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Feedback 27: The Search For A Plot To Articulate The Accumulation Of Story

Major Faction


Paragon of Hope
I think Carnifex is what you'd expect of a Dark Lord. He's evil, he's powerful, he's in control. I think the weakness of playing the big bad is how limited you become in being able to expand the character. I feel like if he was shoved off the throne and had to claw his way back up, or found himself facing anything that could threaten him he'd be far more enjoyable to read. Not to say he isn't now, I just think there is room for improvement.
Agreeing with Ryv Ryv , Carnifex is a great Sith; but doesn't ever feel like he's growing as a character. Very fun to read the posts, but as far as the character - I'm not sure how much depth he has from my own (biased) viewpoint. I'd like to see him be approachable, challenged, and certainly see more depth into his reasons for what he does - why he is a Sith, how it affects his choices, and the emotional depth of his decisions to follow power.
Emperor Carnifex Emperor Carnifex

As a writer you are fantastic. Your writing style and wording specifically with Carnfix is great. Always a fun read and others can learn a lot about how to better use descriptive wording to make an audience see your character in a different perspective. Character wise for Carnifex imma be blunt and say what I see. You have had so much growth and story leading up to becoming the "Big bad" of Chaos. It is what you are despite what anyone says. Story wise what else is there for Carnifex to achieve? Honestly. You have it all IC and the things you dont have could be considered minor. Yeah? Carmifex is the Dark lord of the sith. The emperor. Even before you claimed the title with the name change and before your rise to power many writers saw Kaine Zambrano as a contender for Dark Lord of the Sith. But without all that prestige and backing who is he? How does he think? What struggles does he have?

There is absolutely no feeling of risk with Carnifex at all. One could easily point to the Gauntlet of Kressh the Younger just to better prove this fact as well. Why does carnifex need or want an artifact like that? Thats the biggest pitfall. There is no risk. He gets what he wants and he wins. This is not to say he has not had conflict. He has had to struggle every now and then but other than that your character reminds me alot of the character Ainz Ooal Gown from the anime Overlord. A character so powerful, in fact the show points out that he is over powered. Ainz in the show, is bored ruling and has resorted to waiting for his rivals or potential opponents to grow to his level just to get a challenge and obtain new growth for himself. Emotionally Carnifex is hollow from my viewpoint much like the intellectual side of Thanos from MCU. He is cold and calculating but lacks emotional depth. I understand the darkside of the force has made Carnifex a husk of his former self or atleast that is my impression, but going into why he feels a certain way about "deeper" subjects is important.

Am I calling Carnifex Overpowered? Yes. I am. Its hard to see further growth personally. I agree with Darth Maliphant Darth Maliphant and Ryv Ryv as well. And just to toss my own bit in even more I think you would benefit from humbling your character and striping him of "things" around him. Stir up drama and conflict outside of the character and within. Create doubt within himself? Do something that would cause his peers and fellow empire to question his intent. entertain the idea of a coup..Yeah i said it. Fluctuate at the moment Carnifex is on a straight path and its predictable.

Predictable is boring.

Space Daddy Carni-Boi
Those are all very fair and valid criticisms, it's what happens when you spend years achieving your goals and get to where you want your character to be. Perhaps down the road, he'll have to face new adversities, but for now, he's plateaued in terms of advancement in the galaxy. Now he's fully dedicated to maintaining what he has.