Private Once More, From the Top

[Corazona von Ascania]

All roads lead to Coruscant.

In the wake of Ukatis, Cora found herself staring at the door to Valery's office.

Her Master was inside - Kahlil was too. That much she could tell. Her senses has grown, refining themselves to the point where she could pick out individual presences, even sense intent at times.

What if they're upset with me? I wouldn't blame them. I've betrayed the Order and their trust. Maybe I should have…

Cora shook her head, reigning in her anxiety. Being captured on Thule had lead her to make difficult choices in matters of heart and survival. Even now, standing in the center of the Alliance, she wrestled with her choices. From her painful yet necessary conversation with Makko, she understood that her fate, as well as Shan's own, had been shrouded in mystery.

A pang of regret would sink deeply into her stomach, thoroughly reminded of the fact that Shan had refused to leave her side. She'd put him in danger. Others had been less lucky, forced to shift allegiance or suffer at the behest of the mind eater.

Then, she regarded the door in front of her. Cora had learned the value of knocking before entering long ago.

Raising a hand, she rapped her knuckles against the door and waited, posture rigid and eyes steely.

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

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Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

"Can you pinch me if I get too emotional or weird?" Valery asked Kahlil while she kept herself hugged tightly around him. Cora was back, and she couldn't really stop herself from shaking because of it. Both Nobles were very committed to their oaths, and perhaps the most important one a Jedi made, was their oath to protect their Padawans. But Cora had been taken away from that protection twice now — once by choice with the Ukatis situation, and now the Sith had gotten their hands on her.

It made her furious, but Kahlil had been immensely helpful reigning in the inferno that burned within her.

Stepping away from their embrace, she looked up at Kahlil and let out a deep breath, "Alright, I think she's coming," Valery said, now with a smile tugging on her lips. She then turned around, and even before Cora's fist could reach the door, opened it with a wave of her hand.

And there she was.

As much as Valery had tried to keep herself strong, her lips started trembling, and without wasting a second, she closed the distance and pulled Cora into a tight hug. Arms wrapped around the younger woman's neck, and Valery couldn't help but bury her face into Cora's shoulder to hide her emotions for just a short moment.

"I'm so glad you're back."

 

[Kahlil Noble]

It wasn't that long ago that Shan had come back. He had learned what had happened. Who took Shan and Cora, where they went, what happened to at least Shan. There was some relief with it, that Shan and Cora had survived the Sith together. But there was more that still happened. More that needed to be figured out and talked about. At least with Shan. Right now he just wanted Shan to feel at home and safe.

And he certainly felt the same way about Cora. Knowing that she was back and that Valery wanted him there when Cora did finally return from Ukatis filled him with some form of joy. Joy, somberness that this had happened. Both for Valery and the guilt she felt, and for what Cora would have experienced. "I'm not pinching you. Be emotional. Be weird. She's back, and she's safe."

He reached up to pat Valery's shoulder, and would've pushed her if Valery didn't immediately charge forward herself. Kahlil hung back, just giving Cora a simple nod and a warm smile if she looked his way. This moment was more for Valery and her than him.

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora stood awkwardly in front of the open door, fist raised, for a moment. The next, she was in Valery's arms.

She'd prepared to be stern. Firm, respectful and methodic in the face of what she'd done. The second Valery pressed her head into Cora's shoulder, all of that shattered. As close as they were, the apprentice could feel the relief and emotional swell that moved though her Master. Immobilized by shock, Cora found that it was her lips which trembled first.

Her eyes softened, burning with unshed tears as she threw her arms around Valery and returned the embrace. A short, hard sob gasped against the elder Jedi's neck as Cora squeezed her tightly. As terrified and ashamed as she was of the incoming conversation, seeing Valery and Kahlil was a balm for her soul.

Especially given what had happened on Ukatis; but that would come later.

"I'm sorry," She rasped. "I'm sorry for making you worry. I missed you."

Raising her head, she extended an arm to Kahlil. Cora had grown since they'd last met, subtle changes shaping her face from that of a girl to the fine mien of a young woman. Still, in this moment where she was all watery eyes and flushed cheeks, Cora looked as if she were a child reaching out for the comfort of her parent.

"Both of you."

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

As soon as Cora returned the embrace, Valery finally broke. She started to tremble, and couldn't stop herself from sniffing and sobbing while her face remained buried into Cora's shoulder. Her Padawan was actually back, and no matter what, she wasn't going to let anything like this ever happen to her again. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to get you back," Valery said in response, before she opened up their hug to reach out with an arm towards her husband.

She had asked him to join her here because he meant a lot to Cora, and because she also meant a lot to him. But, perhaps somewhat selfishly, Valery needed him in this hug right now as well. He was her support pillar, as much as she was his.

"Come here, babe," Valery asked with teary eyes and messy make-up from all the crying. She didn't care about that at all right now - she wanted the comfort of having Cora back home last forever, and share it with her soulmate.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Kahlil stepped right over, not even bothering to hold back as he hugged them both and just lifted them from the ground. Yes, he was the one who was holding himself back where Valery wasn't. He had a calm smile, clear eyes. Being a Sith had long hardened him from showing emotion. And yet as he squeezed them both, there was the slightest tremble of relief. The only real betrayal of emotion that Cora herself might feel from him.

Valery was the only exception, of course. She could feel every ounce of emotion he had.

"You're back."

Back home. Back safe. Back with family. There was a lot he simply didn't say because he wasn't even sure how. But he was truly happy that she was back.

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

There were many times in her life where Cora felt helpless. This was one of those moments - she was helpless, but in a good way. Helpless to the tears that dribbled down her face, to the mix of relief and adoration from the pair who'd become her surrogate parents.

It had been a long while since she'd felt both vulnerable and safe.

"I-It's alright." Cora's voice trembled when the hug finally loosened and she was able to pull her face away. "It was a…complicated situation."

The Jedi had to retreat rapidly from Thule, and in the flurry Valery couldn't have known that both she and Shan were missing until it was too late. Even Padawans understood the potential cost of entering a dangerous situation.

"It…wasn't that bad." She winced, not because it was a lie, but for the fact that it had been so much worse for others. "Not for me. I'm just glad that Shan is safe. Many of those captured did not…"

Cora swallowed thickly, guilt rising like bile in the back of her throat.

"…fare as well."

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

Valery felt everything he felt as if they were her own emotions, but she was never going to mention them on his behalf, or address them with others around. Not unless he took the first step to do that. So, she planned to give him a shoulder to lean on later if he wanted one instead, and she was certain that he knew he could rely on her — he was her everything. But for now, the focus was on Cora — she was back, and that was something to be happy about.

The hug that lifted them off the ground showed as much.

"Babe, you're crushing me..." Valery squeaked, and after finally being set down, she just smirked at him and turned back to Cora. She had so many questions, and so many things she wanted to say, but she didn't want to bombard her after just making it back home.

She wanted Cora to open up at her own pace. There was plenty of time to talk and figure things out. Though one thing did stand out, and made Valery frown just a little.

"Not that bad?" Valery asked, clearly confused. "Cora, you were taken for quite some time. By people who butchered millions..." It made no sense that her experience hadn't been that bad, even if she was speaking relative to other experiences. "Either way, what matters most is that you're safe now."

"I'm not going to let this happen again. Ever."

 

[Kahlil Noble]

That did start making sense to Kahlil. He knew it first hand. The politics of the Sith. Their hypocrisy, especially when trying to lure one to their side. Kahlil had taken a step back after letting them both down, his emotions now even more concerned about Cora. Shan was spared because of her, that much was clear. And likely, he would've been used to ensure her fall. That was the game the Sith played.

Rather, he reached out to pat the top of Cora's head. A sad, understanding smile was all he had.

"Don't. None of it was your fault."

Survivors guilt was a strong, unforgiving feeling. "Whatever the reason, you survived. And you're here, now. Don't let yourself feel guilty over that."

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora drew in a deep breath as she untangled herself from Valery and Kahlil. Much like the latter, Cora had been raised in an environment where showing emotion was heavily frowned upon. As good as it has felt to have reunited with two of the Jedi who'd supported her most, guilt and shame began to worm their way into her heart.

Either it showed on her face or they anticipated it, given their kind words. Cora wiped her eyes with her sleeve, dabbing at watery smudges of mascara, and looked away to collect her thoughts.

What happened initially on Thule wasn't my fault. He's right. But what happened after…they'll never look at me the same way.

Cora bore no visible signs of mistreatment - her physique was healthy, her complexion even. The only new addition was a thin horizontal scar running the length of her left cheek, a wound not fresh enough to be from the recent battle on Ukatis.

Taking a step back, Cora seated herself in the nearest chair she could find. Valery and Kahlil weren't pushing for an explanation, but it felt like she was holding a poison inside of her. One that would steadily creep through her veins until she told them.

Guilt.

Back straight, hands folded in her lap, Cora sat primly as ever. Some habits would never be erased. She looked from Kahlil, then to Valery with conflict in her eyes.

"One of the Sith of the Empire…protected me. And by extension, Shan."

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

Even if she hadn't been Cora's Master, Valery would have been able to tell that something was eating away at her. But as her Master, and through their bond, she could tell that it was guilt. It was a unique kind of painful tension that didn't quite compare to anything else. And she knew the longer Cora would take to get it off her chest, the worse it would be to open up.

So, as Cora sat down in her office chair, Valery remained quiet and briefly glanced at her husband with clear concern in her eyes. This was hard on Cora, she knew, but it wasn't easy on Valery either. This was her Padawan, after all, and she cared for Cora like she was her own daughter.

What Cora shared was... concerning, at least to Valery. She would never trust the Sith.

"Protected you? They held you there against your will," Valery said with a frown, clearly confused. "Why would they protect you?"

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Kahlil raised a hand, gently set it on Valery's shoulder this time. He knew this game. The one that Cora had gone through. He knew it first hand. The fact that she had come back spoke volumes of Cora's own growth. He wouldn't say it aloud, but knowing what she went through, knowing the family she had, this could have ended very differently for them all. Maybe it still would have if Ukatis hadn't been attacked.

The Will of the Force was often a mystery.

"I won't tell you what I think they were truly doing as fact. But that is how the Sith operate when they have someone they want. As an apprentice, a friend, something more. They will show you their best sides and make themselves out to be your protector until you feel you have no one else to rely on. That is how I was raised. My best friend as a child was just that, someone looking to manipulate me so he could kill me and claim fame."

It was when he had his first kill, and when he firmly believed he needed to become a Sith.

"Whatever guilt you're feeling, Cora, is yours. But don't blame yourself for whatever actions they had done. Look at it objectively, as much as you can, and tell us everything."

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Why would they protect you?

Valery’s words echoed in her mind, a twisted, warped version than the ones she’d spoken.

Kahlil's words brought to mind a concept she'd considered once or twice, a painful little reality that lived in the corner of her mind; had Nwul been manipulating her the entire time?

No, that couldn't be true. Her eyes narrowed - but could it? Everything had felt so real; his love, his affection, his comfort. Confronting the fact that she may have been duped sent an icy chill through her spine, a sensation that spread through her limbs and sank into her core along with a surge of dread. It was so powerful that Cora remained still for a few moments, absorbing the feeling.

"I knew him before he was Darth Nwul. When he was Wake Nayne."

Her voice was small, but it did not waver.

"I first met him on Ukatis, while I was still married. I'd had a terrible fight with Horace and he…made me feel better."

A pink flush spread across her fair features, hinting at the particular nature of their interaction.

"When I woke up on Thule, he was there. He cared for me, and saw that I was treated well. I was able to convince him to spare Shan, who worked in the servant's quarters."

Cora had been angry at first, but had quickly come around to the reality of the situation. She’d been guilty over her survival, but moreso over the fact that she lived as a lady of luxury while her peers had either turned to the Dark, or been siphoned of their lives.

"I was at his side when he threw a celebratory gala on Thule. I witnessed him duel Darth…"

Idly, her finger traced the scar along her cheek. Her hand quickly returned to her lap after a nervous glance toward Kahlil.

"…Carnifex."

She took in a deep breath, which lead to a slow, shuddering exhale.

"After a certain point, he allowed me the freedom to leave. I didn't take it, not right away. A part of me could see a future where I…" Her words died in her throat. Cora didn't even know what she wanted to say - that she could have pictured a future with him? That she would turn on the Jedi? It all seemed so impossible, yet it had appeared within her grasp.

"…I had visions of Ukatis. Shan and I left after that, to try and intercept whatever was coming for my people."

Her head hung low; she'd failed at that, too.

Even now, a part of her still yearned for Nwul. He was a monster, but she couldn't reconcile that with the gentle way he'd held her as she tearfully explained her visions of Ukatis burning.

"And I…I miss him."

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

The hand that settled on her shoulder relieved some of the tension she felt in her chest, and Valery was quick to reach up to keep her husband's hand right there. As much as she tried to purely focus on Cora and help her through this, she was struggling as well. She felt like she had failed at the one thing she had promised her Padawans — that she would protect them. But as Cora began to explain what happened, and his name dropped, she realized there was more to this.

This wasn't as black and white as being captured by the enemy.

This Darth Nwul had made her feel better? Valery had never been Sith, or raised within their Empire the way her husband had, but as a Jedi Shadow, she had seen more than enough to understand them. This sounded like manipulation to her — Cora had been going through hell on Ukatis, and that's when he offered his hand?

Cora seemed convinced that there were real feelings involved, but Valery wasn't so certain. To her, he sounded like a textbook predator, preying on young, vulnerable women. Still, she understood that denying the way she felt wouldn't really help the situation.

Valery hadn't been there, so she could never fully understand.

"Cora... I do agree with my husband, in that it's very dangerous to take what they've said and done at face value. But that said... love and emotions aren't always the most logical, and we can fall for people we shouldn't fall for." She let out a sigh and looked her Padawan in the eyes.

"It's possible that he did care about you, but ask yourself this — do you love and miss all that he is? Wake Nayne murdered his own Master in cold blood, and is responsible for countless more ruined lives. That is only going to get worse from here, with his growing lust for power."

She paused and briefly looked at her husband for his input, before adding one final thing.

"Moving on can be painful, but sometimes we have to."

 

[Kahlil Noble]

<Valery.>

She was right in everything she said. But there were some things that didn't need to be. Cora had come here of her own will, and her reasons were her own. Just as her reasons to stay had to be her own. Pushing her to have to feel like she needed to move on wasn't their place. They could help her see the truth of Nwul and the Sith, but they could not be the ones telling her what to do. That only made them no different than Cora's father.

"Is that the new scar, then? Meeting my father?"

Darth Carnifex would not suffer any Jedi that had not openly and decisively left their faith in favor of the Sith. He'd even lost his own arms and had them painfully remade the last time his father had decided to make him Sith. Lessons of the flesh were the ones people remembered.

"He didn't hurt you anywhere else, did he?"

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"It was an accident!" She hissed, straightening up in her seat and leveling Valery with a hard look that almost amounted to a glare. Her feelings for Nwul, complicated though they may be, were very real. That couldn't change overnight. "He shared with me his memory - that moment. He didn't mean to do that."

But he hadn't regretted it, either.

Cora was protective of what they'd had, even if doubt was beginning to creep more heavily into her mind. She was under no delusions that the Sword and Shield of the Order would approve, but she hadn't been prepared for how this would affect her.

"I still have feelings for him. What am I supposed to do with those?" It was a demand as much as it was a desperate question. "You don't know him like I do. You only see the parts of him that you want to see."

Wasn't she doing that, too?

You stupid, foolish little girl.

Her brief marriage to Prince Horace had been brutal; despite knowing the type of man that he was, she'd clung to the fantasy of having an adoring husband. That dream shattered on her wedding night. Nwul had filled the gap, doting on her, treating her as though a King would his Queen in a fairy tale.

Caught between defending what she had with Nwul, and feeling terribly stupid at the burgeoning concept that it might not have been real, Cora wasn't sure where to go. Aimless, she deflated back into the chair, ire fading from her eyes. She nodded faintly to Kahlil's question regarding the origin of her new facial scar.

"He did not harm me anywhere else, no. He did seem pleased when I dodged his dark spear – or most of it, anyway." With a shudder, she recalled the dread that had welled in her stomach at unintentionally earning Carnifex's approval.

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

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Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

Valery frowned but maintained eye contact with her Padawan, "I'm not denying the feelings you have for him, Cora," she said, choosing not to drop it entirely despite hearing her husband through the bond. She agreed, in part, that going too hard into this topic wouldn't help. But she disagreed about leaving it entirely unsaid. Valery knew it had been gnawing at Cora, and it would only get worse if neither of them said a word and pretended that it never happened.

It did happen, and they were adults. They had to talk about it.

"Like I said, we can't control who we fall in love with, and even Sith have historically had partners that I'm sure they had real, intense feelings for." That wasn't the problem though, and everybody in this room knew that. Even Cora did, and it didn't take their Force bond for Valery to be able to tell.

"I just... don't want you to get hurt again," Valery said, unable to keep tears from rolling down her cheek. She then took a deep, shaky breath, and instinctively leaned into her husband for his comfort. His topic change to what happened with Carnifex was a welcomed one, and Valery just remained quiet while she listened.

Though, there was a proud little shimmer in her eyes when Cora mentioned dodging a Spear of Midnight Black.

That was her Padawan, alright.

 

[Kahlil Noble]

Kahlil's jaw tightened just a little. But he didn't press. No, Valery was right this time. After everything Cora had gone through, he still wanted to protect her. Even from the things that needed to be talked about. But she wasn't a girl any longer. She could stand on her own. It was time he treated her as such himself. The fact that Carnifex seemed pleased only meant one thing, and he knew it all too well.

"You dove into the dark to survive."

Valery Noble | Corazona von Ascania

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora shifted uncomfortably in her seat before settling on crossing her legs, forcing herself to remain still. No matter how far she went from life on Ukatis, she could never truly divorce herself from aristocratic etiquette. In a way, she was recoiling from the brief outburst of challenging her Master's words.

A small part of her wanted them to acknowledge that Nwul's feelings for her had been real in turn.

Her face fell further, eyes misting over when Valery leaned against Kahlil for support. The sight of them, along with her recollection of Makko's pain, reminded Cora that her actions had the capacity to affect those around her.

With a slow inhale, the Padawan forced her shoulders back and faced the Sword and Shield of the NJO. Removing her feelings from from the situation entirely was impossible, but Cora tried her best to look at the situation objectively, as Kahlil had put it. The Nobles wanted to help her, so the best way to begin would be with honesty.

"I did. And I didn't exactly hate it. He'd been teaching me to embrace my emotions, accept them for what they are, and use them as fuel."

Echoes of Marcel could be found in the sternness of her face, the rigidity of her posture. Yet she was red-eyed, moisture glistening around her lash line.

"My feelings aside, what I did was…incredibly selfish. I'm sorry for making you worry about me, and I'm sorry for putting both myself and Shan in danger."

Coruscant, Thule, Ukatis - Her heart was in too many places at once.

Valery Noble Kahlil Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

Coruscant

​

Outfit: Factory Link | Wedding Ring
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Kahlil Noble Corazona von Ascania

"I... it's okay," Valery said to accept her Padawan's apology. Of course, she had been worried sick from the moment that Cora had left for Ukatis, and it had only gotten worse after her capture. But she was back, not because the Jedi had dragged her back here, but because she chose to be here. If she had wanted to, she could have stayed behind, left for Ukatis again, or gone anywhere in the Galaxy that her heart desired.

That choice is what mattered.

"I also understand that it's not an easy thing for you, coming back here. Kahlil and I..." she began, now with a gentle, loving smile at her husband, "... we really want you to make your own choices in life. We will always be willing to offer advice or hear you out and help in any way you need it. But the choice about what you want to do is yours to make. You're more than welcome to return as my Padawan, but if you feel like you need to be somewhere else, we will always support you."

Well, unless she wanted to be a mass-murdering Sith Lord, perhaps.

But she had a feeling that was off the table, anyway.