Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Feedback for Incendia

Time to jump on the bandwagon! On a more serious level, I just checked and realised that Elpsis has been around for about two years ago.

So I think a feedback thread is appropriate. Elpsis was created after discussions with the writer of [member="Coryth Elaris"]. Per her backstory (rped on a different site), Coryth had an IC daughter, so we thought it would be fun to actually bring her to Chaos as a full-fledged character.

Elpsis grew up not knowing her birth mother, who gave her up at birth due to the traumatic circumstances of her conception, and so her search for her mother (and coming to terms with her) represented her initial arc. She was in many ways a rather uninspired copy of younger Siobhan at the start, but I think she's become more nuanced and more her own person now. She's also been on a bit of a spiritual journey lately.

So thoughts, feedback and, most importantly, constructive criticism are welcome. Especially the latter. I prefer it to panegyrics. The bio is sadly out of date and badly in need of an update, but I can link threads that show her character well if needed.
[member="Elpsis Elaris"]
Since you prodded me to post this, here goes.

It hardly needs be said that you’re a great writer and have excellent ideas. Hagiography aside, let’s get down to Elpsis.

The Good:
  • You’ve done a good job moving her away from Siobhan and making her a unique character. Her spiritualism is an aspect that feels different in the pretty secular Star Wars universe.
  • She has some fairly different skills; farsight, pyromancy and strong empathic skills. That makes her seem different.
  • She’s likeable as a character, being written charismatic and usually quite bubbly, she’s easy to like.

The Bad:
  • I can tell you struggle with her at times, and that leads to you getting frustrated and doing sudden things like maiming, personality/belief changes etc. This is something which you do to all your characters at times, but it does make it harder to see a clear through line.
  • I don’t know what your plan for her is in the future. On the one hand she’s a nature girl who’s independent, on the other she’s still tied somewhat to Firemane. I’m not sure if the two can be reconciled and whether it’s going to continue.
  • Linking to the above, I’d like to see her chart an independent course at some stage. So far she’s been tied to various groups but never as a leader. She might not be a leader at heart, but in that case I’d like to see her move on a personal agenda.

Nima Tann

Master of Her Own Destiny
[member="Valiens Nantaris"] summed it up good but I have stuff to add as well.

First of all, I like reading her, you've done a great job fleshing her out.

You said once that you can't write children. Even if Elpsis is not a child, she's still very young so has her own teen problems and behaviour, so to say. I know it annoys you that she whines too much sometimes, but it's because she's very young still and her coping mechanism can't always conceal her feelings. So, what I suggest is, let her grow up organically and let her express her feelings, excessively even, in situations that requires for her to react. She's going to grow up but it's a phase she needs to go through.

[member="Elpsis Elaris"]

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