How am I doing? - Kyrel Ren Feedback

[Kyrel Ren]

Hey guys, almost 10 months ago I started the character of Thomas Kyrel, who then later became Kyrel Ren a servant of the Dark Side and devout follower of the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Throughout his time he has witnessed the outbreak of the Black Wing Virus within the Red Nebula. Aided in the defense Bastion of Ren, took part in the First Order Alliance War, being at the forefront from the Battle of Kaeshana to the Alliance offensive of the Anoat Sector. Tell me from anyone's interactions of what you think of him. Do you like him? Hate him? Any improvements in his growth and development as a character. I would be open to your thoughts regarding him.

 

[Travis Caalgen]

[member="Kyrel Ren"]

Personally, I like how you've developed Kyrel over time.

When you started, he was just a TIE pilot in the Order's Starfighter Corps and I enjoyed the posts you made during the Blackwing outbreak on the FIV Abdicator. And now just look at you, Master of Ren, I know it's overdue but congrats on that.

Even though I most likely won't be going through any First Order threads soon, I hope that you continue on with your character and honestly just have fun.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Kyrel Ren"]

This may sound like a strange question, but are you looking for constructive criticism from someone who has written against you?

I always ask before I critique in case people are not looking for that.

Cheers

 

[WolfMortum]

[member="Kyrel Ren"]

Though we've spoken over Discord, I have to repeat myself when I say that I'm glad that you decided to stick out the Vader Armor and everything. I know it might be considered controversial to some, but with the First Order having at a time before been seeking out Sith artifacts and Force imbued possessions, to do away with the whole Vader look when you have that sort of badassery in your inventory, it's be borderline heresy. Not only that, but all of Chaos knows you because of this theme you got going on for Kyrel and like it or not, it's made a name for yourself around here.

To mimic what [member="Travis Caalgen"] said, do what you gotta do so long as you're gonna enjoy it. Don't sacrifice any of that fun for doubt of what others will take from it, your character is awesome and coming from another writer who plays a Ren, I got your back brother. You're doing great out there!

As far as actual constructive criticism goes and dropping pointed details, I can only really say:

• Not enough threads with [member="Caehl Ren"]...

Otherwise, you're golden

 

[Jamie Pyne]

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servant of the Dark Side

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follower of the Supreme Leader

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On a more serious note, the whole Vader get-up doesn't really bother me any more than I would hope that writing with a Taylor avatar wouldn't bother other people to the point of not writing with me. That being said, I haven't had a chance to write with you as most of Jamie's First Order interactions have been centered around Castor, and in general invasions are too hectic for me to read everyone's post (assuming I'm not judging said invasion), therefore I've only been through a small sample of your writing. What I have read however is that you are consistent with the character in his motivations and overall personality. Those two things are by far the most important to me personally. It's one of the things I try very, very much to keep at with Jamie.

So my feedback is positive in those two aspects. What I would suggest, and this is simply from a writer's standpoint is to try adding in environmental cues and subtleties to your writing. It helps bring life to the character and immerse your partners with identifying what is going on. It makes the character more 3-dimensional.

 

[Zmej Ren]

[member="Kyrel Ren"]

I initially did not like Kyrel very much. It had nothing to do with him being similar to Vader, as much as starting out as Vader instead of growing into a Vader-like figure. Your early posts used to give away you didn't have a clear idea of what to do with him, where to take him. Nothing aside from a character strongly resembling Vader and that just wasn't enough to make Kyrel feel like an actual character. There wasn't much going for him aside from that.

As your threads progressed, you grew more comfortable with writing Kyrel by letting him develop. You dropped the notion of writing Darth Vader and focused on Kyrel instead, fleshing him out. Despite still having the Vader aesthetics, he is less Vader and more Kyrel now, a character capable of existing even if you removed all similarities to the original inspiration. You understand his personality and motivations, he has actual goals, everything to be regarded as a solid, three dimentional character. That pleases me - it signs your growth as a writer as well, which is always nice to see.

So, good job and keep it up