Private Difficult Assignment

[Kyra Perl]

Yes. Absolutely. This time Kyra came not just on time but ten minutes early. She came bounding over with all the energy of ten cups of coffee, a set of dark bags under her eyes. She had not slept, but that was nothing new for her lately. Either by genetics or pure will power alone, the sleep deprivation did not seem to bubble up to the surface. At least, not yet.

She had spent the night head long in her closet, a tub of ice cream, and staring mindlessly at the tv. All of which kept certain thoughts from reaching her. She even had a nice set of perfectly painted nails to show off to boot, a fact she did flash before his face as she waved an eager "Hihi!"

Her padawan robes were gone, replaced by bomber jacket that still smelt like home and a pair of yoga pants that allowed for easy movement. Not exactly fashionable, but her wardrobe still had very little to offer.

Her mother's credit card still burned a hole in the back of her closet, a fact that would soon be remedied...

No sign of the crystal laid on her body. Just her training saber a little gaming device.

"Yoooou look tired," she stated. "Ready to get your butt kick?"

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Kyra was full of energy, energy Judah wished he could bottle up for the morning. Usually he was up with the sun and had a good run in, but he decided if they were training together then they would start right. That meant building a routine the Zeltron would hopefully follow. To that end JJ simply nodded in answer to her question. His head canted slightly as he took in her training attire. JJ was dressed simply for their work. Training slacks and a sleeveless hoodie was all he wore. Everything was loose fitting and designed for them to move.

"A bomber jacket?" JJ questioned the Zeltron as he shrugged. "I hope you have something comfortable underneath, because in about twenty minutes you're going to regret that choice."

With that, JJ started to run off in the opposite direction they had gone the day before. It was the same route he always ran, the one he did the night previous to get Kyra's pheromones out of his head. She was only one fourth Zeltron, but Lesans as natural empaths were susceptible to pheromones in a deeper way than most. It was something he knew when he agreed to meet with Kyra and assess whether he could help her, and it was a fact he was likely going to regret at some point. However, his desire to see her reach the potential he could sense in her outweighed whatever effects her heritage had on him.

His voice pressed into her mind once more, something she was going to have get used to if they were going to be training and working together on occasion.

"Time for a run... every morning starts with a run!"

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra squeaked, her gaze snapping to him the moment his voice touched her mind. “How do you do that?” She demanded, calling out after him. She scrambled to catch up, and even the way her feet flopped out with each step was messy and lacking proper form.

Regardless, she did manage to fall in besides him, a heavy huff given at him for the effort. “Is that what we’re learning today? I bet I can do it. You ‘have’ to show me!”

(Ipad post, forgive me)

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

She wanted to know how he pressed into someone's mind, and yet JJ was more concerned about getting her a routine she could follow. Many of the skills he wanted to teach her would require discipline and focus, not that JJ was one to talk when it came to that, but he understood more than anyone how to help, maybe, possibly.

He sighed just before the girl came up to him and matched his stride. It wasn't a fast pace they were taking at all, just enough to make their hearts pump and break into a small sweat. The idea behind the run was not to make them tired, but to wake up their bodies and warm them up for the draining day which they were about to face. Draining, because JJ knew that there were going to be some things that were going to frustrate Kyra, and in turn that was going to try Judah's patience. Maybe that wouldn't be the case, JJ did not really know. This was his first attempt at teaching anyone anything. He was bound to find out.

"Maybe... after the run..." JJ answered knowing it was not going to be completely satisfactory. "First though, I want to test you a bit. See where you are strongest. For instance. My family we tend to be natural empaths so things like telepathy and mind tricks come easy to us. The harder skills to master tend to be ones requiring some kind of physical manipulation. Believe it or not, something as basic as a force push, or moving a pebble, took me longer to figure out than basic telepathy as a kid."

As a kid because even before Judah was in the order, his father took time to teach him certain skills that would possibly save his life. JJ's father had been certain their compound could be attacked, and as such he wanted to be sure JJ could defend the house.

He just kept running. Kyra could complain if she wanted to, but for now they were simply establishing her routine. Yes, JJ was going to teach her, but he also needed to figure out the best approach to take.

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

Oh she believed it alright. She grimaced, almost not allowing herself the comment that came next. But... well... He was gonna find out eventually.

"I'm not very good at it either..." She huffed, looking frustratingly away from him. "Like I can do it. But I trieda hold ship doors open before and..." Well she had managed to do it, but the method behind it wasn't exactly something she was gonna confess to a jedi of any standing. Her and Acaadi had made a pact on never talking about that.

"But my mom taught me all sortsa things! Like Force field! And I can feel things. Like most of the time. And I can force jump! You saw that. But I've never tried Telepathy," she reasserted, the padawan already tunnel visioning on it. Her breaths grew strained as the minutes began to pass, her easy pace besides him starting to flop and grow even lazier than when they started.

"This burns my lungs. Can't we try it later?" She puffed a bout of condensated air his way to show her point, her steps slowing even further.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

"That's okay... I'll see if I can help you figure it out. I figure we don't need to focus on what comes easy, but since it does come in handy when on missions, we can start with telepathy if you want."

It was not the place Judah would think to start usually. Most of the teachers he had observed began with mastering Force Sense, but if she was working on other abilities or could perform some of them, then she knew enough for what she needed to learn. That was the thing about JJ, he figured she only needed to know enough to get to the next level. Every level and stage would present a challenge of its own, and Kyra had to do was meet the challenge each level presented. Maybe it wasn't a good view, but he had the feeling for Kyra it would be, and that was all that mattered.

A hearty laugh escaped his mouth when she complained the run was making her lungs burn. JJ nodded as though he knew it was happening too.

"That means you don't run enough, and you aren't in good shape," JJ said candidy. "The things I want to teach you require endurance, and that comes through training. You may hate this part of what we will be doing, but I promise if you make this routine, if you push yourself here, you will notice it impacts what you can do with the force."

Was that true? JJ was not sure per se, but he knew that it seemed to be for him. Whether it was more like a placebo and it helped because he believed it did was yet to be seen. A smile pulled at his lips as the knight stopped to allow the Zeltron to take a break. They had reached a good place for what she wanted to learn, so JJ motioned for her to have a seat on the limb which close to where she was standing.

"Do your best to clear your mind. Then we can go from there."

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

It was very hard to focus when you couldn't even catch your breath. Kyra stripped off the jacket, going stomach down on the limb and hanging there for a moment as she fought to level her breathing. But once that was achieved, there was really nothing else to keep her attention. And then came the squirming. She picked herself up and sat right side up. And still, she squirmed.

She crossed her legs and put her hands on her lap.

And squirmed.

Palms up?

Squirm.

Legs back down and dangling.

Squirm.

For all that she tried, it could at least be noticed that she was indeed trying. But if something noteworthy was suppose to come from it, she was feeling nothing. She peeling open an eyelid and looked directly at him.


"...Now what."

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Judah watched as the young padawan decided he was right about the jacket. It was odd watching her try to clear her mind as she went about trying to do everything possible to do just that. First her breathing, then all the squirming kicked in. For a moment JJ want to smack his palm right to his forehead, but he knew the squirming all too well. When he had been younger, Judah had not been able to focus at all. The only thing that helped him clear away distractions were the katas that he had yet to teach Kyra. Oh, she would learn them, but JJ was certain he needed to let her learn this skill before subjecting her to learning the movements that had been passed down from his father, and his master before him, etc. etc. blah blah blah. JJ was not going to give that spiel.

"Your focus needs more focus..."

JJ chuckled as he walked toward her hoping the movement would garner her attention.

"RIght, so since we are doing telepathy, just focus on me. Push everything aside until you can do two things. First, focus on me, and second isolate my force signature. Once you do that, latch onto it and let me know where you're ready for the next step."

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

"Easier said than done," Kyra complained. She listened, though. Today she seemed much more amendable to his whims. It was almost like she really wanted to learn all of a sudden. The wall of resistance that many other masters had come to know was crumbling down, and for the first time she was genuinely responsive to his requests.

She closed her eyes, letting out a heavy, dramatic breath.

"Oooooooommm," she sassed, but the tease melted away as she fell back into her attempts. The squirms became small fidgets, her nails picking at the callouses forming on her palms. And then without warning, her force presence smashed into him like a derailed speeder. But she didn't stop there like instructed, she pushed further with no comprehension over what she was doing. She was there, all of her, full force and no finesse to her efforts as she smashed against his mind.

"Whose the red head," she chirped, her curiosity overbearing as she mentally clawed at the image floating at the forefront of Judah's thoughts.

He asked her to focus on him. She did.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

What happened next, JJ had not expected in the slightest. Kyra did what he asked, but rather than tell him she was ready for the next step she kept going. Whether that was because she lacked the control to stop herself or not, JJ didn't know. All he knew was that she came crashing into his mind like a wrecking ball.

His hand reached for his forehead as the sudden jolt of her presence overwhelmed his mind. It was not just some of her, but all of her. Every whimsical and distracted thought pressed into him, beating against his consciousness as though each one were demanding a private audience. JJ could not take it for long, and in a flash, he raised a mental barrier which locked her out entirely. All the remained was the haunting question, the one thing JJ should have tucked away in the deep recesses of his mind.

"Who is the redhead?"

There would be no avoiding the answer to that question. He knew Kyra well enough at this point to know she was like a dog with a bone. Once she latched onto something, she was going to get it. It did not stop the night from looking away from the Zeltron.

"My mother, she's dead."

More than what was asked, but the answer itself was given with a message behind it. JJ did not want her asking about it. This was not a time for them to explore his feelings or mourn his loss together. They were Jedi, they moved on from these things, or were supposed to. Besides, Kyra did not need to know the personal details of JJ's inner workings for this relationship of theirs to work. Suddenly he was thinking the council should not have asked him to do this.

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

The colorful cacophony of her thoughts left him. Kyra yelped as she was thrown from his mind. Her eyes flew open, her world jolting as things that were suppose to go left, went right and suddenly up was down. She fell limply off the branch, her body swaying back out of pure disorientation. The fall was short, practically unfelt. Maybe it would serve as a small lesson to consider in the future, surely it had been even more disorienting to have her so wholey occupy him as she did.

She sat up in the dirt, a leaf in her hair, and tried to process what he was saying to her. But his words were barely reaching her, her attention caught up in the emotions that rippled off him. One in particular rang load and clear.

Regret.

The road map of her mind still laid askew, and it was a quicker path back to his thoughts over her own. She pushed back, her tear ducts stinging. Regret?

Over her, she read clearly.

Over her? Her throat tightened, the only part of her body she felt as the empath pushed with single minded insistence towards the emotions sitting in Judah.

Shouldn't have taken her on.

Her presence snapped back from him all together, a pained noise catching in her throat. "How could you say that?"

And in that moment it no longer matter what she had or hadn't done. Truth and perception were tossed to the side-- as forgotten as the fact that she shouldn't have been in his thoughts to behind with. His regret over her personage was a betrayal that stung deeply into her core. There could be no explanation that could soften its presence. She had been inside of him, what more was there to understand.

She found her hands again and used them to drag herself back a space, the girl still sprawled on the ground. "I just did what you asked," she accused, her voice tight with impending tears. He was suppose to be different- she had trusted- she had-

"I just did what you asked!"

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Emotions were tricky because while they represented a truth, they did not always portray the truth. They were fleeting, temporary, changed at a whim, and JJ knew this. However, the reaction coming from Kyra told him she did not. He also knew from having so much of her in his mind at once the path her mind might be taking. It was a guess, but she could easily be thinking JJ wanted to abandon her. She was panicking, hurt, betrayed, and there was not much JJ could do. He knew words would not help, and yet...

"No I, didn't say..."

He stopped himself, short of finishing the sentence. JJ may not have said it, but she had the picture. She could feel what he was feeling, even if it was not the truth which sat deep in the core of who he was. There was only one thing to do.

"You did... just... I wasn't ready for all of you, didn't expect all of you... here... let me show you... like this."

He knew she was not strong enough to stop him, and he knew for her to understand the context she needed to KNOW him.

His eyes closed, and he found her. JJ pushed past the clutter of her emotions and gently pressed his thoughts to her mind. Images of his past flashed in her mind. She would see how his father was always leaving for some mission. Her heart would feel the love he had for Sasha, the pain when she left, and the agony from the moment she severed their bond. His master was gone, Kait was gone, Judah was still never around, and then finally she would experience the pain and void of loss. Kyra would see the redhead again, how she had been the one constant in his life, the only consistent presence, only to be snubbed out.

"I KNOW you Kyra. What I feel... feelings are fleeting and as empath you are going to have to learn to separate truth from emotion. Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. There is one truth you can hold onto. I will never abandon you. How can I do to you what has been done to me so many times? Why would I choose to remain ALONE when this... teaching you, it gives me a chance to not just be there for someone, but to know that I can at least have a friend."

There it was. JJ didn't want to be her teacher, he wanted to be a friend. The regret she felt, it was because what the council was asking of him required he let her see things in his life he wasn't ready to. This lesson forced his hand on that. The two were certainly never going to have traditional relationship in any sense. They were too alike, but at least they knew it now, or so JJ hoped.

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra slowly came to awareness of her own body to find tears streaming down her face. The little empath curled her legs up, overwhelmed and aching at the rawness of the emotions she kept finding herself facing. Her betrayal, his past, his pain, her confusion-- there was no processing such a mass of information. All she could manage was soft sobs into her hands and she tried to remember who she was. And that was what again?


Unwanted, left behind- too much to handle, every time. She knew a fresh loss too, and it stood at the root of her pain as their experiences bleed into one inside her mind. It wasn't clear where her feelings ended and his began, but the girl vibrated them off of her not unlike a reverse empath. One did not have to empathetic to feel everything that churned off of her. The force rang heavy with it, one leap away from touching a side of itself that no jedi should entertain.

She lived inside of it in this moment, choking attempts made to catch her breath. He did want her after all?

She tried to reconcile her perception of his emotions with the new story he presented her with, but they didn't fit together, leaving her thoughts confused and thick. She pressed her fingers into her temples, trying to find herself through the pain. "I am a poodooty friend."

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

JJ shook his head.

"No... eccentric maybe, but not poodooty," JJ said with a chuckle. "Let's try it again, but this time go slow. Just project one thought, a word, a phrase, but just one thing. My mind won't take another jolt like that."

It was the truth. She was strong, but it wasn't as much her strength as it was the busyness of her mind. Kyra could overwhelm anyone with the sum of her jumbled and distracted thoughts. Even the most powerful of Sith would not be able to withstand the torrent of what she could send. The only option to escape was what JJ had done. A mental shield, but by then he was still left a little disoriented. He smiled.

"I can help you with the thoughts too... if you want."

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra quaked subtly, a great deal of courage needed to reach out and try to open up her mind again. But she did it, firm if not vulnerable in her resolve to at least try. Because if she didn't take this proffered hand, she'd essentially be alone again.

It was a position she usually chose for herself, but after what she had just felt for the both of them... she saw her actions more clearly than ever before. She would not sabotage herself into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Life hurt enough as it was, she would not chose to be miserable and alone.

Still, she made a small squeak of trepidation as she pressed her mind against his. It was easier to fuss out how to do now, the girl following his example. For a spare moment she just existed there, their consciousnesses touching, the girl tensed and coiled for something bad to come of it...

But it did not come. And so she let out the most vulnerable of desires slip from her thoughts to his. A simple sentence. A plea. A cry of pain.

Don't leave me.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

The one thought and sentence filled Judah's mind like a desperate plea. He had been vulnerable in his own right, and in return Kyra expressed her own vulnerability. Perhaps that was the easiest way for her to master this skill, was to let the one pervasive thought which was on the front of her mind to slip into his. If that were the case, Judah was going to also have to teach her how to guard those desperate thoughts. They were something which could be exploited after all, and Judah did not want to see that of any Jedi, student, comrade, or friend.

Be my friend, Judah simply pressed back into her mind.

At the end of the day the two did not need a mentor and mentee, they needed friendship. They needed to know there would be someone they could count on to be there, a consistent presence in their lives. It was something Judah had not had in awhile, and it was something Kyra desperately craved. They could be that for each other, not to mention they had the option of allowing a bond to form through the force over time, one developed between a student and pupil, even Judah was to be one of many.

He smiled, before walking up to the girl and kissing the top of her head the way an older brother might.

"You want to work on that for a while, or do you want to know what else you can do with telepathy?"

She had already gotten a taste of it when Judah pressed his memories into her mind. That would be too advanced for her as of yet, but with practice she would be able to master it. Nothing said she could not send a picture though, something simple, something small to start.

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

"Anotherthing," Kyra murmured quickly. The things he had imparted to her still weighed heavily on her mind, his years of loss outweighing hers-- she didn't know how he could stand to bare it. She certainly couldn't. A few lose tears slipped down from her face. She rubbed fiercely at them and uncoiled, a sense of embarrassment filling her as she realized she was the only one of them to be undone by this all.
Heat filled her cheeks.

For the first time the girl felt the desire to block her emotions out from others. Where as usually she subjected people to them regardless of their preferences. She wondered if it was even possible-- not projecting her emotions out. It was just-- He was doing just fine. Why couldn't she be better than how she was? Now he was going to see her as weak-- and Yula wasn't weak. She had to come off strong. She had to--

She processed this all while still leaving her mind half pressed to his. She didn't mean to. She didn't even realize she was doing it. The girl had a tendency to leave herself hanging out there, and a moment like this only amplified how little of her mind she protected. If at all.

"Anotherthingplease."

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

Of course she wanted to learn more. Judah could sense how eager she was without any difficulty as she kept herself an open book. He wondered a bit as to how their relationship might change now that they had gone down this path, or what it would become. Friends seemed to be the best case scenario, but he didn't know exactly what could transpire beyond that. JJ had been close to all of those who had taught him, and he knew the bond which could form from that. Another person, another bond, another chance to be hurt or disappointed. However, JJ seemed to have good hopes that Kyra would be different from all the others Judah had ever trusted enough to let them in and let them close.

"Right well, as you saw earlier with telepathy you can send more than words or thoughts, but you can send images, memories even. With someone who is easy to persuade you can even make them think they are seeing things that are not there."

Knowing this was the only chance she was ever going to have to practice with anyone that was safe, JJ let his mental shields down. It was always a risk, he had been told about teaching people mental skills, but this was something he could do for Kyra. She wanted to learn, and Judah could readily teach. Besides, one thing was clear about this arranged pair. They were not different.

She would feel JJ dropping his shields and know his mind was completely open to her. Whatever stray thoughts he had about her pheromones, his run from the day before, how he knew they were the same, nothing was hidden from her now. He could only trust she would not misread or misuse the freedom he was giving her.

"So try that... try an image... something... anything."

[member="Kyra Perl"]

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra was struck silent, distracted by his undiluted presence. In many ways the distraction was nothing abnormal to her. Thoughts, feelings, echoes through the force-- Kyra lived her life with this chaos crashing into her at a constant rate. The distractions were normal-- a comfortable static she existed besides, fed off of, indulged in... And so the sudden presence of a mind spitting out things for her senses to catch was nothing new to her.

But the manner in which he reached her was.

Pure... undiluted... existence... All boiled down to a singular focus.

What should have felt chaotic pressing against her own mind instead felt like a breath of fresh air. There was no longer many but one. For the first time in her life, there was only one voice. One thought. One perspective bearing down on her. And in the face of this singularity, things made sense. She stilled, staring at him from across her spot on the forest floor.

And she listened.

She did not pry. She did not judge. She did not comment. There was no aim outside the desire to observe.

Because with her mind open besides him it would become abundantly clear how alien his thoughts were compared to hers. There was no simple feeling that she could possess-- every memory came tainted with the emotions of those around her. There was no thought without distraction. No distraction without a twinge of a feeling that was not hers. There was no silence or stillness or clarity of being. The world around her was a living breathing canvas of colors that contracted and danced around her at an alarming rate.

But his thoughts, they echoed through his own mind. They took up the space like a heavy breath in a dark room. A pin clattering across a silent hall...

It was... absorbing.

A blanket of darkness fell on his senses, pressed against him by her. He asked for an image but she gave him all five senses.

Colorless. Silent. Still. That was what she saw. That was what she imparted.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

The moment JJ opened himself he was hit with a rush of vibrant color and emotion. A kaleidoscope of feelings, thoughts, desires and distractions, pressed into his mind with ease. It was beautiful and overwhelming at the same time. Then there was nothing.

Empty.

Void.

Dark.

JJ sat on the ground and yet he felt nothing. It was as though he were floating. He could not see, he could not touch, smell, hear, or taste. Every sense had been overwhelmed, and in that moment JJ felt what the purest form of nothing was. It was frightening.

He screamed though he could not hear. Had been able to see himself, JJ would have noticed how frantic he looked as it appeared as though he were trying to climb out of something, as though he were in some bottomless pit and could not find his way out. JJ begged for it to end, but to no avail. He was trapped, truly trapped, and there was nothing he could do.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"

His mind screamed into Kyra's hoping she would hear him, but he senses were so overwhelmed he was not sure they were connected anymore. Of course they had to be, he was still trapped. Yet, JJ was lost, and what was worse, he knew it.

[member="Kyra Perl"]