Tomorrow, the Confederacy of Independent Systems is initiating an attack against the United Clans of Mandalor the Infernal; my estranged niece Yasha Cadera by way of culture and Kay's place in Clan Raxis. Alongside other Silver Jedi Personnel, I have come to lend the Confederacy my assistance in seeking justice for the attacks against Eshan, Umbara and H'ratth...-But I would be lying if I did not admit that I fell ill about it.
My wife stands in support of our Niece and her people; while as a Jedi Master, it is my duty to see that there are consequences for the slaughter and oppression of innocence. It is one thing to put myself in harms way, to fight so that others do not have to, but for my family to be caught up in all of this...-For Kay and I to be so far apart, to feel as though there's no coming back from this mess...-It is not a place that I had thought possible for she and myself. My Children are also involved, and more emotionally conflicted than I've ever seen them, even when I was facing persecution for my past mistakes.
Caedyn is standing with the Order of the Silver Jedi, for he and Asaraa Vaashe have become most dedicated to one another. Loreena Arenais has long-standing ties to the Mandalorian's, having been raised among them and under the tutelage of Yasha, Kaine and Jaster. Neither of the twins have attained the emotional restraint traditionally taught within the Order, and either way this horrible time plays out, neither of them will escape it without their own demons to contend with.
Ever since Commenor, the Confederacy has always been an affiliated party to House Arenais, yet to see their Fleet in person is quietly vexing. Their weapons of war are certainly that, powerful and likely to prove devastating; I cannot help but fear for those caught on the other side of them. Both Civilian and Mandalorian alike.
Ever since the divide between the ancient Je'daii, Force Users have been pulled into times of war such as this, the Jedi Order no different from the Sith Empire in that regard. We each fight for our own reasons, the Jedi seeking to strengthen the Sentient Rights of Galactic Society. Freedom of choice, safe-keeping, help when it is requested of us. These things do not comfort me in the fact that I know what to expect when we reach Tanaab. Death is the result of War, no matter how you swing it.
To condemn one man to die so that others can live and feel safe, we justify this through the 'Greater Good', yet these things should never feel right. Fighting in a war, whatever our reasons, we enter into these times knowing we are no more innocent than the side we are fighting against. These burdens, we take on ourselves to keep others from knowing the guilt and the shame that comes from victory if we are to be that fortunate. This is also why the Jedi teaches us to be mindful of our feelings...-Because the right thing to do rarely comes with ease.
I first met my Wife on Alzoc Three, and from there we returned to the Galactic Republic. I was in Exile yet I chose to take on employment as her personal guard, it was not long after Théodred Heavenshield had found the village I had made home, sharing an ale over tales of the Jedi. That boy had a way about him, inspiring me to seek out the Order and attempt a return to duty. The last thing I had expected was to fall in love with my employer, let alone to wind up joining her in leadership over millions of people and founding the Commenor Systems Alliance by similar ideal's my Master, Andina Torsyn had once taught me.
In what light would she see me now, I wonder. My flaws precede me, though I have always tried to live by the Code of the Jedi, there are times in which I've strayed far from Andina's teachings. I wonder if not all Mentor's cast such a shadow on their students, an image and example that I am not alone in my struggle to live up to? I could certainly do with the young Théodred's words now, offering to make sense of this predicament I have found myself in, giving me a clear cut definition of what the Silver Jedi Order would ask or expect of me.
Tomorrow I will be greeted by conflict, and feel the force torn asunder with every life that's taken on the battlefield around me. That is the truth of things. More people will die because of the corrupting power and temptation that comes with a position of leadership and politics. This may just be the first time in my life that, while I believe I'm fighting for the right reasons, I fear I may lose part of myself in the process.