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Lord of the Dead
Character


OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

GENERAL INFORMATION

  • Planet Name: Lahos
  • Demonym: Lahosian
  • Region: Tingel Arm
  • System Name: Liah
  • System Features: Purava - Is the closest planet to the sun. Its surface is molten magma with a type II atmosphere.
  • Chachola - Is the furthest world and the smallest in the system its surface reaches temperatures of -270 degrees Celsius/ -454 Fahrenheit. The planet has a type IV Atmosphere.

    Asteroid Belt - At the edge of the system past Chachola sits a colossus asteroid belt spanning 1090.48km thick the belt acts as a natural defense into the system due to large Asteroids with a radius of 487 and lower that contain their own gravitational pull.
  • Location:
  • Major Imports: Various materials such as ship parts or exotic accessories such as jewelry and the life, artifacts( such as copies of old sith texts and amulets brought in by a small group of adventurers that like to dive into the ruins under supervision) and food items
  • Major Exports: Durasteel, Cortosis, songsteel and Phrik.
  • Unexploited Resources: n/a
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION

  • Gravity: Standard
  • Climate: Temperate
  • Primary Terrain: A mixture of biomes exists on this world ranging from a frozen Mountainous tundra area in the northern part, a Volcanic desolate area in the eastern section, A jungle tropical area in the west and a Desert area in the southern area with a all in between in the middle, each part has their own wildlife that have grown and adapted to survive such climates but the Jungle and the temperate and various oceans that dot around the jungle and frozen tundra area
  • Atmosphere: Type 1
LOCATION INFORMATION

  • Capital City: Mizara
  • Planetary Features: There are various ruins around this world to serve as old ritual sites mostly in caverns or near the rivers and oceans but nothing big or significant, they are merely reminders of the previous inhabitant's work here on the planet before Skorvek colonized it the ruins are purely ceremonial in nature from what studies have shown and have no other value outside of historical
  • Major Locations:






    Mizara

    Situated in the middle region of Lahos Mizaras a multi-level, multi-function cityscape that houses a large portion of the well-educated and loyal citizens on Lahos on its upper levels. Mizara serves as the capital of the whole planet letting their be room for trade and every form of entertainment and production as well as various religious practices are demonstrated at the multiple temples built throughout the city its main purpose is to serve as a hub ,it is defended by massive high rising duracrete walls, Anubian soldiers stand on watch every night as multiple AA Gun positions are on constant watch as well as a shield generator to activate when under siege. This city was gifted to Adara Raxis Adara Raxis to rule as she wishes and how she wishes.The Laws of Mizaras are the following for those who visit and live here.
    • Freedom of speech is the most inalienable right.
    • Freedom of opportunity requires that every being, regardless of station, economic status, or demographic have access to education, lodging, food, personal safety & medical care without hindrance.
    • Those with force powers have a responsibility to ensure the safety of others around them.
    • Theft is punishable by loss of a thumb. Repeated theft is punishable by loss of the hand. Continued larceny is punishable by loss of multiple limbs.
    • Purposeful violent assault against another being outside martial rings & training centers is punishable by banishment & absorption of the being’s assets by the State. The only exception is action taken in defense of others.
    • Every being born to the city holds the rights of a Citizen. All citizens retain the right to vote. For beings born outside the City, citizenship can be gained by seven years of service to the People.






  • Requiem

    Requiem is a Fortress city built in the Frozen Tundra area for those who wish to challenge themselves and survive in the harsh never ending winter, This city was built mainly as a gift to Astra Cadera wife to Skorvek as her personal city for her to train her own warriors and govern how she wishes while keeping the supply chain to the city well stocked despite the frozen landscape the city thrives with species and people who are either more acclimated for the cold or wish to try and survive the cold outside while maintaining the warm comfort within their own houses what used to be a run down ruin from the previous inhabitants is now renovated and transformed into a thriving city with a shield around the perimeter of the city to keep the inhabitants safe from the wildlife and keep them from invading the city without imprisoning the inhabitants. The laws of this land are the following here.




  • I. All persons have the inalienable right to: Speech, Worship, Assembly, A Fair Trial,Press 2. A Council of 8 will be established, w. The 8 Council Members are elected through popular vote. 3. A judicial system shall ensure a fair trial with a jury. 4. All citizens, regardless of species, religion, disabilities, heritage, etc must be provided the same rights and privileges of any other citizen of Requiem



    Zehoniel


    Once a old fortress built for sorcery and dark side arts and other rituals that resulted in the planet being so tainted in the first place has now been reforged into a forge and training ground for military personal, Built in the volcano region to train warriors against the harsh heat of the region and well defended with various gun emplacements and shield generators and a lava moat between the city and civilization its from here that those who wish to become warriors come to train themselves. Stardust Solus Skirae Stardust Solus Skirae

    Here are the laws passed down for all who live here.

    1. Stealing shall not be TOLERATED
  • 2.murder is unacceptable, upon receiving word a jury shall be assembled to judge the one in question
  • 3.political agendas seeking to undermine, chest, or otherwise harm the general public shall be eliminated
  • 4. Problems shall be settled either by decision or battle






Darasuum Kurs (Eternal Forest)



Darasuum Kurs is in the tropical jungle region of Lahos. The small city is home to a growing population of mandalorians loyal to clan Solus. Adopting the architectural designs of Darasuum Yaim, the buildings are built around and into the mountain. Pathways reach out onto the water that acts as a clean source of freshwater and fishing. Most of all this city location provides good training places. Its rugged terrain is good for teaching, building endurance across rough land, hunting and much more in terms of survival and combat. Cynthia Solus Cynthia Solus has been given the task of governing these lands how she sees fit. The law of the city follows Clan law and mandalorian law; one such law is following the Resol’nare.










Tahet


The metropolitan fortress city built in Lahos’s desert regions under @Skorveks rule where trade is abundant and forging is its main trade source, as well as serve as a hub for training Anubian warriors and practicing the Anubian religion and culture from their fighting styles to their celebratory meanings and the buildings and weapons and armors they forge while having a life of their own in this region.The laws of this city are simple,
1. Stealing shall not be TOLERATED

  • 2.murder is unacceptable, upon receiving word a jury shall be assembled to judge the one in question
  • 3.political agendas seeking to undermine, chest, or otherwise harm the general public shall be eliminated
  • 4. Problems shall be settled either by decision or battle.
  • Respect all religious practices and do not desecrate sacred Anubian sites and rituals or lay hands on the priests/priestess’s without permission.

  • Force Nexus (Optional):Yes
  • Force Nexus Name: Lahos
    Intent: To better expand into the planets lore
  • Nexus Alignment: Dark
  • Size: Planetary
  • Strength: Strong
  • Accessibility: The Nexus covers the entire planet so anyone who comes to Lahos will feel its affects
  • Effects: Reinvigorating to the inhabitants and those who practice in the force the most allowing them to be able to do strenuous activities longer then the norm, however if they constantly draw on this they can feel exteremly drained then the norm as well. Light siders that come here will feel a constant chill down their body and find it difficult to center themselves.

POPULATION

  • Native Species: N/a
  • Immigrated Species: Humans, Twi'lek, Wookie, Rodian, Gungan, Chiss, Kaleesh, Anubians
  • Population: Heavy
  • Demographics: Pending on the City they venture to all races and people as long as they adhere to the laws provided to them are welcomed here and trade is encouraged some cities have more of these races in the city from being simply closer or preferring the trade and climates. Your likely to find the following species around Lahos:
    Species 1: Anubians
    Species 2: Kaleesh
    Species 3: Twi'leks
  • Primary Languages: Galactic Basic but it can vary from city to city
  • Culture: Depending on the cityscape depends on the culture that one will see within it as they adopt a warlord/monarch society however each city leader wishes to be addressed by but mostly a free society allowing people to express themselves only as long as they adhere to the rules they are given by the city. They dive into every cultural aspect they can find such as paintings or music. A normal day on Lahos can consist of people just painting the scenery around them or playing various musical instruments for everyone to enjoy.
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY

  • Government:Warlord Each city is ruled by one individual and has their own sets of rules and ways to govern.
  • Affiliation: Skorvek Skorvek
  • Wealth: High due to high amounts of trade and imports of weaponry and personal, the population thrives off working whilst commencing trade with whoever wishes to come trade various objects and materials with each other. Though how each civilian and population works depends on which city you visit but most of all freedom and trade are the dominant factors.
  • Stability: High. Each city is ruled differently but there is one golden rule, Stability and law
  • Freedom & Oppression:How the people and trade are treated depends on which city region they goto and who rules their harnessing a sort of warlord/Monarch type rule pending on the city however Mostly people are free to trade and work as they wish no matter who they are and trade is heavily encouraged on this planet and the rules that they are to follow is mostly set by the ruler of the city they are commercing.
MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY

  • Military: Since Skorvek came to this world he chose to pick the strongest warriors among them to be warriors and the wisest to be engineers and assist in development, but the military it mostly depends on the city in question as each warlord trains and fortifies their cities different to heavily fortified to the basic defenses
  • Technology: Technologically speaking, Lahos is equivalent to many modern day civilized planets in regards to technology, however much of it is re-purposed. Such an example being the planet's use of a planetary shield array to defend the research stations on the planet.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION

Several years ago there was a group of force users who ventured to this world to use it as a base to practice various forms of sorcery and experiments, Through Sith spawning techniques to various rituals and alchemical and sacrificial methods to try and harness immortality. As the years go by the planet started to be slowly but sure infected by the dark arts being practiced till the planet became very tainted, One such ritual was the reason the planet is now a Nexus of pure dark energy when the sorcerers tried to pool their combined power into a ritual that they thought would have them ascend into immortality but instead of ascension it was met with a explosion of dark side power that coated the entire planet turning it into the nexus of darkside power it is seen today.


When Skorvek was looking for a new world to settle most of his people given the dangers he stumbled across this world and old run down buildings and fortress’s and ritual sites, He called in a few favors to get supplies and people and material to start building these cities and do a few rituals of his own which only further solidified the nexus’s strength using the combined strength of man power and the IDCN Droid system who work day and night without tiring it only made the building process quicker because of these droids hard work, He decided to make 5 cities and give each one their own ruler to govern how they wish, The Desert region he claimed for his own so he could rule their and keep whatever Anubians that are left safe and allow them to grow as well, The polar region he gave as a gift to his beloved Astra Cadera he figured she would enjoy the challenge of governing a polar region city, The harsher volcanic regions he gave to Stardust Solus Skirae Stardust Solus Skirae the emerald dragon herself for her to train with and govern as she wishes he figured she could handle such a harsh place.


The jungle he gifted to Cynthia Solus Cynthia Solus for her clan to grow and govern as they seem fit and put the refugees she collected so they can live a free and normal life and maintain the Mandalorian culture while enjoying the jungle life presented before them, he figured she would appreciate the gesture. Adara was given the capital city to rule from how she wishes he figured she could handle it given she runs her own planet and then some already at her young age.

Now Skorvek continues to spend his time and resources maintaining and upgrading and fortifying this world into a fortress paradise for him and his people and allies to live in peace and go about their daily lives unhindered
 
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Kairi Leidias

Guest
K
Skorvek Skorvek

What a beautiful submission, really fleshed out and thought through - just have a couple minor details to clear up!

  • Images: One of the images links to art that wasn't used, and one of your pieces is not credited. Also, an additional link is from Dark Souls but credits to Reddit - perhaps changing this one to the game website would be sufficient.
  • Materials: They are super vague - can you elaborate more on them?
  • Ruins: These ruins seem to contain banned technology. What happens if I want to RP on this planet? Can you clear up anything pertaining to the banned tech? Can you elaborate more on these ruins?
  • Species: Some species listed are not common, and one even contains a Codex species. Can you ensure they are linked properly - atleast the Codex one.
  • Military: I think you forgot something or it cut out. Doesn't make much sense. Do you mind clearing it up?
  • Nexus: How does it reinvigorate individuals affiliated with the dark side? Does it boost their force or allow them to go farther, longer?
Let's get these things cleared up and we'll be on our way!

Thanks!
 

Srina Talon

Administrator
Admin
Skorvek Skorvek | Kairi Leidias

Howdy!

Overall, this planet is pretty solid but there are definitely still some things that need to be worked on. Parts of the template are incomplete.

1.) System Name: You left this blank. It will need to be filled out.
System Name:
System Name: [ Example: Abrion, Herrik. ]
2.) Location: You left this blank. It will need to be filled out.
Location:
Location: [ This can be a screenshot of the hex from the map with a marker, or you can say that it is located "in X planet's hex" and give a general description of positioning. If you intend to add this planet to the Chaos Map please review the rules thoroughly.]
3.) Major Imports: Various materials leads me to believe that there may be other materials. If what you have written is a complete list - I would suggest removing that. Also, what kind of weaponry? What do you mean by exotic accessories?
Major Imports: Various materials such as ship parts or exotic accessories, artifacts and food items and weapons
Major Imports: [ What the planet frequently buys from other planets. Common materials and ores should just be listed (Ex. Durasteel ore), while anything special or rare should be linked. ]
4.) Major Exports: Various ores, just like above, leads me to believe that there may be other ores. If this is a complete list - I would just list them as they are to be clear. (Side note...Does that say....corpses? xD)
Major Exports: Durasteel, Corpses, various ores such as Cortosis, songsteel and Phrik.
Major Exports: [ What does the planet produce and bring to the galaxy, note that not all planets have to produce things. They can be barren or have riches yet to be discovered. Common materials and ores should just be listed (Ex. Durasteel ore), while anything special or rare should be linked. ]
5.) Planetary Features: I believe that the CJ prior to my review was asking about the following in regards to "Banned Technology" issue:
Planetary Features: There are various ruins around this world to serve as old ritual sites mostly in caverns or near the rivers and oceans but nothing big or significant, they are merely reminders of the previous inhabitant's work here on the planet before Skorvek colonized it.
The CJ was curious because the statement isn't specific about what ruins exist here. We just have to ensure that the previous inhabitants weren't Rakatan/Gree/Celestial because if they were, what tech they behind in ruins, would be banned. Does that make sense?

I see that you do elaborate more on the previous inhabitants in the "History" so it might be worth it to note that there is more information below.

6.) Force Nexus: This section will need a fair amount of updating. Firstly, the template does not match. There's no "Name" field and "Accessibility" was left blank. Even if there's technically no "access" because it's Planetary it should be explained. This section needs to be fleshed out with more detail and information. How is it strong? What may a Light-Sided FU experience here since it's a Dark-Sided Nexus that covers the entirety of the planet?

Keep in mind the following when going through this section:​
1.) If you wish to add a Force nexus (light, neutral, or dark), you are required to justify it through your submission and history.
2.) Provide the reasoning and motive for this force nexus. A request for a force nexus may be denied on this premise alone.
Force Nexus (Optional):Yes
Intent: To better expand into the planets lore
Nexus Alignment: Dark
Size: Planetary
Strength: Strong
Accessibility
:
Effects: Reinvigorating to the inhabitants and those who practice in the force the most allowing them to be able to do strainuous activities longer then the norm.
Force Nexus (Optional): [ If you wish to add a Force nexus (light, neutral, or dark), you are required to justify it through your submission and history. ]
Intent: [ Provide the reasoning and motive for this force nexus. A request for a force nexus may be denied on this premise alone. ]
Nexus Name: [ Name of the nexus if applicable. ]
Nexus Alignment: [ Light, Dark, Neutral, Other (explain). ]
Size: [ Small (A small location on a world much like a grove or oasis. Ex. Dark Grove), Medium (A moderately sized area, large compounds, lake, etc Ex. Great Temple), Large (A location that spans a large area, a valley, mountain ranges, etc. Ex. Valley of the Jedi). Planetary (Influences everything on the planet. Ex. Byss). ]
Strength: [ How strong is the Nexus? How much influence does it exert on those near it? Weaker nexus are easier to overlook, while stronger ones are impossible to miss. Stronger Nexus will be more closely scrutinized for balance and fairness during judging. Choose one: Weak (A weak influence on the area and the people on it. A fragile nexus that can potentially be altered by people or events, i.e. a lightside nexus could be corrupted by atrocity or a dark side nexus cleansed by the actions of a mass of Jedi.), Moderate (A moderate influence on the area and the people on it. Could be altered with a great enough event.), Strong (A strong influence on the area and the people on it. Powerful enough to be renewed in the event of a great cataclysm, and unlikely to be altered.) ]
Accessibility: [ For Small, Medium, or Large Nexus only. Describe logistical information on how easy it is to find/access this location. Is it hidden? Is it isolated from society or is it in the middle of civilization? Is it guarded? Open to the public or private access only? Keep in mind that the Strength of the Nexus above must be reflected in this field. ]
Effects: [ What sort of effects does this Nexus confer? An aura of fear? Reinvigorating those on the world? Perhaps it induced tricks of the mind, to test the visitors. These effects can be positive, neutral, or negative, and should reflect the nature and history of the Nexus. ]
7.) Immigrated Species: Any uncommon or custom species need to be linked per the template. I've bolded and colored those that apply for you below and provided links to those I could. I wasn't able to find Dravalan unless you're referring to the Draelvasier or the Dravala. I can only find that word in reference to those species.
Immigrated Species: Humans, Dravalan, Twi'Lek, Wookie, Rodian, Gungan, Chiss, Kaleesh, Anubians
Immigrated Species: [ Immigrant species with significant populations. Any uncommon species or custom species should be linked. ]
1.) Dravalan 2.) Kaleesh 3.) Anubians

8.) Demographics: What you have is good information, but, it's not what the template is asking for. This more belongs to culture. Think "Population Assortment" more than anything else. Are there more Humans than Wookie? Are any of the listed races more rare or predominant than the other?
Demographics: Pending on the City they venture to all races and people as long as they adhere to the laws provided to them are welcomed here and trade is encouraged.
Demographics: [ Please describe the population assortment found on this planet. Is it primarily human inhabitants with only a small percentage of aliens? Or perhaps the other way around? Is this a place open to all kinds of races or is there a strong theme of racism and xenophobia? Specific race percentages are welcome but not required. ]
9.) Culture: This should be fleshed out a little more. Take a look at the questions in the template. This submission talks about all sorts of neat things, even priests, but I see none of that here. What is it like for people?
Culture: [ General overview of the inhabitant's behaviors. This should include information about daily life, society, arts, sports, religion. ]
10.) Wealth: This section is mostly fine, but, there's a little confusion. Exports of weaponry and personal...What? Also, in "Wealth" you have the people exporting weapons through trade that contributes to a rating of high. However, you actually state that the people "Import" weapons at the top of the submissions. Do they Import them or Export them?
Wealth: High due to high amounts of trade and exports of weaponry and personal, the population thrives off working whilst commencing trade with whoever wishes to come trade various objects and materials with each other. Though how each civilian and population works depends on which city you visit but most of all freedom and trade are the dominant factors.
Major Imports: Various materials such as ship parts or exotic accessories, artifacts and food items and weapons
11.) Warlord/Monarch Type Rule: You may want to explain what you mean by this in the "Government Section". It doesn't quite make sense.

12.) IDCN: You've included this technology sub in the History and attribute it to the formation of the planet and cities as they are known to be today, however, this is a closed-market submission with specific affiliations to the ORC and the Obsidian Polaris Systems. You will need to obtain permission either through a screenshot, market place transaction, etc, from the Original Author and place it in the top of the sub in the "Permission Field" or it will need to be removed.



I know it seems like a lot to go through, but, it's mostly so bulky because of the quotes. If you need help please feel free to let me know but otherwise feel free to tag me when you're ready for me to take another pass.
 

Ylla Caeli'runa

K E I S A R I
Codex Judge
Skorvek Skorvek , thank you for your patience, it's been a busy week for me.

I'd like to start by saying that this is a nice read and I'm really interested in seeing more of the planet and the people that could call Lahos home. That being said, there are a number of edits to get through. If you'd like clarification on any of these points, please don't hesitate to ask! It's my job to help make your submission the best it can be! Here are the edits I'll need you to make before I can pass this on for secondary approval:


Image Credit | Please change the source to the link I've provided here as your current link only leads to the picture of the location.
System Name | Please fill out this field of the sub.
System Features | I'd suggest moving Chachola down to it's own line as it's currently right beside the description of Purava.
Purava - Is the closest planet to the sun. Its surface is molten magma with a type II atmosphere. Chachola - Is the furthest world and the smallest in the system its surface reaches temperatures of -270 degrees Celsius/ -454 Fahrenheit. The planet has a type IV Atmosphere.
Here you've also listed an asteroid belt that is simply called Asteroid Belt. Was this intentional or a place holder for a name?
Major Imports | " Various materials such as ship parts or exotic accessories such as jewelry and the like, artifacts and food items"
Please list specific artifacts that may be found on Lahos, they may be factory approved or canon. If there are any texts, please be sure to write that there are copies of the original texts, and not originals themselves unless they're made by a character that is listed in the submission or by yourself. An explanation of how or, perhaps, who brings these artifacts to Lahos would be cool. It'd add background to the imporation. Who regulates that process? Is there a Force Order or an organization that monitors the coming and going of these artifacts?
Major Exports | Please link Cortosis, Songsteel, and Phrik here as they are rare materials.
Requiem | Here you mention someone named Gaia. If this is a player, please link their bio. If this is an NPC, please link the submission.
Force Nexus | A few things to point out in this section -
Nexus Name | This field is missing entirely. Please add it and give the nexus a name.
Intent | What are the reasons behind nexus? How does it expand the planet lore? What does it add to the planet?
Accessibility | This field is not required because the nexus is meant to be planetary. However, I would like you to explain here that the nexus is planetary and that anyone on the planet will be effected by it.
Effects | This field does have a small description. It's a great start, but may think of how it will effect Light-siders or normal everyday people. Please keep in mind that the nature of the nexus should be reflected in the effects that it causes. So, since yours is a Dark aligned nexus, do people feel uneasy or nauseous on the planet? Is there confusion? Does using the Force to perform at enhanced movements cause drawbacks afterward?
Demographics | Here you've got that "Pending on the City they venture to all races and people as long as they adhere to the laws provided to them are welcomed here and trade is encouraged some cities have more of these races in the city from being simply closer or preferring the trade and climates". That's great. Demographics are for the overarching species that live there. Diversity is amazing and I'm glad you have that here. But, perhaps something like this would work better for the purpose of following the template: "Pending on the City they venture to all races and people as long as they adhere to the laws provided to them are welcomed here and trade is encouraged some cities have more of these races in the city from being simply closer or preferring the trade and climates. However, you're likely to find the following species around Lahos:

  • Species 1
  • Species 2, etc."
Culture | Could you expand on this section a bit more? What's their music like? Do they appreciate art? What are the accepted "norms"? What's a normal day like on Lahos?
Spelling & Grammar | Please look through the submission and correct any words, phrases, and/or punctuations that may make the sub easier to read and understand.
Please tag me if you have any questions or once you've completed the edits!
 

Ylla Caeli'runa

K E I S A R I
Codex Judge
Skorvek Skorvek , thank you for the edits you made, I appreciate it. I just have a couple more things I need you to fix:
Requiem | Would you mind explaining who Gaia, the permanent 9th member of the Council, is? A casual reader wouldn't know who that person is or why they're the 9th member.
Force Nexus Name | The name of the Nexus is still missing, please fill in this field.
As always, please tag me when you've completed the edits!
 
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