Nyxie
【夢狐】
Well, there is no other way to say this than that my experience here has been... mixed, at best. Where should I begin? I've been giving it much thought and contemplation. I have been debating whether I am going to stay on this site or not, and if so, how I am truly going to face my convictions. I figured I could knock out everything with one fell swoop, this one post.
I've noticed that a lot of people take things far too much to heart. Some folks end up metagaming the OOC because of some silly grudge or spiteful act, and it becomes a constant matter of back and forth. Everyone around them pays in the end. That's just not right. That's not what the community is about.
I've learned that Skype is a horrible, horrible place full of hate and... weird stuff like futa. Despite my better judgement, I keep going back on because sometimes, during writing, I just get bored or loaf off. xD
I've learned that being a faction leader is truly a pain in the ass! It's a lot of work, even for a major faction as small as the Mnenchei Dominion. There's only been three or four people who have been proactive and loyal, and for that I cannot thank them enough. They are the reason I've held on for so long, and constantly put hours and hours into thinking of ways to better the faction for them all.
I noticied
I have become the scorn of all of the Factory Judges. I know they hate me, it's okay, no need to confess.
I'm kidding, but really, I know they hate me. That's all on me, no one else. As (I only hope) Fabula could vouch, I've given my word to stop, well, being a pain in the butt and just take things as they are and work with the judges. I wasn't used to the system here at first. That is a large part of why these things happened. I'm not trying to shrug off responsibility, but discussion on virtually every other site in my nine years has been via submission or Skype, never a cut-and-dry, do it as-is thing. For years, I've been used to discussing it. I've been used to moderators conferring with each other for most things to get the most consistency across all approvals. This was new to me. Despite that, I promised to change and I haven't debated anything in a sub since. Everything was an edit on the spot.
@[member="Lilith Mae Lancaster"] I am sorry I gave you grief over that one planet of unpronouncible naming. It was insensitive of me. I've learned from that not to compare different submissions with each other too much; either edit it or second chance it, don't quarrel about. The new planet I'm working on will be as clean as bleached marble, and if not, I will make it so upon demand. Out of everyone around, staff position notwithstanding, you've been one of the most honest, gentle, kind people out there, even though I deserved less and less each time.
@[member="Hannibal Oryen"] I know you hate my guts. Just because we fight over the same prize, doesn't mean we have to be enemies OOC. Um... that's about all I can think to say about it. I'm sorry for calling you an a-hole on Skype. I won't say anything more. Just that.
@[member="Genesis Rostu"] Sorry for killing Tusken Raiders. It wasn't meant to be against you. I lost muse to write for over a week and that was my only way of gaining it back. It was just a particular scene that popped up in my head one day. I should've tagged it Non-Canon earlier but people were after Circe and I was certain one of them was going to thread-hijack, so things completely slipped my mind. On the upside, it worked in getting my muse and creativity back.
@[member="Akio Kahoshi"] I'm sorry about Aynea burning down your palace. The way we both went about it was admittedly in poor taste and I should have been far more mature and sympathetic. I did not want that to create OOC resentment between us. I have since then reassessed my outlook on the severity of Invasions. I know it's just a game, but I know I wouldn't want any link in the membership chain to falter if it were my faction, so I can understand now. I wish things went down differently and wish I could go back and make them different, because you were cool peoples.
@[member="Circe Savan"] Sorry that I've got you in a tangle. It was only my intention to help, and I think what I've unearthed actually helps a lot. Always think with a level head, that's the ticket. I'm also really sorry that I've pushed you a bit too hard, perhaps, in turning over a new leaf. I know you may not be the most reputable of people on this site, but I do believe in change, and I know you've been a good friend. I probably can't say the same with certainty.... I'm proud that you've taken the steps to doing so and trying to restore your image (even though right now it might look otherwise, but that's because people don't know the big things in store xD), and glad to know that I may have made some different or been of some help or encouragement. I know giving up Circe is a lot, but it's something we can get behind and support. As promised, I am giving up Aynea and my faction. It would not be right if I did not keep my word and travel this path with you. I just sincerely hope that others will also open up and give you another chance once they see how far you're going to make amends.
@[member="Jeff Solaris"] I was supposed to finish drawing your dual lightsabers and I did not. I have been hella busy between the faction and real life at the time. If you're reading this, I'm really sorry. Feels bad man. You were cool.
@[member="Zalderic Drayke"] @G0-T0 @[member="Gar Tanaris"] @[member="Black Phoenix"] I have not been the leader I should have been. I have probably not been the leader I could be. It wasn't all I can be, and you deserved that much from me. You guys put in and I didn't keep up. I faltered. Especially you, BP, for constantly putting up with my nagging and even getting one of the dominions out there on your own. I am happy we could at least all come together like that. We may be the underdog but together we had what many others need more of.
I have not completely given up leadership of the faction. I couldn't do that to those of you, Lyra included, who are still around. I will still guide it. But I am looking for a way to get it to sustain itself with minimal intervention necessary, because it's definitely a demanding job and you deserve someone that delivers. Of course, you're welcome to stay, leave, or follow me, and I will respect you all the same. You guys made the dream possible.
@[member="Jaxton Ravos"] You already know how this tale goes, but I apologize for giving you a hard time in my early submissions. Same thing with @[member="Ayden"] Carter and the original version of the Cinkai. Believe it or not, I owe you all the thanks because that was part of what inspired me to make a major faction. Better to just work hard and say you earned it than complain about why you should be entitled, right? And look at that, we actually (well, are about to) finally [get] it!
@[member="Lyra Uporg"] I have been a bad master. I promise more beatings. And cupcakes. And cupcake beatings. :3
@[member="Fabula Cavataio"] You already know. o.o I won't apologize. Words mean nothing. I will not disrespect you by offering them. Instead, I'll offer a change.
@[member="Kaine Zambrano"] Well, I don't know what to say. While being as civil and reserved as possible, I will admit that my choice in words is a bit bad when it comes to subjects like that. I'm not going to discuss what transpired because it's of no concern of the forum but... I guess take that as an apology and an open hand in the hopes that we can restart?
@[member="Tracyn Ordo"] We don't get along but, well, I guess that's just the nature of it. However, I honestly have nothing against you, so I hope I have not made you uncomfortable in any way. Except your gifs. I hate them with all my heart and they make the page load slower on my Vita! xD
I'm canning @[member="Aynea Kottos"] as part of a promise to Circe's writer, as well as a promise to myself; that I would get a fresh start. To do that, I feel as though I need to get rid of the character that drew a sizeable portion of that attention. Don't get me wrong, as a character I love her dearly and probably always will, but it's for the best and for my improvement. For the few of you (that I can count by name, which really makes me smile) that actually enjoyed her, I am grateful and I hope you'll hold the character in your fond memories made here. I know I'm a sucker for soft speeches and sentiment, but it's hard letting a dearly felt character go! I know most of you know the feeling.
Well, I can't think of anyone else. At least not by name. There are literally one or two people I will admit I have reserved words for and not posted, but... well... it's best we let that boat sail off unboarded. There are probably a ton of other apologies I have forgotten.
Oh yeah. While I'm on that. @[member="Tefka"]. One of the most important ones. While I may not have directly offended you, I have garnered the scorn of your staff, so for that I apologize! I want to openly and humbly admit that I am wrong and try to improve on my shortcomings. Oh, and sorry about that issue we reported during the holidays. That was probably not in my best judgement. I mean that sincerely. I hope it did not leave too great an impact on your holidays.
Inb4 full of asskissing, words mean little to me right now, because I've heard them all.
I am trying to get a new start and turn a new leaf. I do not want to quickly become the most hated person on this site (well, there will always be a few people who might get mad at the IC side of things but that's unavoidable, we're all guilty to some extent!). That would be... quite a feat, with other contestants. xD I kid!!! Anyways, I'm just trying to make good on the roleplaying experience and have a good time. As a community we all must mesh together to share those good experiences, or somewhere along the line there will be a short and the whole system comes out of harmony. I've always believed RP to be a give and take experience, and so I do believe that it's a bit of a sacrifice sometimes, to help others find the same level of enjoyment you want. Sometimes that means bowing down, admitting you're wrong, and hoping you can do twice the good to make up for the mistakes you've made. It's not going to live up to your expectations... but it's something I need to do.
So in light of that, I know apologies and admissions mean little and they do not undo the past. But, I think they're a good start and a great place to mark the beginning of an effort to change.
After this post begins a long journey. It won't be easy, no doubt. It won't be quick. But it will be enlightening.
I've noticed that a lot of people take things far too much to heart. Some folks end up metagaming the OOC because of some silly grudge or spiteful act, and it becomes a constant matter of back and forth. Everyone around them pays in the end. That's just not right. That's not what the community is about.
I've learned that Skype is a horrible, horrible place full of hate and... weird stuff like futa. Despite my better judgement, I keep going back on because sometimes, during writing, I just get bored or loaf off. xD
I've learned that being a faction leader is truly a pain in the ass! It's a lot of work, even for a major faction as small as the Mnenchei Dominion. There's only been three or four people who have been proactive and loyal, and for that I cannot thank them enough. They are the reason I've held on for so long, and constantly put hours and hours into thinking of ways to better the faction for them all.
I noticied
I have become the scorn of all of the Factory Judges. I know they hate me, it's okay, no need to confess.
I'm kidding, but really, I know they hate me. That's all on me, no one else. As (I only hope) Fabula could vouch, I've given my word to stop, well, being a pain in the butt and just take things as they are and work with the judges. I wasn't used to the system here at first. That is a large part of why these things happened. I'm not trying to shrug off responsibility, but discussion on virtually every other site in my nine years has been via submission or Skype, never a cut-and-dry, do it as-is thing. For years, I've been used to discussing it. I've been used to moderators conferring with each other for most things to get the most consistency across all approvals. This was new to me. Despite that, I promised to change and I haven't debated anything in a sub since. Everything was an edit on the spot.
@[member="Lilith Mae Lancaster"] I am sorry I gave you grief over that one planet of unpronouncible naming. It was insensitive of me. I've learned from that not to compare different submissions with each other too much; either edit it or second chance it, don't quarrel about. The new planet I'm working on will be as clean as bleached marble, and if not, I will make it so upon demand. Out of everyone around, staff position notwithstanding, you've been one of the most honest, gentle, kind people out there, even though I deserved less and less each time.
@[member="Hannibal Oryen"] I know you hate my guts. Just because we fight over the same prize, doesn't mean we have to be enemies OOC. Um... that's about all I can think to say about it. I'm sorry for calling you an a-hole on Skype. I won't say anything more. Just that.
@[member="Genesis Rostu"] Sorry for killing Tusken Raiders. It wasn't meant to be against you. I lost muse to write for over a week and that was my only way of gaining it back. It was just a particular scene that popped up in my head one day. I should've tagged it Non-Canon earlier but people were after Circe and I was certain one of them was going to thread-hijack, so things completely slipped my mind. On the upside, it worked in getting my muse and creativity back.
@[member="Akio Kahoshi"] I'm sorry about Aynea burning down your palace. The way we both went about it was admittedly in poor taste and I should have been far more mature and sympathetic. I did not want that to create OOC resentment between us. I have since then reassessed my outlook on the severity of Invasions. I know it's just a game, but I know I wouldn't want any link in the membership chain to falter if it were my faction, so I can understand now. I wish things went down differently and wish I could go back and make them different, because you were cool peoples.
@[member="Circe Savan"] Sorry that I've got you in a tangle. It was only my intention to help, and I think what I've unearthed actually helps a lot. Always think with a level head, that's the ticket. I'm also really sorry that I've pushed you a bit too hard, perhaps, in turning over a new leaf. I know you may not be the most reputable of people on this site, but I do believe in change, and I know you've been a good friend. I probably can't say the same with certainty.... I'm proud that you've taken the steps to doing so and trying to restore your image (even though right now it might look otherwise, but that's because people don't know the big things in store xD), and glad to know that I may have made some different or been of some help or encouragement. I know giving up Circe is a lot, but it's something we can get behind and support. As promised, I am giving up Aynea and my faction. It would not be right if I did not keep my word and travel this path with you. I just sincerely hope that others will also open up and give you another chance once they see how far you're going to make amends.
@[member="Jeff Solaris"] I was supposed to finish drawing your dual lightsabers and I did not. I have been hella busy between the faction and real life at the time. If you're reading this, I'm really sorry. Feels bad man. You were cool.
@[member="Zalderic Drayke"] @G0-T0 @[member="Gar Tanaris"] @[member="Black Phoenix"] I have not been the leader I should have been. I have probably not been the leader I could be. It wasn't all I can be, and you deserved that much from me. You guys put in and I didn't keep up. I faltered. Especially you, BP, for constantly putting up with my nagging and even getting one of the dominions out there on your own. I am happy we could at least all come together like that. We may be the underdog but together we had what many others need more of.
I have not completely given up leadership of the faction. I couldn't do that to those of you, Lyra included, who are still around. I will still guide it. But I am looking for a way to get it to sustain itself with minimal intervention necessary, because it's definitely a demanding job and you deserve someone that delivers. Of course, you're welcome to stay, leave, or follow me, and I will respect you all the same. You guys made the dream possible.
@[member="Jaxton Ravos"] You already know how this tale goes, but I apologize for giving you a hard time in my early submissions. Same thing with @[member="Ayden"] Carter and the original version of the Cinkai. Believe it or not, I owe you all the thanks because that was part of what inspired me to make a major faction. Better to just work hard and say you earned it than complain about why you should be entitled, right? And look at that, we actually (well, are about to) finally [get] it!
@[member="Lyra Uporg"] I have been a bad master. I promise more beatings. And cupcakes. And cupcake beatings. :3
@[member="Fabula Cavataio"] You already know. o.o I won't apologize. Words mean nothing. I will not disrespect you by offering them. Instead, I'll offer a change.
@[member="Kaine Zambrano"] Well, I don't know what to say. While being as civil and reserved as possible, I will admit that my choice in words is a bit bad when it comes to subjects like that. I'm not going to discuss what transpired because it's of no concern of the forum but... I guess take that as an apology and an open hand in the hopes that we can restart?
@[member="Tracyn Ordo"] We don't get along but, well, I guess that's just the nature of it. However, I honestly have nothing against you, so I hope I have not made you uncomfortable in any way. Except your gifs. I hate them with all my heart and they make the page load slower on my Vita! xD
I'm canning @[member="Aynea Kottos"] as part of a promise to Circe's writer, as well as a promise to myself; that I would get a fresh start. To do that, I feel as though I need to get rid of the character that drew a sizeable portion of that attention. Don't get me wrong, as a character I love her dearly and probably always will, but it's for the best and for my improvement. For the few of you (that I can count by name, which really makes me smile) that actually enjoyed her, I am grateful and I hope you'll hold the character in your fond memories made here. I know I'm a sucker for soft speeches and sentiment, but it's hard letting a dearly felt character go! I know most of you know the feeling.
Well, I can't think of anyone else. At least not by name. There are literally one or two people I will admit I have reserved words for and not posted, but... well... it's best we let that boat sail off unboarded. There are probably a ton of other apologies I have forgotten.
Oh yeah. While I'm on that. @[member="Tefka"]. One of the most important ones. While I may not have directly offended you, I have garnered the scorn of your staff, so for that I apologize! I want to openly and humbly admit that I am wrong and try to improve on my shortcomings. Oh, and sorry about that issue we reported during the holidays. That was probably not in my best judgement. I mean that sincerely. I hope it did not leave too great an impact on your holidays.
Inb4 full of asskissing, words mean little to me right now, because I've heard them all.
I am trying to get a new start and turn a new leaf. I do not want to quickly become the most hated person on this site (well, there will always be a few people who might get mad at the IC side of things but that's unavoidable, we're all guilty to some extent!). That would be... quite a feat, with other contestants. xD I kid!!! Anyways, I'm just trying to make good on the roleplaying experience and have a good time. As a community we all must mesh together to share those good experiences, or somewhere along the line there will be a short and the whole system comes out of harmony. I've always believed RP to be a give and take experience, and so I do believe that it's a bit of a sacrifice sometimes, to help others find the same level of enjoyment you want. Sometimes that means bowing down, admitting you're wrong, and hoping you can do twice the good to make up for the mistakes you've made. It's not going to live up to your expectations... but it's something I need to do.
So in light of that, I know apologies and admissions mean little and they do not undo the past. But, I think they're a good start and a great place to mark the beginning of an effort to change.
After this post begins a long journey. It won't be easy, no doubt. It won't be quick. But it will be enlightening.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeSpp_dfkTQ