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Coachelle_Prime [Canon]

Lupheri Heff

Character
Lupheri Heff
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Planet Name: Coachelle Prime
  • Demonym: Lepi (Lepus Carnivorus)
  • Region: Mid Rim P10 Mid Rim
  • System Name: Coachelle System
  • System Features: 1 sun, 5 planets, asteroid belt. Coachelle Prime is first planet and became shrouded in streamers of gas and dust from the Thornhedge Nebula
  • Location: Terr'skiar sector https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Terr'skiar_sector https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ootmian_Pabol/Legends
  • Major Imports: Food, ore, alloys
  • Major Exports: Droids, computers, precious metals and rare earths from the asteroid belt
  • Unexploited Resources: Depleted after Millenia of overpopulation. The other plantes and especially the asteroid belt are mined for resources. GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
  • Gravity: Standard
  • Climate: Temperate and controlled by weather control sattelites
  • Primary Terrain: Grassland, Mountains, Oceans, Swamps, Artificial, Synthetic, "Warrens" (underground dense, planetwide multilevel urban cities)
  • Atmosphere Type I, LOCATION INFORMATION
  • Capital City: No Capital. All warrens are connected and equal. Decentralized administration.
  • Planetary Features: Interconnected underground cities, giant industrial complexes of Coachelle Automata
  • POPULATION
    Native Species: Lepi https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Lepi/Legends
    Immigrated Species: None
    Population: Crowded
    Demographics: Mostly Lepi
    Primary Languages: Galactic Basic, Lepese
    Culture: Lepus carnivorus society revolves around the vast warrens they built under the surface of their planets. Larger families lived in their own smaller burrows. In recent centuries the population pressure led to a more strictly controlled administration. The need of the many, MANY has priority over the needs of the individual. Political and religious radicalism is frowned upon and persecuted.
    • GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY Government: Corporate socialism with Meritocratic leadership Affiliation: The people elect corporate politicians into an administrative and political board. The president of Coachelle Automata functions also as senator of the planets owned or affiliated to the corporation around the sector and the galaxy.
    • Wealth :Wealthy. One of the biggest droid manufacturing corporation of the Galaxy.
    • Stability: High. Productive and strict society with social point system for privileges. Free Healthcare, real estate and discount for good behaving Lepi
    • Freedom & Oppression: The social pressure of enormous overpopulation and the strict point system based society with many juvenile remand centers to resocialize young misfits led to many rebellious young Lepi leaving the system. This is secretly encouraged. Old remnants of religious cults and political conservatives are a moderate source of social unrest. The high level of droid and computer use with no ethical restrictions lead to tight control of the population by the Secret Police of Coachelle Automata.
    • MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY Military: A space-faring world with a substantial navy and a giant arsenal of droids and military hardware. Planetary shield
      Technology: Top notch of the Galactic Standard
    • HISTORICAL INFORMATION
      ​
    For Pre-Chaos history, see wookiepedia entry. With the reformation of the government by Coachelle Automata in the recent decades, the planet even intensified it's corporate ordered society and changed the bickering political faction system into a centralized social corporatism. The time of wars for resources was at an end, and a new united Coachelle became a major contributor of droids. Slyly, the clever lagomorphs specialized in civilian droids and so were never a focus for warlords. The primary objective of the politics is independence from warlike factions and continued wealth and prosperity. Limitless economic growth and fair tickle down of profit is the ideology of the corporate administration.
 
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Major Faction

Aveline Cuiléin

Hope
Aveline Cuiléin
Character Bio
Lupheri Heff Lupheri Heff

Thanks for making this submission to the Codex. It's a good starting point, however, I feel it's still at a work in progress stage. As such, I'm moving this to the Pre-Codex. You can keep working on it there, and when you're ready, repost the finished submission.

Here's my feedback:

This is a canon planet. We allow submissions to expand on canon planets, usually either to expand on stub Wookiepedia articles, or to expand the lore to include Chaos canon. However, it's important that a canon planet submission adds something to the world for RP purposes, more than what the Wookiepedia article provides.

In many places you have copied text over, and not significantly expanded on it (history, culture for example). That brings into question why this needs to be a submission in the first place.

Lupheri Heff said:
Location: Terr'skiar sector at the in the Silly Rabbit Contstellation
Click to expand...
This entry doesn't seem thematically appropriate with Star Wars. In any case, the "Silly Rabbit Constellation" is not mentioned or elaborated on again.

Lupheri Heff said:
Climate: Temperate and ontrolled
Click to expand...
What do you mean by controlled? If this is part of your new vision for the planet, this would be good to expand upon.

In regards to formatting (these aren't necessarily mandatory, but would go a long way to make your submission present better)
Lupheri Heff said:
Major Exports: [ What does the planet produce and bring to the galaxy, note that not all planets have to produce things. They can be barren or have riches yet to be discovered. Common materials and ores should just be listed (Ex. Durasteel ore), while anything special or rare should be linked. ] Droids, computers, precious metals and rare earths from the asteroid belt
Click to expand...
Try to make the sub look as clean as possible. The section in brackets after the template entry is intended to give you ideas of what we're looking for. Overall your submission ends up with a lot of unnecessary text when all of this is included. We want your creation to shine, not the template :) In the example above, the section in red can be removed.

* Everything is in bold. I'd recommended only leaving the various points of the template (gravity, climate, primary terrain, etc) in bold, or nothing at all.

* The text keeps shifting towards the middle. I don't believe this is intentional. I'd mark the entire text and align it to the left.

I also want to throw out there that the Codex is completely optional. If you want your character to play an important role on Coachelle Prime, you don't have to make a sub to do that. In many cases, it can even be recommended to write that arc out with others, which could give you more material when you finally make the submission, which in the end makes it all way more substantial. That's just a tip though.

If you need help with how to do any of these, feel free to shoot me a PM! We're here to help :)

Hope to see this back again in the future.
 

Lupheri Heff

Character
Lupheri Heff
@veline Cuiléin
Thanks for the feedback.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Feel free to erase the submission.

I gave it a new try. I hope the changes are a more individualized view of Coachelle without losing its distinct character.
 
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