Private You Just Walk In Like You Belong

[Asmus Janes]

Okay. It always carried a different meaning.

The most subtle touch could mean the world.

His beating heart slowed as he focussed on where they were touching, on the warmth of her body against his. Asmus gently stroked her hair as she held him. He reigned in the imagination that had started to paint a future without Kaile. All that time apart and now he could not imagine being in that state ever again.

"Yeah..."

Another few seconds and he stood tall and straightened his shoulders.

"We've at a system on the edge of Alliance space. There's still a danger. Probably a long range torpedo or microjumping frigate if they spot us. We take it slow, pick up instructions and then get us an escort somewhere safe."

 

[Kaile Vera]

"We've at a system on the edge of Alliance space. There's still a danger. Probably a long range torpedo or microjumping frigate if they spot us. We take it slow, pick up instructions and then get us an escort somewhere safe."

"So it will take some time before we can head back to Bix." It wasn't a question as much as a statement. A nod, then she pulled back up to look at him. While she enjoyed the cafune of her hair, there were more questions.

"How are Lucy and Chaz? Do we know where we are dropping them off or do they have a plan in place?" and what will they do to keep under the radar? It took all of Kaile's savings to get a clean identity for Asmus and the Lorrdian wasn't sure if Vo had done anything for the pair to keep under trouble.

"Or are they just planning to start anew in Alliance space?"

 

[Asmus Janes]

"It will, yeah," he admitted. "At least a few more days."

"They're alright, they're up top watching the system for anything odd. A mission like that...normally takes more than two. I haven't asked too many questions yet. Technically, they're probably not allowed to tell us."

Asmus took a half step back and glanced up the corridor.

"Someone will have decided they wouldn't sanction an official extraction, but when they're back they'll be looked after I'm sure."

 

[Kaile Vera]

That made sense. On all fronts.

Another sigh and Kaile rested her head against Asmus again.

“Is it silly that I want to talk to Bix?” Or see her on a holo? Hear her excitable voice. See her easy going smile? Things hit harder now. In ways Kaile never felt before.

Honestly she was glad Asmus confirmed no more missions after this.

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

"No," he said firmly.

He felt an ache as soon as she said it. Another thing he had held back. Asmus smiled a gentle smile.

"As soon as it's safe, we'll call back."

It was easy now to make up a story for where they had been. That would not last long. He had flown so many missions, but he greatest achievements had either been stashed away or wiped during the fall of the GADF. Maybe they were in Alliance files again.

"You ever imagine we might be on a history sbow when Bix is all grown up. They declassify our work and interview us when we're old and crusty?"

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile gave a short laugh, shoulders shaking. A shake of her strawberry blonde hair and another sigh.

“Maybe yours,” Kaile answered, after musing about it for a few seconds.

“Can’t hide all those battles and missions you went through in the Alliance. The others well… with the First Order taken over by the Sith, who knows.” She gave a gentle pat of his back.

“Not mine though.” This time her voice was somber.

“I don’t exist. That’s on purpose. With as many play pretends as I’ve done, none of what I do will ever see the light.”

But that was ok. Kaile knew and expected that. It wasn’t for fake that she did what she did. She was just good at it and folk in the rebellion caught onto it quick when she was an orphan kid to help them out.

 

[Asmus Janes]

"You exist to your family," he said firmly.

"And...well, we discussed the other day how a lotta your stories wouldn't be suitable for a holonet exposé," Asmus laughed.

Neither would his years on the quintessence, but that had just been a crew of smugglers struggling to stay flying. No one would make a show about something like that.

Asmus cleared his throat and did an impression of an old man.

"In forty-three I flew a secret cloaked ship to Demonstgate...I remember the currency at the time was the devaronian dit and..."

Given that Kaile had almost died, it seemed childish to make light of the situation. It was simply part of how he dealt with things. And because despite being a hopeless romantic, he was still quite childish at heart.

 

[Kaile Vera]

"You exist to your family," he said firmly.

It was crazy just how much these five little words meant the world to Kaile. There was so much to unpack there. That she exists; that was important that see was seen as someone who is tangible. Not only that, but that she exists to her family. Having a family now, after so long, was something Kaile had never thought she'd achieve. Now she had Asmus, Bix, and Kurt in her life; not to mention planning on having another child with Asmus soon. Actually, planning to have a child again.

The ability to do so was just mindblowing for the Lorrdian. It meant the 'verse to her.

Kaile's shoulders shook at Asmus's attempts at humor, and she gave him another loving squeeze. The Lorrdian knew it was how Asmus not only dealt with stress but just a part of his personality. Something she loved about him oh so very dearly.

"Reckon you'll need a cane too." Kaile joked, taking another deep breath and snuggling against him.

"We'll see what we can and shouldn't let Bix and our next one know." a thought came to her, "Although I wonder if telling her such stories may make her want to try and seek out adventures like ours. " that was a worry.

"I don't want Bix wantin' to become some government agent."

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus gave a slow nod. When he thought about it directly, it was remarkable how well he knew Kaile and yet how many blank spots there had been. She had only revealed a smattering of details to him about her childhood.

"No, I don't want that for her," Asmus said.

They had spent so much time just being together. It had seemed so important to to stay hidden, to stay safe and to find their feet as a family.

Asmus was very aware of how Quin's story shaped his approach to being a father. He hadn't started thinking about how their children might inheret some of their traits and become quite rebellious. And that rebellion could be against him.

"Come on, do you want to rest or come up to the cockpit? But...why a cane?"

 

[Kaile Vera]

"I'll go up with you. I don't like standing still." And the scent of medicine and a sterile environment make Kaile as quesy enough without having to stay there alone. She didn't like being alone in the pod.

"As for the cane," Kaile gave a faint smirk, "By that age I reckon I've worn out your hips and back you'll need a cane to help you walk." She chuckled, leaning against him to help her walk.

"Help me change out into proper clothes will you? Then maybe somethin' to eat." after that, they could see how Lucy and Chaz were doing. Figure out what was going on in their minds.

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

"I'll need..."

Asmus knew why she didn't like extended hospital stays. That had evoked old thoughts and feelings. Which meant he was caught off guard by her comment.

His eyebrows went up and he canted his head in a gesture that seemed to say: Yeah, probably. It was fair to say that despite his exploratory nature, if they had to point to who had the greatest appetite it would be Kaile.

"How are you feeling? I know that's a silly question but specifically: hungry, in pain, tired?" he asked.

Holding her hand, he led her towards the oversized master suite that had become their cabin. The ship had been the private yacht of an imperial moff before they had stolen it, thanks to Kaile's connection to the Force.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile had been trying to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Maybe it wasn't as funny as she had thought. Either way, the Lorrdian chuckled, only to give a slight grimace and place her hand over her abdomen where the patch lay. She could feel the slightly raised edges of the synthflesh badge.

How am I? It was a loaded question to answer. Sucking a deep breath, Kaile tried to process what she was thinking. Truth be told, she was revealing far more with what she wasn't saying than when she spoke. It was the Lorrdian in her. The drop of her shoulders, the weariness surrounding her brown eyes, her slow amble. She was exhausted. Not in top top shape. It was more than that though. While the adrenaline rush at the time had helped her push through, she also had to dig in deep for the torture of chagrin training she had through the Force to remain conscious.

"Reckon usin' the Force took its toll on me." Having Bobo around for years had deadened her to the Force, so now that he was keeping Bix company, Kaile had to once again get used to feeling everything.

"That was the most I've used in a long, long while." she admitted, their slow amble taking them closer to the master suite. "I ever tell you about the trainin' I had before? Remember how I taught you how to be able to withstand someone' tryin' to dig into your mind?" that had been back on the Quinn.

"I had to pull some of that back there. Just to remain conscious. Hadn't had to do that in a long while."

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

"I had to pull a couple of maneuvers I haven't practised in a while too. Not the same. Doesn't exactly...take it out of me."

He offered what stability he could, matching her slow pace. She was exhausted. Her explanation offered two reasons for her state. Having drawn from the Force as well as going through the medical procedure meant Asmus was amazed she was even on her feet.

She was stronger than him. Much stronger.

"Who...actually trained you in that stuff?" Asmus asked.

"If you can tell me. I just always see the Force as this thing Jedi and Sith use."

He opened the door, offering his free arm for her to lean on.

"You know we'll be alright if you want to sleep a bit?"

 

[Kaile Vera]

Who actually trained you? Kaile let that question marinate for a bit, the Lorrdian quiet as she marinated in memories. "After the Rebellion scouted me, it was clear that they were having significant issues with rogue Force users and Sith who were...well, reckon by all accounts, thought of to be beyond any remedial help."

This was a darker facet of Kaile's history she hadn't disclosed to Asmus before. Walking into the suite, Kaile carefully made her way to the bed with Asmus's help.

"Aye, it is just what it sounds like. A former Sith, by the name of Rani Churs, managed to convince leadership that to fight these types of FOrcer users, a special unit should be created to hunt them down." Kaile sat down on the bed, hands coming up to tuck the wayward strands of strawberry blonde hair away from her eyes.

"With my skillset, reckoned they figured I would be plenty helpful. " Chocolate brown eyes stared up at him, "But to fight 'em, one had to know what to expect to be facin'" her head gave a slight cant to the right, as if what she was about to disclose, in hindsight, wasn't the most pleasant of experiences.

"So Rani took turns. With each of us. Putting us under torture with all kinds of manner a Sith would be able to mess with your mind and body." She bit her lip and took a deep breath.

"I was sixteen."

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

"I was sixteen."

"I...feel bad I didn't know that before," Asmus said. "I know that's stupid but..."

He was normally so eloquent. This time he struggled to convey what he was feeling. All those hours spent thinking of the little things she had told him over the years had led him to some conclusions.

There was a difference between settling on conjecture and hearing a story out loud. This time, it wasn't as fun as seeing the place she had spent hours thinking about him on the Mesa. It hurt a little.

Asmus sat down on the bed beside her. The slight give in the mattress brought them together.

"We've spent all this time raising Bix and in the last week we've planned our future and learned a lot about the past. I've loved the time we've had, this was a weird way to make us think about what comes next. Guess I didn't get shot though..."

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile reached out to interlock her fingers with Asmus's own, then brought them both over to her lap. From there, her other hand began to trace her fingerpads over the top of his hand lightly, feeling the smooth skin, massaging him so to comfort him as she listened to him speak.

"Trust me, you don't wanna get shot just to figure out that bit of wisdom," Kaile said ruefully, rubbing her abdomen with her other hand in consideration. "'sides, I don't know what I'd have done if you'd been hurt... when I got that message that the Terminus team is burned. Meet at secondary location - I.." Kaile's voice caught. She swallowed hard, throat bobbing. Just thinking about it made her eyes sting.

"... I don't know what I would've done."

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

"Vo's man, this big jolly houk. He was just sitting there with a blaster burn in him. Don't even know if it was to do with our mission or..."

Asmus was aware that the gentle touch was deliberately aimed to sooth. He placed his free hand over her forearm. Their physical contact was always an anchor. It had been from almost their very first meeting.

"I think if they'd known I was there, they would have waited for us both. I was lucky."

He had been shot just once before. She'd been there. He'd only been clipped. She knew he'd been briefly tortured by imperials when the Quintessence had been impounded. She knew almost everything about his life. He smiled suddenly and decided he needed to explain.

"I remember Jay complaining that he needed a blaster for adventures. No more adventures like this. Just the kind that come without danger."

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile took the time to listen to Asmus. There was a lot to unpack there. It was clear what he'd experienced on Terminus, and the death of the Houk had really shaken him. Then again, thinking about how that could have happened to Asmus also made Kaile tremble in fear. She wouldn't be able to deal with it.

"The Force was with you," Perhaps it was a silly thing to say, but whatever it was, the Force, Lady Luck, Fate. It didn't matter. What mattered is that Asmus was alive and he was here with her.

"You are alright and so am I. Now we can focus on finishing this and getting back to Bix," The Lorrdian assured him, drawing her hands away from him to wrap them around his shoulders and hold him close. Her temple came to press against his own, feeling the strands of his inky soft hair tickle her face.

"Boring adventures are a go. How about star charting? Showing Bix how to read the stars, chart them, and go hunting for them on her own? That seems like a better alternative than anything with a blaster."

Not that Kaile wouldn't be opposed to teaching Bix how to defend herself of course.

Asmus Janes

 

[Asmus Janes]

The Force or luck. Either way, it wasn't something he wanted to rely on. He knew that the more times you rolled the dice, the lower the chance was that you keep rolling the right answer. Every time a ship made a jump to hyperspace there was a small chance of catastrophic failure, but no one could remove chance from their life.

They had just changed what kind of dice they wanted to play with. There was too much to lose, too little to gain.

"We don't even have to make them boring," he said, turning to place a kiss on the side of her head.

"I spent my years moving from space port to space port. I wouldn't mind seeing worlds in a different way. Through a new lens, you know?"

By which he meant genuinely experiencing different worlds and their cultures and not just hitting the bars and looking for company.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Kaile gave a chuckle. Boring? With Asmus? Hah, as if that would be likely. No, if there was one thing that Kaile had come to comprehend well, it was that life with Asmus was full of humor, laughs, and, well, the occasional fancy shirt or jacket. And that expensive shampoo and conditioner. Yet even with all his idiosyncrasies, life with Asmus Janes was full of entertainment. Certainly not boring.

"I'd like that." Kaile replied, her grin broadening, leaning in close to rest her chin upon his shoulder to look up at him. It was a silly response, but an appropriate one. Well, at least so she could give his jawline a quick kiss.

"Also, life with you ain't borin'. Where ever and when ever we end up wantin' to go visit. I'm sure we'll make it fun." With a deep breath, the Lorrdian pulled back and then stared down at her robe. "For now, I reckon I need help out of this robe and into some proper clothin'. "

Too bad she was in no shape to do more.

"How about in the meantime while we go where we need to go, we start thinking of places to travel and take Bix?"

Asmus Janes