Ra Vizsla
The Undying
How can I improve?
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Gray Raxis
Blind and Broken
[member="Ra Vizsla"]
More beard........
Kidding, kind of, but now to get serious! From our interactions so far, Ra is a very well rounded character that is played to his core strengths. These strengths being his confidence and passion towards his own ideals. He comes across as very strong and intimidating, which I assume was the whole point. All of this is done very well so far, and honestly there is nothing I can say to do to improve upon it.
But there is something I have noticed a few signs of that can be worked on. This would be your character's development to new ideas. So far Ra has shown signs of being the type that gives serious thoughts to actions and words of those around him. He has not seemed to be the self centered or so focused on his self. He very much seems to want to learn from those about him, but that actual development has either been very slow to happen or not at all. He ponders on things a bit and it is brought up at times, but little actual development to Ra comes from it. Two instances I have noticed are his meeting with [member="Isley Verd"] over the title of Mand'alor and then what Gray had to say when they first met. They are referred to from time to time, but little seems to have come from it. No new perspective or even reflection on them leading to reconfirmation of Ra's own beliefs have visibly happened so far. I believe that the character is seeking some development, some change to his perspective even if it is strengthening his own views.
I have also noticed that Ra is a soldier and warrior but he has been little else. This is not such a big problem in all honestly, but it might be beneficial to entertain the idea of Ra having a hobby or interest lying in something not related to war, fighting, or death. Maybe gardening or poetry? It really could be anything and might be fun slipping it into things. Gray here is has a bad habit of being flirty with women and using terrible puns with others. It just sort of spices things up and makes things more entertaining for me and others. A bit of food for thought.
I would suggest taking everything I say with a grain of salt. I am working off of what little I have seen of Ra and he might have had moments in RP I haven't seen that completely negate my points. I just hope anything I have said helps, because its honestly how I feel about Ra as a character currently. I just feel a character should dictate what the writer does, not the writer dictating what the character does. If that makes any sense at least.
More beard........
Kidding, kind of, but now to get serious! From our interactions so far, Ra is a very well rounded character that is played to his core strengths. These strengths being his confidence and passion towards his own ideals. He comes across as very strong and intimidating, which I assume was the whole point. All of this is done very well so far, and honestly there is nothing I can say to do to improve upon it.
But there is something I have noticed a few signs of that can be worked on. This would be your character's development to new ideas. So far Ra has shown signs of being the type that gives serious thoughts to actions and words of those around him. He has not seemed to be the self centered or so focused on his self. He very much seems to want to learn from those about him, but that actual development has either been very slow to happen or not at all. He ponders on things a bit and it is brought up at times, but little actual development to Ra comes from it. Two instances I have noticed are his meeting with [member="Isley Verd"] over the title of Mand'alor and then what Gray had to say when they first met. They are referred to from time to time, but little seems to have come from it. No new perspective or even reflection on them leading to reconfirmation of Ra's own beliefs have visibly happened so far. I believe that the character is seeking some development, some change to his perspective even if it is strengthening his own views.
I have also noticed that Ra is a soldier and warrior but he has been little else. This is not such a big problem in all honestly, but it might be beneficial to entertain the idea of Ra having a hobby or interest lying in something not related to war, fighting, or death. Maybe gardening or poetry? It really could be anything and might be fun slipping it into things. Gray here is has a bad habit of being flirty with women and using terrible puns with others. It just sort of spices things up and makes things more entertaining for me and others. A bit of food for thought.
I would suggest taking everything I say with a grain of salt. I am working off of what little I have seen of Ra and he might have had moments in RP I haven't seen that completely negate my points. I just hope anything I have said helps, because its honestly how I feel about Ra as a character currently. I just feel a character should dictate what the writer does, not the writer dictating what the character does. If that makes any sense at least.
Isamu Baelor
Protector of The Iron Realm
He's a great character, one of my favorites on the board.
However, I feel like the more comedic stuff (like the turkeys), kind of undermines his serious persona.
However, I feel like the more comedic stuff (like the turkeys), kind of undermines his serious persona.
Conceited
Appropriated a black mans title. Says it all, honestly.
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
More Bergmerf.
Rusty
Purveyor of Fine Weaponry
As a character, Ra is fine. Remarkably few rust spots for someone getting out of the admin game and back into writing full time.
One word of advice, and you can take it or leave it: you might have passed on the crown, but your words and actions still carry more weight than the average joe. That's easy to forget, but for as long as you're on Chaos, people are going to be watching the example you set. Take care that the bandwagons you hitch up don't take people in the wrong direction.
[member="Ra Vizsla"]
One word of advice, and you can take it or leave it: you might have passed on the crown, but your words and actions still carry more weight than the average joe. That's easy to forget, but for as long as you're on Chaos, people are going to be watching the example you set. Take care that the bandwagons you hitch up don't take people in the wrong direction.
[member="Ra Vizsla"]
Cira
Best Onion
My suggestion would be to try and break out into roleplaying a role you have yet to do. Perhaps write a female Character? Or a character that is generally happy go lucky?
In the time I've known you, I know you've written Yuuzhang Vong, and a handful of other characters that typically revolve around not using the force. The only exception to this was Teferi.
I know you've said you struggle with Force users, so perhaps trying your hand on that again?
Honestly, I'd really would like to see how you would roleplay a female character.
Beyond that, your posts have just the right amount of humor and presence. I enjoy that you add a medley of writing tools to get your point across, be it colored text, size, italics, or bold. The images you use also help.
In the time I've known you, I know you've written Yuuzhang Vong, and a handful of other characters that typically revolve around not using the force. The only exception to this was Teferi.
I know you've said you struggle with Force users, so perhaps trying your hand on that again?
Honestly, I'd really would like to see how you would roleplay a female character.
Beyond that, your posts have just the right amount of humor and presence. I enjoy that you add a medley of writing tools to get your point across, be it colored text, size, italics, or bold. The images you use also help.
Aerin Kath
Sentinel of the Outback.
[member="Ra Vizsla"]
might I suggest that you take up Art, such as statue crafting? you seem to have a lot of statues of yourself and Isley lying around...Gray Raxis said:
Ra Vizsla
The Undying
God this is a fantastic idea, thank you [member="Aerin Kath"] and [member="Gray Raxis"].Aerin Kath said:
Edit: Statue crafting is totally going to be a serious thing now.
Gray Raxis
Blind and Broken
[member="Ra Vizsla"]
Glad to help! I always find the little things like that somehow make a huge impact on the character as a whole. Plus it kind of plays into Ra's views a bit. Sort of set in stone himself and trying to chisel out his image in the marble block that is the galaxy.
Glad to help! I always find the little things like that somehow make a huge impact on the character as a whole. Plus it kind of plays into Ra's views a bit. Sort of set in stone himself and trying to chisel out his image in the marble block that is the galaxy.
Two-Bit Con Artist
[member="sabrina"] makes an excellent point here. And, after all, there *is* that statue of Ra and [member="Isley Verd"]. Maybe it was carved from life >.>sabrina said:
I'm just saying, those two would be sweet together is all.
Love you, Ra
But in all seriousness. (no, really, we're serious there, but anyway)
Ra *The Mandalore* is *always on*. It's awesome and he's amazing at it. But I'd like to see more of what he's like when he puts aside his crown/battle tiara/whatever. If all of his persona *is* who he is as Mandalore, that's cool. But most people are also something else. The idea of a hobby is a good one. So far, when he's not thinking of what it means to be Mandalorian, he's thinking about..... sandwiches. Which is hilarious.
In our thread, there were hints of it- and I don't know if it's just that it worked there or just that those hints don't have a place when he's *Mandalore*, and the reason they came out there were because for a couple minutes, he wasn't his office. He was just him. There was concern, curiosity, a certain darkness and worry that I don't think have a lot of avenues of expression for him. (There was also mention of hookers, but that kind of seems right back to the "I'm too busy being Mandalore" kind of deal, but hey).
Maybe he needs hobbies. Maybe he needs *friends*. Not just allies and brothers-in-arms. There are subtle slices of life beyond the title that rarely has an opportunity to be present.
Overall, the character is *excellent*, btw. But there are little slices missing that make him a *person*. This is not a bad thing, but it's something I've noticed here that I never saw the gap with a certain other character we both know.
Ra Vizsla
The Undying
Yeah I might have to look at my dude options.sabrina said:
Zonia Kalranoos
Caveat emptor
[member="Ra Vizsla"] is easily one of my fav characters on the board.
What I'd like to see is the exploration of the chasm between Ra's title and his persona. Ra The Mand'lor is only the outer crust of Ra's personality, yet it consumes so much of him. I'd like to see what's left inside, how he feels and acts once all doors are closed.
You wrote "sole ruler" more than once. I wander what really does sole ruler mean. The worst kind of sacrifice, to be alone, especially for a pack animal.
I know you don't RP romance, but I rather like how our characters are interacting. Zonia is far removed from his Mandalorian cosmos, but not unimportant. I'd like to continue this evolution of trust.
Another thing I'd like to see more are flashbacks. Sometimes I use this to build my character retrospectively, as I don't have the entirety of backstory figured out yet(details are sometimes hard to flesh out beforehand). I'd love to see you using the stream-of-consciousness technique with Ra, where sensations of the present may invoke memories where you would describe events and people from Ra's past. His journey must have been extraordinary.
My 0,02$.
What I'd like to see is the exploration of the chasm between Ra's title and his persona. Ra The Mand'lor is only the outer crust of Ra's personality, yet it consumes so much of him. I'd like to see what's left inside, how he feels and acts once all doors are closed.
You wrote "sole ruler" more than once. I wander what really does sole ruler mean. The worst kind of sacrifice, to be alone, especially for a pack animal.
I know you don't RP romance, but I rather like how our characters are interacting. Zonia is far removed from his Mandalorian cosmos, but not unimportant. I'd like to continue this evolution of trust.
Another thing I'd like to see more are flashbacks. Sometimes I use this to build my character retrospectively, as I don't have the entirety of backstory figured out yet(details are sometimes hard to flesh out beforehand). I'd love to see you using the stream-of-consciousness technique with Ra, where sensations of the present may invoke memories where you would describe events and people from Ra's past. His journey must have been extraordinary.
My 0,02$.
Gray Raxis
Blind and Broken
[member="Irajah Ven"] [member="Ra Vizsla"]
Glad to see someone else noticed it as well. My point in my original post and Irajah's points I feel kind of play hand in hand with each other. Ra the character seems to be looking for something more than just being a warrior, and I feel you should really explore that side of things.
Glad to see someone else noticed it as well. My point in my original post and Irajah's points I feel kind of play hand in hand with each other. Ra the character seems to be looking for something more than just being a warrior, and I feel you should really explore that side of things.