Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Getting used to a New Shell.

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
Location: Veradune, Palace Complex, Gardens
Time: After Coruscant Endgame, 4 days after soul transfer.


Alexandra breathed in and rested her hands on a crystal she had been working with in recent months, trying to strengthen it and create something a bit more useful for herself. She knew that she might get flak for disappearing from her recovery room and without some kind of watchful presence nearby, but she also assumed Vulps knew she would not stay put. Plus, there was only a few places Alexandra would have run off to anyways, and if she had not gone to find her kids and see them, she would be were she was now.

The woman, in a light blue colored sweater and tan trousers sat on the ground, her new tail curled around where she sat, her back leaning against a singular tree that stood far different from the others on Veradune. It was after all the one she had planted, and she knew it well as it contained a portion of her life itself, a bit of her that she could place on planets to observe them or observe anything that might happen that would concern her.

It helped her though to rest here and to use her powers once again, but unlike normal she did not place her illusion on herself. Here she had gotten another body from Vulpesen, and all he wanted was knowledge in return, something she greedily accepted so he could be near her again. She was a stupid child when it came to her feelings for the man and no one would expect this woman to be fifty two, her age seeming to be once more in her early twenties, no more than twenty two at the best to anyone who did not know any better or know what had happened that brought her into this new body.

Her breath came out in a quiet and soft manner, hands dropping to the ground and grabbing the crystal in them. She was getting stronger again and all she needed was to recover then... Then she would be sent away like before. Her eyes darkened at the thought and she turned her head down, eyes closing to shut out the tears that had been common the last few days for her. She was so close to her kids, so close to Vulpesen, but both were so far from her now and she was more alone than ever here.

Her tears fell from her eyes as she silently sat there, body hunched over and head bowed. She didn't move, just sat there and felt the tree and its life force being her only comfort at the moment.
 
There were a few reasons for Ra to be on Veradune. The most important though was the fact she was in hiding. Due to actions she had done, a bounty had been placed on her head and this planet was the safest place for her. Wiped off essentially every map and lost to history, along with just how dangerous it could be had brought her here.

Her first visit here she had been told the city was safe, but outside the walls was not unless she had a guide. So she took some time to just wander the streets and get a feeling for the place. As a merchant, she had her eyes out for anything of interest (which there was a bunch of) and kept stopping. However, she knew she couldn't take this to try to market. It would raise questions as to where the items came from and that couldn't be known.

She had given her word to not reveal Veradune and that was not something she would break willingly.

Following the various twists, turns, alleys and walks, Ra found herself in something akin to a park. Nothing was dangerous here and it was peaceful. She came across a woman kneeling near a tree. Ra was not a natural empath, so the sorrow Alexandra felt was missed by her. However she could read body language. This stranger was tense and sad.

"What troubles you?"

Three words broke the silence, but they were not spoken with any heat and maybe contained a touch of sympathy.

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

Alexandra was a bit shocked when a voice sounded, one that she did not recognize nor did she expect. It was someone who she had no idea as to who they were but when her eyes found no tail on the woman, there was a solid chance the woman might not be a Zorren. While Half Zorren did not have tails, this woman did not feel like what she had grown accustomed to. The woman though, was a bit of an odd one because of a very familiar feeling about her, one Alexandra was familiar with but if she was here, that meant Vulpesen knew her and trusted her. Especially if she was in the Palace.

Alex wasn't too happy herself at seeing the woman, but merely because she wanted to know or not if this woman could be trusted to not harm Alex's Children. The thought made her tail bristle upwards a bit, drawing her own eyes and she went about stroking her own tail as she sat there and breathed in to calm herself down. She always got like this after letting Hel in and command of her body, her mind briefly reconnecting with those more aggressive emotions and causing them to go wild inside her mind. It was rather annoying but that was why she kept Hel under lock and key most days... If she caught that Vereshin guy though... That might change again.

But he was not here, this woman who seemed to have some sympathy for Alex was here and spoke to her a question that deserved an answer.

"Relatively. Better than I was a few days ago... should have seen me then, would have never even known it was me." She made a bit of a joke in answering the woman, but also told her the truth. A few days ago she was dying, and saved once more by Vulpesen. She had also gotten to see her kids once so far, it was... euphoric. But like she had just gone over in her head, it was a temporary thing, one that would not last.
 
"I only know a handful of people here actually, barely even that. So if you say I wouldn't have known it was you a couple days ago, I don't know who you are even. My name is Ra'a'mah Numare, but just call me Ra. Easier than trying to say my full name."

The thought did cross her mind​ perhaps she shouldn't have given her real name. While Veradune was as safe of a place she could think of to hide out on, there was still the chance she could be discovered here. Giving herself a mental kick in the rear, she kept as friendly of a face on as she could to this woman.

A chance encounter with somebody had informed her there was a bounty on her head. That was what brought her here.

"What has brought you such sorrow here?"

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah


Alexnadra watched the woman with caution, having to force herself to calm down and not see her as an Enemy. It was hard for the woman these days, Hel's paranoia having long taken hold and twisting her perception of people if they were the least bit a threat but this was a situation that was different. The palace did not contain people Vulpesen did not trust and while this woman could be an informant, if it was for anyone, that would be Vulpesen himself or Garen. Which if that was the case than she did not worry about the man causing her harm or causing her pain... unless this woman was hired by Carliah.

With that her hands drew to the spot in her chest and she wondered what it might be that this woman would be so curious about. She was afterall asking why Alexandra was filled with sorrow and that was not an easy thing to answer. Sure the simple answer was that she felt lost and lonely but even in here it was getting stronger with each passing moment that she knew she could not stay. It was a thought that absorbed her mind and caused Alexandra to worry if she lose control should she fall into that state a bit too deeply.

Her head tried to shake free the thought from within, but it lingered and she sighed, essentially forced to talk about the things that were striking her with such force. Her eyes stayed on the woman and finally she spoke out of sheer need to.

"Just loss, and a bit of fear and anxiety. Things are difficult and complicated, and things can't go back to the way they were, even if I wanted them to. Vulpesen is too much of a fox faced fool to hear me out, and so on... I am sure you understand if you know the man, he can be a bit strong in his beliefs and trying to alter them can be a yieldless effort." Her eyes dropped back to the ground and she gripped at a piece of grass, taking it into her hands and sighing. "Its not his fault though."
 
It might be rude of her, but Ra took a seat next to Alexandra on the ground. She listened to what the other woman said and lifted an eyebrow a little in surprise.

"What is there to fear here? It's probably the safest place around the galaxy. For that reason I am here."

She of course did not know of the past between Alex and Vulps. Unless clarification was given, it would remain unknown to her.

"I understand him to a degree. He's honorable, that much I will say. Stubborn and set in his ways, but accepting of the flaws in another. To say hiss's strong in his beliefs is putting it rather mildly, don't you think?"

That was said with a bit​ of humor she hoped wouldn't be missed. One thing Ra did not miss was the fact no name had offered to her. If she wanted to keep her identity secret, that was fine with Ra. In hindsight, perhaps she should have given herself a false name. It had already been said though and couldn't be taken back.

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
She smiled at the bit of humor to help cheer her up and looked at the woman for a few moments before nodding her head.

"He can be so irritating some times, so thick headed and stuck in his ways. But... thats what I love about the man. Someone who's beliefs are not easily shaken. He really is a fox faced fool, but to be fair, im a bigger one." She leaned forward and pulled her knees up so she could rest her arms and her forehead against them. She remained like that for a moment before blinking and looking up, realizing what she had said.

"Uh... you won't pass that on to him right... please. Vulpesen isn't too happy with me and I'm sure you understand considering what I did and I shouldn't be seen by others so that Vulpesen isn't caught in a scandal, plus if she found out... well I am certain I wouldn't be living for much longer and..." She was flustered now, looking away and around making sure no one else had heard her, making sure that Ra wouldn't run off and tell someone, and her sadness for a moment was replaced by worry and fear that she might have just broken one of the few rules for her being here, not to let others know she was.

@Ra'a'mah
 
She listened to what Alexandra said, the words, what was behind them and then couldn't help but chuckle a little. After that, the fear that came along with what she said, Ra waved a hand a slightly and shook her head.

"He is a wonderful man and I'm glad he touched my life. Without him, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you actually. Fool he may be, but we all are at times. I don't know who you are or what relation you have with him, but you don't have to worry about me telling anybody anyway."

Knowing just who she meant, she nodded.

"She is one intimidating woman. A little nuts, don't you think?"

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

She smiled and shook her head, catching the words and their meaning quick enough. Maybe it was just the paranoia of Hel that was drawing her to her conclusion, or her own fear and jealousy of it being impossible to fix things, but the way that she talked made Alexandra assume she was not a Zorren, and if that was the case it was someone that Vulpesen trusted with a great deal of faith. And someone he would show Veradune to, allowing her to see something that few got to see.

"He is... and I am happy that he touched your life so significantly. As for my relation to him or who I am, just a jedi master he helped after a battle, I am no one important to him, and don't expect to be. Thank you though... especially in regards to that woman, Carliah is someone I know will only end in a bad meeting if I saw her." Alexandra looked back down at the ground, holding back any show of emotion, any tears or anything that would betray how she felt inside. She was a Jedi now anyways, so it wasn't like holding in her emotions should be hard, all jedi do it.

She couldn't though and moved to scratch her cheek, using the moment to hide her wiping tears from her face.
 
As they sat conversing, Ra listened to what Alex was saying. A name not yet offered to her, so she didn't pry into what it was. She could tell when a person was not telling the whole truth and that is exactly what this woman was doing. She was more than a simple Jedi master if she feared Carliah so much. If she wasn't important to Vulps, she wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation.

"You're her. The woman he went to hell for and saved. What are you doing here now?"

Giving Alex a piercing​ look, there was no hostility in her tone.

"I also see you trying to keep your emotions in check like any good Jedi should. They aren't a weakness you know. Emotions are and can be very powerful tools. No, I'm not a sith or trying to get you to think like one. Thanks for Vulps that is no longer the case. He touched me through my ideals and beliefs. Started me in questioning everything I had ever known. Pointed me on a different path and well, now I'm in hiding because I questioned something more powerful than me."

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

Alexandra smiled and looked down at the ground, hearing those words but shaking her head. "He mentioned me? That fool." She sighed and reached up, touching her now red hair and pulling it infront of her eyes so that she could stare at it before letting it drop. Why was she here, obviously because she had been injured and needed treated, but why had she not left yet. She knew why but why had she not been kicked off yet, or beaten to a pulp by those round Vulpesen? She didn't know that question's answer.

"Well, I got injured in a fight against the Sith, and he was nearby. He probably didn't think more of it than just wanting to get home when he brought me and the others that were injured here. No special reason or no thoughts about me in particular." She seemed unconvincing, almost like she was turning those statements into questions. She breathed out after saying them as well, letting her head fall back down to her knees and her eyes be blocked from view by her legs.

"I know emotions are strong... I've cried more than enough in the last few days for there to be any doubt about that, and been the happiest Ive been in years."
 
"Well you're the one that did just call him a fool. He didn't tell me your name. But he did say you didn't or weren't able to return his feelings or do the same for him. What does that mean?"

Listening to the answer provided by this woman, she nodded. He was a guardian and in her opinion was just doing his job. Yet her tone indicated there should be more. Not meeting Ra's eyes she continued on. She lifted an eyebrow when she said this was the happiest she had been in years, Ra wondered why.

"There were others brought with you? Interesting. How long have you been here? So far I think I've been here a few weeks. Hopefully I can return to my normal life soon."

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

"Share his feelings..." She looked at Ra, absolutely hurt and devastated by those words, her own words choking her as she tried to say something about what she had just said. It was hard to breath, hard to speak, hard to even keep her eyes on the woman at those words. Her body slumped and her eyes looked down towards the ground as she tried to focus on something that could bring her some form of happiness but right now she felt like dirt, worse than dirt rather.

She had loved the man with all her heard, she had wanted to stay by him but was afraid of what might happen. So she had chosen to figure things out and make sure things were safe. But that had simply left her alone when Vulpesen had told her to never come back and had told her she could not see her kids anymore. She had spent years, trying to figure out what she had done wrong but now, this woman she didn't know was telling her that she had not shared Vulpesen's feelings.

"It means that he either doesn't realize how I felt for him, or he is trying to turn me into a monster..." She finally got out, putting her forehead into her knees as she sat there, trying to figure out if he really was that vindictive. He already took her children from her, and to say she didn't feel the same about him as he had her... that was a lie, a disgusting horrid lie.

"Ive been here around the same amount of time, a few weeks ago."
 
It might have been something left over from when she was Sith or a skill Ra had never fully mastered. That was the skill of being empathic. She had very little ability to put herself in the shoes of another person to get an idea of how they might feel when she did some action or spoke. For once though, she could read just how they did affect another person.

Even though the words were true and had been said to her by Vulps when they first met, it obviously gave this other woman distress. However, Ra knew the truth could hurt. While what she heard from Alex indicated Vulps was in the wrong, it was all dependent on point of view.

"Not a monster. Just somebody he loved enough to go through Hell to get back and not have that feeling returned."

Shrugging her shoulders,​ how her words made Alex feel didn't effect her either way. She didn't feel sorry for saying what she had and it might actually make Alex mad at her.

"Some people can't understand how another person feels."

She nodded when the answer was given on the amount of time spent here. Hopefully Ra could return to her normal life pretty soon.

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

"You are right, some people can't understand how others feel." She sighed and fell back against the grass, looking at the blades as her head turned to the side and her hand rested on one of the roots. She grinned a bit and looked back at Ra as her head turned to face the other direction, still resting on the grass itself.

"So... you aren't a Zorren, and you definitely aren't a member of his security forces. What is a beautiful woman doing hiding in a place that he hides from everyone else in the galaxy I wonder..." Her eyes showed a small bit of knowing. "And why would he tell you about little old me I wonder..." She didn't sound mad, or worried, or threatened, or even Jealous. Instead a mischievous spirit found its way creeping out from the depths of her mind, finding its way to the forefront as her grin included her teeth now.

Alexandra was never good as social cues, but Vulpesen was an extremely guarded man, knowing how much trust he had put into her in showing her this planet, in showing her this home. She knew what that took and she felt a pang in her heart at the fact of someone else being given that honor. But at the same time she was happy and content in seeing someone else here, assuming she was connecting things correctly.

"Thank you by the way, for looking after the fox faced fool. I never got to talk to him before I left, and by the time I had fixed things, I was banished from this place. He is one of the only three things that I care about with what little of my heart remains, so his happiness is what I care for most these days..." She smiled in full and closed her eyes, relaxing as she said the words.
 
Almost expecting some anger or at least irritation from Alex, she was surprised when there was agreement with her. Ra herself was one of those people that had a difficult time understanding how another person felt. It was something she had been working on though and trying to get a better feel for people. Most of the time it was a total failure.

"Actually I came here asking to be hidden away for a time..."

She would eventually have to return to the galaxy, her work and show her face. For now though, Ra just needed a bit of time to just hide away.

"You are correct. At least to the best of my knowledge, I'm not Zorren. As for him speaking of you, that was done almost as soon as we met actually. Not sure why though, it has been a while since we had that conversation."

When the tanks came for looking after Vulps, Ra shook her head and raised a finger. For a moment, she was almost at a loss for words.

"I didn't really do much looking after him. He seems to be able to do that well enough on his own."

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

"Please, Fox brains needs people beside him, otherwise he would just bumble over things... hes always been that way. But thats a good thing, he is someone that can make an ally out of anyone, and a friend out of those that are worth it." She smiled and looked at Ra again, speaking a bit more softly.

"Trust me, he has gotten on his feet because of you. That much I can be certain of, or atleast that you helped the process. So thank you." She closed her eyes again and sighed as she spread out her limbs and let her face meet the light of the sun above. The shade of the tree slowly crawling away from her and leaving her laying out in the middle of the sunlight, relaxing as the warmth spread through her body. The tail she now had pushed across the ground as it moved over the grass, brushing over the small specks of life.

"So... you have any questions that I can help you with?" Alexandra said, not moving or opening her eyes as she posed the question to Ra, nothing more to say or do in that moment.
 
Maybe it was true what Alex said. Vulps had security and advisors that helped him. Maybe she was just another cog in the wheel around him. Did it really matter though? They helped each other. In a way, Ra and Vulps were quite alike, but they were also different. All in all, they balanced each other and she was content with that.

"Perhaps I did. Now he's helping me stay on mine."

Tilting her head to the side slightly as she finished speaking, it was as if Ra did a shrug of the subject. Sitting down on the ground and leaning back on her hands slightly, she tipped her head back to also enjoy the sunlight on it.

When Alex asked if she had questions she could answer, Ra gave her half of a smile.

"What is your name?"

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

Alexandra Feanor

The Lady in Silver/Grey Historian
@Ra'a'mah

"Well, atleast the fox faced fool is good for something then. Usually he just made me... nevermind." She cut herself off, not wanting to think about the past because of how her mind was already running around her memories, picking at bits she would rather not think about right now considering the tone of their conversation.

Then the question about her name came and she raised a brow. It was interesting how Vulpesen had mentioned her but not her name. It wasn't all too unexpected, but interesting.

"Alexandra, my mother picked it out for me. She always liked names that sounded... regal? Blame the Eldorai in her blood, space elf habits and what not." She smiled as she thought on what few memories she had of her mother, the nights that her mother held her. She then looked past Ra before casting her gaze down. She was an awful mother compared to her own, she knew this.

"But you know, thats how life is. Or something like that."
 
With the unfinished statement, it made Ra look at the other woman with an odd look.

"Like ripping his face off?"

It was the first thing th​at came to her mind and so that's what is what came out. It was rather unlike her to say things like that, but maybe it was a part of her left over from her past. Even then she had normally kept her thoughts held close, but now she didn't do that quite as often. Be it good or bad, she didn't know.

Finally a name was given and she nodded. Vulps had mentioned her only, but never a name. A small story of its origin came about and she smiled slightly.

"I honestly don't know if Ra'a'mah is my real name or not. It's all I've ever remembered though."

[member="Alexandra Feanor"]
 

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