Vahlakure: Vahl's Demons

[The Red of Sinner]

Images
Normal Vahlakure

Spoiler

http://wallpapercave.com/wp/ptzsIuS.jpg

High Vahlakure

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http://digital-art-gallery.com/picture/big/15728

Vahlaemon

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http://joy-ang.deviantart.com/art/Dragon-Age-2-Pride-Demon-201083634

Name: Vahl's Demons, Vahlakures in the native Vahla language.


Designation:Sentient


Homeworld: Lost to them ages ago (The Vahla Homeworld, it is unnamed)


Language: Vahla, Basic, Vahlakuren


Average height of adults: 2 meters


Skin color: Tan Colors, to White (Caucasian)


Hair color: Varies from Reds, Blacks, Whites, or a combination of all three. They also possess horns that are shaped differently.


Breathes Type 1


Strengths:

• Naturally connected to the darkside at birth
• Chitin armor plates capable of blaster immunity (the chitin plated armor is always random for each Vahlakure and does not cover the whole body and is only formed at young adult ages the most common places are the arms and legs) This is a form of Exoskeleton.
• Due to having a similar bone structure like Vahla, they are agile, and extremely flexible beings.
• Talons that can rip flesh easily.
• Vahlakure Chitin Armor continues to grow as long as darkside energy flows through it. It's roughly equivalent to medium armor of 6 or 7.

Weaknesses:

• Carnivorous beings that they are, any form of vegetation is unable to be digested thus resulting in illness or even death.
• They rely heavily on their tails for balance, removing it would require them train to rely on their own two feet for balance
• Vahlakure elitist thus they have a hard time getting along with most other species other than Vahla.
• Lightside force powers are highly effective to these beings
• Their Chitin Armor seems to be able to continuously grow, if not take care of, it can overcome them. They are over come with the darkside and become insane and cannibalistic. This even goes as far as to turn them into monstrosities. It is very painful to keep the chitin in shaved down.
• Water soften this chitin armor if drenched, thus no Vahlakure swims, and bathes are short, adn quick. If not dried as soon as possible the chitin armor can become irritated, or worse infected resulting in illness and death.

Distinctions: Vahlakure, or Vahl's Demons, are a humanoid Force Demon that, with similar features to their Vahla neighbors, are very much a different species. Chitin like armor forms around their bodies around the age of 20 (their young adult age) and can be various colors. They also possess tails at birth to which help them balance much like a feline's does. Some are even known to have horns, and are considered High Vahlakures, or Great Vahlakure. Their hair colors vary between red, white or black, to even possessing a combination of the three. They stand tall, and muscular. The chitin armor is can be spikes, smooth, scale like, or even metallic like and are commonly found on the arms and legs. They also possess talons and sharp teeth.

As far as how protective this chitin armor is, blaster fire seems to give Vahlakure no sign of pain when shot in these area, physical swords like Vibroblades, along with slugthrowers, Lightsabers all damage the chitin armor like they would regular skin for those of normal and High Vahlakure.

When a Vahlakure becomes a Vahlaemon, this chitin armor becomes super energy conductive. Blaster bolts, Lightsabers, abd een Force Lighting and it's second level of mastery cause no damage immediately. lLugthrowers, Fire, and water, and even vibroswords still are able to cut thorugh this chitin armor though.


Average Lifespan: Around a 100 years


Races:

• Servitor: Those who have lost their horns, or have had their chitin armor fully removed are considered low, and become slaves to the Vahlakure, Great or not.
• Vahlakure: The most common of the species, they possess everything the High Vahlakure do except the horns, and social standings.
• High (Great) Vahlakure: Those born with the gift of horns, these Vahlakure are considered the highest of rankings, and as long as one horn is still attached, their social standings are still valid. They lead the Great Houses.
• Vahlaemon: When one's chitin armor overcomes them, they become insane chitin monsters with a full exoskeleton that deforms them. It is impossible to remove this chitin without killing the Vahlakure inside. These beings are very rare to find, and kept in check.

Estimated Population: They are nomadic, and considered a rare kind of being: Half of that of Vahlas'.


Diet: They can only digest meats.


Communication: Apart from normal means of communication, their tails flickers are a way to tell one’s mood. (Will go into greater detail on this where this belongs in the submission)


Culture: Vahlakures are ]governed by Great Houses known as the Three Precursors: The three houses being Great House Krono (The highest of the three houses), Great House Jarch and Reddon (these houses hold the exact same power to each other and answer only to Krono). With these three houses leading at the moment, only Krono has stood since the beginning of their recorded history. Any Vahlakure being born with horns can hold a large amount of political power, and those born without are considered the citizens of the Three Precursors. House Krono holds the largest flotilla with House Jarch and Reddon both hold the second largest flotillas.

]Servitors are those who have lost battles and thus their tails, horns, and chitin armor was lost, or forcefully removed (a very painful thing for the Vahlakure) and are now slaves to either Vahlakure citizens or the High Vahlakures.

Vahlakure are followers of Vahl as well as a God Erian, said to be loving of Vahl.

• It is said before written history that the Vahla were the first of the Servitors, and when the Goddess Vahl rebelled against House Kronos, they won their rights to be considered equals to the citizens. This was how the Ember of Vahl may have started. More details will be listed in the history of these beings.

Other houses exist and can be found within their own flotillas as they no longer possess their homeworld and make up the Minor Houses. They are not allowed to hold any ship larger than a Corvette within their flotilla, and to due is to mark war among the two house Jarch and Reddon, or worse, Krono. Minor Houses who can win against one of the Three Precursors may take their rightful place within the Great Houses.

Their tails are a way to show affection, or anger. Two Vahlakure locking their tails together are to be considered an item and in love while flickering tails are to be seen as aggressive, and prepared to attack. When one's tail seems to slowly sway back and forth this means their curiosity has been attained.







Technology level: On par with the galaxy's common technology, though they do not rely on it as much as most beings do.


General behavior:

Considered to be cruel, harsh beings, nothing about the Vahlakure can be considered pleasant as far as their interaction with other beings is concerned. They will communicate with each other and Vahla like any regular being would, only to ignore, walk away, or even going to the extreme to attack any being not native to their homeworld. They are sinister with their actions.

Their tails and horns are also a large part of their behavior. Locking tails with one another or grating horns together is a sign of affection and love within their culture. Flickering tails show anger or annoyance, while gentle sways can either be calm or curious signs.

They treat their own well, and others as lesser beings unless a large amount of respect can be gained.


History: There are two telling of their history; Trials of Vahl, which tells that Vahl was a Servitor to the Great House Krono, and The Precursor Chronicles that tells how the Servitors became the Vahla. Both histories will be told as both species will tell you that for the most part, either or is true.

Trials of Vahl: Before Vahl was born, her parents were in servitude to the Great House Krono. At this time the Master Erian Krono lead the Precursors and rulled over <<error>> and it seemed the Vahla race was doomed to be forever the Servitors to the Vahlakure. But by the miracle of Vahl's birth, things began to change. At this time the Three Precursors; Uono and Grisan were at war with Master Krono. Master Krono saw great potential in Vahl, and thus had her parents executed before her eyes when she was but ten years old. Afterwards, Krono began to teach Vahl the ways of the darkside which was called <<error>> before they knew it now as the Force, showing her the art of the fire, and how to control it's destructive prowess.

During this training, Vahl plotted to challenge Krono in a Duel of Fate, but while Krono was still fighting off Uono and Grisan from taking his crown as the Blood King, he began to fall in love with Vahl. What was strange was that Vahl herself saw that Master Krono was not as evil as she had thought him to be, but a selfish being who only wanted Vahl for himself. Her people cried in secrecy for freedom, and held her to a high standard as it was very rare for a Master of a House to a Servitor and show them the ways of <<error>>.

When the Masters finally breached Krono's abode with violent intentions, it was Vahl who defeated Uono and Grisan before Krono's eyes. It is said when Grisan and Uono finally fell, Krono really belonged to Vahl more than she belonged to him. When the war was over, Krono elected the Prophet Tuen and the House Ravage into the Great Houses where peace was saw to begin once more on <<error>>. Master Krono had the the Prophet for tell the future as to what was to become of House Krono, and with his ears he heard the greatest glory of all: It would forever stand as the Greatest of Houses.

In celebration, Krono rushed to Vahl, who still a Servitor, lived in the lowest of lows, a hole in the rocks. There he pulled her from the hole, and placed a kiss upon her lips, declaring that she would become a his only bed warmer while he sought for a wife to bare his children. Vahl found this to the perfect time to revolt from the hands of the Vahlakure and free the Servitors. After teaching her own people the ways of fire controlling, a revolution began and the Ember of Vahl was truly formed.
A massive war would outbreak in all the houses as each Vahla had went to one another in training themselves in fire control. It was deadly, and many died, but finally, after Vahl and Krono fought in one last battle, a Vahla in fear of the worse stabbed the woman in the back, and martyred her. In rage, Krono knew Vahl was about to best him with one final death dealing blow, he ripped this Vahla in half and held his true love in his arms. In her final breaths she begged Krono to let her people go, and had the Ember of Vahl present all the Vahlakure of Great that had been removed of their mighty horns and chitin armor.

With love and respect, Krono saw these Vahlakure as weak beings, and told Vahl she need beg not. The Vahla would be set free and the Vahlakure of Uono, Grisan and those stripped of their honor would take place as the Servitors. With a smile Vahl finally presented Krono with a kiss goodbye and burned up into ashes and dust. With pain in his heart and sorrow in his bones, Krono skinned the Betrayers of Uono and Grisan, carved out their horns and placed shackles on them. Forever would they be the Servitors to Krono who would stand everlasting.

• At some point after this, the Jedi attacked the lost planet, and drove the Vahla and Vahlakure off This text depicts Vahla being a very separate species apart from the Vahlakure and that Vahl never rose to god but was betrayed by her fellow Vahla. The name of the planet and what it was the Great Houses had called the Force was removed from all text by the Jedi, though some say Master Krono himself removed the text himself in rage as the Jedi attacked. Whether or not the Trials of Vahl tells an accurate telling of how the Ember of Vahl, Vahl herself, and the Vahlakure became as they are now is to be interpreted by the readers at their own discretion.

The Precursor Chronicles: Master Erian Krono of House Krono waged war with the Three Precursors; Julio, Rurn, and Ne'mon. When he won the the War of Fate, he skinned the Precursors, and carved their horns bare, thus the Servitors were born. When the Vahl was born, Julio no longer was their names, and Servitors they all were. Their skin forever flesh and their heads only fur. Krono held <<error>> with iron talons, tyranny held fear in all the Vahlakure's hearts. It was Vahl who was trained by a Vahlakure of near death on the ways of <<error>> that is today the darkside of the Force. With fire at her beckoning call, the Servitors held her up high and praised the miracle of her birth.

Master Erian was of near the end of his age, and had a Prophet Tuon tell the future while he ate his dinner. The Prophet brought news of Krono, the Everstanding House. Joy brought tears to Krono as he quickly searched for a wife, finding Vahl of liking, he made her his bed warmer. While Vahl was seen in favor of Krono the Ember of Vahl rose to attack with Vahl their Goddess as only those who held the control of fire were Gods of <<error>>. With her mortal form she did strike down each Krono Warrior, burning them to dust. Here it is said that Krono fell, but so did Vahl, thus both obtaining enlightenment. The Servitors were thus made Vahla, no longer slaves, and new Servitors were made.

The Great House Krono stood fast, and everlasting as Tuon had said, Master Ihon over House Krono. Ihon raged war with the other houses, hoping for one Great Kingdom, but Vahl the Goddess Erian the God held him back and another Vahla war began. This time rising a new Krono Master; Reia. She was fair and saw honor in truth. She held up high the Ember of Vahl, herself a High Priestess. It was this era of Embers true peace was found as Vahla and Vahlakure stood side by side as equals in citizenship. Only the Betrayers of Krono would be skinned and carved into the Servitors as the Goddess Vahl as dictated along with Erian.

• At some point after Riea became Mistress of House Krono, the Jedi attacked, driving all Vahla and Vahlakure away from their homeworld. Similar to the text of Trial of Vahl, the homeworld and the Force's name to the Vahlakure has been removed, it is said that Riea removed the text to hide the identity of Erian and Vahl. This text depicts that the Servitors were once the same as then, but when Vahl became the Goddess, all those in the Ember of Vahl were renamed Vahla, and new Servitors were made. Readers are asked to interpret this text with discretion as whether or not this is an accurate telling of history is to be questioned.

The Gulag Virus and Present Era:

When the galaxy was struck down with this terrible virus, the Vahlakure were effected just the same as the rest of the aliens in the universe. Their reaction? Flee the galaxy. The very start of this pandemic saw half the population nearly destroyed thanks to the Gulag virus, and thus they retreated outside known galactic space. (like the Vong came from) and rebuilt their numbers similar to what they were before hand. The galaxy's known space they were safe for the most part, inward fighting still occurred till the Great House Master Krono decided it was time to come back to known space. this was many years after the passing of the virus.

Upon arrival, Master Krono passed, and his eldest son Frecker became the new Master Krono. The galaxy had nearly forgotten about them, and when they returned much like supernatural ideology says, they were saw a demons, devils, or from the supernatural place Hell. Along with their elitist concepts, and being shunned from society, it will take sometime to wiggle their way back to the place they belong.






Notable Player-Characters: N/A


Intent: To create very different species that are in relations with the Vahla species, to become more informed on the species of “Force Demons”. Really, I wanted to make something very much new, but in relation to my favorite species. Give’ em a little more background history without breaking Canon Lore.

 

[Cecily Demici]

[member="Romeo Sin"]
Under review.

 

[Cecily Demici]

[member="Romeo Sin"]
Thank you for choosing the Codex! Before we can move on to the approval phase, I have a few concerns about this submission that need to be addressed:

First of all, could you please format the strengths and weaknesses section to read as bullet points? You can include paragraphs for each bullet point, but part of our job is to make sure the number and scope of strengths/weaknesses (key word being number) balance. It's significantly more difficult to do that when they are mushed together in one big paragraph.

-They possess an arm that is capable of blocking lightsabers.

–They are shrewd creatures.

This alone is not a strength. If you wish to keep it as a 'strength' than you will need to expand on it significantly to explain why. Otherwise, this is just general behavior stuff.

–The Pact, a pact to which they are able to switch arms with a person, this gives the person the arm of the force demon, but cannot use the force through this arm, while the Vahlakure is now able to wield the force in both arms. This pact is made through however the Vahlakure sees fit. Servitude, adult situations, money, info, etc etc. (This is a form of Sith Alchemy, though they do not call it this, and if the arm is of a female Vahlakure being put on a male being, it does not matter as the arms are not gender specific)

This entire section makes me a little uneasy. I admin that I like the concept behind this (reminds me of the demons in Dragon Age ,) but given their strong connection to the force already there is definitely a potential to overpower this creature.

-Their arm that can block lightsabers cannot wield the force.

This weakness also troubles me because the nature of the Force is that (notwithstanding the Vong and Droids) it flows through everything. You start to violate that principle with this implication that ONLY this arm is unable to use the Force. Even with your explanation of the fibers, you are going out on a limb here. I'll need either a canon/EU or Codex precedent here along with substantial reasoning before I will approve this part.

–Electric Judgement/Force Light seems very powerful against them (i.e. mortally wounding them with just a basic appliance of it.)

Instead of saying "seems very powerful" you need to say something more definitive like "is very effective." Given the already substantial power of this creature, I won't leave this part to chance.

–Their horns are their prized possession, they represent their status in their society, once removed, they will not grow back.

This alone is not a weakness and would merely be a minor inconvenience as written. You will need to expand on this greatly to give it status as a true species-wide weakness, otherwise this is just another general behavior or distinctions sort of thing.

-The Demon Arm, maybe able to block the strikes of a lightsaber, but are more arm is more than able to be cut off after many strikes.

There is a typo here which I have highlighted in red. Many strikes of what? A lightsaber? or anything?

Distinctions: Vahla Force Demons, Vahlakure are unique an comparisons to Vahlas themselves, they grow horns at the age of One(1), and they will continue to grow till they are Thirty-five(35). They possess tails that come in various shapes, and sizes (it all depends on the genes of the parents) to which help them balance. Apart from these things, they look like your average Vahla with a few added features. Their arms are normally of a armored looked, and they are born like this, they can a variety of looks from scales, some form of webbing, the limits almost do not exist with what their "Demon Arms" can look like. This is due to genes, and centuries upon centuries of breeding.

This is all sort of confusing. They are basically 'Vahla' with some added features that are completely random. You need to find some defining traits that distinguish this creature from Vahla completely and unite them as a single species. If you want them to have unique differences, that is fine, but you need to make sure these sort of distinctions are more like the differences in human noses than they are the size of massive horns or tails.

They are said to only show themselves to Vahla, but it is not impossible for another member of a species to meet one.

What makes this possible? Can they turn invisible or do they simply avoid other species?

Technology level: They have no actual Tech level are they are nomadic, but they are capable of using Starships (Anysize) and weapons of any variety, using computers, and pretty much the latest tech in the galaxy.

If they are capable of using advanced technology of any type, than they should in fact have a technology level.

General behavior: Vahlakure vary from individual to individual, this meaning, one maybe fair, and rewarding of their servants, or slaves, while another maybe cruel, and nasty. Their tails can show their own moods, though, such as quick flickers to show annoyance, or gentle swooshes to show interest in something. They are known to talk in riddles sometimes, in hopes to throw someone off in deals being made to get the upper hand.

The shortness of this section is incredibly disconcerting. All of the other sections are important, but history, general behavior, and culture, are what tell us how much development went into the creation of the submitted species. So please take that into account here.To say that "some are nice and some aren't" is not to describe a general behavior because that can observed in any species. General behavior goes more along the lines of whether they are social or anti-social creatures, how they attract mates or court each other, what sort of places they like to live.

No matter how unique members of a species are, they all have general behaviors that apply to the majority of the species and they need to go FAR beyond the superficial. Look at any real life species for example: Birds all build nests, lay eggs, and care for their young to the age of maturity; lions live in large family groups with only a single dominant male and several consorts, male cubs are raised to maturity and then forced to leave the group.

Even the various types of humans have collective behaviors. For example: "Western" humans are naturally (and generally) more individualistic and tend to be more future-oriented. Meanwhile, "Eastern" humans tend to be more collectivist in their thinking and are generally past-oriented.

History: During the beginning of time on the Vahla homeworld (which is lost to both species now) the Vahlakure are said to have been the first rulers of the planet, wielding amazing power (the darkside of the force) and full of wisdom, and knowledge... [ET AL. HISTORY]

I will reiterate what I said before about this section being an indication to us of how much thought went into any given submission. The history of this species left me wanting. This section is your last chance to really sell your species to the reader, and given the fact that this species expands on a well-established canon species, you should be putting all the bells and whistles on it.

Right now, this section is effectively one paragraph. I need to know more about their relation to the Vahla and their modern day history. Get creative here.

Intent: To create very different species that are in relations with the Vahla species, to become more informed on the species of “Force Demons”. Really, I wanted to make something very much new, but in relation to my favorite species. Give’ em a little more background history without breaking Canon Lore.

The overall issue here is that I dont see anything in this submission that really sets this species apart or makes them necessary. The Vahla are very much able to stand along apart from this species as is evident by their current existence in the EU/Canon. If you're going to make a species so intricately connected to a canon species, there really should be more substantial evidence of their necessity.

 

[Cecily Demici]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

Where are we on this sub?

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Cecily de Demici"]

Hey there!! Sorry. I have to take a LAO for 2 weeks, I can't think of how to make them different as I want them to be closely related to the Vahla, but bot a Sub Species of them. So...throw it away. I'll make a new one when I come back.

 

[Cecily Demici]

Being flagged for archive.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Archived.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Removed from archive at request of writer.

[member="Romeo Sin"] tag me when you are ready and I will assign you a judge.

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]

I feel this is ready Valiens

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Taeli Raaf"] has volunteered to handle this.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

Under review

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

So it looks like a well put together sub, but I do have a few things to point out/address:

• In terms of quality, how would this chitin armor be to blasters, ballistic weapons, and lightsabers?
• The ability of these guys to graft their chitin onto others is going to require some serious development, just pointing this out now. How much will depend on how the above point is answered.
• I notice in the history section you don't detail what has happened to them since these ancient times, I would like to see how they have gone through more modern times of the galacy, including the Gulag Virus, the 400 Years of Darkness, and Netherworld.
• I need to mull over the intent section a little longer to see if I think that is an appropriate intent, but for now address the above points please.

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

The development of the chitin armor and the grafting development is something I am more than willing to do. Even started figuring out how I would start that thread and from who's perception.


Your requested edits have been made, and I added a new weakness; water, to the fray. I also added the difference between normal Vahlakure Chitin Armor, and Vahlaemon Chitin Armor.

The Gulag and Current Era has been placed into the history.

As far as the intent whatever I can do to ease your thoughts on it I will comply.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

Alright so, after looking this over a little more since getting home from work, I'm gonna lay out a few scenarios:

1. With no development, the chitin goes to quality five and can take a glancing hit from a blaster bolt and includes the current weaknesses. This would also include losing the super conductiveness for the higher level demon thing
2. With 25 posts of development, you can keep the chitin at quality 7 for the medium demon but the larger demon still doesn't get that super conductiveness
3. With 50+ quality posts, and explaining exactly how they gain the super conductiveness, I will allow some resistance to lightsabers and Force Lightning. The more posts, the more I might be willing to let through, but I will not allow complete immunity from these

I'm unsure how I feel about the ability to graft this armor onto someone, I will consult with others about it and get back to you on whether this will be something that can be put through. Intent, after reading it again, is fine but you can remove the red text that is there.

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

OOPS! Sorry I didnt mean to place the red text there, it was supposed to be part of weaknesses and strengths.

Ill aim for the highest posts I can get for this. I'll include very ounce of what can be done with the species.

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

So after some consultation, the grafting of chitin onto others is a no unless you add in some significant weaknesses to the person who gains that chitin. I would recommend just keeping the chitin with the species.

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

If I were to try to stay the same route, what weaknesses would you like to see added to the person being grafted with this? Essentially the same issues as the one the species faces would be the exact same for the person being grafted with the Chitin Armor. Even if we didn't do the grafting, could the Vahlaemon still be hunted down and the Chitin Armor be made into...Armor? Similar to the thing Bane/Krayt?

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

They would need to be quite significant, nothing off the top of my head as it is 2am. As for gathering the chitin and making an armor out of that, that would fall into the purview of the Factory and whether they would allow it or not. Again, my recommendation would be to drop the grafting as it would also increase the amount of work that would need to go into this submission by quite a lot and just let the species have it as unique trait.

 

[The Red of Sinner]

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

Alright, I think your way is best. I shall get working on this now then! Thanks for the help!!

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Romeo Sin"]

Tag me when dev is completed