She had been trying.
Force, had she been trying.
Her days as of late had been spent almost entirely in some form of training. She took to as many classes as she could possibly fit, within the schedule they were offered, and her evenings were filled with endless reams of knowledge collected from the Archives and the Holo-net, or self-training which lasted long into the night.
If not for her focus, the intensity behind her desire to grow, Raya might have burnt herself out. Some days she wondered if she had not already done that. She had found herself held together with caf, a drink she despised yet seemingly could not live without, and whatever bits of food she could snatch from the mess hall between classes. Sleep was a fleeting thing, in fact just the other day she had caught herself falling asleep during one of her three Room of a Thousand Fountains meditation visits. For shame.
She simply could not help herself. Any time she stopped and allowed herself time to think of anything else she could see them. The pulp against the wall, the screams as men ran from and through the flames. The scent of singed hair and flesh which melted from bone. The mere thought of it made her gag, and kept her up at night. No, she would keep herself busy, keep herself focused, and by the time her head hit her pillow she'd be so exhausted she'd be right to sleep.
A dark, dreamless sleep.
Her understanding of Shii-Cho had grown as a result. Heck, even her application had improved. She had not yet tried to train it alongside another, did not wish to see it used against her fellow man, but the droids had been helpful to say the least and the sequences she practiced through the dead of night were second nature to her now. Methodical, precise. But not necessarily practical, she knew. One could not be stiff and clinical in true application, after all.
Today was no different, though momentous in its own way. It was to be the start of her Padawanship; Zaavik was recovered, it was time to begin.
She had arrived at the training room an hour ahead of their appointed time, shed her jacket and shoes and took up a bokkan. Eyes closed she walked through the motions, took the ready stance, targeted zones, exhibited many of the Marks of Contact, it was second nature to her now. And an intensity lay behind each stroke. In such a state she had no need for timekeeping, and thus an hour drifted on into more and minutes were added to the time she had provided herself with.
Again, she told herself, determined that she would never again repeat the mistakes of Jakku, Again!