Doctor...Who?

[Connor Harrison]

"Thank you."

Connor watched Kyle at work. A likeable one, so there was no irritation at any attempt to make chit-chat. Granted, the patient was a little frustrated still being drugged up and wired to machines when he just wanted to have some pain relief and then go.

But procedures were there to follow.

"I’ll just be glad to get back to work, and ah…ugh, not again…." he chuckled, rubbing his brow, feeling a little light headed. "If you have any...toast or something…any eating? Any food to eat, sorry."

He gave up and lay into the pillow, getting weary again with lack of mental stimulation. There was nothing he could do but wait, and keep flexing his hand now and then to make sure it was still there.

Connor began to hum a little.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Kyle had just wheeled the tray of food over when there was a knock on the door and Irajah poked her head in.

"Oh good, you're awake," she said with a smile, letting herself in.

She took one look at him, then over to Kyle, frowning.

"I thought I said to stick to the non-opioid painkillers."

The nurse's eyes widened in what was clearly mock horror. "DID you say that? It wasn't in his chart!"

"It wasn't, don't worry about it, it wasn't for- ngh, I'll take it from here, thank you."

Kyle winked at [member="Connor Harrison"], waved his fingers at Irajah and headed out of the room, grinning the whole time.

"I swear to the maw, that man will stop meddling in my personal life or he's going to become a permanent fixture in the teaching wing," she muttered.

She crossed the room, managing to wrestle the frown into a more neutral expression by the time she reached him, though some annoyance was still clear on her face.

"I'm sorry about that," she apologized. "I had hoped to keep you.... well... not drugged up to be honest, so we could evaluate you for discharge sooner if possible. How are you feeling?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor muttered something or other to himself as Irajah came back, exchanged her mild annoyance with Kyle, and let him exit with a wonderfully cheery wave, which Connor returned, head lolling on the pillow.

He smiled warmly at Irajah as she did her checks.

"I'm perfect, like you." The grin got a bit wider, and he covered his face. "I'm fine, I really am. Honesty I am. Honesl...honestly.."

Blinking a few times, he frowned, looking at the doctor.

"Forget Kyle, he was good. I've had these before, I think...before. Making me relax a little TOO much."

He kept lookig at her. She was intoxicating, and he was sure she was glowing.

"Can you and me, can we go for dinner one day? I like you, I do. I'm sorry. Is that ok? Bad? Good?"

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah blinked.

Hoooo boy.

Yup, Kyle would become a permanent fixture in the teaching wing. Maybe as a specimen. Or a punching bag.

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't flattered. Or that a small army of butterflies didn't try to burst out of her chest at the look he was giving her. But he was literally high on pain killers right now.

She swallowed, schooling her face carefully. At least, she thought she was. The fact that her cheeks were crimson wasn't helping the illusion at all. Get a grip Ven. Getting hit on by patients high on drugs wasn't that uncommon for any of the younger doctors. So why was this any different? It wasn't.

Sure.

So it surprised her when instead of her 'I'm flattered, but it's inappropriate for a doctor to go out socially with a patient,' she said instead:

"I have a strict policy of not taking anything someone says when they are doped up seriously," she declared, but a smile lurked at the corners of her lips. "So if you still feel like you want to ask me that when you are your normal self, then I will take it under consideration."

It was, after all, probably just the drugs. No need to embarrass either of them.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The blue eyes looked at her, blinking slowly. He heard the words. He smiled. He scratched the back of his head and closed his eyes, settling back down.

He held up his arm with the IV in.

"Consider this considered. Sort it out Doc. Doctor Ven. Vennnn. Where is that from? Ven. Corellian? Hapes? Irajah. That's a nice name."

During his babbling, he probably drifted in and out of sleep however many times. He wasn't sure. Even awake, he started to feel like sleeping. Inside, he saw and heard everything but the mind made it oh so much more carefree.

His eyes opened again for the...fourth, fifth, ninth time? There was a bitter taste of iron in his mouth. Reaching up, he touched his lip and found a little blood on his finger. Sucking it in, he came to again...and promptly fell asleep again as the drugs started to wear off but take his system out again.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah changed the bacta patch on the incision over his collar bone. She couldn't help but smile at him though, even chuckling a bit.

"Ven is a Kiffar name," she said. "And my mother said Irajah means 'fearless' in her culture." Of course, Irajah had no idea just what that culture was. If there was someone more mute about their past than her father had been.... it was her mom. Funny that, unlike her father's unwillingness to talk about his time as a Jedi, Irajah had never really noticed before that her mother simply.... never brought her own up. Strange.

She wasn't sure how much of it he caught, and that was alright. Eventually, he drifted off enough that she slipped away again. She had other work to do, reports to file before the day was out.

The small smile on her face didn't fade until she was back in her office. Aggressively ignoring the locked drawer for now, she sat down at her desk. Pulling up the patient files from the day, she got the easy ones out of the way first. When she got to [member="Connor Harrison"]'s unsubmitted file however, she had to pause. The frown that had been a mere ghost before now came to the forefront as she considered the screen before her.

Slowly, deliberately, she back spaced several times, replacing his name with Harris Con. While he said no one here would know his face perhaps, she suspected his name was a different story. This at least wouldn't trip anything potentially in the system. Irajah wasn't an intelligence operative or anything, but even she knew putting his real name here would be a bad idea. Chances were, no one was even monitoring any of it. But. Just in case.

Was she concerned about lying here? Not even remotely. After all, it wasn't really hurting anyone, and it was specifically helping someone. The fact that she wouldn't normally do this for a patient was firmly put aside as she hit the {submit} key. Maybe, if someone had been willing to do that for her months ago, some things would have been easier.

*****

"Doctor Ven?"

Irajah blinked blearily. She'd dozed off on the couch in her office, one of her case files falling off of her and on to the floor as she stumbled over to the comm.

"Hmmmph? What? Er. Yes?"

"Doctor Ven, you asked me to inform you when your patient in 373B was awake?"

"Oh, yes, yes thank you. I'll be down to check him out and get the discharge process going."

She started to walk around the desk, then stopped, leaning waaaaay over to speak in to the comm again.

"Dorith, don't let Kyle *ANYWHERE NEAR* Mister Con, got it?"

"Got it Doc."

"Knew I could count on you. I'll be down in a minute."

 

[Connor Harrison]

While Doctor Ven may have momentarily panicked seeing the bed vacant in Connor’s room, she would see he was simply out of the initial line of sight. He was stood closer to the door itself looking at a number of leaflets on a sideboard and First Order medical procedures and information on the wall. He swayed gently as he did.

"Fearless. I like that. Very apt for a doctor."

He tilted his head to finish reading a organogram chart before moving away slowly, doing a basic finger-hand coordination movement to keep his hand active.

"The pain is there, but it’s a numb ache. I’m tired, but it’s the after effects. I’m just trying to walk it off, getting pins and needles in my legs just laying there. I hope you don’t mind?"

Connor was far more human in speech than before and the earlier garbled nonsense he was spouting off. He took a seat on the bed near his pillows and scratched his chest through the medical slacks provided.

"You must be getting bored coming here now. I assure you I’m doing everything the doctor ordered and I do remember you saying something about talking about discharge? How exciting."

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

With her arms full of the belongings [member="Connor Harrison"] had left with Kyle before the surgury, Irajah pulled up short right inside the door, surprised at the sight of the empty bed. Stepping farther in to the room answered the question of where the Jedi Master had gone off to. She wasn't concerned he'd left- after all, she had his lightsaber (currently tucked into the middle of his folding clothing).

"You're looking and sounding much better than the last time I was in," she said with a grin, depositing his belongings on the end of the bed.

His comment about her name informed her that he remembered at least some of their conversation. Not everyone did, under the effects of those serious pain killers. It made her 'don't take anything said seriously' policy a wise one. Still, it was not an easy thing, to forget what he'd said, and though she pushed it firmly to the back of her mind, it popped up at the most inopportune times.

"I understand needing to get up and move, I'm not good at sitting still myself. As long as you aren't pushing it, there's nothing wrong with being up and about. Let's get you checked out, then I'll show you the exercises to work on and you'll be a free man."

 

[Connor Harrison]

He gave his items a quick once over. His basic brown and cream clothing and poncho. Boots and belts on top, and in-between them all was the lightsaber. He smiled and looked at Irajah.

"Again, thank you for this. I know you took a risk. I won’t forget it."

Standing up, he sorted his clothes out and lifted up his medical top, laying it down as he fingered his top. With that, he glanced over. He knew what he was doing, well and clear.

"Sorry…what checks do you need? Don’t let me rush ahead of things."

He sat on the bed again, and held his hand out.

"After all, if I can get to know you on the way to Panatha, or a nice dinner, I’ll have to wait for you to clock off, right?"

It was tricky to stifle his smirk, but there were some things one with the Force as an ally didn’t forget in the way of feelings and words said.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Fortunately, the sight of shirtless patients (even this one) didn't particularly effect Doctor Ven. After all, she'd already literally been under his skin.

But what she wasn't prepared for (even if she'd been pretending she hadn't been thinking about it) were the words and the look on his face when he said them.

"Um. Er. I."

Whelp.

She stopped, just staring at him for a moment before shaking her head and chuckling- mostly at herself.

"I am still very much on the clock," she said, her cheeks a little warm as she stepped over to him.

"I'm going to check your heart rate, reflexes and a few other things, then show you the exercises. They are simply and you can do them anywhere. I'd stress how important they are, but you seem to appreciate that already."

She reached out, taking his wrist and laying two fingers just on the inside while she spoke, counting mentally as she did so.

"But it's not just the correct exercises- it's also giving everything time to heal- you need to rest," now it was her turn to smirk slightly. "So the trip to Panatha is just what the doctor ordered. No battles jumping out at you. And, I suppose, we'll have to eat dinner at some point, won't we?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a small salute of his good hand, Connor let her lead with her checks.

"Pantha sounds good. You tell me what to do, and I'll keep doing it."

However, part of him started to wake up to reality. She was a total professional, and he was being rather forward and probably not in a good way. He didn't exactly have a good track record with this, and he'd never be so "forward" usually. But then, this wasn't a usual situation. Dinner did sound pretty nice, but again - it was obvious. They would have to eat anyway, so it could be something totally normal.

Connor moved slightly to let Irajah carry out her checks, a few cold instruments made him jump a little. As he turned one way, he tingled as a fleck of hair brushed over his shoulder.

"What's the policy with the First Order on Force users? Namely, defecting Jedi?"

A bit of propaganda caught his eye as he twisted his head, looking to the wall.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

"You tell me what to do, and I'll keep doing it."

It took considerable self control to not reply with Don't make promises you can't keep- because the way she meant that was wholly inappropriate to the situation. She didn't quite manage to reign in the smirk that would have gone with it, however.

Her hands were cool against his skin as she went through the necessary checks, pausing to update his chart occasionally as she went.

She glanced up, brow furrowing at his next question however.

"You are the pinnacle of health sir.... with the exception of the parts you wouldn't let me fix anyway," she declared with a smile, but the expression was a little hollow, never reaching her eyes.

Watching the silhouette of his face, the smile faded into the beginnings of a frown.

"I don't really know," she admitted. "Active Jedi aren't welcome here," she continued slowly. "But, you already knew that."

Irajah knew very little about this question- she knew nothing, yet, about even the existence of the Knights of Ren or their views of the other Force traditions. So she had no way of knowing just what kind of dangerous ground she was even walking. Yes, she knew she was taking a risk, but not the magnitude of that risk.

"I have a few connections- people who owe me favors. I could probably find out."

She had more faith in her ability to find out the information casually, than she actually had ability.

Her own situation was different. In so many ways, her life here on Dosuun was built on lies- who she was, where she came from, the risk she posed to the First Order- and the fact that she was an untrained, unaffiliated Force Sensitive living in Avalonia. She couldn't know it yet, but she had built that castle on sand, and certain elements within the First Order had already begun to dig away at the unstable footing.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He shook his head.

"No." Her aura changed. "It's ok, don't draw any attention to the fact a Jedi or even me has been here. It's fine. I have connections also, I'll find out in good time. Don't you worry - you've helped me enough."

Connor didn't stop watching her the whole time she carried out her checks. He may never even see Doctor Ven after today, or if her word was true and she was confident, then after Panatha. Time was always ticking away, but something worried him. Deep down.

The smiles sometimes seemed...strained. The eyes sometimes....distant. The voice sometimes....timid. He had once been called boring. And what did he have to show for it? Nothing. He shifted over, and took her wrists in both hands and moved to get in her line of sight.

"When we leave this place, we are going to be open with each other, alright? If you didn't have the urge to at least shake off some of those shackles holding you back, you wouldn't be here now, would you. You didn't have to carry out all these checks or stay after my op." His face was serious, like his words, but they were sincere. "When we leave here, you let me find out who the real Irajah Ven is."

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Her eyes didn't quite meet his at first, cast slightly down toward his chin rather than his eyes. She stood there, preternaturally still, not removing her wrists from his hands, but not reacting right away either.

When her gaze did cast up to his, the expression on her face was serious, something struggling beneath the surface.

"I can't promise that Connor," she said softly, offering him the barest trace of a smile, though it never moved farther than her lips.

"I've spent the last year with that person you're looking for thoroughly quashed- I couldn't be her and survive," her voice was quiet, haunted. "And now that I've gone looking for her again, she's gone."

She looked down then, her eyes on his hands, the frown returning to her lips.

"I've spent too long keeping my thoughts to myself to be able to tell you that I'd even always realize when I wasn't sharing them. And for the same reasons I'm here, now, well.... I don't want to make you a promise I don't know if I can keep."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Her response was partly disappointing and partly heart-breaking. If anyone knew how it felt not to know their true self, it was Connor. She was either a very good actor and liar, or someone so selfless and brave. He wanted it to be the latter. Forcing out a sympathetic smile, he stood, and moved his hands to the side of her shoulders and gave them a gentle rub, one of those little motivational “you’ll be ok!” rubs.

"Don’t promise anything then, and nothing can be broken. I know how it feels to doubt who you are, and what part of you is alive and what isn’t. I’ve spent the last few years wrestling with that very idea. Those who glimpse it always seem to get hurt, so I pretend it’s all ok for everyone else’s sake, but by doing that don’t allow me to be me, if that makes sense."

He stepped back a second, reaching for his under layer and slipped it on and over his body, wincing at the hand position and being gentle not to stretch too much. He flattened it down and then stood back to Irajah.

"If she’s not there, then we work to let her go. If she IS there, then we work to bring her back. Because you can’t live forever in the shadow of who you really are, not for anyone’s sake."

With the fact she had a child, he probably didn’t really understand yet again her attachment and sacrifice, but he could try.

"I like what I see, and I know I’ll like what I’ve yet to see. You’re not alone." He resisted from breaking down walls; resisted from holding her close and feeling her hair on his face and her soft hands. "That’s a promise I can make that won’t break."

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

It's not for everyone else's sake, she almost said. It's for mine.

Instead she looked up at him, smiling weakly.

"Everyone's alone, Connor," she said quietly. "But sometimes, they get to be alone in the same space and it seems a little less empty."

Protect your own heart, Irajah- she could hear those words, whispered into her ear by her father. She'd come from a family that kept their secrets so very well, that she hadn't even known there were secrets being kept. She had been cared for, and loved and supported- but only recently had realized never trusted. That epiphany had slid flawlessly into the narrative of her childhood. It made sense, explained certain aspects of their family dynamic that she had simply assumed were 'normal'.

Though she attributed her own reluctance to let others in with the events since the release of Gideon- in truth, they had been laid down long before. Privacy protected.

Her thoughts and feelings were in so many ways an open book. She had no capacity to hide any of it. At least, not particularly well. But there were broad swaths of herself she kept back. It was no surprise that [member="Connor Harrison"] had seen that they existed. The problem wasn't that she hid them well, after all.

The problem was a habit of silence.

She cleared her throat, face getting a little red as she realized just how close they were standing and she took a step back. But she managed a better smile this time.

"Let's start with Panatha, and see what happens. Besides, people don't need to make promises to be friends..... right?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

"Indeed they don’t, Irajah." He pulled across his three brown belts and trousers and walked around the dressing screen. "Indeed they don’t."

He got himself dressed, working out what her words meant and what was really going on inside that head of hers. There was something there, but she wasn’t for saying. She had stepped back, because again he had gotten too close – mentally and physically.

"You’ll have to give me the name of your superior so I can pass on my gratitude."

Why would she open up however? They were strangers. Probably on other sides of conflict at one point and only meeting in a professional sense – she had no obligation to open up.

"I really am grateful, and the healing does feel good. It feels tighter, you know?"

It wasn’t his place to push – pushing only pushed people away.

Damn you, Connor – why now? Why this surge of feeling? You fool.

"Okay," he stepped out, fixing the last belt, and then the lightsaber which he tucked in his back. "I can wait around as long as you need, if I can go, of course."

The poncho slipped over his body and hid the hilt at his back. He looked at his hand and held it out.

"Exercises. Any tips?"

Why is it wrong to think someone is beautiful inside and out? You don’t even know her! You fool!

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah chuckled, smirking slightly as she folded her arms over her chest. In some ways, it was easier to talk to him behind the screen. His intensity was..... dangerous. And not necessarily in a bad way. This was better. Safer.

But for which one of them?

"Administrator Yurth," she said, amusement in her voice, "Is not exactly my biggest fan. And not for lack of good word from patients, though if you want to add yours, I wouldn't say no. I don't play the politics game he's always expecting me to- which makes him nervous and then he wonders if I'm playing an even deeper politics game- it goes forever in circles. You wouldn't think hospitals have politics, but you'd be wrong."

​Her smirk softened into a smile.

"I'm glad. It should keep feeling better and better over the next week or so as the tissue heals."

And there he was again, looking like he had when she'd first seen him. Not that the clothing changed him much- he'd been as sure of himself in hospital garb as he was now. He didn't wear his confidence as a cloak or a persona, it didn't come and go.

It was easy for her, when she was Doctor Ven. But when she was just Irajah? A small part of her envied him.

"There are two types of exercise you'll need to do," she said, already wrapped in that persona of Doctor Ven. "You'll need to stretch your shoulder," as she spoke, she demonstrated the movements, the slow circling of the arm, then the reverse. "It will be tight and uncomfortable at first- that's normal. But if it becomes actually painful, ease back and rest it."

Holding up her hand, she continued. "Anything you can do that involves non-stressful fine manipulation will be good for your hand." Slowly she moved her fingers, the tip of each tapping her thumb in turn and then following the reverse. Then she retrieved a small, rubber ball from her pocket, handing it to him.

"That will keep the healing tendons limber. Squeezing this in your palm will start to strengthen the muscles again. The exercises are meant to be simple- things you can do anywhere without special equipment."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor didn't say anything while he watched Irajah do the exercises, and he copied each one.

A slow rotation, forwards and backwards. Finger pattern tapping, forwards and back.

He took the ball and squeezed.

There was pressure there, but as with all wounds and freshly repaired muscle and tissue, it was normal. He continued with the ball.

"Perfect. Thank you, Doctor Ven." He smiled at the continued professional title. "Maybe this will be the best stress-ball ever."

As he continued to squeeze, he felt his time was drawing to a close. He was up and about, and now working on the exercises. He also had a name to report to or at least leave a message with. Letting the silence hang for a second as he looked at her coyly, and then back to his hand, he spoke again with more naivety in his voice.

"I'm sorry for, ah..." he started, scratching his brow - here it was, coming out now - "...if I made you uncomfortable or anything. I just...well...." he exhaled in a laugh and threw the ball up and caught it, "...never mind. Thank you, Doc. "

With a shrug, he parted the poncho over one shoulder, careful of his hilt.

"When do you clock off. I'll wait."

A little wink followed. Considering he had babbled seconds before, he was doing well. In general.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

"Oh, no, it's fine- I mean, nothing to- no apologies, I mean, necessary."

The two babbled in unison for a couple of heartbeats before managing to recover. When he asked her when she was suposed to clock off, well, at that, she smiled, a little guilty. Eyebrows rose with her shoulders, a particularly sheepish sort of shrug.

"About three hours ago?"

It wasn't abnormal for her to stay past the end of her shift, especially when she had a particularly delicate patient. That hadn't exactly been the case here of course. She hurried on.

"I have a few arrangements I need to make before we can leave. My ship is docked at the main terminal- docking bay six-oh-eight. I'll meet you there in.... say an hour and a half?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]