Eternal Empress
To be fair, this announcement was overdue for months (March, since Fyre announced his resignation and departure from EE's staff and from the faction as well). Since then, I have consumed myself with this, thinking about it every day and trying to postpone what can be postponed. But now, over the weekend, the point came when I couldn't put it off any longer. Hurts? Yes, it still hurts like hell and I experience it as an incredibly big failure and disappointment, but there are points when mental health is more important. Most of the Major Factions and their staff already know about it and some other people too. And it was a very difficult decision, because I didn't want to let my great players/writers down either.
I may offend some people with my next words, sorry if that is the case. I just want to describe from my own point of view what has happened since I have been here and how I came to the decision.
Now, we have one last few threads with the Maw, where the Maw crushes the Eternal Empire, which collapses after a hopefully epic battle and we go back to Minor Faction status. I know that voting is required according to the rules, but I trust that Tefka's offer "tell the staff if the faction is inactive and does not get better, then we will kill it" will still be valid. If not, we vote on this question.
I was thinking of giving the FO title to someone, but I don't have anyone in the faction. I'm not going to lie, I've been doing everything by myself since Fyre left us in March. Since then, I have received a dominion and an idea and a half from my own staff. No, don't get me wrong, I don't blame them, I always tell them that RL is more important and I understand if they'd rather be there than work in any faction. So I don't blame you guys, I don't blame them.
I've never had an easy job, because to this day I'm afraid of most MF staff members because they're so popular, active, they go to any server, they're right in the centre. I'm often envious that even though it's so easy for them, they show up anywhere, as if they've always been members of that group. On the other hand, I am a shy, soft-spoken person who does not even dare to speak in such big conversations. Not to mention that I don't have much self-confidence either.
I never had an easy job, I never wanted to be a FO, that's pretty well known. But in March 2020, I couldn't stand and watch idly by as Carpy and Vyra's LOA, it was a real threat to us to go back to Minor after just three months. Even within the staff, there were people who kept blocking me, saying that it was not my faction, that I had no right to do anything without the FO, etc. I didn't listen to them and tried to act. I had been on the site for about a year then, but with maybe 120 posts, I was struggling because I still had serious language problems then, most of the chats were too fast to follow. A lot has changed since then, because I had to change and learn a lot for the EE's survival.
When I officially became FO, the situation was more or less the same as now. But I didn't have a job at the time, mom was healthy. I'm working now, and my mom is very sick. Even in 2020, many people told me to leave the whole thing, because most factions die if the founder leaves. Especially since most people prefer the custom and known plot, rather than eccentric things. Yes, we have always been eccentric with the theme, destroying the Force, lying to everyone, hiding in the shadows and not showing who we really are. But I didn't give up. I tried to fight everything and everyone to survive.
It wasn't easy, because even in the faction I kept hearing, several people said that all the threads I make up are rubbish and bad. The long and painful fight with the rebels has begun OOC as well. Every faction changes, and if a group is completely inactive for almost eight months, it's hard to bring them back into the plot, especially if they don't like anything. To say this openly now, I know it will cause a lot of anger, but many people outside the faction know and knew about this struggle and fight, because they also saw the chat.
Another fight, struggle on the map, for a very, very long time, almost everyone looked at us like we were not there. On many other servers, I got reactions like "oh, you guys still existed?" and the like. It hurts, yes. Or on the SJC server in 2021 September everyone thought we were a Sith faction, while we never were.
I know I've made mistakes, a lot, I'm not perfect. I have made decisions that I deeply regret, and some that I don't. But there wasn't really anyone from whom I could have received support on how to do this (here, thanks for
Rurik Fel
(Ham), because he helped me the most), and I became FO at the worst possible time, where EE was in a difficult situation because of my own actions. But I have always tried to lead the faction in such a way that only IC decisions influence us, the faction, not the OOC.
After the collapse of the TSE, there was a big fight behind the scenes and OC too to somehow get back on the map and to be recognized as being here. After Byss, many doors closed and many people didn't even talk to me OOC anymore because of it, or accused me because of why we attacked. It was a difficult and stressful time, Praz maybe remember how hard time was for me.
It shows well how out of the loop we are, that we weren't invited to the mega junction on Coruscant and we weren't part of the Second Great Hyperspace War at the beginning however the Maw was in our doorsteps. I didn't give up, because some people didn't let it, and here's a big thank you to
AMCO
(for his supportive words, ok not all the time, but most they were supportive),
Darth Solipsis
(Logan) and
Pietro Demici
(Infal) because they were there for me and helped me the whole time, and later
The Mongrel
(Skald),
Isla Draellix-Kobitana
(Brim),
DECEASED Erskine Barran
(Lee) and
Kyrel Ren
too. They helped me make the Eternal Empire a factor again and be among the rest. Both IC and OOC were a huge road and a slow fight.
Being a Major Faction with a small number of writers is probably the most difficult thing on Chaos, problems of constant inactivity and lack of staff. Because anyone who would be a potential staff candidate is usually already a staff elsewhere. It is a constant struggle and competition, which is most of the time inspiring to be better, but also very tiring.
The point is that we have developed and expanded, to be honest, I never thought that we could get here one day. I thought we wouldn't survive Carpy leaving. EE has always been my favourite faction and we are a great, small but more cohesive company. I have always been proud of you for the fact that there were no cliques, we welcomed everyone and there was no toxicity in our community.
However, I also have to admit that I can't keep up with the bigger factions alone, and I'm tired. I am very tired, both in chaos and in reality. Especially in the last few months, since mom has metastases in her knee and can barely move due to the pain and I take care of her too, alone.
As I got tired, it became more and more depressing that I have to do everything alone in EE and even though I receive support from the outside, I no longer have the strength. Especially since this has made me so stressed that at the moment I can't even write on Chaos; I'm cramping, I'm anxious, I can barely write three or four paragraphs. And everyone deserves more than that, but I'm consumed by guilt and it's all taking a toll on me more than I thought. We'll see what the future brings. And no, fortunately I didn't burn out. I just need time.
I am so sure that I hope we can do the last narrative with Maw and go back to Minor. No, we're not destroyed, we're just collapsing, hopefully we'll come back like the phoenix later and be a Major Faction again one day. There are many more stories to tell that I/we have figured out to the next period. Maybe one day.
However, after this narrative ends, I will need some time. At the moment, as I said, I can't really write without cramping and anxiety. I will need some time away from Chaos as a player. As a Factory Judge, I'll stay on the site and I've promised some friends that I'll help them with a few more things, but I don't think I'll write posts (but we'll see). Every wound, old and new, that I had ever sustained here on Chaos came rushing back at me all at once. And it was too much, I suffocated.
So that's it, thank you for reading all the way through and I hope you (EE players) will be there for the final narrative and once again we can tell and play a really epic story. It was an honour for me and I'm glad that we went through this journey together. And I know I'm not perfect either and I could have done a lot of things better.
Again, thank you everyone for the happy and great moments! <3
Nef
Ps.: And if there is someone who wants to try to save the faction, I am more than happy to start an FO vote to give the title to them.
I may offend some people with my next words, sorry if that is the case. I just want to describe from my own point of view what has happened since I have been here and how I came to the decision.
Now, we have one last few threads with the Maw, where the Maw crushes the Eternal Empire, which collapses after a hopefully epic battle and we go back to Minor Faction status. I know that voting is required according to the rules, but I trust that Tefka's offer "tell the staff if the faction is inactive and does not get better, then we will kill it" will still be valid. If not, we vote on this question.
I was thinking of giving the FO title to someone, but I don't have anyone in the faction. I'm not going to lie, I've been doing everything by myself since Fyre left us in March. Since then, I have received a dominion and an idea and a half from my own staff. No, don't get me wrong, I don't blame them, I always tell them that RL is more important and I understand if they'd rather be there than work in any faction. So I don't blame you guys, I don't blame them.
I've never had an easy job, because to this day I'm afraid of most MF staff members because they're so popular, active, they go to any server, they're right in the centre. I'm often envious that even though it's so easy for them, they show up anywhere, as if they've always been members of that group. On the other hand, I am a shy, soft-spoken person who does not even dare to speak in such big conversations. Not to mention that I don't have much self-confidence either.
I never had an easy job, I never wanted to be a FO, that's pretty well known. But in March 2020, I couldn't stand and watch idly by as Carpy and Vyra's LOA, it was a real threat to us to go back to Minor after just three months. Even within the staff, there were people who kept blocking me, saying that it was not my faction, that I had no right to do anything without the FO, etc. I didn't listen to them and tried to act. I had been on the site for about a year then, but with maybe 120 posts, I was struggling because I still had serious language problems then, most of the chats were too fast to follow. A lot has changed since then, because I had to change and learn a lot for the EE's survival.
When I officially became FO, the situation was more or less the same as now. But I didn't have a job at the time, mom was healthy. I'm working now, and my mom is very sick. Even in 2020, many people told me to leave the whole thing, because most factions die if the founder leaves. Especially since most people prefer the custom and known plot, rather than eccentric things. Yes, we have always been eccentric with the theme, destroying the Force, lying to everyone, hiding in the shadows and not showing who we really are. But I didn't give up. I tried to fight everything and everyone to survive.
It wasn't easy, because even in the faction I kept hearing, several people said that all the threads I make up are rubbish and bad. The long and painful fight with the rebels has begun OOC as well. Every faction changes, and if a group is completely inactive for almost eight months, it's hard to bring them back into the plot, especially if they don't like anything. To say this openly now, I know it will cause a lot of anger, but many people outside the faction know and knew about this struggle and fight, because they also saw the chat.
Another fight, struggle on the map, for a very, very long time, almost everyone looked at us like we were not there. On many other servers, I got reactions like "oh, you guys still existed?" and the like. It hurts, yes. Or on the SJC server in 2021 September everyone thought we were a Sith faction, while we never were.
I know I've made mistakes, a lot, I'm not perfect. I have made decisions that I deeply regret, and some that I don't. But there wasn't really anyone from whom I could have received support on how to do this (here, thanks for
Rurik Fel
(Ham), because he helped me the most), and I became FO at the worst possible time, where EE was in a difficult situation because of my own actions. But I have always tried to lead the faction in such a way that only IC decisions influence us, the faction, not the OOC.After the collapse of the TSE, there was a big fight behind the scenes and OC too to somehow get back on the map and to be recognized as being here. After Byss, many doors closed and many people didn't even talk to me OOC anymore because of it, or accused me because of why we attacked. It was a difficult and stressful time, Praz maybe remember how hard time was for me.
It shows well how out of the loop we are, that we weren't invited to the mega junction on Coruscant and we weren't part of the Second Great Hyperspace War at the beginning however the Maw was in our doorsteps. I didn't give up, because some people didn't let it, and here's a big thank you to
AMCO
(for his supportive words, ok not all the time, but most they were supportive),
Darth Solipsis
(Logan) and
Pietro Demici
(Infal) because they were there for me and helped me the whole time, and later
The Mongrel
(Skald),
Isla Draellix-Kobitana
(Brim),
DECEASED Erskine Barran
(Lee) and
Kyrel Ren
too. They helped me make the Eternal Empire a factor again and be among the rest. Both IC and OOC were a huge road and a slow fight.Being a Major Faction with a small number of writers is probably the most difficult thing on Chaos, problems of constant inactivity and lack of staff. Because anyone who would be a potential staff candidate is usually already a staff elsewhere. It is a constant struggle and competition, which is most of the time inspiring to be better, but also very tiring.
The point is that we have developed and expanded, to be honest, I never thought that we could get here one day. I thought we wouldn't survive Carpy leaving. EE has always been my favourite faction and we are a great, small but more cohesive company. I have always been proud of you for the fact that there were no cliques, we welcomed everyone and there was no toxicity in our community.
However, I also have to admit that I can't keep up with the bigger factions alone, and I'm tired. I am very tired, both in chaos and in reality. Especially in the last few months, since mom has metastases in her knee and can barely move due to the pain and I take care of her too, alone.
As I got tired, it became more and more depressing that I have to do everything alone in EE and even though I receive support from the outside, I no longer have the strength. Especially since this has made me so stressed that at the moment I can't even write on Chaos; I'm cramping, I'm anxious, I can barely write three or four paragraphs. And everyone deserves more than that, but I'm consumed by guilt and it's all taking a toll on me more than I thought. We'll see what the future brings. And no, fortunately I didn't burn out. I just need time.
I am so sure that I hope we can do the last narrative with Maw and go back to Minor. No, we're not destroyed, we're just collapsing, hopefully we'll come back like the phoenix later and be a Major Faction again one day. There are many more stories to tell that I/we have figured out to the next period. Maybe one day.
However, after this narrative ends, I will need some time. At the moment, as I said, I can't really write without cramping and anxiety. I will need some time away from Chaos as a player. As a Factory Judge, I'll stay on the site and I've promised some friends that I'll help them with a few more things, but I don't think I'll write posts (but we'll see). Every wound, old and new, that I had ever sustained here on Chaos came rushing back at me all at once. And it was too much, I suffocated.
So that's it, thank you for reading all the way through and I hope you (EE players) will be there for the final narrative and once again we can tell and play a really epic story. It was an honour for me and I'm glad that we went through this journey together. And I know I'm not perfect either and I could have done a lot of things better.
Again, thank you everyone for the happy and great moments! <3
Nef
Ps.: And if there is someone who wants to try to save the faction, I am more than happy to start an FO vote to give the title to them.
