Following her encounter with Elle Mors on Krayiss II, Sylvia was left with heavy and conflicted emotions. After letting the memory plague her for days on end, she did the only thing she thought could help get her mind off of that day; write a letter. She would always take this letter with her, often reading it in solitude, hoping that somehow the intended recipient could read it too. A small number of teardrops stain the paper, and beyond the fold in the middle it is slightly crumpled from being taken out and put back into Sylvia's backpack numerous times.
Hey Ellie,
This is it, isn't it? The last bit of hope is gone. I took your friendship for granted and now I have nothing. You moved on without me and I was too slow to catch up, so now I'm stuck here. Alone. All the childishly hopeful dreams that I had, they all had you there with me. Those are dead, now. I had so many chances and I blew every single one of them. You're gone, we're supposed to be enemies now, but I don't want to be your enemy. I don't want to fight you in the name of a cause I don't even believe in. But that cause is the only thing I have left, and I was too much of a coward to let go of it back when I still had a choice. I don't anymore. And that hurts. I've made my bed, I guess, now I have no choice but to lay in it. I would do anything to take it all back and start over, but time can't be turned back.
I often wonder how things would've gone had I been honest the day you left the academy. I wanted what was best for you, but I was focused on the wrong things. I never stopped to think what you wanted, because I for some ridiculous reason thought we'd be able to just move on with our lives. Well, I sure haven't been able to. Quite frankly, I'm a fething mess. I'm sure I made you think all those moments we shared mean nothing to me, now. That all the times you were there for me when I was in a dark place have already been forgotten. But the truth is that those memories haunt me no matter where I go. I can't sleep at night because of all the pain I caused you and despite that, I still don't have the guts to say sorry. Let alone admit how I actually feel.
I've never told anyone. Me writing this is the first time I'll even admit it to myself. Ellie, I have feelings for you. That was the hardest line I've ever written. You're the only person I've ever felt truly safe around. I never had to pretend to be someone else around you. I could just be my unfiltered self without being afraid. Your dumb smile always made my day a little brighter. But I can't have those feelings anymore. I'm supposed to hate you and I just can't do it. They call you a traitor, but I can't call you the same. I'm too weak to actually call you my enemy.
I don't know when we meet again, but I guess that'll be the last time. One of us will walk away alive, the other won't. If I'm the one to get the short end of the stick, and if you search my belongings, then I guess you'll read this. If you do, know that I'm sorry. For everything I did, and for being unable to tell you that face to face. Turns out I was just a worthless rat, after all. How could've known, huh.
If you do actually read this, I have one final request. Please take care of Spark for me, if it's with me. I showed it an old photo of us, so it'll recognize you. Thanks, if you do.
I don't know how to end this letter, so I guess all I have left to say is goodbye. So, yeah. Goodbye.
Kind regards,
Sylvia
Hey Ellie,
This is it, isn't it? The last bit of hope is gone. I took your friendship for granted and now I have nothing. You moved on without me and I was too slow to catch up, so now I'm stuck here. Alone. All the childishly hopeful dreams that I had, they all had you there with me. Those are dead, now. I had so many chances and I blew every single one of them. You're gone, we're supposed to be enemies now, but I don't want to be your enemy. I don't want to fight you in the name of a cause I don't even believe in. But that cause is the only thing I have left, and I was too much of a coward to let go of it back when I still had a choice. I don't anymore. And that hurts. I've made my bed, I guess, now I have no choice but to lay in it. I would do anything to take it all back and start over, but time can't be turned back.
I often wonder how things would've gone had I been honest the day you left the academy. I wanted what was best for you, but I was focused on the wrong things. I never stopped to think what you wanted, because I for some ridiculous reason thought we'd be able to just move on with our lives. Well, I sure haven't been able to. Quite frankly, I'm a fething mess. I'm sure I made you think all those moments we shared mean nothing to me, now. That all the times you were there for me when I was in a dark place have already been forgotten. But the truth is that those memories haunt me no matter where I go. I can't sleep at night because of all the pain I caused you and despite that, I still don't have the guts to say sorry. Let alone admit how I actually feel.
I've never told anyone. Me writing this is the first time I'll even admit it to myself. Ellie, I have feelings for you. That was the hardest line I've ever written. You're the only person I've ever felt truly safe around. I never had to pretend to be someone else around you. I could just be my unfiltered self without being afraid. Your dumb smile always made my day a little brighter. But I can't have those feelings anymore. I'm supposed to hate you and I just can't do it. They call you a traitor, but I can't call you the same. I'm too weak to actually call you my enemy.
I don't know when we meet again, but I guess that'll be the last time. One of us will walk away alive, the other won't. If I'm the one to get the short end of the stick, and if you search my belongings, then I guess you'll read this. If you do, know that I'm sorry. For everything I did, and for being unable to tell you that face to face. Turns out I was just a worthless rat, after all. How could've known, huh.
If you do actually read this, I have one final request. Please take care of Spark for me, if it's with me. I showed it an old photo of us, so it'll recognize you. Thanks, if you do.
I don't know how to end this letter, so I guess all I have left to say is goodbye. So, yeah. Goodbye.
Kind regards,
Sylvia
