Private Confessions of a Broken Master

[Jax Thio]

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Location: Silver Jedi Hospital, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Lightsaber​

Tag: Aveline Cuiléin​

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It had been three days since the battle of Korriban and Aveline still has yet to wake up. Despite reassurances from the Medical Droids that Aveline will be making a full recovery, Jax was still uncertain. He didn't bother to rendezvous back with the NJO at Coruscant for a debrief nor did he inform them about his whereabouts as far he knows, the NJO likely considered him MIA. Jax didn't care it wasn't like the Order cared for him in the first place right now what mattered was Aveline. The young woman had went through a lot of emotional turmoil during the battle of Korriban from getting a taste of the chaotic nature of battle to facing a Nightsister. Pom Stych Tivé had attempted to use fear and hate to create doubt amongst the pair but Jax and Aveline managed to come out ahead especially Aveline. Despite their teasing relationship, Jax always had faith in Aveline she was strong in the force stronger than even himself the woman had tremendous resolve.​

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Until Pom turned the tables on them.​

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The memory was still etched in Jax's brain, Pom placed Aveline under a spell and Jax charged at the Nightsister with his Lightsaber in hand however at the last minute Pom used her magic to switch places with Aveline causing the Jedi to accidentally strike his own Padawan. Reliving that bought pain to Jax his heart felt as though it was being crushed by a Rancor. Once again tears began to resurface just thinking about what he'd done. "Why?" Jax mumbled. "Why couldn't I just die on Tatooine? Why do I have to experience shit like this?"​

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Jax remembered seeing the shocked look upon Aveline's eyes, she put all of her trust into him that he would always protect her. Yet the moment Jax sliced her chest, that trust was severed. Jax could still remember being on his knees and begging a near dead Aveline for forgiveness, Pom attempted to taunt him but her words were a merely a blur. From that moment, it was just Jax and Aveline in their own world with Jax begging the force to save her, to do something that he failed to do. Jax sighed still sitting in the hospital room where Aveline was recuperating. He saw down in front of Aveline's bed listening to beat of the heartrate monitor. "Live Aveline," Jax folded his hands into a prayer closing his eyes trying to reach into the force. Aveline was his second chance to do something right, to have a person become a better Jedi than he ever was. Aveline needed to survive.​

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"Please live."​

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[Aveline Cuiléin]

Korriban had been a rough ride for Aveline, there was no doubt about that. After Jax had gotten the two of them off the Sith capital and back to Kashyyyk, it had been straight to the bacta tank for her. There she had remained floating and her recovery accelerated. Thankfully she hadn't been beyond saving. The damage done to her this time surpassed what she had endured after Yverna, by quite a bit. It was quite the gap from being battered and bruised inside a shot down A-Wing to being carved up by a lightsaber up close.

All the remained for her to do now was to rest, and wake up. As such she had been transferred to a bed, and Jax had been admitted. Little did they know he had been the one who put her there. Slowly there heartrate monitor spoke of increased activity and the Padawans eyes slid open. She turned, seeing to her side Jax sitting there. There was no escaping him, whether in life or in death, it seemed. It made her laugh, though the sharp pain in her chest immediately transformed the laugh into a pained cough.

"Why..." A hoarse voice began, sounding dry and raspy after days of not being in use. "Didn't you just turn it off..."

Jax Thio

 

[Jax Thio]

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Location: Kashyyyk, Medical Center​

Equipment: Jax Robes, Jax's Lightsaber​

Tag: Aveline Cuiléin​

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Jax's heart skipped a beat the moment Aveline fluttered her eyes open, he went closer towards his padawan gripping his hand in the process. "Aveline?" he whispered hoarsely. Jax entire body was paralyzed his eyes glued to Aveline's gaunt and tired face. His mind was racing wondering what will she say to him? Will Aveline forgive him? Will she lambast him? Jax expected the latter, it was just not meant to be Jax was not meant to be a mentor for anyone. He wasn't even meant to be a Jedi having let his master die due to his reckless actions. Aveline gave him hope that he would turn things around and maybe become the Jedi that Aveline aspired to be but Jax most likely put an end to that when he accidentally struck her.​

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A smile formed on Aveline's face followed by a laugh, Jax stared at her blankly having problems comprehending her reaction. Reaching through the force, Jax felt amusement within Aveline though the Jedi immediately went over and gave her a cup of water as soon as she coughed. Jax slowly closed his eyes, his ears reddening with shame when Aveline hoarsely asking why didn't he shut off his Lightsaber. "Shit Aveline," Jax gave a throaty chuckle staring at Aveline. "I was too caught up in the heat of battle that I was only focusing on rescuing you. I gave into panic, all I was focusing on was killing Pom."​

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Which made it frustrating because Jax mastered the art of Tràkata the ability to turn off a Lightsaber during battle. Another reminder of how much of a failure Jax was. "I also gave into my anger," Jax continued. "That I didn't anticipate Pom's tactics considering how much she was more of a manipulator than a fighter, I should've known she would pull something like that."​

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One thing that was overlooked was that the Dark side can be subtly influence a person's thinking. Which was why a Jedi must always remain calm during battle. Yet Jax was so focused on killing that he shut off every possible tactic that his enemy could use. When one is reduced to a raging animal, then they are easily tricked. "I was goaded into attacking," Jax said. "I wanted to kill her for what she did to you Aveline," the Jedi sighed. "I'm not the teacher that you deserve Aveline."​

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He got up fighting back tears but still staring into his apprentice's pained face. "I'm not a Jedi Aveline," he said. "The truth is I never deserved the title of Knight. You deserve better like Master Caltin Vanagor a person like me would doom you into the hands of the Sith. You have potential to be the greatest Jedi in history but I can't taint your path."​

 

[Aveline Cuiléin]

"Rescuing me" she repeated, which again had her laugh against the better judgement of her beaten up body. "Well I'm not on Korriban, and I'm not dead. Mission accomplished I guess" she said in a sarcastic tone, although it was hard to discern any specific tone from her voice, considering how worn it sounded. "What happened?" It was all a blur to Aveline at this point. She had been attacked by some kind of Dark Side artefact... Then she had been swimming in space together with some space whales, though she was pretty sure that last part had been a dream.

"You were weak" she paused, mostly due from all this talking all of the sudden was making her tired. Her lungs, it seemed, were not fully prepared to keep up with even simple conversation. "I was weak" she paused again, drawing deep breaths. "Let's fix that. Together?" It wasn't much in the way of words, but it carried over a sentiment. "Master and apprentice. Partners. Allies. I don't much care about the label, but... Giving up is not an option. I will be better than this. I will become a Jedi." Who was best suited to be her master or not, what individual benefited her career the most was not for her to say. She was a Padawan, and if the Assembly told her Jax was her master, then Jax was her master. She hadn't really been consulted in the first place anyway.

However ready she had thought she'd been, she'd ended up used as nothing more than a mere pawn in the games of Jax and Pom. Not again. She hated how easily she had been plucked apart. It had been a wakeup call she much needed, and she could only be thankful that she had survived it. That way it meant she still had the chance to do something about it.

Jax Thio

 

[Jax Thio]

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Location: Medical Center, Kayshykk​

Equipment: Jedi Robes Jax's Lightsaber​

Tag: Aveline Cuiléin​

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Well if there was one thing that hasn't changed about Aveline is that she condescending sarcasm. In a way it put Jax at ease considering that Aveline was kind of taking what had happened well. "I'm......" Jax slowly shook his head remembering merging himself with the force. It was still something that he struggled to comprehend what he became. All he knew was that he merged with the force in a state of union, where he wasn't using the force, he was the force. Jax felt the power of many Jedi that came before him their voices whispering inside him.​

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"Jax."​

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"Train the girl."​

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"Merge with the force."​

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"Rise Jax, protect Aveline mold her into the Jedi she is meant to become."​

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"The force will be with you Jax. Always."​

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"Become one with the force."​

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"Oneness....... You now have the ability."​

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"Use it well."​

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"At your own risk."​

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So many voices.... continued to echo inside Jax. "Oneness......." Jax said staring at the distance. It was a power that Jax couldn't understand perhaps it was meant to be that way. Some things were best left unexplained, the force wasn't just strong in Aveline it was strong in him as well. Jax was too consumed with self pity to see it. He bathed in the light and vanquished the dark power unleashed by Pom Stych Tivé . Through merging with the force Jax became an extension of it. It was..... an amazing experience.​

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"No Aveline," Jax shook his head placing his hand against hers. "We weren't weak, we just made mistakes at Korriban. Being a Jedi means constant and continuous improvement. You and I have a lot to learn when it comes to being Jedi and I sense that you will learn from this experience as well as I."​

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Jax closed his eyes. "There is a lot to contemplate about," he said. "Especially with me, you got hurt because I was blinded with fury and rage. I was more focused with killing Pom then helping you and you paid the price for my stupidity."​

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The Jedi chuckled. "Being a Jedi is not easy and even if you succeed, it's hard life." he said. "I'm a Knight and you witnessed first hand that I still need to work on many areas. But we will fix our problems together, and Aveline I will always be your teacher and your friend."​

 

[Aveline Cuiléin]

We got our asses kicked. Of course we were weak. She thought it but she didn't say it. If he didn't share her view after all that, nothing she said now could change his mind. Had they... Had she been strong enough, none of this would have happened. In the end, from the way he spoke, it seemed like they were on a similar wavelength. She called it being too weak, he called it having room for improvement. The solution to both of their problems then was clear.

"I'll get stronger. Become more powerful" she promised. Then no Sith will be able to oppose me. Mistakes gets you killed. I'm done making mine, even as she thought it, she knew it wouldn't be possible. Still, nothing wrong with lofty goals, right?

"Sorry... I'm just a little beat up. I'm competitive, and don't take losing too well" this time she managed to withhold the laugh she felt brewing. She could do without having the sharp pain in her chest as she spoke.

"But I'm alive. Feth easy. I'll get through this and come out stronger, somehow" She knew as a Jedi she was not destined to have an easy life, nor in all likelihood a long one, but she could only try to make the best out of it all.

Jax Thio

 

[Jax Thio]

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Location: Medical Center, Kayshykk​

Equipment: Jedi Robes Jax's Lightsaber​

Tag: Aveline Cuiléin​

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Jax sighed Aveline sounds like a Sith the way she's declaring that she'll become powerful and stronger. "Power for power's sake means nothing," Jax replied. "Being competitive is good but don't let it consume you Aveline, fear is often the tipping point to the darkside. It was because my fear of losing you, that it morphed into anger and allowed Pom to take advantage and...."​

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The words were garbled up in his throat but Jax knew that Aveline understood what he meant. They have both failed but that doesn't necessarily mean that they were weak. "Aveline it's okay to be upset, to be competitive," Jax said. "But if you let it take over your mindset then it will set you for blind spots Pom did to me."​

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A smile formed on Jax's face when Aveline said that she will get through this. "Well at least that's the right mentality," He chuckled. "But simply powering through is not enough. A clear mind is what's needed Aveline, you are getting there but you still need more time to learn."​

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And so does he, Aveline passed the Trial of flesh he made sure of that. However she was far from passing the others, she's too impatient, too angry. "You and I need some training," Jax said. "We can't afford to be reckless and impatient. There's too much anger in you as well as me. I have to relearn everything about the Living Force and reconnect. I've been shown what happens when you do completely give yourself into the force at Korriban and I realized how wrong I was about the Force."​

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The Jedi closed eyes feeling the strong connection Aveline has with the force. "As shocked as I am," Jax said. "I have the power to merge with the force...... and you have that power too."​

 

[Aveline Cuiléin]

Aveline listened in silence for much of Jax Thio 's speech, nodding solmenly as she took his words to heart. There was a wisdom there and much for her to consider. It was important to be mindful of her own feelings, and not let them run away with her before they had stood the test of reason.

"It's a difficult thing to balance. Knowing always how to feel and how to act... But suppose you're right. It comes with time, experience, and above all patience." She took a deep breath. Perhaps one day she would be blessed with such patience. But had she acted with patience on Korriban, then perhaps the sorceress would not so easily have gotten a hold of her. It was not all about raw power. Finesse was required as well.

"There's still time. We're not dead yet. I'll be sure to give my training even more attention going forward. Not just the physical, but... I think I need to temper my mind as well." Easier said than done that. There were meditation stones that could help one with that, but at the same time she wished to be able to do so on her own without relying on a crutch... What would she do when it was not there? No, she needed to accomplish it herself. See the root of her feelings, recognise the pattern. Sometimes she could just get so angry... She didn't know why, but so it was.

When he talked of merging with the Force, she looked at him puzzled, not fully able to grasp the meaning of his words.

 

[Jax Thio]

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Location: Medical Bay, Kayshykk​

Equipment: Jedi Robes, Jax's Lightsaber​

Tag: Aveline Cuiléin​

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There was a lot of anger in Aveline much like Jax but she seemed to be willing to work and improve. "It's not easy," Jax said slowly nodding. "Anger is addictive, it's the only emotion that is willing latch on to you in your moment of need. It's easy to see why the Sith use it. Anger makes you powerful, it makes you feel that you are taking charge."​

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Jax sighed. "But it comes at a huge cost: Yourself but you are so consumed by anger that you don't notice it. Anger often costs a piece of yourself, it brings out the worst in everyone. That part that you keep saying "that's not me! I can never resort to that! It's not the true me!" But for the people who are at the receiving end, they see a raging beast ready to kill."​

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He placed his hand against Aveline's. "You struggle with it and I did at Korriban," Jax said softly squeezing her hand. "I lost my nerve and I struck you down by mistake. You suffered because I chose the route of least resistance, the anger was there comforting me. Saying to give in to save you but it was a trick, I was a conduit for Pom Stych Tivé to use her magic on you but I was too blind to see it, I was immersed in the dark side."​

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The Jedi shut his eyes remembering the Force pulling him out through Oneness. He wondered about this power and what it entailed what did it mean that he had gained the power of Oneness and what were the risks? Sometimes he wished the Jedi weren't so damn vague about their sayings if they're going to speak at least explain what was going on! "The force pulled me out and gave me..... the strength to fight." Jax said trying to avoid telling Aveline that he merged with the force. "But your failure at Korriban is mine as well and it showed me that I need training as well."​

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He frowned at Aveline. "I want you to stay here at Kashykk for now," Jax said. "Recover and have fun with your friends, I need to leave take care of important matters for the Alliance and myself. When I return though, we are going to continue your training and I'm going to take you to a planet where I learned the mysteries of the Force."​