Private You Said You'd Never Let Go

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Long tireless nights haunted the Corellian after Coruscant. She continuously read through her notes, watched security footage, and even the meeting between Auteme and the Senator. Everything looked normal; none of it hinted at the betrayal that the Jedi had endured. Allyson leaned back, craving the reprieve that awaited her when Taiia returned home.

Closing her notes, Allyson sighed, trying to focus on the problem that continued to plague her. There was no evidence of anything. She couldn’t pinpoint who was true sith and who was washed up in their grandeur. The urge to scream crept into her throat, especially now that she was alone for the moment.

Instead, she ran her arm along with the desk, throwing all her equipment onto the floor of the desk. Standing, she left the room, shutting the door behind her. Allyson’s mind needed a break, and her break was named Taiia. The Corellian searched for her lover, stopping only to admire the home that the woman had built. Was this where she was supposed to be?

There wasn’t any doubt in her mind that she loved Taiia and she wanted to be with her. She just didn’t know how to stop letting her mind wander back to Coruscant and the NJO

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:

​

Allyson wouldn't have to go far to find Taiia, the redhead was seated on the sofa with a stack of reports to read over. Some of them were about emerging threats or deployment orders for the Knights but the ones she was focused on were the progress of her young squires. Neither of them had experience with the force, Kristal at least had been brought up in the force, Lana only knew that her ability was related to the force, but both were eager to learn.

The redhead wore one of Allyson's long shirts that ran just past her hips, her knees tucked up beneath her as she read leaving little to the corellian's imagination. She could sense the frustration from Allyson there were times she needed to be alone and Taiia respected that but there were also times when Allyson needed her and those were the moments she loved the most.

Leaning back into the sofa the redhead shifted slightly setting down the reports before looking at her lover, girlfriend? fiance? She wasn't sure which was appropriate at this point but the fact was the same she was always there for her. She gave a warm smile and held out a hand to the brunette. "Everything ok?" those piercing emerald eyes watched her as she approached she knew Allyson all too well and scooted a bit to make room next to her.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

The boundaries that Allyson had kept between her and Taiia were gone. She felt free to express what she felt and what she wanted. Naboo had become home, a better home than Corellia or Coruscant had been. She hadn’t expected it to happen this quickly or in this lifetime. And yet, Taiia came into her life on a fluke, one that she never would regret.

Socked feet padded across the room as she headed towards the woman on the couch. Allyson wanted to collapse, drown in Taiia’s arms and forget the rest of the galaxy. It was getting to be too much; there were no answers and nothing she could do to fix things. Groaning, Allyson crawled onto the couch and wrapped her arms tightly around Taiia’s waist. She buried her face in the redhead’s neck and laid there for a few moments until she couldn’t breathe anymore.

The brunette lifted her head and kissed her lover’s lips lightly, “I just don’t get it. None of it made sense, I’m supposed to be the one that knows, yet they just snuck in under my nose.” Frustration furrowed her brow as she let her hands snake along Taiia’s hips and sides. “I need a distraction,” Allyson whispered against the woman’s ear. “Any ideas?” It was true; she needed something to distract and keep her mind from the broadcast that she had received on Alliance comms. The Maw was attacking, hunting the Jedi at every turn. Even now, Allyson wondered how far and deep the Maw's reach was.

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:

​

Taiia shifted slightly as Allyson slipped her arms around her waist. Her own hands slid around the brunette and held her gently, her left hand moved up to run gently through her hair as Allyson buried her face against Taiia's neck. The redhead simply held her and continued to stroke her hair, then Allyson lifted her head and pressed her lips to Taiia's the redhead smiled and returned the kiss gently.

She nodded as she listened "I don't know too much about what happened but, it is hard for a single person to know every single detail of every single event and person." her right hand slid up and cupped Allyson's cheek, stroking it gently. A small grin formed on her lips when she asked about a distraction. "Oh I think we can come up with something" she leaned forward placing her lips gently upon the brunettes. "We do have a very comfortable bed not too far away," she suggested quietly.

"Although, we do have a perfectly good sofa right here." the redhead's eyes looked into Allyson's full of suggestions again she pressed her lips to the brunettes. She knew she was the antidote for Allyson's concerns, and she was happy to be that.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Taiia didn’t press for more information; she always kept her promise and waited for Allyson to give the information when she was ready. It had made their coming back together something that Allyson was comfortable with. While she knew she couldn’t hold any secrets from the woman, it still was on her to release them.

Allyson chuckled softly as she nuzzled cheek to cheek with Taiia. This feeling was something the Corellian had longed for. Constantly trying to find it in the beds of so many before the redhead. Even though Allyson had screamed for freedom, she wanted someone to ground her - clip her wings and cage her heart. The others had a chance; all they had to do was say the words and give a little effort to tame her wild spirit. She wanted a home, and now her home was here - with Taiia.

Lips tasted the tender place before Taiia’s ear as nimble fingers laced around the silver chain of the tags around her neck. Pulling back, Allyson examined them. Her full name, her date of birth, rank, and home, etched into the metal. “You wear them?” She questioned softly, letting her thumb trace the grooves of the squadron name and her callsign. The gesture meant more to Allyson than Taiia could fathom. Even if something happened to her, there would be someone to remember her, someone that saw her exist.

“I love you.” She smiled, “I’m sorry I took so long to find you.” Nothing for just one moment didn’t matter. The Maw, the hunt for the Jedi, and her responsibilities were forgotten as she held onto her fiance, girlfriend, soulmate, whatever Taiia wanted to be called. Allyson couldn’t imagine a life where Taiia wasn’t in it and wanted to make sure the woman knew it.

Sometime later…

They somehow managed to make their way to the bed. Allyson stared at the illuminated ceiling as she ran her fingers gently through her lover’s hair. “Remember when I asked you if you ever wanted to run away from all of it?” Allyson shifted to see if Taiia was awake, “Has your answer changed at all?”

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:

​

She smiled at her laughter and relaxed in the brunette's arms, it was an amazing thing how they had gone from total strangers to the closest of lovers. When Allyson kissed by her ear it would elicit a small laugh as her fingers wound their way around the silver chains around her neck. The redhead's cheeks would flush ever so slightly when she asked about them.

Taiia's eyes watched Allyson's hand as she ran a thumb gently over the dog tags and let the question hang for a moment before finally answering. "I do, it's my way of keeping you close when you aren't here." it wasn't meant as anything more than reality when Allyson wasn't nearby it served as a comfort and when Taiia was forced to leave her side for a time.

"I love you too" she smiled and shook her head at Allyson's apology before reaching a hand up and cupping her cheek gently. "The force brought us together, perhaps neither of us were ready until now. But we are here now, so let's make the most of it." she planted a kiss on her lips quickly.

Sometime later....

Taiia lay next to Allyson in bed, the brunette's hand running through her hair, when the question came she pondered silently for a moment, she rolled over slightly to look at Allyson. "In a way yes. I told you two things. The first that we had duties to see to. I also told you that I was prepared to fight both the Alliance and the Confederacy if it came to it, to have you and keep you safe." she smiled and scooted closer to her. "While I love the Confederacy and what it stands for. I would choose you. Even if my squires stayed behind."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson listened; she was prepared to hear that Taiia's answer was the same. The woman was devout to her duties; it was a trait that the Corellian had picked up on early in their relationship. Because of that sense of responsibility, Allyson was surprised at times Taiia had come to her aid. Coruscant remained fresh in her mind, remembering that she had brought the Lord into the council room. If Taiia had thought of her government first, she would have already told them about the weakness she had witnessed.

The woman's words surprised her, but Allyson kept it to herself. To hear someone so dedicated to their cause shift away from it was intense. And to be the reason for it, made her light-headed. Panic settled in briefly; what if Taiia felt it was a mistake? The question caused silence to fall between them. Allyson didn't want the woman to regret anything, but she didn't have the right words to say. Instead, she rolled over slightly so that she could stare into the endless emerald pools that made up her lover's gaze.

"You'd leave it all behind?" Allyson questioned, her voice barely audible as she leaned in. Hearing Taiia disavows her world for her made the Corellian smile softly. "I'd leave them all behind for you, the Jedi, the SIA, every tie I had. If I had to choose…." She paused, letting the confession hang in the air.

"I'd always choose you," Allyson kissed her gently and then pulled back only to stare at her trying to memorize the way the setting sunlight reflected off her features. "Of course, I hope it would never come to any of that." Allyson pulled away and sat up in the bed, bringing the blanket sheets to her chest.

"Everything that happened on Coruscant, it's driving me insane. I feel like I missed something, with everyone being focused on the Bryn'adul and the Sith Empire." Allyson chewed on the tip of her thumb, the gears in her mind grinding away. "On top of all of this, I got a message - I might need to disappear for a little bit."

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:

​

The brunette much to her dismay was not able to hide from Taiia, either by cloaking herself in the force or simply dismissing her thoughts. When she found them uncomfortable, when Allyson turned toward her and looked her in the eyes she would only see warmth, love, and compassion. She reached a hand across the gap between them resting it gently on Allyson's cheek before gently caressing it.

"For you? Yes." When she sought confirmation from her, there was no hesitation in her words, no deception only truth of what Taiia felt for her lover, for the one who shared her bed, for the one who stole her heart. A small smile broke out when Allyson reciprocated the feeling, she had wondered.

"That means the world to me, Allyson. I will always choose you too." she felt her lips upon hers and sighed happily at the all too brief kiss and watched as her lover pulled away from her, brown eyes studying her. She could see it and it just made her smile more. "I hope that day never comes for either of us."

When she pulled back and sat up, the redhead slipped from the covers and slid her arms around the brunette from behind, her bare body pressing against her back before she laid her head gently upon her shoulder as she listened. "You can't catch every detail. Something will always slip through, some detail will always be overlooked. No matter how good anybody is at their job. That isn't a reflection on you, the SIA, or the Alliance." when she said she needed to leave she sighed softly and nodded, she wasn't angry or disapproving she understood but keeping Allyson by her side was always preferable. "Do what you need to do, but call me if you need me?"

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson felt her body relax into Taiia's hold. The woman was disarming, and while the Spy enjoyed it, she also feared it. While the Confederacy and the Alliance had some sort of agreement, it was still new. Several members of the Alliance and the NJO doubted the Confederacy's intentions because of matters during the fight against the Empire. At one point, Allyson had found herself fighting the Confederacy, seeing them only as Sith sympathizers.

Taiia had changed her mind and heart, but she still reserved some doubt. If only to protect herself. Allyson rested a hand against Taiia's arm as she listened to the words she wanted to believe. No matter what the woman said, Allyson still felt responsible for what had happened. She was supposed to be the best, and the best didn't fail like this.

Despite her feelings and wanting to wallow in her pity party, Allyson smiled gently and caressed Taiia's hand. The woman was too good to her, never pressing for more information, always letting Allyson give it freely. Either Taiia was the worst honeypot or the best deceiver for how she handled the Corellian.

"I know," She tried her best to fake a smile, "I just hate knowing that I could have done better." Her brows raised slightly; she had expected Taiia to question where she was going. Did she trust her this much already? Allyson was suspicious and, in an odd way, slightly hurt. Taiia should have wanted to know where Allyson was going and what she was doing. Especially if it was coming from the SIA director.

"I'll call if I can." She started, knowing that just that little bit would be comforting for both of them. "Not curious what dangerous and crazy mission I'm being sent on?" Allyson teased playfully. She remembered what she was hired for and why the missions she was sent on were so delicate. It was an odd time to be reminded of how little value her life was. Deniable asset. The words repeated in her mind, but she pushed them away for now. "Promise me, if anything happens, you'll always remember me?"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:

​

She could sense the doubt, as well as the trepidation the redhead let her speak while her head rested against her. Allyson wasn't accustomed to opening up to people that was obvious, especially with her line of work. A small smile touched her lips as she listened to her talk, she shook her head slightly while listening. "Don't think like that, I am sure you did all you could do. Be confident in your decisions, that you chose the right path. While I don't know many of the details. Some things are beyond our control."

As the topic pivoted to the pending mission she simply smiled once more. "Of course I am curious. But your job is your job, I am not about to insert myself into it. Unless you are telling me I should be inserting myself into it. Or I could simply entice you to stay here?" she turned her head slightly and kissed the brunette's neck gently right above her collar bone.

As the brunette's mind continued to wander she could sense her emotions. A mixture of concern as well as distraction. The brunette was conflicted within her mind. She caught the change in tone when she spoke asking her to remember her. At once the redhead lifted her head and slid around to look at Allyson in the eyes, a fierce determination hidden in the emerald color. She lifted a hand to caress the Corellian's cheek. "Remember you? I will always remember you of course. But I won't need to. Because nothing will happen to you." a smile touched the redhead's lips. She leaned forward pressing her forehead to Allyson's as she whispered.

"As I told you before. I will fight anyone for you, even death itself if I must." she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the Corellian's tenderly, letting it linger to convey her feelings to Allyson.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

The kisses and the gentle touch of the woman helped pull the Corellian's mind from the depths of her thoughts. She leaned into the touch as she nodded, understanding what Taiia was trying to explain to her. It all sounded crazy. Fighting death? How was that even possible? Allyson knew that death was often called the next adventure, another life after the life lived. Even if there was a life after death, she didn't want it knowing that Taiia was in this life.

A grin spread across the Corellian's face as she nuzzled the redhead's hand. The faintest hint of her father's Imperial background echoed behind the words she spoke, "My dear, you could entice me to do whatever you wanted. I'm sure having me here as long as I've stayed in Confederate space can attest to your influence over me." It was true. Taiia had a way with the woman; she had unknowingly convinced Allyson to remain in the territory for some time now. Thankfully, Allyson was a special agent, which meant her leash was pretty long. M seemingly was getting more and more suspicious the longer she was away from HQ.

"I appreciate it really, but Taiia, how can you fight death? It's inevitable for every life. One day I'm going to die; you're going to die." Allyson's grin faded slightly as she reached up and pulled Taiia's hand from her face, holding it tightly. "I'm okay with dying. I mean, I don't want to because I really like being alive and being here with you." Her thumb ran along Taiia's knuckles. "I know it's selfish, but I hope I die first; I don't think I can fathom an existence without you." Taiia probably felt it, even if she didn't know the history behind Allyson's words. Knowing what it felt like to live without someone who made her feel complete was something the Corellian never wanted to experience again.

"You're stronger than I am, though, even if things don't work out with this mission and I don't come home. Take care of yourself and let yourself love again." Allyson leaned forward, brushing her lips against Taiia's cheek. She wanted the best for the woman; good people like Taiia deserved that.