Private In Restless Dreams...

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

She blinked a couple of times, hearing a familiar voice carrying unfamiliar voices just out of view, and when she focused back up again she found Zaavik stood over her. Her cheeks flushed a deep, unavoidable shade of red and she hastily sat upright and shuffled back from him some. Forced herself to her feet without assistance as embarrassment seeped into every fiber of her being.​

​

Raya did not look at him as she stood there, instead she looked at a spot on the ground and waited for some of the dizzying sensations to truly fade.​

​

Her mouth opened and then closed. Then opened again. She tried to find the words she wanted to say, before ultimately shaking her head. He seemed as confused as she was, in truth Raya didn't exactly know what the heck had just happened. One minute she was meditating, the same as she always did, and the next...​

​

But that didn't matter. She could tell that she had worried him.​

​

Had she not already given him enough reason to doubt her? Time and time she had failed, and now this... This inexplainable, inexcusable moment.​

​

"I'm sorry" she finally said, words rushing to escape her mouth before she could take them back, "I don't know what came over me. Where my head went. I don't mean to keep disappointing you, to keep failing, I don't know what's wrong with me..." She tried to steal a breath between the hastily uttered words, but even that seemed impossible in the moment.​

​

"They're going to kick me out soon, aren't they?" she whispered, the self-doubt she'd been trying to contain breaking free from their vials and bubbling over. For years now she'd done her best to keep her head held high, to not let it get to her, but since leaving the Enclave and coming to Coruscant it had been harder and harder to keep it up. She was tired of pretending that everything was okay.​

​

Especially when she'd already lost the battle.​

​

She wasn't meant to be a Jedi, Jakku had only made it that much more apparent.​

​

Zaavik Perl ​

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Relief swelled as Raya scurried away and let herself up. Not only because she was alright, but more so that they wouldn't have to touch. The hand he offered retreated to cross over his chest alongside the other. From the small distance between them, he observed, excpecting her to come back toward the seat. Instead, she shrank in place, regard pointed at the floor. Small steps forward brought him closer until he loomed over her diminished frame at arm's distance.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Where my head went. I don't mean to keep disappointing you, to keep failing, I don't know what's wrong with me... They're going to kick me out soon, aren't they?"​

Zaavik made a face as if every muscle was fighting over grimace or frown. Suddenly the girl before him looked like a mirror, and his own insecurities past and present stared back, waving derisively. His tongue clicked, air paused in his throat, only to be ushered out in a sigh as his hands dropped into his jacket pockets. His regard turned toward the ceiling, tongue trapped in a masticative dance with his tongue as he scoured his mind for the best words to approach this with.

Just as soon as empathy came, apathy's fingers slithered around its throat. Some defense mechanisms were inescapable in these scenarios. Somehow, empathy managed a single, labored gasp before being choked off entirely. The tip of his boot lightly swung forward and tapped the side of her leg to grab attention from the floor. "You're learning," he said firmly. With that small bit of reassurance, empathy's dying breath had been spent, and aloofness reclaimed the throne. "I told you not to worry about it, remember?" Their first encounter, when he tried to hammer that bit home, hadn't been so long ago.

He spun slowly, eyes following her for a moment before his head snapped fully forward. The meditation chairs slid across the ground with friction squeals as he held up both hands and returned them with a pair of apparitional tugs through the force. "We'll skip the meditation today," he declared. As he was making a cold exit, he suddenly stopped, turning back around to face her slowly. Some transient desire to reassure her surfacing again, along with it, and idea kindling to life.

"Wake up early tomorrow. We've got a trip to make."

Returning around to face the exit, he began to leave again.

Auraya Irath-Ur ​

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

She looked up at the light tap to her leg, but could barely meet his gaze with her own.​

​

If she had known some way to truly retreat in on herself, to vanish into thin air, she might have done exactly that. Day one of training and she'd ruined a perfectly good session, which had ended on a high point for her, all without even trying. It was frustrating, she wanted to scream as loud as she could but instead she stood there and... well, she just stood there.​

​

He told her she was learning, and it was true they'd seen some progress that day. But was it enough? And who made that decision? Was it Zaavik? Was it some other entity within the Order? Who decided when enough was enough?​

​

Then a reiteration of their initial meeting. It wasn't exactly reassurance, but at least it meant he hadn't changed his stance. She exhaled a very slow breath, releasing that which had been caught up in her throat, and slowly nodded her head. But she couldn't find any words to speak, even as he put an end to their session, she simply watched as he turned to leave.​

​

Settled her gaze back to the floor.​

​

Only to hear him turn and speak again.​

​

A trip? What kind of trip?​

​

Curiosity overwhelmed some of the more somber sensations running through her, and she peeked her head up just enough to see him turn and walk away again. "Yes, Master," she mumbled, and when he was out of sight she sank down to the floor again and buried her head in her hands.​

​

Zaavik Perl ​