Sitting quietly in the corner, slowly spinning his glass and staring down at the scotch within, Kvelduf was running the speeches he had just witnessed through his head, trying to pick up on any tricks or traps hidden within honeyed words. Despite his best efforts, though, he was coming up short and that was serving to irritate him rather than relax him. Dubious business deals and contract, hidden meanings, and underhand tricks were his bread and butter, the very foundation of his life experiences. For there to be none, for Starchaser to be speaking honestly, cast him into unexplored depths, forcing him to confront a reality he did not often like to acknowledge - that there were some people who did simply believe in goodness.
Scoffing to himself slightly, Kvelduf found his thoughts constantly cycling back to one point that he could not rationalise his way past, a blockade that halted him for deciding whether or not to cast his lot in with this idea of a rebellion. He did not trust the Jedi just as much as he didn't trust the Sith.
The outlaw had survived as long as he had by ducking notice and skirting beneath the radar, a laundry list of false names and false faces decorating his past. Yet, that did not mean that he was blind to the happenings of the galaxy. And, from his perspective, the war-hungry and looming shadow of those that titled themselves as Sith had done just as much damage as the self-righteous Jedi. Both sides had committed atrocities, had stained their souls in the pursuit of what they thought was just, both too self-righteous to, as far as he knew, admit they were wrong. Or, worse, they were willing to accept atrocities to succeed. Kvelduf wasn't exactly the best person to lecture people about morality, but, he didn't hide what he was from himself. Underneath it all, the Jedi and the Sith were major driving forces beneath the wars of the galaxy.
And that, more than anything else, was the root cause of Kvelduf's indecision.
Accepting a pin as it was passed around, the smuggler turned it over in his fingers a few times. Despite his indecision, despite the hesitance, there was a burning want within him that he could not deny. He wanted to do something with his life. So far he had simply drifted along, gone with the tied and served his own interests and needs above everything else. But, within his heart of hearts, he wanted to have his life be of some worth, to make a change before he died and for there, at the very end of the line, be someone who'd be sad that he was gone. For there to be someone who'd mourne him. Yes, it was a selfish reason to want to make a change, but it was wanitng to make a change none the less.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he let the sound of voices wash over him, listening to the sound of conversation rather than trying to pick out any specific words. Exhaling a shuddering sigh, Kvelduf made a decision to ask one question, to listen to one answer and, then, he would resolve his indecision and choose the path he would walk. In the end, he was certain, this moment one that he was sure would change his life. For better or worse.
Knocking back the rest of his drink, Kvelduf raised his voice across the quiet noise within the backroom, eyes snapping open to lock onto Starchaser - needing to watch as well as listen to his answer. "What reassurance to you have that we're not just gonna be the pawns of some bigwigs? The ones doing the dirty work, trapped between the gears of war machines? That we would be doing, in the end, good and not just making a bad situation worse to the benefit of one side of this war?"
[member="Coren Starchaser"]
