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Hyuanan

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Ava Solborne

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300px-Pandarian_mogu_king.png
  • Name: Hyuanan
  • Designation: Sentient
  • Homeworld: Kan-Sangh Hyu
  • Language: Hyuanean, Galactic Basic Standard
  • Average height of adults: 180-190cm
  • Skin color: Pale, Red, Beige, Yellow
  • Hair color: Red, blue, purple, dark, blonde, green
  • Breathes: Oxygen, CO2 (only, when needed)
  • Strengths:
  • Hyuanans can fly for some seconds, because they have some feathers on their hands and they can give their bodies a push. Humans would call it jumping, but their "wings" come out and with their help, Hyuanans can fly some metres. They normally hide them under wristbands.
  • The special skin colors can make them hide themselves well.
  • Hyuanans can breathe CO2 and so they can breathe almost everywhere, where is not oxygen, though they can't breath any toxic gases.
  • Weaknesses: Hyuanans' bloodstream is completely different from the one humans have. Their heart is exotic. It makes different bloods stir and so they can't do tiresome activities long time.
  • Besides that, their body is not guarded very well. They seem to tough body, but they're bones are not as tough as humans' are.
  • Distinctions: Many of Hyuanans are Force-sensitive. Male Hyuanans have got long hair, female Hyuanans have got extremely long hair. Hyuanans eye color variates from light green to dark yellow. Hyuanans are great in lifting heavy things.
  • Average Lifespan: 85 years.
  • Races: Ghunyans (Force-sensitive), Stuyaneas (eastern Kan-Sangh Hyu residents), Yhin-Jhintitsou (western Kan-Sangh Hyu residents), Nutsebhuya (normal people, not Force-sensitive, living in certain places not considered either western nor eastern)
  • Diet: Hyuanans eat different kinds of vegetables and salads. Apples, pears, all berries and citrus fruits are poisonous, but not lemon. It is unknown, why Hyuanans can eat lemons, but not other citrus fruits. Especially poisonous is the juice inside the fruits. At certain festivals, Hyuanans eat only meat. Most popular is Hyutana's (like our pigs) meat. Potatoes are poisonous too. Eating any poisonous food can cause extreme illness or immediate death.
  • Communication: Hyuanans have their own language Hyuanean, which has over million words. Everyone can use the language and mostly, they use that language, but even being independent couldn't extinct Galactic Basic Standard language. Their language consists of 600 letters, which some of them are very hard to pronounce. The language itself is easy to learn with a year. Language professors have made a new version of the language, called Hyuanean Basic, which consists of only main words and a few of their synonyms. The words are made of the easiest letters, which are easy to pronounce. For other kinds of communication, Hyuanans use different holograms and telephones. Sending mail is very highly rated.
  • Culture: The people is very cultural and all kinds of arts are highly rated. The most important celebrations and festivals are Yunage Shuans (New Year's Eve)and Thsjuankas Bshye (The Day of the Lords). At these days, everyone has a free day and all people celebrate. It is common, if there are only meat and no salad on the table on these festivals. Normally, Kan-Sanghians eat different kinds of vegetables and salads and tomatoes. They have hundreds of different tomatoes. Very important is Jungasha Bshye, which is Theatre Day. Children and teens and adults go to theatres on that day. It is popular to dye your hair green, because the planet's one flag color is green.
  • Technology level: Hyuanans have almost every technological things the rest of the galaxy has, but they are not so developed. They are primitive.
  • General behavior: Hyuanans are friendly towards others, but it is very easy to make them angry and thus, agressive. It is better to think many times, before you say something. All cultural compliments are welcome and when you talk about culture, they immediately think of you as a friend. But when you criticize their life and culture, they consider you as an enemy and thus, they become agressive towards you. When angry, Hyuanans growl. It is unknown, why they do that, but it might have been a self-defense method about 150,000 years ago.
  • History:
Chapter I
The Beginning
The species was born circa 150,000 years ago. At the beginning, they lived in caves and on trees. They almost immediately discovered fire and that grilled food is better, than raw food. After that, they discovered new things almost every day. They learned, how to make clothes and found out, that diseases can be cured. The first witch doctors were born. Very quickly, Hyuanans started their own democracy and the greatest people became politicians. Every tribe had their own president, but every person in the tribe had a chance to choose. Every year, all tribes' presidents met and had a huge meeting. These meetings normally lasted a week and always they found out the best solutions they had. The life was great. Hyuanans learned new things and spread these news. There were many mercenaries and when they went to a new tribe, they spread the news. With only a month, almost every tribe had the knowledge about these things and at the next huge meeting, the person, who discovered the knowledge, got a huge reward. Money wasn't invented then, so they got a big basket full of food. At the first years, the life was happy. Still, they didn't have language and they growled.

Chapter II
The Discovery of Language
After 10,000 years, Hyuanans made a language consisting of 435 letters and 194,567 words. The whole planet quickly adapted the language and it became normal. At first, it was hard to learn the language, because it was all new and no one used this kind of talking method before. The discovery of language made life even easier and now, the news spread even faster. Politicians started to become more important and the meetings happened more often. Now, big arguings started. The language might be similar to Chinese or Korean, but the actual meaning of words is not the same. A new event, Language Senate, started to take place every month, where many people gave their opinion of the language and made suggestions. The language grew quickly.

Chapter III
The City Mania
Since the language was made, after 10,000 years, the first city, Sunthe Huyane was made, but then, there were only three buildings. One of them was the mayor's house, one was the government building and the last one... Was a theatre. That was cause, why theatre art became so popular and important. The city was great, but all people except the mayor still lived in caves. People heard of it and then, only with a year, 5,000 houses were made. They were primative, but still, on the planet, there wasn't many earthquakes. The people, who became jealous of these, who lived in a city, made their own cities. At 123,000 there were millions of tiny cities on the planet, but since many of them weren't popular, they became extinct. A politician called Fuyashe Dunghu said: "Maybe we don't need many cities. Maybe we need only few of them." People agreed with him and so, 120,000 years ago, there were only 5 cities on the planet and the people was happy.

Chapter IV
The Human Colonization I Starts
Two thousand years passed and The Human Colonization I begun. Humans colonized two of the cities and many other places on the planet. They said, that Kan-Sangh Hyu is a perfect place to become the capital of The Republic. The colonizators argued and even battled with the government, but humans won. Quickly, the power was in the hands of Grand Colonizator Herbert Strungard. He made new rules, which made people's lives nightmares. People had to live very tough lives for many months. Then Hyuanans gathered their armies and stood against the colonizators. The battles were huge, Hyuanans won and killed Grand Colonizator Herbert Strungard, tough he said, that he gives them everything they want. Almost all humans left. The ones, who remained on the planet, had to live tough lives now, since Hyuanan rules were not good for humans.

Chapter V
Between Two Colonizations
Between the Human Colonization I and II, Hyuanans' life was great again. These three years were successful for politicians and artists. The art of music became popular and the whole art itself was now very important. The humans, who lived on the planet, started to get used to the rules and their lives became better too. At The Human Colonization I, Hyuanans heard about The Republic and wanted to be a part of it. They even sent some people to Coruscant to talk about it, but all attempts failed. At meanwhile, Hyuanan cities started to lose their democracy and monarchy started to grow. Still, before the Human Colonization II, they didn't succeed at making the planet a kingdom. The trade between different planets started.

Chapter VI
The Human Colonization II
Still, the colonization wasn't over. 3 years passed and humans came again. The Human Colonization II begun. Grand Colonizator Franz Lemifé took the power from governments and they murdered every very important politician. The power was again in the hands of humans, but now the species of togruta came with humans and Hyuanans' life was like being in hell. The rules were completely changed and Hyuanans were made slaves. Many humans came to the planet and the planet became a part of Alderaan, but Kan-Sangh Hyu still didn't have chance to become The Republic member. 79,000 years ago, the Hyuanan government had enough and made the planet independent. They cancelled all trade and transportation routes and started to create a big ball around the planet. Humans didn't understand, that Hyuanans were making their lives harder. If the ball was ready, Hyuanans launched it to the sky and it quickly formed around the planet. No contact could be made with other planets and Kan-Sangh Hyu was alone.

Chapter VII
The Colonization Ends & The Legacy
The Human Colonization II still lasted, but the planet was now independent. It was so for many, many years and humans became tired of that "stupid" planet. They made an agreement with Hyuanas, that if they give the power back, the independence has to be broke. The government agreed and so the power was given back. For thousands of years, the planet was still independent. The government didn't want to destory the independency. But finally, Ghunsanye family, who became the oligarch of the planet, destroyed the ball around the planet about 100 years ago. The Gulag Virus still couldn't reach the planet, because the routes were not restored. A year ago, the routes were restored and Ghunsanye family does everything to join The Republic. Now, they have millions of words and thus, every word has at least one synonym.
  • Notable Player-Characters: None... yet.
  • Intent: Like with the planet, the species would enrich the story and it would be good for The Republic, if there are people, who would do anything to join with The Republic. Of course, it would be a great unique class for those, who don't like the existing ones.
 
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I'm not a reviewer or a judge, but I'll make a few suggestions/tips for you to chew on! :)

1st, I would like to say nicely done, but it should go through a little more detail. For example, simply having feathers do not grant flight. Perhaps you could elaborate.

2nd, how can it be that a million worded 600 letter language is easy to learn in a year? Keep in mind that our own language (roughly 250,000 words discluding technical/scientifical/slang terms, and 26 letters) is considered to be the most difficult language on Earth, and between foriegners learning it (depending on their background) 8-11 years old and had 2-3 years of native language education have been observed to be able to in 5-7 years to test at grade level in English. These are the lucky ones. People with little or no formal schooling who arrived before the age of eight, took 7-10 years to reach grade level norms in English language literacy.

3rd, you say they can't participate in over strenuous activities and have weakly defended bodies (i.e. weaker than human bones) but they are also very strong?

Their diet is a little wierd but whatever, :p

I would like to see a longer history as their is 150,000 years and you have but a paragraph to account for it, but again, that is totally up to you, (and the judge).

Anyway, can't wait to see how it comes out :)
 

Ava Solborne

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Jhar'vokh said:
1st, I would like to say nicely done, but it should go through a little more detail. For example, simply having feathers do not grant flight. Perhaps you could elaborate.
I know that, but I don't know how to describe, how I really meant it.

Jhar'vokh said:
2nd, how can it be that a million worded 600 letter language is easy to learn in a year? Keep in mind that our own language (roughly 250,000 words discluding technical/scientifical/slang terms, and 26 letters) is considered to be the most difficult language on Earth, and between foriegners learning it (depending on their background) 8-11 years old and had 2-3 years of native language education have been observed to be able to in 5-7 years to test at grade level in English. These are the lucky ones. People with little or no formal schooling who arrived before the age of eight, took 7-10 years to reach grade level norms in English language literacy.
Yes, there are millions of words and 600 letters, but like I said, every word has at least one synonym. Many words have hundreds of synonyms. I should've added, that there is a basic version of the language, which consists of all basic words, what someone needs to use in normal life. The words are chosen to consist of very few letters, which are all easy to pronounce. Like I said, I should've added that before.

Jhar'vokh said:
3rd, you say they can't participate in over strenuous activities and have weakly defended bodies (i.e. weaker than human bones) but they are also very strong?
Well, I knew, that somewhere I'll write so that no one understands. But that's my own problem. Actually, I meant, that they can lift heavy things, but their body itself is not very strong. They can lift very heavy things only for a little time. They couldn't spend many minutes just holding it up. Lifting things won't break any bones or something, but when an enemy comes with a blaster or a lightsaber, their body is so weak, that they would most likely go to hospital under a heavy treatment, if they come through it alive.

Jhar'vokh said:
Their diet is a little wierd but whatever.
Well, it was supposed to be a little weird. :D

Jhar'vokh said:
I would like to see a longer history as their is 150,000 years and you have but a paragraph to account for it, but again, that is totally up to you, (and the judge).
I'll add more information then. Thank you for pointing these things out.
 

Ava Solborne

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Well, with primitive, I didn't exactly mean, that they are the first attempts or something. It was actually meant, that their technology is not as good as the rest of the galaxy has. For example: if Hyuanan and Coruscant starfighters would fight, Hyuanan would simply be destroyed in first seconds.
 
Alright guys, if the barging in is going to clutter up the topics in the Factory, I'm going to have to ask that we PM our ideas to each other.

Only the Roleplay Judges have the final say here in the Factory, so let's let them do the judging to avoid confusion.
 
I really like this species, for what it started with. Some suggestions:
  • Biologically, CO2 and breathable oxygen are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to cellular respiration. Non-photosynthetic organisms do not use CO2 for their respiration, and I know of no exception to that. Granted, this is a fantasy setting, so it is fine if you want that. However, for an organism that breathes in CO2, they would need to start drinking a ton of water and find a heat source, and it would ultimately wear them out due to not having photosynthesis. Also, carbon dioxide is not common on all worlds, even those with toxic atmospheres, so they would not be able to breathe on all world.
  • Flying with their height and body structure would not be very feasible, even with feathers on their fingers (which would not work well as wings, try it with a child). They would have to be more avian in appearance or flying dropped entirely, in my opinion. It is interesting that you did have their bones be more fragile than human's, which is what would happen in order for them to be of the weight to fly (birds, even non-flying ones, have hollow bones and are light to facilitate flying).
  • It would be best to describe the Hyuanan's as having an exotic heart rather than specifically an extra ventricle. This exotic heart would lead to them having a low stamina, as you described.
  • Please clarify whether fruit-like substances are poisonous to Hyuanans or if the fruit themselves are generally poisonous to most organisms.

Time is up for me at the moment, but I will check back later today and during the week. Reply with any questions/comments/concerns about my suggestions.
 

Ava Solborne

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Added and clarified some things. I hope that's enough, but maybe I just made it even worse...
 
I don't see much of a change regarding my suggestions. If you have some justification I do not know of regarding them, it is fine to express that. This is specifically regarding CO2 intake and the feathers on the hands.

Also, it would be best to list strengths and weaknesses under a bulletin.

A lot of what would need to be changed from now on is just grammar mistakes. Reading through the history and other parts of this application is somewhat hard and confusing.
 
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