Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Confederate Dauntless Colonel
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
22359ab2de6de335b2ed0fa01d2e25056918062c_00.jpg

GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Planet Name: Caria Prime
  • Demonym: Carians
  • Region: Outer Rim Territories
  • System Name: Caria
  • System Features: Five planets with several moons and an average-sized sun. Only the third planet is habituated with life and has a single moon.
  • Location: Top right of Deneba Hex
  • Major Imports: Weapons, Foodstuff, Industrial Equipment, and Settlers. No longer valid due to the Fall.
  • Major Exports: High-Quality Dark Ebony Wood, Iron, Nickle, Tibana Gas, Herbs, and rare game. No longer valid due to the Fall.
  • Unexploited Resources: No longer valid due to the Fall.
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
  • Gravity: Standard
  • Climate: Temperate
  • Primary Terrain: Moutain Ranges, Thick Swamps, Highlands, Bogs, and at least one major sea.
  • Atmosphere: Type I. After the Fall, Type IV.
LOCATION INFORMATION
  • Capital City: Corbet City
  • Planetary Features:
    • Swamps and Bogs. A large mainstay of the world, most of the entire planet is covered in extremely thick marshland. The trees, called Georon, here are massive and are the source of the planet's main export of high-quality wood. It is dark ebony and gives off a distinctive smell. It is easy to craft with yet has a soft sheen to it. The swamps here are almost unnavigable, prowling with great beasts, and it is almost impossible to create paths in the constantly changing water levels, but the stubborn inhabitants have evolved a strong sense of direction that guides them through the maze-like trees. However, after the fall, none of this remains.
    • Mountain Ranges The mountains here are massive and nearly impassable, so far only Carians have been able to climb the skyscraping peaks in search of rare minerals and underground Tibana deposits. A rare flower grows at the very peak of the mountains, it is said that its petals are made of gold and the nectar made of diamond dust, only the truest the adventures people of Caria hold these rare things.
    • Sea Caria posses a large sea near the southern equator of the planet. It is named the Jantine sea after the name of the first ship that descended on the world. It is a sea full of sea creatures, many of who are large and aggressive enough to threaten ships. It used to be a large source of fish in the sector before the Fall.
  • Major Locations:
    • Corbet City The capital city of the Carian Settlement government. Housing almost 3 million people, it is the place where the first landers carrying the settlers for the planet came down and establish Corbet Settlement. It is named after the leader of the first group, Corbec Corbet.

POPULATION
  • Population: Sparse, at it's hight, just before the fall it had only about a billion settlers.
  • Demographics: Only humans have ever inhabited this world with the occasional alien trader coming into town or a few refugee families from the Great War. The first settlers were exclusively humans and it's a quite out of the way world where people who want to start a new life head. Of course, it no longer applies due to the Fall.
  • Primary Languages: Basic, and a bastardization of Basic is common from those living in the southern settlements. Most children are thought multiple languages by education.
  • Culture:

    The Carian people are a type that likes to keep to themselves. They are independent kind. Carians are very proud of being self-reliant or being able to take care of themselves. They place great emphasis on hard work. The Carians are direct people. This means they will tell you what they think of you and what they want. Being assertive is generally seen as a positive thing. They value determination and mettle in their culture. They are a type of people that will keep going no matter how hard the going gets. They will never stop once they have set their mind on something.

    They venerate the first ancestors and those that had paved the way. That created their nation and instilled it's most prominent decrees of independence, freedom, and that anyone, regardless of anything, was seen to be equal by all. They feel extremely strongly on the topic of equality. They were all created equal. Their ancestors were actually fleeing genocide because they were human and it is seen as a great sin to discriminate on anyone. It was a dream that their ancestors went through hell to bring them deliverance to Caria. Though not all Carians see it that way and many are very against the concept of Aliens, but such people are shunned and confined to smaller communities with poor education.

    A cultural instrument that the Carias use is the bugle. It is said that the first settlers used it for long-distance communication. Traditionally, it is used to guide off-wolders through the marshes and used by more spiritual people to cast away bad souls. It is always played during a funeral for a fallen hunter.
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY
  • Government: Planetary Fuedal-Like Federal Republic
  • Affiliation: Confederacy of Independent Systems
  • Wealth: Medium Most people live decently comfortable lives. They are not a type that asks much for anything and mostly are self-sustaining. They do export rare goods such as game and their Georon wood which is strongly liked by carpenters who often bid highly for them.
  • Stability: High It is a stable planet which used to have a determined police force to guard. The main violence that ever arose was typically when hunters fought over hunting grounds. Such affairs were often quick or were mediated by officials.
  • Freedom & Oppression: It's a wild country where the people used to live free.
MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY
  • Military: The world does have a standing militia with only about a million soldiers. Most are self-equipped and are posted in scattered garrisons all over the world. Though they seemed ill-equipped, planetary defense doctrine dictated that during an invasion or pirate threat that the army was to melt away and wage a guerilla war in the marshes until help came. They had a small police fleet to chase off smaller pirates and defend the system. At most, it had maybe a dozen or so ships, most modified civilians. All were swept aside like they were nothing.
  • Technology: Galactic Standard
HISTORICAL INFORMATION

It is known that 243 years before, the first settlers arrived in the untamed world. They were refugees, fleeing a great genocidal alien warlord during the dark age. It is not known how many were in the first group but it is known that on the treacherous journey to Caria only one in twenty made it. The planet was hard and hostile to the first settlers but through their stubbornness, they made themselves a home on it. The people there made themselves a great name, being said to always be able to find a way no matter what and to have an indomitable spirit of determination. After a hundred years, they had finally tamed the world and created a planetary republic. They connected with the rest of the Galaxy and were well known in the sector for the quality of wood they shipped off-world. Since they were in the middle of nowhere, they tended out of the way of Galactic affairs and events. But at 800ABY the world fell into a civil war that lasted for three years. It had been between the county and the federal government, who at the time had been attempting centralization and unity. This fell through and after the war ended, the counties had lost and the central government aggressively shifted into modernization and centralization. When the Confederacy of the Independent systems arose in 851 ABY, the central government was among one of the first to declare for the newly arisen state. There is recorded to have been some unrest between the traditionalists who thought the planet should stay independent and the government who sought to be more involved in galactic affairs. This time however it did not come to violence and a compromise would be made. They would only trade of the Confederacy and pay taxes in return for being connected to the Galactic economy, nothing more, nothing less. This ensured they kept their tradition and kept out of messy affairs.

It was around this period that a pirate group attempted to invade the system but were beaten back by the police fleet, though it was a close thing. The population feared another such attack and when it came they could not stand against it alone. So the central government decided to integrate more into the Confederacy in order to achieve military protection. After the great war, where the Galaxy was recovering from that terrible war, they saw their chance. A year after the end of the Great War, the President and the high council believed that they should contribute more to the recovery efforts of their state. So, the raised 6,000 organic auxiliary troops in order to assist in filling in the gaps. A Dauntless Captain named Anakwar Forlorn was assigned to oversee the mobilization and assist in the deployment of the forces all over CIS space. The Captain was believed to be on the last dregs of his career, despite him being fairly young his glories during the war were fading away, and that this was one last job before he rode the desk into semi-retirement. The Captain was not impressed by the appearance of the men, describing them at the time as "a scrawny, scruffy mob of soft-voiced woodsmen" in private. He didn't see them as strong or even people who he could mold into competent troops. The night the troops were being shipped into orbit, a splinter Imperial Fleet suddenly translated into the system. It had survived the fall of the Empire, sneaking past the picket only to re-enter here in Caira. The Captain knew from his experience, that the Empire genocided all that stood against it. They would burn the world.

Their fleet was next to nothing. They could have fought on the planet. But they only had 10,000 men. Untried, unproven. They had no defensive position and no prepared emplacements to stand fast. Half of the forces were already in troops carrier in the orbit or boarding the ships. They couldn’t turn them around and get them unlimbered and dug in, in under two full days. Either way, they would be nothing more than cannon fodder. The Captain made his cruelest order, one that would go down in the halls of infamy. Grimly deciding that the world could not be saved, and, instead of allowing the soldiers to be raised to engage in a futile defense of their homeworld, the Captain ordered as much of the men and equipment evacuated off-planet as possible before the enemy ships arrived. He orded forward the police ships in a delaying action which saw their total annihilation, only buying the world another half hour of life. He quickly notified Confederate High Command of the attack.

The Imperial fleet bombarded the planet with such force that the mantle split. The swamps evaporated. The continents slid into each other and disintegrated. The great forests licking into cinders in a wall of white heat. The massive mountain ranges were ground to dust. The core, cut loose, erupted and boiled out into the vacuum.

Out of a billion people, only 3,700 survived. They are all that is left of that lost world. They are the Forlorn.
 
Last edited:
1.
  • Permissions: [Please link any Marketplace purchase or similar approvals to use other Writers’ content as part of this submission.]
You need to add the Permission field in the template's Out-Of-Character information. Just put 'N/A'.

2.

  • Major Imports: Weapons, Foodstuff, Industrial Equipment, and Settlers. No longer valid due to the Fall.
  • Major Exports: High-Quality Dark Ebony Wood, Iron, Nickle, Tibana Gas, Herbs, and rare game. No longer valid due to the Fall.
  • Unexploited Resources: No longer valid due to the Fall.
If there is no trade, there are neither exports nor imports. You can say that these would be potential exports/imports. Reword accordingly.

Unexploited resources would still be valid since they're literally resources no one is utilising at the moment. So those that can still be found on the planet must be listed.

3.
  • Major Locations:
    • Corbet City The capital city of the Carian Settlement government. Housing almost 3 million people, it is the place where the first landers carrying the settlers for the planet came down and establish Corbet Settlement. It is named after the leader of the first group, Corbec Corbet.

    • Planetary Features:
      • Swamps and Bogs. A large mainstay of the world, most of the entire planet is covered in extremely thick marshland. The trees, called Georon, here are massive and are the source of the planet's main export of high-quality wood. It is dark ebony and gives off a distinctive smell. It is easy to craft with yet has a soft sheen to it. The swamps here are almost unnavigable, prowling with great beasts, and it is almost impossible to create paths in the constantly changing water levels, but the stubborn inhabitants have evolved a strong sense of direction that guides them through the maze-like trees. However, after the fall, none of this remains.
      • Mountain Ranges The mountains here are massive and nearly impassable, so far only Carians have been able to climb the skyscraping peaks in search of rare minerals and underground Tibana deposits. A rare flower grows at the very peak of the mountains, it is said that its petals are made of gold and the nectar made of diamond dust, only the truest the adventures people of Caria hold these rare things.
      • Sea Caria posses a large sea near the southern equator of the planet. It is named the Jantine sea after the name of the first ship that descended on the world. It is a sea full of sea creatures, many of who are large and aggressive enough to threaten ships. It used to be a large source of fish in the sector before the Fall.
  • Primary Terrain: Moutain Ranges, Thick Swamps, Highlands, Bogs, and at least one major sea.

You say in history that only 3700 natives are left and they've joined your unit. Furthermore, you call the planet a dead world in the submission title. So where do the 3 million come from? I'd assume this city used to have that number of inhabitants.

All the information in the planet sub must reflect how things are now. You can provide information on how things used to be, but the distinction must be clear. For one, all info that's about the past should be written in past tense.

Planetary features and Primary Terrain must also reflect current conditions.

4.
  • Population: Sparse, at it's hight, just before the fall it had only about a billion settlers.
Per the Description, only 3700 survived and they joined your unit. Uninhabited or Insignificant is a more appropriate category. In your own words, this is a Dead World.
  • Population: [ Choose from: Uninhabited, Insignificant, Sparse, Moderate, Heavy, Crowded - Optional: include a population number. ]

Demographics: Only humans have ever inhabited this world with the occasional alien trader coming into town or a few refugee families from the Great War. The first settlers were exclusively humans and it's a quite out of the way world where people who want to start a new life head. Of course, it no longer applies due to the Fall.
  • Primary Languages: Basic, and a bastardization of Basic is common from those living in the southern settlements. Most children are thought multiple languages by education.
The information here must also reflect present conditions.

5.
  • Government: Planetary Fuedal-Like Federal Republic
  • Affiliation: Confederacy of Independent Systems
  • Wealth: Medium Most people live decently comfortable lives. They are not a type that asks much for anything and mostly are self-sustaining. They do export rare goods such as game and their Georon wood which is strongly liked by carpenters who often bid highly for them.
  • Stability: High It is a stable planet which used to have a determined police force to guard. The main violence that ever arose was typically when hunters fought over hunting grounds. Such affairs were often quick or were mediated by officials.
  • Freedom & Oppression: It's a wild country where the people used to live free.
Minor nitpick, but it's 'feudal' not 'fuedal'.

This section must be reworked to reflect present conditions on the planet, so that the reader can distinguish between how things were before the Fall and how they are now. Also hyperlink Confederacy of Independent Systems.

6. Furthermore in History you say that the planet was destroyed by the Empire. Which Empire do you mean? There have been several Imperial style major factions on the board. Or do you mean an NPC group? The second is fine, the first not so much. While there have been several PC-run Imperial factions that would have probably liked to bomb a planet, they prefer to do it on their terms.

7.

'The Imperial fleet bombarded the planet with such force that the mantle split. The swamps evaporated. The continents slid into each other and disintegrated. The great forests licking into cinders in a wall of white heat. The massive mountain ranges were ground to dust. The core, cut loose, erupted and boiled out into the vacuum.'

This is cool imagery but, apart from the above info not reflecting it, also gives the impression that the planet has been totally vaporised. It is also close to contradicting the following rule:

"You may not destroy a celestial body (sun, planet, moon, etc.) in the SWRP Chaos Galaxy without prior permission from the SWRP Chaos Board Owner"

So you need to dial back on the total destruction. The planet can still be uninhabitable desert due to fallout, large-scale devastation etc., but it cannot have been utterly vaporised.

On the whole, most of the submission seems to be about how Caria used to be before the Fall. There's very little information about present conditions. Since it's more like a historical account of how Caria used to be, you may consider changing it into a Lore submission, using the Media template.

If you want to keep it as a planet sub, this submission must be edited to make it clear what the place is like now.

If you want the planet to be an actual dead world, there is plenty of story potential you can incorporate into the sub. Ruins of Caria's destroyed cities, ghosts of the dead trapped on the hellhole, maybe the mass deaths spawned a Force nexus. It's supposed to be a place that inspires people to fight so they don't lose again...What's more inspiring than the spirits of the dead rangling their chains at you? You can move all the old details to history.

If you want life to begin anew on the planet, you could write about CIS helping the survivors conduct terraforming operations. Sky's the limit really.



Anakwor Farlorn Anakwor Farlorn
 
Last edited:
Confederate Dauntless Colonel
Elpsis Kerrigan Elpsis Kerrigan Ah, thanks a lot for your feedback. I really, appreciate the work you do. I think this would be best used as a lore entry and will re-do it as such. The world has basically cracked and it is impossible to even sustain an atmosphere, much less. I see know that I should be clearer in more parts. When I meant Empire, I meant the Galactic Empire destroyed during the Great War. For the splinter fleet, I will brainstorm a solution for that with the creative team of my faction. As for the force ghosts things, I don't think I'll implement it. I honestly don't want Caria to become a location in the RP. It's more like a tragedy that only the survivors carry. A private burden. Maybe I'll have the ghosts instead come in the nightmares of the survivors and their guilt. This has given me almost half a dozen story ideas so thanks for that.

Thank you. I will instead make this a lore entry. Mods like you make me love this site.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom