Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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The door to the Nutcracker slid aside with a loud hiss. The Sithling came in, carrying over 250 pounds of Lupine in man form on her shoulders. Sweat beaded from her face and neck and her hair stickily clung to her neck, though neither of those things were the result of the weight she was lifting.

Some might have laughed at the woman for thinking so, but she was beginning to develop a healthy distaste for the Unknown Regions. It was where they had come as war on wings for an empire that should not exist. And it was there where now, a mission had ended in complete and utter failure. Confederate lives had been lost and for what? She had her opinion on it, now that it was more or less over for the time being, and she was going to have to sit down with the Dominus for a serious discussion about it once she was back.

Being in the Unknown Regions, not even within First Order Space, meant that all communications were down. There would be no way to send a message over to the Citadel, not before they were closer to the Core worlds. At least another fifteen hours, perhaps more.

The planet didn't even have a name. Only coordinates. It was a rocky and hot one, filled with underground caves that extended forever. Dozens of Knights Obsidian had arrived, all ready and prepared for battle. Half of them were still under those tunnels, buried, and would probably never see proper burial on their home worlds.

The Aeshma had become better at their dealings. Had become better at hiding their tracks, their presences, and their surprises for the Confederates which they hated so much. It had been a death trap before any of the Knights Obsidian ever set foot on the planet. A smaller group might have caught it earlier, might have worked better together. But the mayhem that ensued after that first underground explosion had people running in panic, especially those who were newer. Still they had trudged on, trying to see it through, trying to get to the core that was so many miles beneath the ground, where a splinter cell was supposed to be. Their mission? Eradicate them.

But by the fifth explosion, it was clear there would be no eradication. The orders had changed. They were supposed to make their way out and return home. Their intel had been wrong from its very core. But by the time the orders had changed, it was too late.

When Madalena had opened her eyes, there was mostly darkness around her. Darkness and the smell of the dead. A regular human might not have known it, but she could detect the subtle changes in the blood that no longer flowed inside most of the bodies. Someone else had survived as well, an Executor by the name of Marius. They checked through the piles of corpses together, and found only two more living ones; Executor Lechner and Archivist Malson.

Madalena and Marius carried the both of them back to the surface. It was a small mercy that Marius had arrived on his own ship as well. Madalena took Executor Lechner with her since she knew his sister as well as where their home sip was. Marius left with Malson. His ship was faster than Madalena's, so she asked him to contact the bigger Confederate ship that was already on its way back to Confederate space to let them know of the death count and the survivors.

Baal had been growling and livid once she entered the ship. She carefully re-adjusted Lechner's weight on her shoulders so she could free a hand and give Baal a soft pet on the head, letting him know she was alive and fine, even if there was no reason for her to be. Her own injuries amounted mostly to surface cuts and bruises and the mildest of concussions, but it was not something she needed the bacta for.

Executor Lechner was a whole 'nother pile of problems though. His injuries were more severe, and Madalena thought she could scent internal bleeding, but she wasn't entirely sure that her mind was not just making it up. But whatever his injuries were, there was bacta tank that she was more than happy to dunk him into. Sure, he had been rude or had outright ignored her existence the very few times they'd briefly met, but… But that was not a reason to leave him behind. Besides, Alwine would never forgive her.

With more effort than she cared to admit it had taken, Madalena had him stripped off his armor and clothes in no time, and with the aid of the Force, had slowly lowered him into the healing water. It would take at least a few hours before he was able to come out of there himself.

With a sigh, Madalena moved on to get herself out of her now damaged armor as well, and hit the refresher. Half an hour later she was clean, and she and Baal moved to the kitchen, where both of them would feed.

Whenever it would be that Executor Lechner awoke, he would find Madalena napping with her sketchbook on the couch in the second personal room, and Baal, a Loth wolf that was still growing and by now reached well over half of Madalena's height, sitting in front of his tank, staring at him.

If [member="Gerwald Lechner"] walked around the ship, this is what he would see:

Every piece of wall within the corridor and personal chambers was covered in paint. Not merely paint, but murals, extending from the floor to the ceiling. The paintings show jungles, luscious forests, rivers, distant lakes and mountains. The level of detail is so great that sometimes, when a person stands still and just breathes while looking at the murals, they seem to almost move with every breath.

Various creatures could also be spotted; black owls decorated the tree tops while wild horses would be seen running in the distant fields. Among the bushes of flowers that were closer in perspective to the viewer, rose goblins could be seen gnawing on small pink flowers. More creatures could be seen, some hiding and some in plain sight, some common animals that most worlds could claim to have, and others seeming more like mythical beasts out of legends.

A few more steps into the corridor, and there was the painting of a woman. Her body was made of delicate curves though it was clear her arms and legs were strong, but whereas detail was drawn on every piece of wall that Madalena had gotten her hands on, the woman's face lacked in detail almost entirely, allowing only for a few shadows and big green eyes that omitted the emerald glow. Her hair dark and long, and Madalena had managed to make it look as though it had been captured while blowing in the wind.

On the wall opposite to the painting of the woman, two wolves could easily be seen; one white, and one gray. They were both sitting, somewhat distantly apart from each other, yet both had their backs turned to the viewer. Around them, was a circle that was either a clearing or a protecting ring, made of local growth that seemed to be on par with the rest of the flora painted on the ship.

If Gerwald makes his way to the personal chamber that was Madalena's bedroom and move the door aside, another painting entirely would be revealed to him. The same woman as the one that had been standing in the forest, but now she was standing on a beach made up of gray sands, and behind her, clouds that seemed both to be black and made of nothing at the same time, somehow eating everything they touched, taking them not themselves. While the paintings on the rest of the ship showed love and nature, fauna and flora, this one felt different when you looked it as well, feeling cold, and terrifying, chilling down to the bones. The woman on this painting, while looking at the viewer with the same detail-less face, was holding both hands against the dark clouds, as though to keep them away.

If Gerwald makes his way to the kitchen, he would see that it is entirely void of murals. Some minor decorations of the same pink flowers that the Rose Goblins were eating can be seen on the cabinets, but that is it. The bare walls are instead covered in meat that is being preserved and air dried, as well as a few shelves of hard cheeses. The Coffee and Tea shelf, which is open, contains the same black coffee and mint tea that he had on a ship that was called the Giggledust.

And then there is the room Madalena is napping in; there is a comfortable looking couch and a few chairs there, as well as a coffee table. Two mannequins hold up two sets of armor; one thatis her personal one, and one Knights Obsidian Strike one. The wall behind them is covered entirely in weapons; dozens of Czerka knives, a lightwhip, a few swords, a few spears, and two lightsabers. If he looks closely before waking her up, he might recognize some of the knives.

There is a bathrobe Gerwald can use when he leaves the bacta tank. Wherever on the ship he chooses to go, Baal will be following him. Not as a threat, but more like a dog that's sniffing out a trail with much interest, and would appreciate the occasional rub behind the ears.
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
Dark.

The world was dark.

Gerwald could not remeber anything about the battle. Later he would be good it was common of the trauma he sustained. What his memories did recall was the rocky descent the drop ship made through the atmosphere of the planet. It had been the thing his mind played over and over again until he awoke in a vat of bacta.

He didn’t know how many days he had spent in the tank, he only knew that he was alive beciase of one person.

Madelena [[member="Scherezade deWinter"]].

The day had come when he finally was free of the tank, and the robe which was set out for him was out on without any hesitation. His hair was still dripping wet and draped well below his shoulders as a result. He knew the ship, at least he thought he did. Gerwald needed caf. The kitchen was where he headed.

Each step was a chore that he fought for, but in time his legs would hold his weight. There was enough clanging about on the counters as he tried to make the caf for himself, but eventually collapsed in the booth seat that was around a table.

“FRACK!”

He hurt in some places still. Gerwald couldn’t remeber, but he had been hurt, and severely.
 
Madalena rarely slept peacefully. Her dreams were haunted by nightmares of a woman with eyes like hers, and a Nothing that threatened it destroy all it touched. When she had to sleep around other people, she often put her alarm clock in place to ensure she woke up before entering the REM stages of sleep. People did not typically enjoy waking up to her screaming in her sleep.

And so it was very refreshing when her eyes snapped open, this time not because of a nightmare, but because someone else had screamed, the sound reaching through the black stage of sleep, waking her up. A quick glance at the clock showed that it had only been a few hours since they left that horrible planet, and she had fallen asleep less than half an hour ago.

And now Beacon Man was awake, and screaming.

It only took a few second since [member="Gerwald Lechner"] 's scream and until she was right there in the kitchen, expecting to see Beacon Man sprawled on the floor or something. Instead, he was sitting there all comfortable, the smell of coffee reigning supreme. It was so strange to smell it in her little kitchen. Usually the smells were of roasting meat, air drying meat, or just the regular refresher spray she used from time to time.

Despite herself, Madalena couldn't help but smile.

Beacon Man did not have coffee in his hands, but he had attempted to make some. Coming out of a bacta tank could sometimes leave a person disoriented. Wordlessly, she walked to the counter and finished making the coffee for him. While she'd never asked, somehow she knew he drank his coffee black, without sugar.

Moments later, the giant mug was in front of him, and Madalena took the seat right across him.

"You're alive," she said softly with a smile, "will you be wanting food as well? I have meat and eggs, some cheese. More than enough to see us through until we get to Geonosis."

A soft whimper was heard, and Madalena turned to see Baal, wagging his tail happily. He was a giant creature by now, reaching well above her hip bones. She scratched him lovingly behind the ears, leaning down to kiss his snout.

"This is Baal," she introduced them, "Baal, this is Alwine's brother, Gerwald. Do you remember Alwine?" Baal nodded, his semi-green eyes looking at Gerwald with curiosity. Turning to Gerwald, Madalena smiled again, "he was watching you while you were in the tank. If you wouldn't have been healing right, he would have called for me."
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
Gerwald picked up the sound of footsteps and padded feet moving in his general direction. There was really not much he was going to be doing until the effects of being in the bacta tank had worn off. His guess had to have been he was in the tank for near a week, but since he had no memory of what happened everything was just a guess.

"More thirsty than anything," he said.

Soaking in water actually had a way of dehydrating a person, and Gerwald had the stupid breathing mask on long enough that it had made his entire mouth feel like it was dry. At the mention of sausages his stomach growled though. If Madelena had any recollection of how Scherezade made them, then Gerwald knew the sausages would be good. He grinned slightly.

"I suppose you could convince me to eat."

The only thing left for Gerwald to do was swallow his pride. He needed to thank her, and he needed to ask what had happened. Looking at the Loth-Wolf, Baal, Gerwald knew the beast could smell something different about Gerwald. Gerwald could smell him too, and he just winked at the wolf. They were kindred, much more than Gerwald felt with other humans at times. Ger walked in both worlds, and sometimes it was hard to know which world he prefered.

"Thank you, Madalena," he said using her name for likely the first time in a non angry tone. "Do I want to know what happened, or should just stick with amnesia that comes from a traumatic injury?"

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
More thirsty than anything. Madalena lofted a brow. If he was thirsty, why had he gone for coffee? Coffee was a known diuretic; it was but part of why she never drank that stuff. But she supposed she could not fault him much either; coming out of a bacta tank like that, the mind rarely thought in purely logical and linear lines. Hopefully though, he'd return to his usual self quickly enough. And even more hopefully though, that return to himself would keep him as nice as he'd been moments ago; that was actually refreshing. The idea of being cooped up on her ship with someone who was being actively rude to her didn't seem all too inviting, but Madalena had put herself in a position in which she was responsible for him, at least until they were back on Geonosis, so Gerwald wasn't about to find himself floated.

Rising from her chair, she first and foremost poured him a large glass of water. As she began to rummage around the kitchen to gather the various meats she'd be preparing for him, Baal moved from his place and walked over to the big man, putting his head on his lap. Neither of the two people in the kitchen could even begin to guess why Baal was doing what he was doing, yet as soon as he touched Gerwald's side with his snout, his tail began to move in obvious happiness. If Madalena or Gerwald would think about it for a moment, it'd seem as though the large wolf cub was approving the large wolf man.

A pan was pulled from the drawer and the smell of butter and meat slowly began to take over the kitchen. Madalena moved with a natural ease about her, pausing only once to give Gerwald a small pill. "That's for your throat," she explained, "Suck on it while I make you some food. It'll slightly numb the annoying sensations of being stuck with that breathing mask for a bit. It'll still take you a bit to fully recover from it, but you'll be more comfortable while it happens."

Grinning, she turned her physical attention back to making food, making sure it was all being roasted properly. That let her with a few minutes' worth of a window, so she sat back down, this time opting for a chair that was closer to Gerwald. There was something in her that wanted to throw her arms around him and protect him while she gave him the bad news, something that wanted to toss the same Barrier she had tossed over Alwine during that party with the fire. But Madalena remained put in her hair, swallowing that mysterious need down. It made no sense.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, glowing eyes looking at him full of sympathy, "we walked right into a trap. We never even saw the Aeshma before the caves fell down on us. When I opened my eyes… about half of us were still there, and most of those who were there looked dead. You certainly looked dead too. If it wasn't for my blood hound abilities… I'd have thought I was on my way to deliver bad news to your sister."

Madalena sighed. While her meeting with Alwine had been too short in her opinion, there was a certain friendship that had developed there. A friendship that would have undoubtly been hurt if she'd had to tell the tiny woman that her large brother was gone for good.

"I'm guessing that's why the other half of the people left, but we're still not close enough of them for signals to reach. I woke up, as did Executor Marius. We found you and Archivist Malson, both alive. We're all lucky that both Malson and I had personal ships because each of them only has one bacta tank. That's why we split; you with me, she with him. I'd also planned on getting back to Geonosis, while Malson intended on going to the space station near Felacat."

Rising from her seat, she knew the news delivered weren't entirely good. Half the people that were gone would never see home again. Would not be properly buried. Would never see their loved ones again, say a hello or a good night. It was brutal, and cruel, and worst of all – it was for nothing. They'd gained nothing about the Aeshma by going to the Unknown Regions. Nothing at all.

"You've only been in the tank for a few hours," she said softly as she flipped the sausages over, "though you probably feel like it's been longer. We're still in the Unknown Regions, and it'll be at least fifteen hours before we're close enough to the Core worlds to get any signal out to the Confederacy."


[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
Ger nodded when he was handed the lozenge. The numbing was felt immediately, and sigh of relief escaped his throat. He wore the expression of it on his face, and Gerwald almost sank into the booth. It seemed he had also made a new friend with the wolf, but that was not hard to believe at all.

He listened to the story, his stomach feeling more and more empty as the cabin filled with the smell of the cooking meat. This cult they had been dealing with was turning into a massive pain in the butt, and now they had claimed the lives of half their strike team. A fist beat against the table as Gerwald fought to keep his rage at bay. Madalena did not need to see it, but at the same time she did. Whoever she was now, she needed to know that Ger took his pledge to be loyal to his fellow Knights seriously.

"I don't remember any of it, and I don't think I will. Do we know what they were up to, or know how to avoid a trap like that again, or are we still in reaction phase to all that has happened?"

The military minded warrior was already trying to assess the situation. However when Madelena explained how they had split up, where they were, and how long it would take for them to get back, Gerwald looked down at the table for a moment.

Fifteen hours were going to move slowly. He sighed knowing that things could get awkward between them, and he shook his head.

"Forget those questions. You literally saved my life... there was something you wanted to know when we first met. If you still want to know... ask... I owe you a massive explanation of why things have always been awkward between us. You best make enough food for the both of us..."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
He remembered nothing of it. Madalena nodded, not finding it all too surprising. Perhaps, for that, he was better off. She remembered, and she wished she had not. Leaving a trail of dead was what she did, almost anywhere she went, but it was different when the dead were her enemies and when they were her friends. People she's trained and fought side by side with, people she'd trusted with her life on more than one occasion. There was very little Madalena knew about the Aeshma, but she knew she was going to give it all she had to make sure they were destroyed.

Her own anger mirrored Gerwald's. If he thought she would think less of him because he beat his fist against the table, he was sorely mistaken. Had Madalena herself been in a better state once they were aboard the ship, she would have started a training session up and beaten the krakk out of a lot of things. But just as she poured the sausages into a large plate for him, along with some hard boiled eggs and cheese she'd pulled from the fridge, he told her to forget about those questions.

Madalena blinked in surprise, but said nothing as she walked over to him, setting the place right in front of Gerwald, along with a new tall glass of water.

"If you ever again doubt the amount of food I can provide, I will pull a sausage off the wall and smack you with it," she laughed, trying to ease the very serious air that suddenly seemed to take over.

Baal, his head still on Gerwald, looked up from where he was, shaking his head. Madalena had her back to him at that moment as she poured herself some food as well, and did not notice it. When she turned back and took her seat across Gerwald again, Baal had already rested his head back, his tail going quiet.

Something she wanted to know when they first met? It took her a moment; Hypori seemed like several lifetimes ago by now.

"I told you that night that you were like a shining beacon upon the Great Web," she nodded eventually, carefully, "That has not changed. I can still feel when we are on the same planet, as if I could pin point you wherever you are with ease. I don't need to focus quite as hard to see you as a person and not as a beacon, but all that goes around it… That's still there, even when you're being a butthole."

Before he could say anything, Madalena raised a hand to stop him from doing so. "But you have made your will sufficiently clear. I might know where you are and when, but I have gone to lengths to ensure not to be in your vicinity unless absolutely necessary. I did not and do not have a wish to impose, and if today did not urn into a life or death situation, you would not have ended up on this ship."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Oh no, not the dreaded sausage..."

Gerwald tried to laugh a little, but his ribs still hurt slightly. Perhaps he should have stayed in the bacta tank a bit longer.

He had remembered the term beacon, but didn't want to say it. Gerwald had been rather unfair to her that night on Hypori, but things had been going so well with Alwine that night the last thing he needed was to have to explain to Madalena what was going on. How could she have known that Alwine and Gerwald had been arguing over his choices where she was concerned? He drew in a deep breath.

"No I know, and I appreciate the space and the distance. Hypori was the first time I saw you since... well since you became you. I didn't know so..."

Ger paused as he bit into one of the sauagest. Just like Scherezade's, because they were. Ger took a massive drink of water as well then locked his blue eyes onto the radiant green eyes of the woman in front of him.

"You ever wonder why people call you Scherezade sometimes? It all ties in together with everything, I promise."

Gerwald literally could not get enough water. The glass was finished, and he hated to impose, but offered the empty glass to ask for a refill.

"The truth of the matter is that you and I were lovers at one point... well not you and I... Scherezade and I, but you are her. You won't remember, because you did something to yourself, and that is my fault too. Ummm it's kind of a lot... so feel free to ask questions or whatever."

He was nervous, but she deserved the truth, all of the truth.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
Hypori was the first time he saw her since she'd become her? Madalena blinked. What an odd thing to say. She'd always been herself, since the day she was born. The confusion was all too easy to read in her features, and although there was a plate of hot food right in front of her, it was one of those rare instances in which she made no move to reach for of the goodness that was on it.

Did she ever wonder? No, she did not. As far as Madalena was concerned, people calling her Scherezade were part of a cruel joke. The amount of times people confused her for that other girl had drastically lessened over the months she'd been with the Knights Obsidian, but it still happened on occasion. She was still not a fan of it.

And then came the last bit.

Madalena just stared at Gerwald like a deer caught in headlights, not even blinking this time. Was he aware of the words that left his mouth? Did he know what any of what he'd just said sounded like?

"You think I'm someone you used to bone and that you're the reason I did… Something to myself? Because of you?" she asked after a very long pause, "Look, I don't know how bad you are in bed, but I'm pretty sure I'd have remembered sleeping with you. Not that it's any of your business, but I haven't had sex with anyone in about three years, and I know for a fact that while I was growing up on Coruscant, you were on Stewjon."

Madalena stopped herself then. She was getting angry. Angry and defensive. But why? She blinked again, taking a good look at Gerwald. No, she had not searched his words for lies, but she didn't feel like he was lying. If anything, he looked like he was very certain that he was speaking the truth.

"Maybe you've hit your head really hard in those caves," she said, "maybe you need to eat more, rest, and after some decent sleep you'll feel better and have your mind in its place."

Yes. That was probably the reason. Madalena finally found herself being able to take a bite from her sausage. It was a damn good sausage.

"You could also just apologize for being a butthole and not continue to be one," she offered with a smile.


[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"You sent a letter to Alwine and my brother Varrick before you did all of this. Alwine showed me part of the letter."

Gerwald knew that the shock and the surprise would be there. He also didn't hold anything against her for the reaction. While he didn't know the exact process she used to do what she had done. Scherezade had, in effect, killed herself, and created Madalena. It was something that Gerwald could not explain, but what he could explain was tell her the truth, which he was. Besides if she wanted to, she could always just read him to see if he was lying, which he was not.

"Look I know that what I just said is completely crazy and makes me seem like a lunatic, except for the fact it happened. You are Scherezade deWinter, or you were. The last time I talked you you in any length we argued over the fact that I wanted you to forgive Katrine and blame me for everything that happened. I ruined you by how I treated you, and the next thing I know... Scherezade is gone, and you are here. You look like her, you talk like her, hell, you even smell like her, which is why I know."

Ger shrugged.

"Look you don't have to believe me, but it is the truth, and I won't try and convince you of it. Apparently trying to convince people they are wrong is a family trait that rears its ugly head with all Lechners. I'm trying to be more amiable these days."

He grinned and started to eat more sausage.

"You even use the same recipe. Unless these are still good from the hunt that started it all..."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
She'd sent a letter to Alwine and the other brother, Varick? Alwine showed him? Madalena shook her head. Whatever it was that Alwine had shown him, it couldn't have come from Madalena. And yes, the things he said did sound completely crazy and made him a lunatic. She was not Scherezade deWinter. There was no Scherezade deWinter. Madalena had searched for her after being creeped out by the amount of people who thought they were one and same, had been super interested in seeing what a doppelganger looked like.

"You're already trying to convince me," she pointed out, raisng her eyebrows before she took another bite from her sausage. How dare he say she used the same recipe as someone else? This was her recipe!

"Anyway, I don't know who this Katrine person is, and you being a butthole did not ruin me. I am not ruined. Unruined? No, I think the term is not-ruined."

Getting up, Madalena walked for a moment to the fridge, returning with her own tall glass, though that was filled with cream rather than water. She'd never enjoyed drinking anything that wasn't either cream or water, though she was known to drink during parties from time to time.

"I'm Madalena Antares," she explained, "I was born with my twin brother on Coruscant, where I grew up and lived until about a year ago. I'd never met you before Hypori, though I started sensing you a little while before that. Your sister and I are friends, but that is new. I'm into meat preparations, and got more stuff on my hobby list. I also kick butt as a Knight Obsidian. I am a blood hound. There is nothing in anything I've just said that fits with the story you are trying to tell."

Nodding to herself, Madalena finished off her sausage, and took another long gulp of her cream.

And, she knew, she was going to curse herself later. But Gerwald was still Alwine's brother – and she never wanted to cause Alwine pain. So she was going…. To try to help. Even if, based on what he'd told her, he clearly did not deserve it.

"So seeing on how I'm Madalena Antares, and there is some girl out there who you claim to be Scherezade deWinter but does not actually exist on any datafiles that the CIS has," she said, leaning her chin on her hand, "what'd you do that makes you feel like you're such a crappy person that someone was ruined because of how you treated her?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Just talk to Alwine about the letter. If she is your friend she will tell you the truth, even if it isn't what you don't want to hear, right?"

Did Gerwald just throw his sister under the SSD? Absolutely he did. Alwine was the one who kept meddling with things that Gerwald had specifically asked her to stop meddling with. She deserved every bit of scrutiny that would come from revealing the letter. Of course Madalena knew nothing about Gerwald was saying, and he did not expect her to. He was not going to lie though. However, if Madalena was going to keep working with him, then she had to understand that there was more to her existence than what she was created to believe.

"Yes, your twin brother Brayden. Kinda funny he hasn't told you the truth either. I've been to that home on Coruscant by the way. You took me there. At one point I had every scar on your body, arms, legs, chest, stomach, memorized. The stab wound at your heart just at your left breast is the most gruesome of them. I was there when you were treated for it. I carried you back to the ship. I saw the blood on Coruscant. I saw the message the man left in your blood. You are alive today because of myself and Katrine. Yet you remember none of this because Scherezade killed herself basically."

He pushed the plate of sausage away.

"I won't rehash the extent of everything that I have done. Alwine still can't leave her own thoughts stay quiet on all the choices that I have made. Scherezade and I were lovers, I was also the lover of a woman she called sister. It was an adoptive thing, and I was foolish, unkind, enough to be sleeping with them both. After you were almost killed, that's when I came clean with everything. First to Katrine, and then with you."

"If either of you approach me outside of a mission, I will kill you., that's what you said to both of us... Well I did approach you finally. You didn't kill me. After that meeting... Scherezade was gone, and you are suddenly here."

Ger shrugged.

"You can search my words for lies if you want. I'll even show you the memories if you want to know them, and yeah... maybe I am still trying to convince that there is more to you than you know, but it also answers the question as to why I have behaved the way I have around you... when Scherezade chose to end herself, and I found out... it made me so angry... and I am still getting over that. You having her face... her smell... every scar that she had... it doesn't help that."

He wished he could stand up, because this was a good time for him to be somewhere else. Not because he wanted to run from the conversation, but because he knew that he simply making things awkward.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
Fine. She'd talk to Alwine about the letter. Maybe. Whether she did or didn't though, it somehow didn't feel like it was urgent enough to demand it of her immediately upon their return to Geonosis. Alwine would probably want to spend time with her brother alone after his near death experience anyway.

As Gerwald listed more things though, Madalena remained quiet. Her upper body was mostly covered right now, though she made very little effort to actually cover it up outside of armor-requiring missions. And yet, no one had ever spoken about that scar above her heart. The scar she never remembered getting. It was small and circular, the shape of a full moon, or… Or a lighsaber wound.

But still, she did not understand. No one had carried her to any ship. There was no blood message. What man? And Awine…

"You need to stop trying to involve Alwine in this," she said carefully, her voice giving away that she was now indeed beginning to get creeped out, "all she did was offer me food that she'd cooked after that night at the party, where the both of you had shifted into your wolf forms. That morning turned into a very nice meeting and we spent a few hours just talking and laughing, and I told her some of my stories, and she said I would be a Warrior Bar on Stewjon like it meant something amazing."

That… Was pretty much the extent of it.

But no. Much as she tried, she could not detect a single lie in his voice, in his words. She wanted to. She wanted to, badly. Because she knew that her life wasn't a lie; Madalena was who she said she was – Madalena Antares. There was no lie there either.

But the two versions could not co-exist. There was no way for her to be who he said she was, while being who she knew she was at the same time.

"So you were sleeping with someone and her sister at the same time," she tried to summarize his words, speaking slowly, "and you treated her badly, by your own admission, that she… Killed herself. And you're angry at her for reacting that way to your mistreatment, and you took it out on me because we sorta look like each other?"

Yeah, she was definitely going to ignore the scar thing for now. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything. Maybe he'd just gotten a good look at her cleavage on Hypori, or during the party where Alwine set everything on fire.

"Look, I'm not going to apologize for looking like someone that you hurt," she said, "but if it bothers you so much… Do you wanna talk about it? Even if it's all true and you treated her horribly by your own admission, why are you angry that she did what she did? Usually, when people act like douchebags to that extent, it's because they don't care about what the other side is feeling."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Alwine is my sister, and with as close as we are... she is just going to be involved. You have to understand that. It is a sibling thing, especially with how we were raised, and by who."

It was only fair that she knew Alwine and Gerwald were essentially a package item. How they felt toward the other at any given moment was not going to change that fact. At the end of the day they were family, and as angry as Gerwald was that Alwine could not stop meddling, he was not going to shun her for it. They just disagreed on what was best for him, and the best path for their species. They disagreed on how Gerwald conducted his love life mostly, but those were small things compared to the close bond they had shared their entire life.

"Of course I am mad. I won't even begin to deny that what I did was selfish. Don't see this as me trying to excuse myself at all, but killing yourself is even more selfish than that. Not only that, it is permanent. I have been hurt. I have had my heart broken. I know what it is like to be rejected and lied to, told that I have to hide who I am. I've suffered the kind of abuses that lead some people to that choice... but I never once considered that as a way out. It would just make all those things... true."

The most awkward part of the conversation was that it was Scherezade, but it wasn't. He felt like he should not have been admitting any of this to her, but who else was he going to say these things to. Alwine wasn't the one here, Katerine wasn't, and Madalena had just saved his life. Somehow and some way she was both Scherezade and Madalena, and Gerwald was just unsure of everything. There was one thing he was not unsure of and that was what he new to be true.

"I loved her. I loved Katrine. I wanted to fix them. I wanted them both to hate me... and just my luck... nope they both still loved me back. I just wish I could ask her why she did it you know? Maybe then I wouldn't be so angry about it... I mean the fact she COULD do it makes me question everything I THOUGHT I knew about her. I keep trying to move on... I keep telling myself that she really did this, that she is dead... that she didn't even value herself. I never meant to break anyone, least of all her, maybe she was already broken and I just missed it... who knows."

In a way everything was surreal. Leave it to this moment for Gerwald to finally come to the truth of the matter and why he fought so hard to convince people he had done the right thing. Gerwald felt guilty for what happened, and what was more, he felt guilty for thinking that maybe as much as he wanted to carry the blame... it really was not his fault.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
If Alwine had been there, Madalena somehow doubted she'd be able to get a single word in. Alwine was a fierce as she was tiny and she had an easy time imagining her holding all the men around her by the balls. It was part of why Madalena liked her so much, even if the friendship was still considered brand new.

Leaning back in her chair, Madalena just… Listened. She didn't want to barge into Gerwald's words, though she'd be the first to admit they made very little sense, at least as far as the facts went. With the emotional response, there was nothing for her to argue about. He was talking about himself, how he felt about it, about his anger… What a messy situation.

"Well," she chewed on her inner lip for a moment, "from the bits and pieces I know about psychology, usually when people kill themselves, it's because they're severely depressed. It looks like a selfish act to those around them, but to the people who do it, it usually seems like the least worst last option they can do. They really don't value themselves enough to keep on living. You can say they truly believe with all their hearts that everything would be better everywhere with them gone. So to you it looks selfish, but to them it looks… Philanthropic, perhaps. And there's very little outside of a lot of help that can change or prevent that."

But was that enough? "You said you loved her, but you mistreated her," she continued, "what about other family she had? Other friends? Did they behave like you did? And why did you mistreat her if you loved her?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Wrong word maybe," Gerwald said shaking his head. "I chose Katrine over her. She thought we claimed each other while she was dying... We tried to explain, but she refused to listen. She kept talking about the darkness being right. I knew she was hearing voices, I knew that they were lying to her in the moment, but she chose to believe them over us. She told me about it once... she had been trapped in it before. Katrine actually freed her from it somehow I think. The rest of her family... she was looking for. Her twin... for Brayden."

Gerwald knew this bit was going to confuse her. In away he was accusing Brayden of knowing the truth.

"I am really shocked after meeting him that night... that he hasn't told you the truth."

He shrugged and went back into his thoughts and what he was explaining.

"I don't even know why I'm saying all this... but I'm not gonna hash all these questions out. You're starting to prod the way Alwine does, and trust me... prodding doesn't end well. What I will say is that there is nothing philanthropic about ending one's own life. I will agree with you that she didn't love or value herself though, everyone of her decisions from that moment I came clean confirms that. And if I am honest... there is no loving someone who cannot love themselves. You can care for them, be concerned about them, but love... love requires a self awareness and self worth that can reciprocate. She said she loved me, but in truth I think what she really meant was that she needed me to love her back because for some reason she tied her value to what I thought or felt...."

"I don't know, I just don't know... I just know that if she were alive right now... she would need help... help I can't give her."

Ger just shrugged and finished off his more than cold sausage.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
Madalena raised an eyebrow. Now she knew it wasn't the full story; it appeared Alwine's brother had a wonderful knack for it. But, he was right about one thing; it wasn't her place to prod. Still, it was strange. She'd offered him to talk about it and he took it, only… He didn't? So confusing.

"So this Scherezade was a troubled individual," she finally concluded out loud after listening to the first part of Gerwald's story.

But then she shook her head.

"Look, I don't know her. All I got is what you're telling me," Madalena said, "but it sounds like you yourself don't really know much and you're filling in the blanks with what suits you for your own self-worth. Now, I'm not going to tell you to stop. I'm in a very happy place where I'm not involved in this mess of a story, but if you're going to continue doing that, you should at least be aware of it. Maybe you could help, maybe you could not, but as a person on the side, it sounds like you're telling stories to yourself to feel better about the whole thing. Then again, I could be wrong about it all."

Finishing her glass of cream, glowing green eyes looked at the big Lupine on the other side of the table in front of her.

"But, seeing how you chose one over the other, why are you still stirring that pot anyway? Shouldn't you be all happy lovey gooey with this Katrine person? I don't even remember seeing you on missions or during confederate parties or any of the gazillion social events with anyone other than your sister."

One thing was for sure though. Gerwald Lechner was a confusing and complicated man. Madalena wasn't even sure why she was trying to help him at all; was it because he was Beacon Man? Was it because he was the sibling of her friend? Was it because she felt responsible for him now that she'd saved his furry behind? Was there… Was there something else? Could it be that she was…

Nah, that was stupid. Madalena Antares knew who she was, even if there was little she knew about this specific topic that they were discussion.

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Well, she was troubled, but so was I. Maybe the whole thing was a level of toxic I didn't understand, and maybe it was genuine," Gerwald said before finishing the glass of water.

"Why am I still stirring the pot? Ha... because Alwine won't drop the issue about choosing Katrine being a mistake. She has no vested opinion about whether Scherezade would have been right, but she keeps laying into me about my choice for totally unrelated reasons that are a family matter."

Of course that was Gerwald's way of saying that was a conversation that he was not going to bring her into. He tried to get up on his feet, but he wasn't exactly able to put weight on his legs yet. It was not that he wanted to leave, but Gerwald's legs were feeling restless.

"You will not see Katrine with me on missions, she is the Nightmother of the Mandragora. The reason for the social gatherings are that I have been spending my time with Alwine in those ways intentionally. I don't know what she's told you about how she came to be in the Confederacy, but the long and short of it is that I ran away from Stewjon and left my siblings behind. I have been doing everything I can, short of leaving Katrine, to make up for that. My choosing Katrine paired with running off on my siblings has been a point of contention between us."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 
"If all the bad things happened to her after you mistreated her, it doesn't sound like what you had before that was toxic in any way," Madalena pointed out with a grin. It was back to the story thing, even though he did say the word maybe.

"And oh, she's told me," she added. Alwine had kept little hidden from her regarding her upbringing, her being left behind by Gerwald, and what had happened. It was sort of funny how Madalena didn't remember it until this instant.

So yeah, it seemed this Gerwald had a strong knack for messing things up. She also knew that someone did not not-appear with his chosen one for over half a year at any event because of his sister. But, she was not going to push that too hard.

Rising from her seat, Madalena moved over to Gerwald, offering him a hand. He could do it, with a little bit of help. "You can lean on me, I got the strength. I carried your body for miles on my back to get to the ship anyway."

Without waiting for Gerwald to answer, the Sithling pulled him up, and readied herself so he could actually do the leaning thing against her.

"So what's your deal with mistreating those you love?" she asked in a very casual tone, "you love your sister, you leave her behind, which is a form of mistreatment, even if you couldn't guess she'd set fire to the bloody food stores. You love this troubled Scherezade, you mistreat her to the point at which you may or may not have caused her to kill herself. You have this chick you did choose, but you don't appear together anywhere for over half a year. Is screwing people and yourself over some sort of hobby? Because you know, there's so many better ones out here in the 'verse. Have you considered passive-aggressive crocheting?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]
 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
"Well then Alwine likely also told you that she blames Katrine for pretty much everything about why I left. Let me give you some insight with my sister... she can never be wrong, even when she is. No matter how many times I told I had already made up my mind to leave and was going to anway, she still blames that decision on what she thinks happened."

Gerwald wasn't going to get into why he felt Alwine was simply wrong and just being stubborn. He was pretty sure that Madalena already knew that Lechners were a stubborn lot. However, he was not stubborn enough to take her help.

"I just need a change of scenery, or somewhere my legs can be a bit more free.

Her next set of questions were getting eerily similar to the way Alwine always wanted to know. Rather than say he didn't know Gerwald opted with some honesty. The truth was Gerwald Lechner was not a good person when it came to relationships. He was still learning who he truly was in the grand scheme of the galaxy, and while that was all well and good, Gerwald knew that he needed to start being honest about his faults.

"Isn't the answer obvious... I am selfish," Gerwald stated with no amount of defiance or sarcasm. "Like most, I want what I want, and in my case, I clearly do not think about the consequences until it is too late. Whether you like that answer or not, there it is. They say knowing is half the battle, and at least I have done enough self discovery to know. As far as not seeing Katrine, just because you do not see her with me does not mean I am hurting or mistreating her. I will give that it doesn't look good though."

Gerwald paused for a moment before he fired back his own question.

"Why do you care so much, by the way? This is a lot of effort for someone you do not know, and someone that has pretty much been refusing any chance to change that.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
 

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