Funny Finding You Here

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt didn't consider his life a game. It wasn't something he did to play, it wasn't something he did to earn points or eventually 'win', he did it because he was having fun. He did it because living any other way...because living any other way would have been the end of him. Always move forward, never look at the past, never think about what could happen. That was how he did it, how he had to do it. He frowned slightly, holding that thought for a moment while he slowly pulled back from Jamie.

He looked her in the eyes. "Why do you think we're here?"

For a second the Courier glanced at the building they were in front of.

"How could you say I don't care?" He had done this, all of this because he did care. It might have seemed like he was getting rid of her, throwing her away, but he did care for her. Kurt just simply knew his limits, his own emotional ceiling and how he operated. "The women in my life I run away from. The girls I sleep with don't even know me for a single night...they don't know me at all in fact. They never know my last name. They never know I was in the Navy, they never know that I was a pod-racer or that I was famous enough to warrant posters. They never know any of that. They don't get that...they don't get me. They get a random guy off the street."

Was that better? Or worse? Kurt couldn't really tell. "You got me. The real me. You're getting me. You're getting my help, because I care."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"Feeling bad for someone and taking pity doesn't mean you care, Kurt! It's exactly that, pity!" She tugged away from him again, her eyes looking out at the sea of buildings that surrounded them. People continued to wander past, rarely even acknowledging them, except perhaps when they interrupted the path they'd been walking and were forced around, a mildly annoyed look in their eyes as if they had caused some kind of great inconvenience by being there.

"How can you say you do care?" Her hands covered each eye to mop up her face. She'd done more than enough of that today. Perhaps she was overly emotional, but being sensitive wasn't and couldn't be a bad thing. Jamie ran her arm up the front and center of her head, hooking her hand behind her neck, holding herself. "Your actions leading up to your end goal don't justify them, they don't." She shook her head. She wasn't even upset at him anymore for what he was. She was angry and disappointed that she'd actually cared enough to be upset about it at all. "You run away. That s you. That's no different now than it was before you met me. You can say it is, but it's not. It's just not." Nothing he was saying to her was making the situation any better in her eyes. It was only reaffirming to her what she felt. "It's fine. It's who you are." She folded her arms, eyes looking up toward the skyline. "The real you is the same as the one you hide behind whether you realize it or not."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt looked down at her. "I do run."

That was hard to admit.

Almost impossible, but it was true.

"I'm constantly on the run. I know that." His voice wasn't filled with anger, wasn't filled with any sort of indignation or rage at what she had said. Perhaps a normal man would have screamed at her, would have left her there and simply abandoned her for the trouble, but in the end that also wasn't Kurt. There was a part of him that wanted to that, yes, but it was a small part, a part of himself that told him to be callous, told him to hate. It was overshadowed by the whole of him. "The truth is I don't want to see what happening. I don't want to look at my past. I don't want to remember what happened to all of my friends, what would have happened to me, what could still happen to me If I don't run. I run because reality doesn't suit me, because if it ever caught up to me I couldn't live with myself."

He said the words in a whisper to her, not wanting the crowd to hear. Admitting all of this was difficult enough to do without everyone else judging him, he had enough of that with Jamie. "So I do what I do. I run, I sleep with women, I distract myself."

Kurt paused for a moment.

"You're not a distraction." That was the best way he could put it, really the only way he could put it.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"That's the thing about running. Something eventually catches up."

Everything Kurt was running from to try and avoid either the consequences of or the realities of would eventually find their way back to him full circle. No matter how hard one tries to avoid and dodge, eventually probability wins out and his attempts would eventually be for nothing. She wondered just why he was so set on acting like a child. He'd never grown up, either because he simply didn't want to believe that this was reality or because he was never taught that his actions had repercussions and a ripple effect to those around him.

Her hands ran up the sides of her head, pulling her hair back and fitting it into place before clasping it. She slowly pushed herself up from the ground, patting herself free of the bit of dirt on the ground beneath her.

"No, not a distraction. I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream. I'm gonna go. This whole thing was a bad idea. Thanks for trying and all. I think I'll find my own way from here."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He knew that. He knew that eventually it would all catch up with him, he had always known it. Kurt played the fool, but that didn't mean he was an idiot. All the things he was running from, the memories of his past, his actions during the war, death itself, they would eventually come back to haunt him, they would hit him full force. Kurt knew that, he had never wanted to admit it to himself, but what was he supposed to do? Face them head on and hope nothing worse would happen?

No.

That wasn't within him. "What would you rather I have done?"

Kurt caught her arm, his hand gently wrapped around her wrist as he pulled her close and stood up. His lips right beside her ear. He still didn't want to yell, he didn't want to be mad at her, he wasn't mad at her. Kurt couldn't blame Jamie for his own mistakes, wouldn't blame her for them. There was no point in that.

"Should I have said I loved you? That I want you to stay with me? Travel with me and live my life?" He was serious now, his tone even and flat, but a hint of sadness carrying through him. "I couldn't do that to you, can't do that to you. I know you're right. I know it will catch up with me. I know that one day I'll stop running and face every mistake, every fear, everything I've avoided."

For a second he paused, his throat choking back the words. "But I'm not ready to stop running yet. I'm not strong enough. I'm not stable enough. I'm just not enough."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"I don't know." She admitted. Jamie had no idea what she wanted him to do.

Nothing she wanted mattered, because that wasn't how life worked. You didn't just get what you wanted because you wanted it. If you did, you forced the other person's hand and that was just as good as nothing. It only bred resentment.

"You didn't need to say anything." Her eye twitched, nose scrunching, shoulder rolling. "Least of all say you loved me. I'm not looking for you to take care of me."

She brushed his hand away from her wrist with her free hand. "But you hesitated back on the ship - tried to justify why you'd run from me like you did all the others." Her head shook slowly. "It's not that you're not strong enough, or stable enough." She breathed heavily through her nose, a deep sigh that she had to be the one to lay it out for him.

"You're just so selfish that nobody else matters but Kurt."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

For a moment Kurt couldn't find an answer.

How did one answer that anyway? Argue? Deny? Try to reflect? He could have done any of that. He could have said that he was just trying to look out for everyone else, that he was trying to do good by keeping people away, that he wanted to move without ever harming anyone, but that was an excuse. He knew. He knew deep down that she was right. That there was no arguing her point. At his very core Kurt was a selfish being. He cared about himself, what happened to him, how his past effected him.

Not how it had effected others.

Kurt froze in place, his face changing a shocked, full expression, his eyes growing somewhat hollow. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to answer? Time seemed to slow for him, seconds turned to hours, minutes to days. Everything seemed to simply turn to a crawl. The Courier flashed his eyes at Jamie's locking baby blues on pale blue. He searched for something, looked there as if he would find what he was looking for.

When he didn't, he could only look away. "And If I wasn't?"

The words were barely a whisper.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

A thumb and index finger pressed into the recessed corners of Jamie's eyes against the bridge of her nose. She thought for a moment on the question. The stare he'd given her only moments again felt incredibly strange, as if for just a second he was a different person looking back at her through the eyes of another.

"If you weren't so selfish?" She tore her hand away from her head. "Then maybe you'd let someone in enough to help mend whatever it is that bothers you so much you have to run and hide from it."

Jamie held no illusion that she had anything of value to give Kurt that any other female couldn't have already given him. All she wanted was for him to stop kidding himself and making excuses for why he couldn't just grow up. His excuses for things were just that. Whatever he'd gone through in life there were billions of folks living far worse off than he, yet they stood their ground and fought tooth and nail to maintain their lives. Jamie had heard stories of the folks her family had helped during their humanitarian missions.

"You don't have to love me Kurt. I guess I just wanted to know if you'd ever stop trying to abandon everything. You answered without even having to."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

What was he supposed to say now?

What was he supposed to do now?

His eyes set on her own for a moment, eyes that hours ago had been filled with passion, lust, perhaps a bit of love. Now all that he could see in them was shame with a hint of disgust. Kurt felt his stomach turn. He felt his head go light, his eyes falling away from her own. He could bear to look at her anymore, couldn't even think about it. His lips thinned, blood compressing out of them. There was nothing that he could do now, nothing that he could say to fix this.

That was his own fault.

His hands tightened at his side, one of them slowly unfurling and reaching into the pocket on his left. He gripped the small bit of metal there, fingers lancing across it before curling slightly. He pulled the small metal datapad free. For a second he let his fingers float across it. Then he placed it on the ground in front of her. There was no one else around to take it, no one to grab it and run off, so there was no worries there. The datapad was his own information card for Sif. All the details and information she would need to sign up for the company was located on that, if she still wanted to. He hadn't lied about wanting to help her, had never lied to her actually.

The job was still a good one, one that got her a free ship and a way to get places. Kurt looked up at Jamie for a moment, then turned away, a self fulfilling prophecy.

"Best to forget about me then." The neutrality had left his tone, replaced by depression. Slowly The Courier began to walk away.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie sat looking at the datapad Kurt left beside her for a few seconds, her eyes glossing over at the words even as her vision became obscured further by the water enveloping her pupils. She didn't want him to go. She didn't want him to run away from her. Past that she really didn't know what she wanted. Part of her reasoning was selfish in its' own right. She wanted him to herself, for herself. Maybe she just did a really terrible job of showing that?

Oddly enough those final words felt like the biggest punch she'd ever taken in her life thus far. It hurt far more than the older kid who saddled her during one of her fencing championships and pummeled her face into the ground in a fit of rage. Somehow six words were more burdening than the dozen or so strikes to her face. Jamie didn't know what to say this time. Hands pulled at blonde locks of hair in a trembling frustration with him. She didn't hate him, she wasn't even really mad at him, just so very confused at the choices he made and continued to make at this very moment when all she hoped to do was get him to see that someone else genuinely cared about him as well.

"Wait!" She clamored to her feet, scooping up the datapad in her left hand as she turned and chased after him, her hand latching onto his to stop him before he pushed through the doors of the building. "Kurt wait..."

Okay...Now what do you say, dummy? Her hands shook with shot nerves. "Don't do this..." The look she gave him was the saddest thing, as if someone had shot her pet dead. Her lips were trembling in fear, her eyes almost bloodshot from the crying, her hair was some combination of bed-head and frustrated disarray. It was a pitiful looking sight. She didn't care. All she wanted was for him not to leave her like that. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt him.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Don't do what? Don't leave her? Don't be himself? Don't run? He wished that he could do any of that. He wished that he had the strength, the will, he wished that he could stop running and finally...finally just end it.

That thought sent a chill down his spine, goosebumps reaching down and grasping his entire being. He shook slightly, his hand gently wrapping around her own. What was he supposed to say? They seemed to be stuck in that predicament, unable to stop one another, unable to change. Perhaps an unstoppable force striking an immovable object, but which one was he? Kurt frowned for half a second, his fingers gently squeezing her hands, his lips turning into a sad smile.

"I can't stop running." His words where a whisper, though slowly he turned towards her.

Kurt wasn't that much taller than her, at least compared to Kaile. He didn't quite tower over Jamie, but he still had to look down in order to actually peer into her eyes. They were beautiful, reminiscent of the oceans he had read about as a kid, the ones that his parents had told him stories about. The sad smile stuck to his lips even as he looked into her gorgeous blue eyes, pain flowing through his gaze as he once again gently squeezed her hand.

"You're right. I'm selfish." He continued on. "I know it's not fair. I know it's not right, but I can't stop running yet. I just can't."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Stupid. Stupid.

She didn't understand him. Didn't understand why he did the things he did. It just made no sense to her. If he knew how selfish and childish he was being why did he keep doing it? Over and over? At what point would he realize that this was only going to hurt him more in the end than if he just stopped now? Would he ever, before it was too late? It was painfully obvious to her that nothing she said was going to change his mind. He was who he was, and stubborn to boot.

"It's going to catch up to you right when you know you can't afford it to."

There was nothing more she could say. Nothing more to do. Kurt was going to do exactly what he'd always done. "I only hope I'm wrong."

Jamie took the datapad he'd given her and placed it in his hand, curling his fingers around it with her own. "Good-bye, Kurt."

There was no plan from there. No idea how she was getting off Byblos to Cartao. No idea if it would be today, tomorrow, or a week from now. It really didn't matter all that much to her right then. Her heart sunk in her chest as she turned and slowly walked down the steps of Sif toward whatever the city held.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt looked down at the small datacard. Had it been worth it? Had all of this effort been worth? Had he ended up harming Jamie more than he helped her? His lips thinned for a moment, his eyes following her as she slowly began to walk away. A great part of him wanted to follow her, want to race after her and stop her, but he knew he couldn't, he knew that he shouldn't. Ultimately, the truth had been revealed. Kurt was selfish, at least for now, and he needed to run.

He couldn't look back, could never stop.

The Courier's eyes cast down, baby blues looking at the small datacard. He spun it around in his fingers, a heavy sigh heaving his chest. "Sorry."

Kurt said the word to her, though she'd never heard it. In shame, Kurt turned away from Jamie, walking up the steps towards Headquarters. At least Byblos was a safe planet. At least it was civilized as she would have called it. There was a security force, no slums, and most of the corporations here were out for the good of the planet and the people living upon it. Nothing bad would happen to Jamie while she was here, or rather, nothing she couldn't handle.

Despite that though, something plagued his mind. The way that she had looked at her, the way she had made him feel like such a disappointment. He felt broken, split apart, his lips thinning as he realized that he had never really explained himself. He had told her he was running, but he had never told her from what. He had mentioned death, but the analogy had been lost. Kurt frowned, spinning the card one more time before closing his eyes.

He considered for half a moment more, then turned to follow her.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Get yourself together, Jamie...You're not a child anymore. You're embarrassing yourself.

The city was grand, bigger than anything she'd ever seen before. Coruscant was a place she'd seen in hundreds, if not thousands of HoloVids. Seeing something like it in person though was a whole different experience. It was mildly intimidating, not knowing anything or anywhere to go. Jamie ran her hand through her hair as she walked along the side of the street, a few speeders passing by, pairs of eyes looking over at her as she wandered by folks on their way to wherever they were going. A few gave a nodding smile, some said hello. She kept quiet, offering a shy waive, hand held close to her chest before dropping it.

Where does someone go when they have nowhere to go? Seemed like a catch 22. Turning a corner she noticed a machine that would let her check to see if her family had indeed severed her access to her credit account. If they had, getting off world would be substantially more difficult than before. She closed the small glass door behind her and punched in her account information, waiting for the machine with all the hope she could muster. A few silent moments of processing later and the machine spit out her balance. 317. Not a whole lot to go off of.

She switched screens, attempting to view her family account. Big red letters splashed across the screen Access Denied. "Kark it all!"

So that was it. 317 credits was what she had left. That meant it was time to find a space port and see if anyone was willing to take a discounted passenger in exchange for work. Her hand rubbed her face, wiping away the remaining tears that littered her eyes before turning to try and find a ship somewhere that would take her, otherwise homelessness was a very real possibility.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He shouldve gone after her earlier, or at least made sure that she took the job.

Jamie had been right to call him selfish, had been right to say that a piece of him only cared about himself, but shed been wrong in saying that the whole of him didnt care about her too. He didnt want to see her get hurt, he didnt want to see her angry or upset. Kurt wanted Jamie to do well, wanted her to have what she wanted. It was why there had been no question in his mind about what she needed to do, what needed to happen.

His teeth sunk into his lower lip.

Byblos was a massive worls. A city the size of an entire planet, how was he supposed to find her in all of this. His eyes closed for a moment as he came to a stop, his hand rubbing his face as he tried to think of what Jamie would do. He mused for a moment more.

Kurt thought that he knew her now, at least a bit. Maybe if he could think like her he'd be able to find her. His eyes slowly folded open, baby blues scouring signs and location markers. A sighr caught him, a smile pulling at his lips.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie pulled open the glass door and stepped back out into the city sea. A deep breath in and out, and off she went. It wouldn't take very long to realize that there was absolutely no way she was going to be able to walk from there to the spaceport on foot. It would take an untold number of hours or even days to reach it if she'd tried. Hopefully the cost wouldn't be too terribly high to take a shuttle.

As a number of cars zipped past she held out a hand and waived, hopping up and down to try and flag down a cab driver. After what felt like eternity and a minute of being ignored and driven past one finally slowed to a stop. The girl climbed into the back and shut the door tight. The man waited for her to inform him of her destination before pulling away. "Oh! Right! Sorry! Nearest spaceport, please."

The engines whirred and whined as the cab driver pulled briskly away. The driver was quiet, humming peacefully to himself as they sped along. Jamie looked out of the window as they passed building after building, her head resting lightly in the palm of her hand. She was eager to get off of this planet, away from the hurt, and most of all, Kurt. Everything had turned out just awful. She felt so stupid. All she had to look forward to was reaching Cartao and freeing her mind from the torment she'd put herself through over the last couple of days.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt didnt bother with the Taxi, didnt need to.

The space port wasnt all that far away, at least if oen knew how to actually get there. Though traffic around it was usually pretty heavy the turbolifts and other public transportation that ran two and from it were actually quite clear most of the time. Kurt had used them a few times before, like when his old ship had been destroyed.

He stood in one now, his head leaning back against the glass

Kurt didnt know if his solution would fix things, if Jamie would understand, but he wanted to try. The Courier couldnt hold the shame of the look shed given him, that tortured stare.

He at least had to tell her why he chose to run.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

The shuttle took a few winding paths and abruptly stopped; An abundance of traffic blocking their way. Her driver laid on the horn in some vain attempt at moving it any faster along. He wasn't being paid based on the time it took to get there so it was preferable to reach the destination as quickly as possible. Without a word he whipped the taxi around and sped down another way and around the congested area they'd just been trapped in.

Some music played in the background, allowing her mind to trail off as she tapped her foot and sung along quietly under her breath. Jamie tried to force Kurt out of her mind. Every time she thought about him it gave her a nauseous feeling in her stomach. It felt like a massive pit in the depth of her chest that she had to find someway of filling.

Okay...Get to the spaceport. Then what? Her mind worked on something of a 'to-do' list, mentally creating a checklist to focus on how to go about what she was going to do. Find a ship. Find the captain. Beg and plead for passage to Cartao. Worst case? Sneak on board something that will get you close and try again at the next port. That was about the best she could come up with for the time being.

Several more minutes would pass before they arrived at her destination. The blonde climbed out, paying the driver his fee before scurrying off inside the massive main lobby to search the manifests of departing ships.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

What she would find instead was Kurt.

He stood in the very center of the lobby, his own eyes searching for her.

Despite all of his faults, despite of his selfishness, his immaturity, his constant need to play the fool, Kurt was at heart still good. He didn't want to harm anyone, he didn't want to hurt them physically or emotionally. Many would have called him weak for that, many would have judged him or said that he was a lesser man, but for Kurt...for Kurt it wasn't about being tough. it wasn't about appearing to be the best or even looking close to it, it was simply about being happy.

That was what mattered to him, and he figured it was the same for others.

When Kurt spotted her, stepping into the lobby with a curious gaze on her face he couldn't help but smile. She had a sad beauty about her now. He could see that he had weighed heavy on her shoulders, that his own problems had pushed at her and affected her. She was still stunning. For half a moment Kurt simply waited, looking at her, watching her, then he slowly began to move towards her. She would notice him, but this time there hopefully would be no chase.

He didn't want to haunt her.

He didn't want to hurt her, he just wanted to explain.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

The lobby was massive. Large, expansive screens projected shipping manifests of various cargo and passenger vessels currently docked and prepping for arrival and departure along the many hangar and docking bays there on Byblos. It was incredible to look at, really. The starport itself was far larger than the one on Naboo, and the number of ships it could hold here were easily ten times that of Theed. She turned left and right, looking up to see if anything was headed out towards Cartao or a neighboring planet. There was one cargo ship, though she'd rather a passenger ship if possible. More amenities and the ability to sleep in relative comfort. A freight ship was hardly something enjoyable for such a long journey.

That's when she turned once more and looked straight ahead. Her eyes fixated on that same scruffy face she'd come to recognize as Kurt. Her eyes narrowed, as if trying to see him better from the distance. There was no mistaking it though. He was staring right at her. He knew it was her, just as she knew it was him staring back. Jamie's body froze in place, a bit startled that he had somehow managed to beat her to the spaceport and even bothered finding her. A hand ran through her blonde hair as she stood in place. That same knot could be felt in her throat once again.

Why? It was the only word that racked her brain. She said it so many times in her head that her lips formed the soundless word. For a second she considered turning and fleeing the spaceport. But what good would that do? This was her way off world. Leaving now was utterly pointless unless she wanted to spend her life on Byblos, homeless. Taking in a deep breath she walked slowly towards Kurt.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]