What's New
Star Wars RP

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Planet Review Crossroads

Administrator
Admin
Administrator
Admin
BIG Z1776 BIG Z1776 | Judah Lesan Judah Lesan

Hi there. I'll be handling your Secondary Review - So, I'll get right to it. The biggest issue present is that this submission should be about the PLANET, not the MOONS that surround it. There is a field for System Features that you have utilized but most of the issues present link back to that simple fact. This submission should be all about the Gas Giant.

1.) Intent: The link to "Crossroads Republic" is broken. Please, correct that.

2.) Links: The link to "Crossroads Republic" is broken.

3.) Accessibility:
Accessibility: Easy to arrive here, its moons are trade hubs, like Terminus itself.
What does this have to do with accessibility to the gas giant? Do the trade hubs stop ships from traveling? Is there some sort of network keeping travelers away from the cloud cities? This just doesn't make much sense.

4.) Major Exports:
(Most Goods except Tibanna Gas are exported from its colonized moons) Weapons, Munitions, Vehicle Armor and other Addons, Combat Vehicles, Terraforming Material and Equipment, Refined Coaxium, Tibanna Gas, Foodstuffs, Bacta, Banking Services.
Anything that is exported from the colonized moons are not an export of this planet. If it doesn't come from the planet it needs to be removed. Banking services are also not an export in this context.

5.) Unexploited Resources:
On Moons: Various Metal Ores including gold, silver, Coaxium, and the metallic ores necessary to make Durasteel, Alusteel, Quadanium Steel, and Titanium, Potentially Arable Lands on its Moons, Space for large numbers of people.

Just like Major Exports - the section on the colonized moons does not belong here.

6.) Native Species:
Native Species: Delfinos (on Delfino/Crossroads-2), Piantans (on Pianta/Crossroads-3)

Both of these species are not native to this planet. They are native to the moons. They will need to be removed.

7.) Immigrated Species:
Immigrated Species: Humans, Ugnaughts, Kage, Zeltrons, Wookiees, Ewoks, Mon Calamari, Quarren, Variety of others in miniscule numbers across its moons.

...Numbers across the moons? Again, we're only interested in the Gas Giant here. If there are numbers of these species living in the cloud cities they could be noted but if you're counting populations from the moons it shouldn't be here.

8.) Primary Languages:
Primary Languages: Basic, Ugnaught, Wookiee, Ewok, Kage, Variety of others across the moons

Same issue as above.

9.) Government:
Each moon is also governed by elected mayors, governors and city and colony councils.

Same issues as above. We're talking about the planet, not the moons.

10.) Affiliation:
The link to Crossroads Republic is broken. That will need to be fixed.

11.) Stability & Military: Both of these sections have major concerns. Overall, the feel of it leaves the reader with the sense of a "Budget Major Faction" in play. That won't fly. When reviewing both of these sections I need you to keep the following in mind.

"Only a Major Faction has the resources necessary to role-play having a large fleet, army, etc.
Stability: High (No pirates, terrorists, or invaders get anywhere near Crossroads due to the high-density of active-duty warships and large police forces. There are also a multitude of domestic and external intelligence agencies that are constantly on the lookout for dissent and root it out with a quiet but Imperial-like brutality to protect the status quo. Politics are also remarkably stable, even if somewhat corrupt. But a good economy and safety have prevented successful challenges to the ruling party.)

You can't claim that "No one gets near the planet" because you cannot control IC who does and does not reach a planet. They are meant for the community to enjoy - Not an exercise in gatekeeping. Instead, try stating something like: Piracy and terrorism would find it difficult to gain a foothold due to X, Y, and Z.

Military: The Crossroads Republic has one of the largest and most powerful fleets in the far Southern Outer Rim for such a small territorial power. It is one of the best-trained one on top of it due to ever-ongoing war games testing crews and ships to the breaking point and applying lessons learned and repeating the process for years at a time until perfection is achieved. This same doctrine is applied to the Crossroads Army, which, at full mobilization, can muster several hundred million personnel all armed and equipped with powerful weapons, vehicles, and with the planetary shields and anti-orbital defenses and supporting industry to support a massive defensive war effort. There is a reason Crossroads and its moons have never been conquered: The Crossroads Republic Armed Force.

Again, only a Major Faction has the resources necessary to role-play having a large fleet, army, etc. You do not own nor are you affiliated with a Major Faction so the language of this will need to be toned down. Also:

  • What kind of powerful weapons?
  • What planetary shields?
  • What orbital defenses?

We need links for these. Please see the Wookie for ideas if none have been subbed.

12.) Technology:
Technology: Galactic Standard (A couple moons have populations who purposely live below the standard)

We're talking about the planet, not the moons.

13.) History: This section still holds a LOT of information on the moons, however, it seems to be historically significant. Keeping that in mind I would still stress that the PLANET needs to be the focus of this submission. Please review and try to include more about the planet itself.




Overall, I would suggest using CTRL+F and searching the word "Moon" before tagging me to look this submission over again. It is a planet submission, however, it masquerades as a glorified system submission. The focus is all about the moons that surround the gas giant, not the planet itself. You already have a System Submission that could explore that aspect more in-depth. I want to see a concentrated effort for this to become a planet submission. Truly. Not just a staging area to surreptitiously bring the Crossroads Moons onto the map in everything but name.

If you need help in this endeavor, please reach out.
 
Top