that were spoken telepathically from elsewhere not far within the Temple.

~Master Arenais , I have some questions I would appreciate some answers for, if and when you have the time?~

Hers was a familiar presence, if only having met with the one lesson alongside so many other Students, however Caedyn knew that he had every other opportunity to meditate, Desbre Gensan had come in search for his counsel and in that she would not be disappointed.

Turning away from where he had been headed, the Jedi Knight instead followed the Padawan's presence within the Force until he finally came within eyesight of the young woman and offered her a formal bow in greeting; A gesture worth encouraging among the many Students of the Order.

"Hello there Padawan Gensan" Caedyn smiled as he greeted her by name, emphasizing the fact that he did in fact remember; "How may I help today?".

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple jedi robes, inherited lightsaber​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

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She gave a respectful bow of her head, though formality was not something shy typically defaulted to. But she understood why. Approaching closer she seemed to almost drift or glide rather than walk, possessed of an easy unconscious grace that belonged to a dancer. "Thank you for coming, Master," she said equally soft-spoken. And with it came some of the more cultured tones of her people and those that lived closer to the core.

"I feel as though I am interrupting. I apologize," she added, casting her gaze about. It wasn't hard to sense how over-stretched he felt, combined with a bit of frustration. It wasn't directed at her, of course. But she knew how that felt, and the last thing he needed was some whiny student taking up more of his time. But so too, he could have told her off. He was choosing to spend his time in this way. Better make it worth the while.

Gesturing toward the gardens, it was a silent invitation to walk and talk. Even that could be a form of meditation and freeing one's mind through the motion to allow proper introspection. And she suspected she would need it as much as he might. "So I've been with the Order a handful of years. Not this version, but another enclave. I learned a lot from them," she began. "But our numbers were stretched so thin. And we didn't have the resources available here. Nor the backing of something like the Concord. And my homeworld wasn't part of the Galactic Alliance at the time when I left." She shrugged a little. "So ... while I trained hard. I was training myself to death, really. Punishing myself." She glanced over at him. Little hints of guilt and shame rolled off of her, but she wasn't hurting nearly so much as she used to be. It seemed she'd let herself off the hook and had made long strides to recover.

"But because my enclave was stretched so thin, there are gaps. And the longer I spend among the Silvers, and the more time I have to reflect, I realize... If I ever work in the field there are things I need to know and to consider." She winced. "Sorry for the long-winded lead-up. But I want to make sure you have the proper frames of reference. I don't want to assume anything."

"My people are feared and hated, or they used to be across the galaxy. But we are one of the species that did a lot to help against the Gulag plague. But we've always been pragmatic. Realizing that sometimes people will have to die. Do I like it? No. But... I realize that in the line of duty I may be forced to take a life or even many. I would prefer not to, of course. I wanted to get the views of some of the senior Jedi on the matter. How do you reconcile it? Move forward with a clear conscience?"

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[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn walked alongside Desbre Gensan as she suggested and although he held his prior plans, he didn't feel the need to complain when there was a Student in need of his advice; Caedyn's duty always came first before his own desires or needs.

"It may surprise you but I can relate wholeheartedly to the feeling of having to make up for the lost time and missed opportunities once arriving and spending some time here with us. I myself was originally trained by a different Order known as the Je'daii and they weren't the kind to follow the exact doctrine that the Jedi of today abide by".

Caedyn's history as a student of the Force was a bit of a mixed bag, especially from a Jedi's perspective. Growing up within an Organization that shared daily activities with Lightsiders and Darksiders together as one wasn't exactly something the Jedi understood or took a liking to from what he had come to experience, his history was very rarely shared in any great detail.

"You don't have to apologize for expressing yourself, Padawan" Caedyn added with a grin, sparing her a friendly glance to show his genuine consent behind the sentiment before moving on in the conversation, "The Galaxy can sadly be a place of great bias, especially where xenophobia and indifference between race come into the mix. Something I've always adored about our choice of career path is that the Jedi respect all life in whatever shape or form it poses; Unfortunately, not everyone shares our values..".

The subject of training however was an intriguing one, certainly in regard to which particular areas Desbre felt she was lacking. "The truth about a Jedi's training is that it isn't a path that has a beginning and an end, it is like a circle, endless and on-going whether we are Padawan, Knights or even Masters within the Order" he smiled once more, his gaze dipping as he considered his own path, where he had come from and where he still had yet to go.

"What is it about your path that's troubling you, specifically?".

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Gardens, The Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

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Des listened intently, nodding a little. To find out that Caedyn was formerly Je'daii was news. "I th.." Her mind raced, filling in details. Answers often came quickly, and in levels of detail when she focused on them. She wasn't sure if it came from the Force or just her own natural ability. "I'd heard of them with my old enclave, but they were spoken of as ancient history. I'm guessing their ideals were revisited. And I'm guessing by your presence here, that experiment failed." She was fairly certain she was right, at least in the broad strokes. Instead, she was looking to confirm the matter.

"As for training, it's less technique and more... operational information. I would like to think that my training is far enough along that I would start taking field assignments. I mean, I did link up with the Explorer Corps about a year ago and made a survey run into the Unknown Regions, charting stuff. Ran into some trouble." She fidgeted a little, clearly wrestling internally with matters great and small on her mind and heart.

"When I joined the Jedi I had several illusions and ideas. I think most who weren't brought in at a young age do. I knew training would be hard, and probably intense. But I never realized how much of it would come purely from myself. Or how much I would learn about myself, my limits." She continued to fidget as they walked. "I.. guess I'm at a crossroads of sorts. Some of the old masters may have referred to it as a Shatterpoint. I guess. I don't know."

"I've two beliefs that clash against one another. As a Jedi, I believe in life and respecting life as much as where ever possible. And there are subsets of the order that preach that all creatures can be redeemed. But rationally I know that's not true," she murmured. The knot in her gut seemed to intensify as she was coming to the other side of that. It was less about the discussion, but the possible backlash or repercussions of it, how Caedyn might react to hearing one of the padawans saying something so... dangerous. At least in their belief system. "Part of me is of the mind that some things just need to die. Like cancer. Some things aren't redeemable. And letting them live is a greater danger than whatever damage their death might bring." she seemed troubled just admitting it out loud, and her shoulders slumped. Even her pointy ears seemed to droop a little, as though she were disheartened with herself. This battle, it seemed, had been ongoing for some time. "A good example is the Bryn'adul."

"And that's not to say that I would ever want to. I don't. I've already seen more death than I cared to, with the loss of several family members," manage.d Pain began to well up and drip from her like drops of blood. Memories of her parents, the crash... her grandmother. All came back, old wounds reopening. It wasn't as bad this time, but it still hurt. The guilt and shame that always came with it mixed among it. "But even I know that... Some day, maybe soon... I may have to take lives," she said, her voice cracking as she wiped at the corner of one eye. "Sorry," she said in a wee small voice.

"How do I reconcile all that? Reconcile trying to respect life, while having to kill? How do we live with that?" As she asked, there was a measure of hope in her large gray eyes, as though he might have an answer, or something deeper than her own examinations on the topic.

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[Caedyn Arenais]

As he listened to Desbre Gensan speak and found that the more she went into why she was there seeking his counsel, the more he found himself grinning in a sense of knowing and being able to relate to these thoughts and beliefs that seemed to be troubling her so. He had plenty of experience in battling with these sorts of demons, so to speak. Both from a Jedi and Je'daii perspective as his former Order's teachings had some rather significant differences from that which the Order of the Silver Jedi taught today.

"The Je'daii origins are an ancient tale and once often taught in history classes these days, you're not wrong" Caedyn mused with a slight chuckle before explaining himself, "However my Mentor led an Order that was devoted to all the same ideologies and lived for the same purpose as our former predecessors once did. They have since left the known Galaxy, however, given the state of perpetual war that we seem to often find ourselves needing to intervene in" Caedyn gave something of a casual wave of his hand as if to pass that subject aside in favour for the real subject on the Padawan's mind.

"As far as life goes..." Caedyn continued, taking a moments pause to consider his words and in the process his pace slowing to a gradual halt. This was a discussion not to be rushed, and was vital to all Padawan, especially in their later years of training. "I believe that all life gives essence to the Force, and that created by the Force, it is our duty to safeguard it wherever possible. The taking of a life, in my opinion, also means that we're taking from the Force. Robbing it of its natural course, per se...".

"Cancer is a byproduct of a lifestyle and unhealthy consumptions I believe...-Don't quote me there, I'm no healer as far as the circle would have you believe. My point, however, is that it stems from unnatural beginnings whereas Life and the Force is the definition of what it is to be conceived of nature" he looked back to Desbre a moment to gauge her interest and level of understanding, "This is a crucial point which also explains the difference between the end of one's natural life cycle, how that is part of the process and the will of the Force yet where someone is killed by another, that hugely impacts the natural flow and undermines the natural cycle. Birth, life, death....-We all have a start and end by the design, and we owe it to the Force to seek to see this cycle maintained if we hope to respect the will of the Force...-Does this make sense?".

Caedyn grinned warily in the expense of himself, starting to feel as though he might have only further confused the girl, "If not, ask a question or give me an example and I'll try to break it down more....".

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Walking in the Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

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Des walked along with him, slowing when he slowed. She was focused on every word as though she would sear it into her memory, determined to glean everything she could out of it. Maybe not now, but later, under endless examination, certainly. Not that she intended to, but with her habit of constant review, she was fairly certain she would find hidden bits of meaning in his words. That the Je'daii had left the galaxy was something of a surprise. That alone was interesting information, but made sense in a way, with what she knew about them. A fresh start was not a bad idea. Hopefully a fresh start anyway.

Other than the little tidbits about the Je'daii, there wasn't much new information there. As he spoke, her brows lowered, and the corners of her mouth drew lower, not quite a frown, but certainly a look of concentration and intense thought. Several things came to her at once.

The question came to mind - And as she reviewed it, it became a statement. Many things and forms of life are extinguished before their lifecycle ends. Sickness was a form of population control. Parasites were too. Predator and prey. And if the prey fought back... White blood cells attacking disease and infection. All were part of the infinite tapestry of life. Suddenly she was reminded of a similar conversation but at a much darker time of day and in a secluded place. It might be damaging to the Force to take a life. But in terms of the galaxy at large, it was replaced in an instant. Even in a battle, the lives lost were replenished by new life before it was even over. But destroying a planet, that was much harder to replenish. And often left a gaping, ragged wound in the Force many referred to as a Dark Side Nexus.

"There's a tipping point where you're doing more harm than good. And when your actions do more to benefit than they do to be a detriment... Like trimming a bush to a better shape. Or beating the snot out of an under-performing tomato plant... which then repairs itself and becomes stronger, healthier, and produces more." That was a trick her grandmother taught her, and at first, it had been a shock or a surprise, but she'd seen how it worked first-hand. Not that she ever wanted to visit violence on a plant.

"I know we try not to. We'd rather end a duel peacefully if we can. Take criminals into custody rather than taking their heads off. But some threats will give no quarter and would kill you, even if you've cut them to pieces. Like the Bryn." She shook her head. "I suppose my question is less philosophical and more procedural or more ... psychological. Like law enforcement, when there is a police-involved shooting. Only replace that officer with a Jedi Padawan, Knight, or Master. Most of them do not have the abilities you or I do. So where do we draw the line of what is 'justified' and what is not, is my question, I guess? and how do we live with ourselves, even if it is?"

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[Caedyn Arenais]

"Taking a life will never be considered a good outcome, but it is, unfortunately, the better of two evils in some situations" Caedyn replied with an air of reluctance in his voice; "Oftentimes we're forced to consider the best possible outcome in situations such as these. If it's one gunman against a group of innocents, the potential loss versus the gain seems to be that much clearer..." he explained, voicing his perspective on the subject to Desbre Gensan , "However when it's just you up against another who refuses to give up, it tends to be a little more difficult to weigh up...".

"Take into account, however, how many lives can we potentially save throughout an entire lifetime of service within the Order?" Caedyn soon posed the question with a follow-up point to pose to the Padawan, "With our abilities and our desire to see the Galaxy a safer place, consider how many of those lives would miss out, were our own life to be taken earlier than it was meant to be. That would end our ability to serve others, wouldn't it?".

"As difficult as it can be sometimes, while we are Silver Jedi, we are also sentient and self-preservation must be at the height of our priorities. Not for our sake alone but also our ability to help others in the future" Caedyn informed her. Naturally, there would be others with various different opinions and point of views but this was his, learned over a number of years and sometimes not at all through the easiest of means.

"Assignments that we're sent out on can and will eventually go bad. With or without the Force, we remain people at the end of the day and can make mistakes just as easily as any other. Our hope, however, is that you will seek out the best possible outcome. You may be forced to take a life in order to defend another, or several others...-And this will be terribly difficult to overcome" he paused in his words, glancing back down the corridor, his own brow heavy while his thoughts were in reflection of his own past experiences, "Taking a life is a tragic experience to have to suffer through, and not everyone we come across will give us a choice in the matter".

"What matters most is being able to say you've done your utmost to save or to protect as many as possible, or yourself...Or take whatever good out of a terrible situation, situation dependent. We still have to with ourselves, after all, is said and done, and if we've given it our all, what more can be asked of us?".

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

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The pale one grew still listening as her expression seemed even more somber. Not only it was a most serious matter and subsequently most serious conversation, but his answers were a mixed bag of useful and not useful. It was heartening and disheartening to know that this Master whom she respected had much the same thoughts, and same issues. That was a relief, that someone else struggled with it as she did. But so too, even after all his years of experience, he had no better answers than her own.

Another conversation from a recent night came to mind. It came down to what she could live with, as well as what actions she thought were right. Acting with the best intentions to the best of her ability. Could she face the mirror and honestly say she'd done her best? Could she face herself? With as many times as she'd stood in front of that mirror on her ship, she knew some things that happened were not hers to look after. But everything she'd done since coming to the Jedi she could more than live with, save failure. Failure in her own mind and the bar set in her mind seemed so far above anyone else's she'd ever experienced.

As far as she was concerned, nobody out there had a right to her life, or the lives of innocent people. She'd grown up a second-class citizen with little if any rights on her homeworld. At times it was more akin to being a slave, and while she'd gotten paid for her efforts at the time, she'd worked two jobs, if not three to try to have something for herself. It wasn't the same as someone's life. If someone had wanted to try to take hers, or other things, she would have been very well screwed. Defending herself would have been much better. But under the SJC banner, and now as a Jedi, she had every 'right' to defend herself and others. She already vowed silently to herself that while she could do something to protect another, she would not hesitate. Doing anything else was the same as allowing or condoning it. She would not have others be treated like she had.

As she turned the matter over in her mind silently, quiet resolve and determination rolled off of her, mixed with a solemness that seemed to echo on her face. If Caedyn paid attention through the Force, he could feel a mixture of thoughts and emotions would find them blending together. But she wasn't lost or afraid. It wasn't what she'd hoped for, but she supposed it was enough. In some ways, she was to the point now Desbre would be seeking her own answers to the questions that really weighed on her. That was, of course, the responsibility of any Jedi. Seeking truth, hers and the larger truths of the Force and the galaxy. A padawan's job was to learn the Jedi way and then from there... moving forward in that way.

After a moment she bowed her head to Caedyn it was slow, respectful, and filled with the weight of the matter. While she hadn't learned anything particularly new toward the Jedi or Force, perhaps she was a few steps farther on her journey. "Thank you for your words and wisdom," she added quietly.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn lowered his head as Desbre Gensan offered her thanks to his words of advice, acknowledging her with a bow, however not yet turning away despite her words sounding as though she may have found all that he might have been able to offer on the subject. He couldn't help feeling somehow disappointed, however, silently wondering whether or not his views had been adequately expressed to the young woman.

"A word of further advice, Padawan" Caedyn called for her attention one last time, if not for merely a lasting moment to try and save face for anything left unsaid; "No single Jedi's path is identical to another...-We all learn through our experiences and we all have to shape our own perceptions and understandings accordingly. These times of doubt or struggles that you might face...-Don't be disheartened by them. Every struggle provides the opportunity for growth and learning..." He concluded with a faint smile. Even as a Jedi Knight there was still so much more to learn, both about himself as well as in how best to practice being a member of the Order out within the field of duty, in service to others.

The first life that Caedyn had been forced to take, was at an age where he was far too young; While there was no appropriate age to experience such things, Caedyn was at a loss within himself back in those years and it was during a time of great doubt and insecurity where he had felt abandoned by one Order and not yet having reached out to the Silver Jedi. If it hadn't been for Asaraa Vaashe , he'd have never found his place in the Galaxy with them.

"The moment we feel we no longer need to question these things is the moment we lose priority in what's truly important in life" Caedyn added before once more lowering his gaze and this time giving a full bow in a formal gesture, allowing Desbre to leave if she was satisfied enough to do so.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Gardens, The Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

​

That disappointment washed over and burned like embers against her skin. Closing her eyes she rode it out. As he added a little more, she nodded. "Those are the real lessons, I suppose," she said quietly. "And so I'm learning." At that moment she looked as though she'd aged thirty years, though she was still well within her twenties, very much in her prime. But it wasn't the years, it was the mileage, and in this case the miles on her soul. She already carried so much inside, a weight that would have crushed some others. To her, it was just another day. "I doubt I will ever run out of questions. I just have to find my own answers for many of them. There are no easy answers, and they're all different. It's good to know I'm not alone, but by that same token, as you say, I still have to figure out some things for myself." she gave him a small, somber smile. She wasn't dismissing anything he'd said but instead had glimpsed that while the answers she got were mildly disappointing, it did show her a way to progress. If Caedyn paid attention he would find that her mind was razor-sharp and the acuity of her thoughts were quite clear. it didn't change her uncertainty, but she was heartened to know that others struggled much the same. It was almost like that moment when a child realizes their parents do not, in fact, know everything. But as an adult, it just added to Caedyn's humanity. It afforded a measure of further connection.

Taking a moment, Des inhaled the misty rain forest air through her nose then let it out in a long, deep sigh. She let it wash over her and draw away some of her worries, while her body relaxed a notch. "My apologies for keeping you. I... I know things are very trying right now with all that's going on out there, and internally."

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[Caedyn Arenais]

"You're not keeping me, Padawan" Caedyn replied with a gentle tone, "If I weren't able to make time for my Students then I wouldn't be much use as a member of the Order now would I" he smiled and once more spoke in jest of himself; that typical Arenais trait of using humour to mask one's embarrassment or otherwise save face.

"There was a long period in my life between the Je'daii and the Silver Jedi, where I did not have anyone to guide me and I found myself falling into very similar concerns. My Master disappeared from my life for quite some time and still to this day she comes and goes as more of a ghost of the past than any semblance of the role the Jedi would expect nowadays...-Her help in those times would have made all the difference" Caedyn's smile had faltered some, not entirely, but it was less genuine whereas his memories of past years had seemingly got the better of him for just a moment.

As for Desbre Gensan , the Padawan was not all so well known to Caedyn and yet he had certainly gained a rather educated impression of her. She was among the more experienced of students with regards to her training and didn't show any signs of slowing down in her momentum. It was almost reassuring however to be confided in on this level, if not to merely show the more conscious side of her and allow the Jedi Knight to learn more about her as an individual.

"Times have been most certainly interesting these past months, that's for sure" Caedyn added, brows lifting a little as he exhaled a huff of breath, appearing as though the mere thought seemed to weigh down on him physically. "Thankfully for we Jedi, nothing is ever black and white unlike those of a more political profession..." He made a particular reference one could only assume that Desbre would understand and make a connection with.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

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Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

​

Des nodded as she listened to the recounting of his own master in earlier days. "I've heard of that being the case with some. But that would be better, in some ways, than my own experience. At least then I would know that I hadn't been ditched. My last master did set some things into perspective. That's why I'm a lot happier with the Silvers. But still, no one has seen fit to take me on, at least until recently." She shrugged. that was a matter she was still uncertain about. Master Vanagor's offer was still resounding in her mind, and tangled with the rest of the mess in her head at large.

"I'm not sure it's black and white for the politicos either. Most politicians have to make changes and compromises," she said. "But that's been on my mind too. And it's not political, not in my mind. It's about doing what's right. And I don't mean fighting the Sith," she said. "How is that we can call ourselves protectors, when we are called for aid, especially to defend and evacuate civilians, and we stand idly by? I'm not suggesting defending the Sith themselves, but protecting and extracting refugees. Everyone seems to have this conception that the mandate says that we have to actively engage the New Imperial Order. Or that we have to serve as Sith military assets. It's possible to walk a fine line there. Everyone seems to think that going and saving lives is somehow helping the Sith Empire as though we condone their actions and want to keep them in power. I'd rather take the people we pull out of there, relocate them to Silver space, learn what we can, and try to help them have better lives."

She frowned as she spoke. It was as though both sides of the debate when it came to the Sith had forgotten the purpose of the Jedi. It was not to destroy the Sith or aid them; it was to help people and prevent as much chaos and pain. Leaving people to suffer needlessly was the same as condemning them. And helping those people did not mean helping the Sith. The fact that both sides missed the point left her in tears as she'd watched the posturing and debating. There was a clear path forward, and she felt like only she saw it. It had been a few days, and it still weighed on her. In some ways, she'd lost faith in the Jedi as a whole as it wasn't just the Silvers, but also the New Jedi Order people in Galactic Alliance space as well.

​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn nodded in understanding, being fully capable of relating with what Desbre Gensan was saying, considering he had been one of the few Silver Jedi to attend the meeting between the Sith Empire and the Confederacy of Independent Systems. His role in it all had been purely supportive, a means of providing protection and safety to the Concordian Senate Ipali Torru. Of all the Sith to be present in the very same room, Darth Prazutis who had killed Caedyn's father Veiere Arenais had been sat across the table from him, challenging every ounce of restraint and self-control within him.

"I volunteered to travel to Dantooine in order to do whatever I could to support the civilian population there, but I was instructed to continue in my duties here..." he explained. Caedyn had seen what it looked like to bring a battlefield down atop a live and populated City. Chaos and death, innocent lives being caught between opposing forces, every stray shot that missed an enemy target potentially making a victim of those who wanted nothing of it. This, of course, ignoring the fact that every soldier fighting meant one or more lives taken from the opposition, the Force being wounded all often due to the decisions of politics and those who never stepped foot amidst the battle themselves.

"I'm not sure if you've seen the holo news any time recently but seven or more worlds were recently overcome within Silver Space, now under the control of the Bryn'adul...-Millions of lives right on our border" Caedyn informed her, providing perhaps a little insight as to the Concords decision to pull their focus back to Silver Space and those they influenced directly.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

She nodded quietly as he explained he'd planned to go to Dantooine, but had been forestalled. When he mentioned the Bryn'adul her expression grew more somber and sober if possible. "I... I've seen the data I could get my hands on from Nar Kreeta, and the footage," she said quietly with a shiver. "That... is the real enemy. The Sith can at least be reasoned with. Even they know they can only go so far. The Bryn crush and destroy everything they see, and there is no ... middle ground. No quarter. No reason. Much like the Yuuzhan Vong of old. Only even they eventually stopped. I .. I... I have had visions about the Bryn'adul," she admitted, shivering. How was it possible for an Arkanian to be cold on Kashyyyk? It came not from the actual temperature, but the chill left behind from what she'd seen.

"I wish I had been at Nar Kreeta. But I'm glad I was not in that meat grinder. And I doubt my presence would have made any difference," she murmured. And from what she'd seen, the ground battle had been brutal. But in some ways also idiotic. There were no worthwhile ground assets. Merely fighting to take dirt. Space should have been the main concentration of combat. He who holds space over the planet holds the planet. For it can be seiged or even bombarded into dust and glass with impunity. But it was educational. Looking back, her assessment, besides the emotional part that wanted to run away screaming... that razor-sharp analytical mind had taken over.

There was a lot they could do in a battle like that. Including making better choices. They ne-- An idea came to her right then. Her eyes lost focus on Caedyn and she reached up with one hand plucking lightly at the air almost as if touching an invisible touchscreen or a holo-engineering diagram. Coming back to herself, she cleared her throat. "Sorry, I just had an idea and I don't know if it's been tried yet. But yes, I've been watching that front, knowing full well I'm .. going to wind up in the middle of it sooner or later. Probably sooner. I have no illusions about making it home either." No, in fact, she fully expected to die. But if she could stall them. Delay them. Give others the chance they needed. Spare some lives... She would do it. Whatever she could to protect.

It wasn't hard to see that resignation in the padawan's eyes, her expression, the set of her shoulders. And just as clearly she did not want to meet that end, but she wasn't afraid of it either. She would at least be able to rest. If she could do some good before she went, then it was all worth it. So others like Master Jairdain, Master Vanagor, Aveline, Jorah, even Caedyn could finally stem the tide.

​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

The subject of Padawan being sent out into the field of battle was never an easy thing to discuss or to relay to another with the appropriate reassurance needed for any sane person to feel a sense of preparedness in stepping into a life and death situation as chaotic as open warfare. "My Padawan and I have engaged the Bryn'adul on three separate battlefields now; Kessel, Yurb and Nar Kreeta" Caedyn responded, Desbre Gensan having gone so far as to mention having visions of the events that took place on the third of the world's he had disclosed. He and Kyra Perl had nearly lost their lives on both Yurb and Nar Kreeta, taking some close calls and coming out of those battles in a right state; Hell, Kyra had lost one of her arms thanks to the Bryn'adul invasion of Nar Kreeta.

"Their warriors tower above the average human, they're strong and very intimidating opponents," Caedyn said further, "Underestimating them was our first mistake, and despite the area's we're trained in, I feel we did underestimate how truly devastating they could be in such large numbers. Their methods have been more effective lately than the Sith Empire's have from what I understand" he voiced his thoughts openly and honestly with Desbre, she of whom was among the older students within the Order and someone who Caedyn felt needed to be aware of the truth was she to truly be placed in such a volatile position in any due time ahead.

"As much as I hate to admit it, the Sith don't wipe out entire civilizations so carelessly as the Bryn'adul have proven to do" Caedyn frowned as he admitted the thought. Comparing the two Nations didn't bring him any comfort or offer any reassurance outside of being able to understand the Concord's wish to see temporary compromise for the sake of the threat that was on their very border. "My father was killed during a Sith invasion of one of our Worlds, however, and many other people have lost families to the Sith Empire. While we're encouraged and even taught to steer away from our anger and our passions, not everyone's capable of doing so, and so I suppose I can also understand that side of the argument as well...".

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

​

Des nodded once. "Oh no, I don't disagree. The Sith Empire has created many atrocities and should answer for them. And they're a walking personal rights violation," she said quietly. "I just think this... would-be schism could be handled a lot better, and in a lot more Jedi-like fashion. We're protectors and peacekeepers, not prosecutors. We don't start wars. We resolve them. Instead, I see a bunch of militant Jedi rattling sabers at their brothers and sisters, ready to start a fight with others they are supposed to be mostly unified with. They're blinded by their own prejudices and even hatred. They only make the dark side stronger, and I wonder just how much of it has clouded their vision." She shook her head at this, her gaze far away as though watching something, a replay of the past proceedings.

A soft sigh escaped her, mostly unheard through her nose. Both shoulders seemed to drop a fraction of an inch and despite being in her early twenties, he could almost see her age a decade or two right in front of him. "If we can't work together to push back the Bryn, we're all going to die. Everybody, I mean. We can settle up after with The Sith Empire if we still feel sore about what's happened... after. I know a lot of people have lost loved ones to them. I can only imagine what they've done to Arkania." She shook her head once more.

At least it was good knowing Caedyn had made it back from at least three battles against the Bryn. She had no illusions about herself making it back from even one. She was just a Padawan. Who'd mostly trained against droids. And it seemed like every time she stepped into the field she got hurt. Not that she was clumsy or accident prone. She had no illusions about being some invincible Battlemaster, or all-knowing Consular, or even super-sneaky Shadow. She'd done well. Never failed to get the job done, but there was always a cost. And a single mistake among the Drael would likely be the first and last she ever made.

​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"As much as we may want to at times, we can't force others to see things our way, sadly...-Even if we could, it's not our place to impose our will upon others" Caedyn replied, glancing back to Desbre Gensan suspecting that she'd have learned as much long ago already, though he said as much for the sake of being able to relate with her feelings on the matter; "Not all Jedi take such a passive stance as the Silver Jedi however, there are others who would see a fight brought to the Sith at every opportunity, whereas I believe it is the fight that we should be discouraging. Both in others out there within the Galaxy as much so as within ourselves" He elaborated, "Violence begets violence and all that".

The difference with Caedyn was that he had been raised a Je'daii, yet even his Father who had been devout in the Jedi Code had taught him that life was precious, that it was the gift given from the Force and vice versa, the Force flowed strongly throughout all living beings. Regardless of someone's association, it was always better to seek the path of least resistance, to preserve life and if required, to arrest and subdue, rather than to take life wherever it could be avoided. While there were times where avoiding it would seem impossible, Caedyn would never stop trying.

"Regardless, it seems this is a metaphorical dilemma as it does not look like we'll be seeing any such alliances come to fruition. The Galaxy remains a fractured state and we will have to play with the hand we've been dealt.." Caedyn concluded, uncertain whether the outcome was entirely good or bad, or if it changed anything in the long run of things in the end regardless. Despite the Politics, the threat remained on their doorstep and it wasn't the time to wait to be invited.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Gardens, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Caedyn Arenais​

​

Desbre nodded. She knew all-too-well that trying to force one's opinions and morals on others was a very slippery and dark slope. He was right, of course. They had to deal with the hand they were dealt. She wasn't foolish enough to think that she had enough of any kind of influence to make a difference for the galaxy at large. All she could do was stand in the gap, hold the line, and help people where she could. Even then a tiny wave of regret rippled off of her ass he stood there, hands tucked into opposing sleeves. In her mind's eye, they stood in the fastness of space with the galaxy arrayed before them, both watching over it even as they could see worlds burning. Millions and billions of sentients suffering. There was absolutely no way she could take on something that big. Waving one hand mentally the image dissolved, disintegrating like lifting fog.

If anything, her youthful features looked more drawn and aged. Had she been human, one might have thought she was in some kind of incredible pain because of her complexion. But even still, her skin seemed to be a little more sallow, or even almost translucent for a moment. It seemed like such an insurmountable task. She would have to narrow her focus. Take the small victories, and not look at the stratospheres-scraping mountains ahead. One foot in front of the other. One task at a time. She closed her eyes slowly before nodding once to herself. Eyes still closed she took a deep breath, focused on letting her mind go blank, reaching for the silence. Finding it, she slowly let out that breath and opened her eyes once more.

Why... oh why... didn't I take the blue pill?

Because as much as this is crushing you, staying where you were would kill you in so many ways.

Standing there with Cadeyn she searched for something to say, a counter... Another question. All that remained was an empty, ragged hole. A hole in her heart, in her soul. There were no good answers. Only moving forward, but toward what? Part of her wanted to hate then. But there was nothing to hate. No reason to. No target or object. And in truth, it just wasn't in her, despite all that she'd suffered and been through. Save for hating herself and her own weakness, her own inadequacy. But.. even that wasn't true. Not with the way that her peers looked at her, and even some of the knights and Masters. At least according to Caltin. Even the Wookiees looked up to her, figuratively speaking. Self-acceptance was still hard, though.

She supposed in some way that was what she really struggled with.

Realizing then she'd been standing there for a full minute in silence she snapped out of her reverie. "My apologies, Master. I don't mean to keep you. I know I've said that before. I'm ... just at the end of my rope for now."

​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"No...-I understand, believe me," Caedyn replied softly.

He was a man who put his faith in the Force above most else, and in times like these, it was his faith that it would see him through, that helped the Jedi Knight to grin and bear the hard times. Even so, it wasn't without struggle and so he could certainly relate with the Padawan whom, less experienced than he was, had her own concerns and doubts obviously plaguing her.

"Not to sound preachy, but try to find assurance in the will of the Force" Caedyn suggested, his voice gentle and not wishing to sound patronizing or as if he were speaking the obvious approach one might expect of a Jedi, "We're all Sentient and so each and every one of us are flawed in our own way. The same can be said for every other Jedi out there as well. Remember that above all else, we serve the Force and it stands as our ally, our guiding light. Know that you're not alone in these difficult days" he hoped to assure her.

"For better or worse, every Jedi out there does their utmost in what they believe is the right course of action to take. Whether they align with your own beliefs or not, in their own way they follow a path carved out for them by the Force as well..." He offered as a perspective from the other side of the recent political debate that had rocked the Order, alongside the Concord itself.

"So long as you know you're giving your all towards what you believe is right and just, then that's what matters. The only matters we should stress, are those that are within our control to change".

Desbre Gensan