Faction Necessary Precautions [Vonnuvi Jedi Enclave, New Jedi Order]

[Shan Pavond]

Hm...Well. That would make sense to Shan. Part of the reason he went onto the streets of Coruscant when he first arrived at the temple was because of how much it reminded him of home. And the Force knows how long Ko has been part of the Order compared to Shan. So...Well, it made sense that he might have felt homesick.

Funnily enough, Shan wasn't worried about jinxing himself. Not yet at least. The Padawan actually finally had some confidence in himself. He could handle most things thrown at him...Long enough for him to get help from someone else that is. That wasn't important right now though. Shan needed to focus on the conversation as opposed to himself.

Though he tuned back into the conversation at the mentioning of "kissing the noble's asses to get ahead", blinking to himself for a moment. A more insecure Shan might have spoken out in defence of his master but honestly he doubted Kahlil would see that as anything he needed to be defended from. People were allowed to believe what they wanted and Shan wasn't looking to cause issues over it.

"Relief work is great. I wish more Jedi had a focus on that, instead of wanting to have a lightsaber measuring contest. I feel like a lot of Jedi nowadays are more focused on preparing for the next war coming up, and not a lot think about what comes after a war. The planets that'll need healing. The trauma people will be going through. All of that."

Of course, Shan would be getting involved in the war himself, to try and protect people from having to experience such horrors of war...but honestly the Vonnuvi enclave sounded fantastic to him. If the Jedi Temple back on Coruscant ended up becoming the main temple again...Well, he could see himself staying here instead.

Rayia Si Eloise Dinn

 

[Eloise Dinn]

There was a certain awkwardness that followed Eloise's comment about Coruscant and the Nobles, an uncertainty that might not show in their faces, but most certainly did in the Force. Then the moment passed, as Rayia and Shan each sidestepped the topic entirely. It was to be expected, and probably for the best, but some part of her had been hoping for something. A reaction, a rebuttal, a funny face. Being ignored was boring.

"It sounds quite nice here."

"It is," Eloise agreed, her tight-lipped smile caging a nastier remark crouched on her tongue.

"Relief work is great. I wish more Jedi had a focus on that, instead of wanting to have a lightsaber measuring contest. I feel like a lot of Jedi nowadays are more focused on preparing for the next war coming up, and not a lot think about what comes after a war. The planets that'll need healing. The trauma people will be going through. All of that."

"Trauma," she echoed, picking at a few strands of grass. "That word is so fething overused. But sure. What type of Jedi are you, Shan? You too, Rayia. Are you a healer, or a butcher?"

Rayia Si Shan Pavond​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani didn't need to take long finding the prognosis. She placed her hands on her hips, "Sleep deprivation is nothing to scoff at, Gatz. You of all people should know that by now." He always did this to himself. She understood the state of mind, often falling into a similar trap herself. But there was a difference between overworking yourself, and working yourself to death. Gatz seemed eager to engage in the latter at this rate.

"Taking yourself out of commission won't help people any further. At worst it's another person to worry about." She couldn't help but feel a bit scolding as she said it. It was borne out of concern, of course, but tinged with disappointment at seeing the same pitfall again. She sighed, "It's not the first time we've had a discussion like this. Please let it be the last."

Inanna Harth - Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Inanna Harth Amani Serys

Gatz let out a sigh. It was bad enough to worry his master. Disappointing Master Serys-Organa was just icing on the shit cake he had baked. How was it that he only ever seemed to get things wrong?

"I don't know how." He said at last, a lump in his throat.

Finally, Gatz gave in with a sigh, and practically crumpled into a chair. He doubled over to lean his arms on his knees—half of our sheer exhaustion, and half because his shame wouldn't allow him to look either of his mentors in the eyes.

"How am I supposed to stop?" It wasn't an argument, it was a plea for guidance, "there's always someone else to help. How do I look at someone in need, and say 'your troubles are less important than me taking a nap?'"

He let out a shuddering breath, and willed himself to look up at the both of them, a film of tears over his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just—I'm useless, most of the time. I don't have anything of value to offer the two of you, after all the time you've spent on me. But then the wounded started pouring in, and I finally had a chance to use what you taught me to help people and..."

He hung his head. By the Force, he was so tired.

"I wanted you two to see that you haven't been wasting your time on me, these past few months." He finished quietly.

 

[Inanna Harth]

Inanna’s brow furrowed. Sleep deprivation? Gatz looked like the walking dead and was barely able to stand because he hadn’t been sleeping properly?

“But… why haven’t you been sleeping?” she asked. “What’s wrong?” The answer was already apparent, sure, but she wanted to hear it from him.

"How am I supposed to stop?" It wasn't an argument, it was a plea for guidance. "There's always someone else to help. How do I look at someone in need, and say 'your troubles are less important than me taking a nap?'"

What, as if the refugees are like a crying baby you have to take care of? Inanna thought, glancing at Ashur, who was still trying to reach for another cookie. Even an infant will go to sleep eventually.

She still didn’t fully understand how he could’ve gone on like this for so long. “On Erakhis, there were millions of Shi’ido all crammed into a single camp,” she said. “Even when I was throwing myself completely into my work, I was still able to sleep. We worked in shifts; Enkidu, Tiamat, or Arimanes would take over while I rested. I trusted them to steer the ship. Besides, they were better at it than me.”

"I'm sorry. I just—I'm useless, most of the time. I don't have anything of value to offer the two of you, after all the time you've spent on me. But then the wounded started pouring in, and I finally had a chance to use what you taught me to help people and... I wanted you two to see that you haven't been wasting your time on me, these past few months."

“I already know I haven’t been wasting my time on you,” she said softly. Amani had taken a scolding tone with him. Inanna didn’t intervene; perhaps he needed to hear it from the Chief Healer. After all, what he was doing was posing a clear danger to his health. "You aren't useless. But if you keep going on like this, you'll be of no use to anyone. Go home and get some rest, Gatz. Please."

Gatz Derrevar Amani Serys​

 

[Rayia Si]

Eloise Dinn Shan Pavond @Others

---

Twice now. It had made twice now that Eloise had tried to provoke them. Rayia’s clawed fingers slowly curled and flexed. ‘I… don’t like the implication that we’re bloodthirsty. Secondly, what’s wrong with being a butcher? They’re a key part of an agricultural society,’ Rayia thought to herself. Clearly there was some animosity here that Rayia didn’t understand. She was also just… too fething old for this. Regardless, she wasn’t going to engage with whatever nettles patch Eloise seemed determined to stick her paws into. Or well, she was going to try anyway. ‘The last thing this meeting needs is for me to get angry and wake the beast within,’ Rayia thought to herself.

Retracting her tail into its sheath, Rayia straightened her shoulders. “I think I’ll just be me. I’ll be both. I’ll be neither. I don’t see the point of putting a name to it when it won’t fit that well,” Rayia said. She was gambling here. Gambling that Eloise would appreciate her directness. Something, perhaps her bestial instincts, was telling her that the girl across from her would appreciate a clearing of the air. Rayia could only hope she was correct.

“More importantly, what exactly do you want from this? Clearly, you have something you want to say. Name it then,” Rayia said, trying to keep the sting of frustration from her voice.

 

[Amani Serys]

“Even when I was throwing myself completely into my work, I was still able to sleep. We worked in shifts; Enkidu, Tiamat, or Arimanes would take over while I rested. I trusted them to steer the ship. Besides, they were better at it than me.”

Amani nodded, agreeing with and building on what Inanna had said, "You trust in your peers to fill in the gaps. Nobody does this alone." By neglecting help, he nearly ruined himself in the process. That was a disservice to those who needed help, and those who help, Gatz included. But he couldn't leave that mindset of uselessness unless he was apparently constantly tearing himself apart.

Inanna was softer with him, but Amani let her play the role as Inanna had let her do. Both perspectives were probably needed to convince him of the futility of what he was doing. The importance of changing his state of mind. "Grab some food and water while you're at it. You may not feel hungry, but it'll help your body reset."

Inanna Harth - Gatz Derrevar​

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Inanna Harth Amani Serys

Well, at least Inanna didn't think he was a waste of a Jedi. Gatz wanted to believe that she was right... but then, he wouldn't be in this situation if he'd been who he was supposed to be, would he? In trying to meet expectations, he'd pushed himself too far and fallen short of them again. Just like he always did. Just like he always had, from the moment he'd been brought to the Order as a swaddled youth.

And so, though Gatz wanted to point out to the both of them that he didn't have a home, and that he was always alone, he chose to keep his mouth shut. He'd disappointed the both of them enough for the day. Plus, frankly, he understood their points: rest, don't go malnourished, and ask for help.

That last one had always been particularly hard for him. But then... the point of having a Jedi Order was that there were other Jedi he could rely on for that help, wasn't it? As many qualms as Gatz still had with the Order as an organization, he couldn't deny that there was something reassuring about knowing he had peers and mentors to go to in a time of need.

"I-I understand," he said softly, "I'm sorry. I've failed you both again."

Food ought to be easy: he was at a damn banquet. Sleep was also easy: he lived on The Vonnuvi. He had quarters here, and even if he hadn't, his ship was parked in the enclave's docking bay. Point was: he could satisfy both Inanna's and Master Serys-Organa's instructions.

So Gatz stood with a tired groan.