Private Difficult Assignment

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra reeled back at what she found, furious for JJ.

How could she?

How could she?

It was unclear where along Kyra's response came from his own pain, or her own. But there was personal emotion to fuel her anger. Experiences. Memories.

How could Sasha take him and throw him away! Love wasn't love, it was broken, disgusting-- lies. JJ was a fool to fall for it. Kyra could tear the woman apart for break the bond. The bond. Without the bond it hurt so bad.

He hurt so bad.

She hurt so bad.

He asked her to let go of it, of her. But she did not know how. The emotions gripped her. Upseated her. Became her. And the force changed around her, subtle but present as the vein she had used in the Shadow Lands with him opened back up.

And maybe JJ would see the danger in Kyra. The reason others had chosen to hold her back when she asked to step forward.


How could she do that to us?

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

JJ knew better than to try and calm Kyra at this point, however he did raise his hand as if to quiet her. The pain was there, and they both shared it, but Kyra took it further than it needed to be.

"She was angry and hurt that I would not go with her, but that does not mean we have to respond in the same kind."

He did not expect Kyra to understand in that moment, but JJ had moved on as best he could. While he lived with the pain of such a thing, he did not wish harm to Sasha, or his cousin. It was not the right thing, nor was it the right way to live. Others would come in his life. JJ knew he would love again, but the Jedi did not need to be vindictive toward someone that had hurt him so in order to embrace that reality.

Emotion; yet peace. Chaos; yet harmony. I am never going to ask you to stop feeling something, but I will push you to learn how to choose peace. This is something that I had to learn, but it is possible. The way you're wired, when you delve into people's minds this is what you are going to experience. You will feel what they feel much easier than you receive a thought."

JJ sighed. He knew this was not what she wanted to hear right now. Here he was being the teacher when what he needed to do was admit the truth.

"What happened... it sucked. I've taken it into every relationship I have tried to have since. I don't talk about it really either for obvious reasons. Jedi are supposed to be above such things, but I wasn't much older than you when it happened. It has left its scar and its void. One that I am not sure I will ever truly fill."

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Tears fell at a steadfast rate, Kyra experiencing his pain and experience without his mental callouses to buffer and dull it all. Time healed things-- created scars, toughened the mind. It was easily apparent from Kyra's response that life and time had given her very little experience to build the accepting callouses that he possessed.

She simply couldn't understand why he wasn't in a ball of tears right now.

"But a part of you is missing!" She protested, finding her own voice again. The more he pulled out of his imagery fueled thoughts, the more her own sense of being seemed to return. No longer one but two. Not their pain, but his. And hers. But only because she made it that way-- only because Kyra was oh so bad at letting go.

"She destroyed your life, how can you not hate her!"

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

JJ was convinced that all of his future interactions with Kyra were going to involve tears at some point. She was rather emotional, and she wore it all on her sleeves much like JJ did. However, her degree of emotional transparency was much more obvious than his. At least pulling away from her mind was beginning to create the separation she needed to distinguish between what he was feeling versus what he had been feeling. While his wound had been deep, JJ truly had become calloused to the raw feelings it produced over time. It was not something he often thought about anymore, and when he did, it was simply something that was part of his past.

The Jedi smiled at the young padawan's observation. Yes, there was part of JJ missing, but not so much he could never feel whole again. Perhaps he had made it difficult for himself in that regard, but Sasha had not robbed him of a future.

"How did she destroy my life? I am here, I am alive? Did it hurt, you already know it did, and how much. Did it destroy me, no. I've loved since. I've lost since. I will love again. Just because she was my first, and just because I have never had a bond with someone to that degree again, does not mean I am going to give her the power to ruin me. Hating her would do just that."

He smiled, placing a crooked finger under Kyra's chin and making her look him in the eyes.

"Chin up, Kyra. I am not about to let this get the best of me, and neither should you. She's not worth my hate."

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra sniffled, finding a bit of strength inside his own confidence.

She didn't know how he did it. The wonderment flickered through her mind onto his. How could he survive so much?

The world was cruel.



Oh, to be naive and young.

"I still hate her," she insisted, her voice tight and childish as she refused to let go of pain that wasn't even rightfully hers. There would be no swaying her in this decision. He would feel it in her core-- hatred born of protectiveness, it was a trait her family bore well. It wasn't that bad. It was how they loved.

He was her friend now and she'd hate the whole world if that was what it took to keep him safe. ...Yeah... this whole jedi dont form attachment things.... another weakness of hers...

She found her hands then, touching at the wetness running down her cheeks. Her brows pulled in confusion. "Am I crying again?"

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

"You know I am supposed to tell you that hate leads to the dark side right," Judah questioned with a half serious look on his face.

Of course the Zeltron knew it, and of course JJ knew where it came from. He simply nodded in response to her question about whether or not she was crying again. At this point Judah knew it was all but unavoidable. That being the case, JJ knew there were still some things he could do to lessen the emotional sting.

"It's okay... I have formed several attachments, and I am still here..."

His words pressed into her mind along with a calm reassurance it was possible to remain a Jedi despite the emotions and the confusion which clouded her judgement. It was simply about what she chose. Would Kyra choose the light now, and would she choose it tomorrow. This was the most important lesson JJ had ever learned from his father. Being a Jedi was a daily choice, one Judah committed to every day with each new breath.

"C'mon, how about we run some of that angst off hmmm? Then when we are done we can call it a day. Drinks on me after?"

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra nodded numbly, standing up and pulling a leaf from her hair. She frowned down at it and threw it to the side, looking up at him as he stood in turn.

"Are all lessons gonna be like this?" Cause it was rough. Still, he had said one thing that had resonated with her. Or perhaps not said, but thought.

It was all a choice: Everyday, choosing to be good. Choosing to be light. It was the most realistic thing any jedi had ever said to her before. None of that 'trust in the force' mumbo jumbo. Just a simple, hard line truth.

Being flawed was a thing.

Choosing to do good should be a constant action.

Maybe she wasn't doomed to be dark, came the sparking thought, lighting up her mind. The buried fear came forward for a moment before the girl squished it right out again. She was more than aware of his lingering presence in her mind. Seemed she came to understood his desire for privacy on her own. She cleared her throat, distracting herself off the subject.

"Cause next time I think it's only fair if you cry too."